National

NASA Reducing Its Goal To Just Being Able To Successfully Launch A Rocket
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NASA Reducing Its Goal To Just Being Able To Successfully Launch A Rocket

October 29th, 2014 | by Johnnny
Wallops Island, VA – Despite an apparent ‘glitch’ during take-off, NASA is saying that everything is under control and that no one should have any reason for concern. Even though many on-lookers witnessed an...
Fanatical Mathematical Radical Goes On Problematical Sabbatical
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Fanatical Mathematical Radical Goes On Problematical Sabbatical

October 28th, 2014 | by Johnnny
Fargo, ND – An overly-zealous Fargo math teacher has been suspended from teaching. Students in Mr. Cal Cuelator’s third grade class had been complaining of having a steady heavy load of math homework assignments....
Clever ‘Calibration Errors’ Ensure Democrat Victories In Every Political Race
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Clever ‘Calibration Errors’ Ensure Democrat Victories In Every Political Race

October 25th, 2014 | by Johnnny
Washington, DC – Even if no Democrats show up to vote in the upcoming state and national elections, Republicans better be ready to lose each and every political race in the country. Democrat community organizers have...
Downtown Project Seeks To Turn Street Vomit Into Barf Art
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Downtown Project Seeks To Turn Street Vomit Into Barf Art

October 23rd, 2014 | by Kitz
Fargo, ND – The growing problem of vomit in the streets of downtown Fargo due to late-night binge drinkers has had city leaders’ stomachs churning for some time. However, a local group of forward-thinkers believe they...
Downtown Business Owners Looking to Curb Curb-Vomit
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Downtown Business Owners Looking to Curb Curb-Vomit

October 23rd, 2014 | by Nick
The prevalence of vomit on city sidewalks has locals concerned. Fargo, ND—In case you haven’t been downtown lately, or have been downtown but have not yet encountered a lurching pile of partially-digested filth on the...
Fargo Debates Downtown Vomit
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Fargo Debates Downtown Vomit

October 23rd, 2014 | by Johnnny
Fargo, ND – City officials in Fargo are urgently wondering if you think more should be done about vomit on the streets in downtown Fargo. While some people here are understandably anti-vomitus for the struggling downtown...
Thirteen Injured at Blind Pumpkin Carving Event
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Thirteen Injured at Blind Pumpkin Carving Event

October 22nd, 2014 | by Sam Wigness
A beautiful autumn day at Olafson Orchard in Hutchinson, MN quickly turned sour as several participants of a pumpkin carving contest found themselves with bloodied hands. The event allowed blind people from the area to pick...
Child And His Parent Fail To Sell Your Cheap Ass A Magazine Subscription
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Child And His Parent Fail To Sell Your Cheap Ass A Magazine Subscription

October 20th, 2014 | by Nick
Fargo, ND—For the third consecutive year, Tommy and his father Craig have stopped by your house unannounced to try and sell you some junk publication you’ll never read. And for the third consecutive year, your cheap ass...
Lumberjack Union Working With CDC To Stop Treebola
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Lumberjack Union Working With CDC To Stop Treebola

October 19th, 2014 | by Johnnny
Treetop, North Carolina – Lumberjacks all across the country are wasting no time in their frantic effort to chop down any and all trees suspected of having the dangerous Treebola Virus. According to the Center for Disease...
Gandalf Costume Sales Skyrocket As Area Dorks Prepare For Halloween
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Gandalf Costume Sales Skyrocket As Area Dorks Prepare For Halloween

October 17th, 2014 | by Kitz
Fargo, ND – Local costume stores are reporting record sales for Halloween this year. Top sellers include perennial favorites such as Spiderman, Snow White, and Satan, along with the usual Obama masks and kitten ears....