NFL Reveals Diagnosis to Peyton Manning
NFL
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NFL Reveals Diagnosis to Peyton Manning

October 24th, 2014 | by Sam Wigness
After keeping the diagnosis under wraps for nearly a decade the NFL finally told Broncos quarterback Peyton Manning he has Tourette’s syndrome. The league’s biggest secret was first discovered in 2005 when...
Downtown Project Seeks To Turn Street Vomit Into Barf Art
Entertainment
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Downtown Project Seeks To Turn Street Vomit Into Barf Art

October 23rd, 2014 | by Kitz
Fargo, ND – The growing problem of vomit in the streets of downtown Fargo due to late-night binge drinkers has had city leaders’ stomachs churning for some time. However, a local group of forward-thinkers believe they...
Downtown Business Owners Looking to Curb Curb-Vomit
Local
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Downtown Business Owners Looking to Curb Curb-Vomit

October 23rd, 2014 | by Nick
The prevalence of vomit on city sidewalks has locals concerned. Fargo, ND—In case you haven’t been downtown lately, or have been downtown but have not yet encountered a lurching pile of partially-digested filth on the...
Fargo Debates Downtown Vomit
Local
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Fargo Debates Downtown Vomit

October 23rd, 2014 | by Johnnny
Fargo, ND – City officials in Fargo are urgently wondering if you think more should be done about vomit on the streets in downtown Fargo. While some people here are understandably anti-vomitus for the struggling downtown...
Thirteen Injured at Blind Pumpkin Carving Event
News
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Thirteen Injured at Blind Pumpkin Carving Event

October 22nd, 2014 | by Sam Wigness
A beautiful autumn day at Olafson Orchard in Hutchinson, MN quickly turned sour as several participants of a pumpkin carving contest found themselves with bloodied hands. The event allowed blind people from the area to pick...
Child And His Parent Fail To Sell Your Cheap Ass A Magazine Subscription
Local
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Child And His Parent Fail To Sell Your Cheap Ass A Magazine Subscription

October 20th, 2014 | by Nick
Fargo, ND—For the third consecutive year, Tommy and his father Craig have stopped by your house unannounced to try and sell you some junk publication you’ll never read. And for the third consecutive year, your cheap ass...
Lumberjack Union Working With CDC To Stop Treebola
National
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Lumberjack Union Working With CDC To Stop Treebola

October 19th, 2014 | by Johnnny
Treetop, North Carolina – Lumberjacks all across the country are wasting no time in their frantic effort to chop down any and all trees suspected of having the dangerous Treebola Virus. According to the Center for Disease...
Gandalf Costume Sales Skyrocket As Area Dorks Prepare For Halloween
Local
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Gandalf Costume Sales Skyrocket As Area Dorks Prepare For Halloween

October 17th, 2014 | by Kitz
Fargo, ND – Local costume stores are reporting record sales for Halloween this year. Top sellers include perennial favorites such as Spiderman, Snow White, and Satan, along with the usual Obama masks and kitten ears....
White House Ebola Response Team Practicing Their Craft
National
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White House Ebola Response Team Practicing Their Craft

October 16th, 2014 | by Johnnny
Washington, DC – Luckily for the American people, the White House Ebola Response Team (WHERT) is constantly practicing to improve their game. Top key players of WHERT, including the newly named Ebola Czarina, Dr. Pam Demic,...
Vin Diesel Scares Off Potential Ebola Infection
Celebrity
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Vin Diesel Scares Off Potential Ebola Infection

October 14th, 2014 | by Nick
Dallas, TX—Certifiably intimidating screen actor Vin Diesel, in Dallas filming the newest installment of The Fast & Furious movie franchise, has reportedly stonewalled a potential ebola infection. Diesel, who we’re...