Alleged TouchTunes Terrorist Spreading Christmas Cheer Throughout the Land

March 14th, 2012 | by Bill Burns

Coming to a jukebox near you: Crappy Happy music.

Fargo, ND – Modern technologies have afforded us many luxuries. In this day & age any knucklehead with a smartphone can hack into your favorite bar’s sound system. This hack has been figured out to be a smartphone TouchTunes “app” that enables anyone with a username to pump a few dollars into a jukebox and play total garbage ANONYMOUSLY.

An alleged TouchTunes Terrorist has been hacking or logging in to the phone app and playing shit music at local bars to the chagrin of many. He was last alleged playing Kenny Rodgers – “I’ll be Home For Christmas”, John Denver – “Sunshine On My Shoulder”, and Lamb of God – “Now You’ve Got Something to Die For” at many different rockin’ joints around town.

The perpetrator has been wreaking havoc at weekend hotspots for some time now without regard for human life. Will anyone be able to stop this terrorist? Will any of us be able to sleep at night knowing this jackass is wreaking total havoc on our music playlist?? Is nothing sacred anymore???

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Bill grew up in one of the largest cities in the United States, Maza, North Dakota. Being a cow milker by trade, it was only after stroking thousands upon thousands of cow nipples was he able to save up enough money and move to Fargo, ND. It was here that he joined FM Observer. In his free time he enjoys carving rocking horses out of wood, healing the sick, and running marathons across oceans.