FM Observer Asks: Do You Uber?

May 13th, 2015 | by Nick
Uber much?

Uber much?

Fargo, ND—With Uber ride service starting soon in Fargo, the FM Observer wonders if you, the reader, Uber? We asked a handful of friendly folks if they’ve ever Ubered or if they plan to Uber:

Whackite Chlomsburger, 47, Fargo, Air-Powered Rifle Mechanic:

“Whatever gets me to the air-powered rifle shop and back at a reasonable rate is fine by me.”

Tork Chroin, 34, Fargo, Pro Thunderball Player:

“Me and the other Thunderballers can Uber to Rooters after league gets over, go HAM, get bombed, Uber back home, pass out on our kitchen floor, then wake up and do it all over again the next day.”

Clish BaBerdink, 20, West Fargo, Skater Dude:

“Next time I double-back on a reverse-toe-ball-kick ollie-flip and split my coccyx, i’ll Uber to the ER, bro.”

Phlim Daggnip, 51, Casselton, Beard Wrangler:

“I won’t be needin’ to Uber anywhere. I do all my beard wranglin’ here at home.”

Assmarina Kyros, 27, Fargo, Follicular Transplant Specialist:

“I do consider Uber a reasonable option for immediate human transport. I will Uber. Yes, yes I will Uber very much as, via court-mandated order due to lawbreak, I have been disallowed from driving.”

Noldo Pacworlder, 44, North Fargo, Zombie Apocalypse Theorist:

“The Uberers must ready themselves for the Impenetrable Quickening. When the Great Change violently imposes itself upon the human race, safe vehicular harbor will become fully mandatory. We haven’t much time. Preparations are underway. Currently, my underground panic bunker–complete with approximately 14 years worth of both sonic and explosive weaponry, dry non-perishable goods and well water–burrows 68.75 feet underground.”

Declen Millsteff-Ghristles, 31, Fargo, Church of Satan Minister-In-Training

“With the Dark Lord’s guidance, I may deftly conjure an Uber. Whatever he deems pertinent under the laws of our cherished Necronomicon, I shalt follow. Go unto him, for Satan is God! His armies shall soon rise from the bowels of Hell to cleanse the impure. So, what are Uber’s rates?”

Do you desire to Uber? Let us know in the comments!


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Nick

Co-Founder at FM Observer
Interstrapolating condectistic devariance via opentasmic protensive mindopathy.