Lemmings Forming Lines As iPad 3 Is Released.

March 16th, 2012 | by Bill Burns

“Something squishy is in my pants”

Fargo, ND – Every few months there is a big product release where people are willing to wait in line for hours upon hours in order to get the chance to buy some shit they don’t need.  Today it’s the iPad 3.  In the early morning hours, lemmings have started forming lines outside the Best Buy in Fargo, ND.  The line has extended out into the street which has caused a few problems.  These brain dead humans are getting run over and hit buy cars and it doesn’t even seem to phase them nor do they care.  They just keep coming.  Local apple fucktwat had this to say, “I wanted this so bad I told my boss to go fuck himself so I could come here and wait in line.  I won’t have a job after today but at least I’ll have my new iPad 3!”  We completely understand.  Another person in line had this to say, “I have literally crapped my pants and don’t even care!  I can’t wait to get my new iPad!”

We wish these lemmings the best.  After the dust settles and things are back to normal, we will be back and reporting on it again when Apple releases the iPad 4 in a couple months.


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Bill grew up in one of the largest cities in the United States, Maza, North Dakota. Being a cow milker by trade, it was only after stroking thousands upon thousands of cow nipples was he able to save up enough money and move to Fargo, ND. It was here that he joined FM Observer. In his free time he enjoys carving rocking horses out of wood, healing the sick, and running marathons across oceans.