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Horoscopes For The Week Of September 25, 2016
Entertainment
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Horoscopes For The Week Of September 25, 2016

September 25th, 2016 | by Nina Verbena
Aries (March 21 – April 19) The Ram It will be difficult to verbalize what you’re feeling later this week, especially tied to that chair with duct tape over your mouth. Taurus (April 20 – May 20) The Bull...
If You See This Chipmunk, Contact Your Local Authorities Immediately
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If You See This Chipmunk, Contact Your Local Authorities Immediately

September 24th, 2016 | by Johnnny
Lakes, MN – The authorities are asking for your help in finding this chipmunk who goes by the name of “Mr. Chippy”. Mr. Chippy is considered by local authorities to be a “chipmunk of interest” in a...
E Corp Chief Technology Officer Warns Of Possible Hack
National
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E Corp Chief Technology Officer Warns Of Possible Hack

September 23rd, 2016 | by Nick
New York, NY – In a coded briefing released at 12:34:56 PM yesterday, Terry Colby, the Chief Technology Officer of banking conglomerate E Corp, warned of another potential hack aimed at their users’ personal data....
Fargo Hires Fourth Grader To Prevent System Hacking
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Fargo Hires Fourth Grader To Prevent System Hacking

September 23rd, 2016 | by Johnnny
Fargo, ND – The City of Fargo has decided to hire a fourth grader named Ethan Hackett to prevent hackers from infiltrating the city’s new computer systems. Ethan’s mother tells the story that when young Ethan...
Skittles Founder Responds To Newest Trump Campaign Metaphor
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Skittles Founder Responds To Newest Trump Campaign Metaphor

September 19th, 2016 | by Nick
Skittletopia, West Virginia – The founding father of one of America’s favorite candies has taken offense to this new Trump campaign musing: Shortly after Donald Trump, Jr tweeted that photo, Skittles pioneer Phictor...
Wounded Knee Could Leave Adrian Peterson A Paralegal For The Rest Of His Life
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Wounded Knee Could Leave Adrian Peterson A Paralegal For The Rest Of His Life

September 19th, 2016 | by Johnnny
Minneapolis, MN – After only seven quarters of football, Adrian Peterson’s 2016 season appears to be in serious jeopardy. While Colin Kaepernick has been taking a knee during the National Anthem, Adrian Peterson is...
Stephen King To Read Scary Books To Children At Fargo Liberry
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Stephen King To Read Scary Books To Children At Fargo Liberry

September 18th, 2016 | by Johnnny
Fargo, ND – As a public service announcement, consider yourself now informed that author Stephen King will be reading scary books to children every day all next month at the Fargo Public Liberry. Times for the sessions will...
Police Turkeys Helping Moorhead Police Solve Crimes
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Police Turkeys Helping Moorhead Police Solve Crimes

September 16th, 2016 | by Johnnny
Moorhead, MN – If you see small groups of turkeys along the Red River in Moorhead, chances are the police will not be far behind. Moorhead Police are now using domesticated, trained wild turkeys to solve many heretofore...
George Soros Admits To Being Emperor Palpatine
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George Soros Admits To Being Emperor Palpatine

September 15th, 2016 | by Johnnny
Naboo, Chommell Sector – After receiving a tip from one of our readers, we did some old-fashioned investigative reporting and discovered that George Soros is Emperor Palpatine. Both of these identities are also the same...
Send A Basket Of Deplorables From Hillary’s Flower Shoppe
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Send A Basket Of Deplorables From Hillary’s Flower Shoppe

September 12th, 2016 | by Johnnny
Moorhead, MN – A new business is finally opening in the former bustling city of Moorhead, Minisoda. Hillary’s Flower Shoppe will soon be inaugurating its service to the public. It will specialize in baskets of...