Author Archives: Cody Marthaller

About Cody Marthaller

I'm biologically human. Full-Time Superhero. Part-Time Human.

Minivan Fargo

Why It’s Ok To Drive A Minivan

Minivan FargoFargo, ND. – The stereotype of driving a mini van is still live and well in 2013.  Whether you’re a soccer mom or a father with multiple kids, people who see you driving the minivan know your dignity as been ripped from your soul.

ALL THIS…..NOT TRUE!  You know what?  Minivans rock and here are some reasons why.

Manual Doors Are For Pussies

Who wants manual doors in the year 2013?  The convenience of having automatic doors is second to none.  Less effort and it makes you feel like a king. Pfft…manual doors!  Whatever!  Make the minivan work for you not with you.


Can Haul Anything

A minivan is so spacious that it can literally haul anything.  Throw all your ugly stinky shit in the van for a weekend camping trip while hauling a boat!  Then take that ugly shit out after the automatic doors open up for you.  If you’re a serial killer, you could probably haul 15 bodies up in that thang.


Not Giving  A Shit

Nothing smells of a manly man like driving a minivan.  It shouts, “I literally don’t give a shit that I’m driving this minivan.”  Who doesn’t flock to that confidence?


Room To Go Out Drinking

All your friends are over and want to go out.  Problem is, they all have cars.  Not you.  You have a minivan because you’re awesome.  You can fit 7 people in there comfortably.  Your ‘uncool’ minivan suddenly became ‘cool’.  But you already knew you were cool……because you drive a kickass minivan.  A minivan with a sweet dvd player.


Not A Cop Magnet

Cops don’t look to pull minivans over.  Look around next time you see people stopped.  Is it ever a minivan?  No.  No it’s not.  Minivans usually contain more then one kid and kids carry cooties and sometimes smell of fecal matter.  Cops don’t want none of that.  They don’t want ANY of that.


Can Certainly Have Sex In A Minivan

This had to make the list because you certainly CAN have sex in a minivan.  It’s so roomy it’s possible.  Then later down the road you already have a minivan to haul your newly born kids around in.  The minivan you had sex in a year before.


Viva La Minivan!

Mom Jeans

Summer Fashion Tips

Fargo, ND – Summer is right around the corner.  Are you aware of what you wear?  Do you know what’s ‘IN’ as far as fashion goes?  Follow these summer fashion tips and you will feel too cool for school.  You will be the person people flock to everyday just so they can bask in your presence and awesome hip fashion prowess.


1. Jean Shorts or ‘Jorts’


Mens Jean Shorts - Jorts

You think these are just for children, NASCAR fans or old dads?  Wrong!  Having a few pairs of these in your wardrobe is a must.

**A braided leather belt compliments these very well.

**Favorite past time is drinking copious amounts of alcohol while only wearing these.

**If bleach or chlorine happens to fall on them, leave it.  You just transformed them into cool acid wash jeans which are so in.

**Wearing sandals with socks is a perfect complement to jorts.


2. Mom Jeans

Mom Jeans

These were cool before the ‘Pink’ brand started being plastered on young and middle aged women’s butts.  Mom jeans in the rear represent an upside down heart shape.  Now if that doesn’t make your ass hot I don’t know what will.

They also sometimes cover that unsightly belly button of yours.  They must be worn half way up your stomach for this fashion champion to make a big impression.

**Old and vibrant Christmas sweater goes well with these jeans.

**Multicolored long sleeve shirt that you knitted yourself also complements these jeans very very well.

SNL said it best. “For this Mother’s Day, don’t give Mom that bottle of perfume. Give her something that says, ‘I’m not a woman anymore…I’m a mom!’ ”  That’s right, get her mom jeans.


3. V-necks

Deep V-Neck

**STOP**  Be careful when choosing to wear this glorious summer fashion attire.  You must ask yourself a couple questions before going out in public wearing one these.

The first question is, “Is it low enough?”  If it isn’t down to your belly button, don’t bother wearing one.  Chicks love chest hair ending with a belly button all in a shape of a V going down a man’s body.  The second question you must ask yourself is, “Can I get into this shirt by jumping into the air like a newly born gazelle?”  If you can’t, don’t bother wearing this shirt.

This shirt is reserved for the super cool, hip, trendy, and in-style people.  If you can’t do the two questions above successfully then you are not that guy.


4.  Shoulder Pads

Shoulder Pads 80's fashion

Some some people say this was one of if not the worst fashion trend of the 80’s.  I think that is nonsense.  These actually served a function and that was to protect your burly women shoulders from a possible attack from a bad guy.  They also serve to protect the shoulder when you need to do a running tackle to save a man or woman from getting hit by a car or train.  Many women in the 80’s did just that and became national heroes.

You know what wearing shoulder pads also means?  That you are a woman and you kick fucking ass!


5.  Flip Flops with Socks or ‘Smandals’

flip flop and socks or ninja

This is a very versatile combo much like that of hiking shoes.  You get the coolness factor of “Hey dude, I’m hip and from the beach” with the sandals but you also get the “I’m ready to put on any other shoes at any given moment for any given occasion.  I’m that resourceful.”  And last but not least, when you take the flip flops off, you can always look like that one-toed ninja you always wanted to be.

For example, socks with flip flops gives you the cool breeze of the wind yet without showing your mangled feet whose nails haven’t been cut in months.  Take the sandals off and you can put on a pair of running shoes and stop that thief you just saw stealing grandma’s purse.

*Again, these go very well with jean shorts.


There you have it.  I hope these five but very effective summer fashion tips were helpful for you.  I hope to see you out in the sun in some jean shorts, a kick ass vneck with shoulder pads, and some flip flops with socks.

Gary Clark Dancing With The Stars West Fargo

Gary Clark To Be On The Next Season Of Dancing With The Stars

Gary Clark Dancing With The Stars West FargoWest Fargo, ND – In October 2012, Gary Clark made the decision to follow his heart and stepped down as the West Fargo High School principal to pursue his river dancing career.

Read the story here.

Since then, Gary Clark has been traveling around the world blowing audiences’ minds with his unique and remarkable river dancing talents.

Those talents have paid off as Mr. Clark has been chosen to be on season 17 of Dancing With The Stars.  It is a remarkable accomplishment as Mr. Clark is the first river dancer to ever be featured on the show.  He is also the first contestant from the city of Fargo.


“I’m excited to show the world what river dancers are capable of.  I’m not all about tapping my feet.  I can move like a swift gazelle!”

Gary Clark has recently completed the U.S. Riverdance Tour and has been teaching private and party lessons since the tour ended.

“There is no downtime for me.  I have so much energy!  My dance students will miss me while I’m off doing the show but they will be ok.  I’m coming home with a win!”

As with his river dancing, we can surely expect Gary Clark to take the Dancing With The Stars stage by storm.  He is at the top of the talent crop.

Gary Clark promises to represent Fargo with pride.

Semi Loses Control On I-94 In West Fargo

Semi Loses Control On I-94 In West Fargo

Semi Loses Control On I-94 In West FargoWest Fargo, ND – After 12:30 yesterday afternoon, a semi heading west on 1-94 was exiting the West Fargo exit ramp when it rolled.

Police are still investigating what happened but would like to note that the semi did indeed somehow roll.  Thankfully the driver wasn’t left at the wreck but was taken to the hospital with non-life threatening injuries.

The driver was likely going from Point A to Point B.  My best bet would be he lost of control of the semi which made it roll.  Sadly, the semi was most likely not a Transformer.  A Transformer would be able to transition into it’s robot self before sustaining any damage in a measly rollover.

As of today, no Transformers have been located in Fargo.  We are glad the driver has non-life threatening injuries and wish him a speedy recovery.

Actors Claiming Nations

Celebrities Claiming Nations

Actors Claiming NationsIt seems to be, in order to be a successful celebrity, you must join the elite ranks of other celebrities and start claiming nations.  You are not considered a gifted celebrity unless you do so and you are certainly not part of the ‘special club.’

Sean Penn has claimed Haiti.  Ben Afflek has since claimed the Congo.  Angelina scoops up and claims any UN mission areas.  Leonardo DiCaprio has claimed Mozambique.  Madonna has claimed Malawi.

Just recently there was one of those high-roller poker games and they all put the various causes in a hat and each elite actor picked one. Sean Penn was pissed and tried to trade Haiti for Thailand but the group voted no.

Brad Pitt, Angelia Jolie, and Sean Penn have have been in a ruffle and tuffle as of late.  Sean Penn looks to claim all land including oceans outside of the United States.  Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie sees this as Penn intruding on their territory and would not want to have to pay Penn a ‘finders fee’ for any child they may adopt in the future.

A phone call to Penn has gone unanswered but we believe the dispute has not been resolved as of yet.

Fargo, West Fargo, Moorhead Cleanup Week

Fargo, West Fargo, and Moorhead Cleanup Week Postponed Until 2020

Fargo, West Fargo, Moorhead Cleanup WeekWest Fargo, ND – Every year in May, Fargo, West Fargo, and Moorhead conduct their yearly cleanup week where people may throw out their hordes of crap.  Not this year.

This year you will have to hold onto your complete and utter crap for another……………7 years.  All three cities has postponed cleanup week until the year 2020.


City officials expect the weather  to be utter crap for the next 7 years and would like to plan ahead.  They anticipate they will be busy with other responsibilities such as flooding, snow blizzards in July, the abominable snowman, and potholes.

Bismarck KFYR News Anchor Swears On Air


A.J Clemente and Van Tieu were reading the news when A.J Clemente lets out a nervous ‘fucking shit’ before his turn is up to read the news.  Pretty hilarious.

Apparently AJ was suspended for this.  You may contact KFYR and let them know how ridiculous they are.  Overreaction much?  Only perfect and pure people must work at KFYR who make no mistakes.  That must be it.


AJ has reportedly been fired for his mistake.  Seems KFYR has no problem reporting death, murder, and destruction on a daily basis but god forbid someone says fucking shit by mistake on air.  That makes a lot of sense KFYR.