Child And His Parent Fail To Sell Your Cheap Ass A Magazine Subscription
Local
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Child And His Parent Fail To Sell Your Cheap Ass A Magazine Subscription

October 20th, 2014 | by Nick
Fargo, ND—For the third consecutive year, Tommy and his father Craig have stopped by your house unannounced to try and sell you some junk publication you’ll never read. And for the third consecutive year, your cheap ass...
Lumberjack Union Working With CDC To Stop Treebola
National
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Lumberjack Union Working With CDC To Stop Treebola

October 19th, 2014 | by Johnnny
Treetop, North Carolina – Lumberjacks all across the country are wasting no time in their frantic effort to chop down any and all trees suspected of having the dangerous Treebola Virus. According to the Center for Disease...
Gandalf Costume Sales Skyrocket As Area Dorks Prepare For Halloween
Local
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Gandalf Costume Sales Skyrocket As Area Dorks Prepare For Halloween

October 17th, 2014 | by Kitz
Fargo, ND – Local costume stores are reporting record sales for Halloween this year. Top sellers include perennial favorites such as Spiderman, Snow White, and Satan, along with the usual Obama masks and kitten ears....
White House Ebola Response Team Practicing Their Craft
National
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White House Ebola Response Team Practicing Their Craft

October 16th, 2014 | by Johnnny
Washington, DC – Luckily for the American people, the White House Ebola Response Team (WHERT) is constantly practicing to improve their game. Top key players of WHERT, including the newly named Ebola Czarina, Dr. Pam Demic,...
Vin Diesel Scares Off Potential Ebola Infection
Celebrity
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Vin Diesel Scares Off Potential Ebola Infection

October 14th, 2014 | by Nick
Dallas, TX—Certifiably intimidating screen actor Vin Diesel, in Dallas filming the newest installment of The Fast & Furious movie franchise, has reportedly stonewalled a potential ebola infection. Diesel, who we’re...
FDA Approves Ebola Vaccine Drink: Coca-Bola
National
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FDA Approves Ebola Vaccine Drink: Coca-Bola

October 13th, 2014 | by Kitz
Washington, D.C. – Amidst a rising tide of panic over the deadly ebola virus threat, the FDA has fast-tracked an experimental vaccine drink for mass public consumption. Coca-Bola, which promises instant immunity against the...
Wear Pink To Show Support For The NFL
NFL
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Wear Pink To Show Support For The NFL

October 9th, 2014 | by Johnnny
Pink, Oklahoma – In case you didn’t receive the memo, all football fanatics are supposed to wear something pink every day to show their support for the NFL. If you don’t have anything pink to wear, then just...
Weeping Christ Statue Feared To Have Ebola Virus
National
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Weeping Christ Statue Feared To Have Ebola Virus

October 8th, 2014 | by Nick
Milaria, Italy—As the ebola pandemic continues to build steam, countries across the globe are showing concern. The Observer has learned that a recent discovery of a weeping-blood statue of Jesus is feared to contain the deadly...
Changing and Falling Leaves Concern EPA
Local
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Changing and Falling Leaves Concern EPA

October 7th, 2014 | by Sam Wigness
Environmental Officer Carl Carlson watched in horror as hundreds of leaves in Munsinger Gardens in St. Cloud seemingly jumped from their branches and floated silently to the ground. Carlson is among many Environmental...
Student Annoys Class with Runny Nose
Local
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Student Annoys Class with Runny Nose

October 6th, 2014 | by Sam Wigness
Roseville, MN — Students of Gretta Jurcak’s sixth period math class exchanged eye-rolls as classmate Andy Struum sniffled his runny nose for nearly an hour. Struum’s snorting began midway through third period...