Fargo Man Crushed To Death While Trying To Carry 99-Pack Of Pabst Blue Ribbon Beer

November 21st, 2019 | by Johnnny

Warning: Do not try to lift the 99-Pack of Pabst Blue Ribbon beer by yourself!

Fargo, ND – In an unfortunate incident involving the purchase of beer, an elderly Fargo man met his demise when he tried walking off with more than he could carry.

Mr. Cantine Pinkney, upon seeing the giant cases of Pabst Blue Ribbon in his favorite liquor store, decided to buy the 99-pack of beer for $99.

Pabst Blue Ribbon strongly suggests that their 99-packs of beer be carried by at least two strong people because they weigh in at around 99 pounds.

While attempting to walk out of the store carrying his large 99-pound 99-pack of PBR, Mr. Cantine Pinkney quickly succumbed to the massive weight, and suddenly collapsed into the glass exit door with the entire 99-pack landing directly on top of him causing immediate lights-out for old man Pinkney.

Crushingly, all of the letters in Cantine Pinkney can unfortunately be re-arranged to spell: Ninety-Nine Pack!


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Contributing writer since January, 2013. I've been described by myself as a piano-playing omnivore who hates typos but loves chocolate milk in his coffee. As a Life Coach, some lessons I like to pass onto others are: 1. don't stare at strangers, especially in jail, 2. don't leave fun to find fun, 3. never pet a burning dog, 4. don't eat more than you can lift, and 5. when in doubt, jot it down. Click on any picture in my posts to see them in their full glory. All have been tweaked with either PicMonkey.com or Pixlr.com/Express or Lunapic.com :o)