National

Ryan Lochte Found Hiding In Swimming Pool
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Ryan Lochte Found Hiding In Swimming Pool

August 18th, 2016 | by Nick
Rochester, NY – Amidst controversy over statements made to A Polícia Brasileira, Ryan Lochte had been sought for questioning until today. With help, A Polícia Brasileira have located Lochte hiding in his favorite...
Pokemon Go Trainer Wants Your Ass In His Class
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Pokemon Go Trainer Wants Your Ass In His Class

August 12th, 2016 | by Nick
Fargo, ND – There is high local demand for Pokegoods and Pokeservices now that the hot new app Pokemon Go has taken America by storm. People of all ages are looking to level-up as they embark on a quest to “catch them...
Scientists Warn: Sugarloaf Mountain Fermenting In Polluted Rio de Janeiro Bay
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Scientists Warn: Sugarloaf Mountain Fermenting In Polluted Rio de Janeiro Bay

August 3rd, 2016 | by Nick
Rio de Janeiro, Brazil – Water pollution isn’t the only thing tainting the enchanting landscape of Rio de Janeiro, home of the 2016 Summer Olympics. Scientists now warn that the polluted Guanabara Bay in Rio is...
Hackers Change Pokemon Go Animals Into Satanic Demons
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Hackers Change Pokemon Go Animals Into Satanic Demons

July 14th, 2016 | by Nick
Fargo, ND – A small number of Android users have become affected by a nefarious hack into the newly-famous Pokemon Go mobile game interface. Certain pokehunters are now encountering demonic hellspawn where cute and...
Zombie Jimmy Hoffa Emerges From South Fargo Sinkhole
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Zombie Jimmy Hoffa Emerges From South Fargo Sinkhole

July 5th, 2016 | by Nick
Fargo, ND – After many years of wondering, pontificating and scouring its whereabouts, the location of Jimmy Hoffa’s body has finally revealed itself. Shortly after a gaping sinkhole opened up on 9th avenue and 42nd...
FM Observer Recruits Pizzaologist To Analyze Alleged New Pizza Corner Flavor
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FM Observer Recruits Pizzaologist To Analyze Alleged New Pizza Corner Flavor

June 30th, 2016 | by Nick
Fargo, ND – As you are surely aware, Valley City’s own Pizza Corner pizza has been bought out by a Minnesota company named Bernatello’s. Much hubbub has been tossed about over the “new...
FM Observer To Sponsor Park Wood Cemetery Renovation
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FM Observer To Sponsor Park Wood Cemetery Renovation

June 22nd, 2016 | by Nick
Fargo, ND – The north wing of Park Wood Cemetery in Fargo has been in dire need of a facelift for quite some time. Tombs are moldy, crypts are dungy and the rats have colonized a functioning village. This has led the...
West Fargo Lagoon Workers Tired Of Taking Crap From Everyone
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West Fargo Lagoon Workers Tired Of Taking Crap From Everyone

June 9th, 2016 | by Nick
West Fargo, ND – Waste Stabilization Pond Foreman Chlaff Peenisackle has seen it all come through. Severed limbs, sea monkey colonies, the physical manifestation of shame from the night before. These are only a few of what...
City of Fargo Approves Sidewalk Lemonade Stand Tax Break
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City of Fargo Approves Sidewalk Lemonade Stand Tax Break

May 24th, 2016 | by Jake
Block 9 appropriations wasn’t the only thing on the Fargo City Commission’s agenda last night. Not only did they approve 15.5 million dollars to help fund Doug Burgum’s skyscraper, but with a 5-0 vote they appropriated an...
Xcel Energy Announces Power Outage Compensation Plan
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Xcel Energy Announces Power Outage Compensation Plan

May 10th, 2016 | by Nick
Fargo, ND – Faulty equipment. The ritualistic conjuring of ancient evils. Fallen tree branches. Squirrels and other burrowing rodents. Global warming. What do these things have in common? Yes, they’re all signs of...