Drunk Zamboni Driver Ices Ex-Wife’s Property

February 13th, 2015 | by Johnnny
Many ways to show your love.

Many ways to show your love.

Fargo, ND – It was probably bound to happen eventually. A drunk Zamboni driver “temporarily borrowed” the big ice machine to give his ex-wife an early Valentine’s Day present.

Mr. Sam Pony has been charged with possession of stolen property, destruction of property, and violation of a restraining order.

The police report indicates that: “After drinking more than his limit of Fargo Beer, Mr. Pony proceeded to drive the Zamboni out of the Fargo South High Hockey Arena and into his ex-wife’s yard where everything including the sidewalks and driveway got a thick coating of ice.”

With temperatures plummeting into the deep-freeze due to Global Cooling, this ice will probably be around at least until Spring.

When asked why he did it, Mr. Sam Pony tried to say: “With Valentine’s Day almost here, I wanted to turn my ex-wife’s yard into one big glazed donut. I thought it looked real nice! I donut see what the big problem is, ya know what I’m saying? You donut have to get all bent out of shape over this, ya know. Hey, it’s just ice, man!”


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Contributing writer since January, 2013. I've been described by myself as a piano-playing omnivore who hates typos but loves chocolate milk in his coffee. As a Life Coach, some lessons I like to pass onto others are: 1. don't stare at strangers, especially in jail, 2. don't leave fun to find fun, 3. never pet a burning dog, 4. don't eat more than you can lift, and 5. when in doubt, jot it down. Click on any picture in my posts to see them in their full glory. All have been tweaked with either PicMonkey.com or Pixlr.com/Express or Lunapic.com :o)