National

Government To Begin Grouping People Into “Sick Camps” By What Diseases We Have
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Government To Begin Grouping People Into “Sick Camps” By What Diseases We Have

November 26th, 2014 | by Johnnny
Washington, DC – With the help of the CDC (Centre for Disease Control), Big Government will soon be organizing communities into groups of people based on what diseases we have. Since Big Government already has access to all...
Exceedingly Mediocre Restaurant Tip Goes Viral
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Exceedingly Mediocre Restaurant Tip Goes Viral

November 26th, 2014 | by Sam Wigness
Coon Rapids, Minn. — Applebee’s waitress Nicole MaHobbes’s Tuesday night shift ended in misery after she received a tip so extremely average that it could only be explained as “an obvious insult.”...
From The Archives: Man Trapped In Woman’s Body Yearns For Freedom
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From The Archives: Man Trapped In Woman’s Body Yearns For Freedom

November 24th, 2014 | by Nick
News of yore, dated 14th June, Eighteen Hundred and Ninety-Five Fargo, ND—Local cowboy Theddy Crumpsmith longs to be free, the Observer has learned. Crumpsmith is suffering from a disorder not well known to mankind; one...
Marijuana-Scented Candles Frustrating Police
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Marijuana-Scented Candles Frustrating Police

November 20th, 2014 | by Kitz
Fargo, ND – Police in Fargo say a recent uptick in disturbance calls can be attributed to the growing popularity of marijuana-scented candles. Dispatchers estimate they have received approximately 420 complaints about...
BREAKING: Your Mortal Soul Now Belongs To This Warlock
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BREAKING: Your Mortal Soul Now Belongs To This Warlock

November 18th, 2014 | by Nick
Fargo, ND—The Observer would like to regretfully inform you that your mortal soul, however puny and insignificant it may be, now belongs to this devious warlock. Yes, you’re really screwed now. It was this whispering...
Sign Up Now For Exciting Parade Of Hoarder Homes
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Sign Up Now For Exciting Parade Of Hoarder Homes

November 15th, 2014 | by Johnnny
Fargo, ND – With hoarding starting to become rather chic, Fargo is excited to announce its First Annual Parade Of Hoarder Homes. Parade president Irv Sheik says: “We’re looking for some major hoarders who might...
Hunting Mishap Almost Put Youngster Behind Bars
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Hunting Mishap Almost Put Youngster Behind Bars

November 12th, 2014 | by Johnnny
Knife Lake, MN – A young boy named Bruce had just finished drinking some juice when he saw in the air a goose which lately had a tendency to overproduce. So young Bruce decided to try and shoot the goose on the loose. He...
Some Memorable Moments From Cody Marthaller
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Some Memorable Moments From Cody Marthaller

November 8th, 2014 | by Johnnny
West Fargo, ND – The FM Observer is very sad to say that we recently lost a friend and one of the Founding Fathers of this website. On Sunday, October 26th, Cody Marthaller lost his long battle with cancer at age 32. Back...
ND Measure 10 To Legalize No-Sex Marriage
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ND Measure 10 To Legalize No-Sex Marriage

November 3rd, 2014 | by Nick
Bismarck, ND – Amidst a slew of confusing, regressive, unnecessary and downright ridiculous measures hitting voting booths tomorrow comes another dandy: Measure 10. This fun little amendment aims to legalize mandate(?)...
ND Measure 9 To Ban Happy Marriages
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ND Measure 9 To Ban Happy Marriages

November 3rd, 2014 | by Kitz
Fargo, ND – Due to an avalanche of misleading language, hidden agendas and incompetent proofreaders, North Dakota’s midterm elections will now include a ballot measure that would outlaw all happy marriages. Measure 9...