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# FM Observer Fargo Moorhead Satire News and Entertainment

The Fargo Moorhead area's greatest satirical news and entertainment source. Most stories are farcical in nature.

## Posts

- [Family's Robot Vacuum Cleaner Found Guilty Of Terrorizing And Threatening Behavior](http://fmobserver.com/familys-robot-vacuum-cleaner-found-guilty-of-terrorizing-and-threatening-behavior/) - Vacuville, SD - A freaked out family of four has won its lawsuit against its very own robot vacuum cleaner. In this landmark case, Harold and Hannah Hoover filed criminal charges against their Mister Suction Robo-Vac vacuum cleaner machine. The Robo-Vac Model 3000 allegedly forced the entire Hoover family into their food pantry, locked the
- [The Great Musk Ox Migration To Come Directly Through The Fargo Area](http://fmobserver.com/the-great-musk-ox-migration-to-come-directly-through-the-fargo-area/) - Fargo, ND - While North Dakota is still dealing with the Covid crisis, it will soon also have to contend with a Bovid crisis. Thousands of musk ox from the Bovid family of large hoofed mammals will soon be doing their annual migration. Because of climate change, this year's route is going to bring an
- [West Fargo's New Mask Strategy Is Basically To Not Upset Anyone By Imposing A Mask Mandate](http://fmobserver.com/west-fargos-new-mask-strategy-is-basically-to-not-upset-anyone-by-imposing-a-mask-mandate/) - West Fargo, ND - Rather than imposing a mask mandate like neighboring Fargo finally did, West Fargo's wizards of smart decided to implement a Mask Strategy. You may ask: What is West Fargo's mask strategy? Apparently West Fargo's mask strategy is to "strongly encourage" the wearing of masks without hurting the feelings of any pandemically-challenged
- [Punditic Thoughts On The Vice Presidential Debate](http://fmobserver.com/punditic-thoughts-on-the-vice-presidential-debate/) - Salt Lake City, Utah - Here are some important questions and answers regarding the October 7th Vice Presidential debate between Senator Kamala Harris and Vice President Mike Pence. Q: Who do you think won this debate? A: Black Flies Matter. Q: What will be the historical take-away from this debate? A: Black Flies Matter. Q:
- [Fargo Man Enjoys Big Mac That's Been In His Fridge For 30 Years](http://fmobserver.com/fargo-man-enjoys-big-mac-thats-been-in-his-fridge-for-30-years/) - Fargo, ND - Mr. Cambi Gold of rural Fargo recently discovered something in the back of his refrigerator that had apparently been there for 30 years. To Mr. Gold's amazement, his 30-year-old Big Mac sandwich looked almost exactly the same as it did three long decades ago. Since it still looked good enough to eat,
- [Baseball-Sized Mosquitoes Now Fargo's Second Pandemic](http://fmobserver.com/baseball-sized-mosquitoes-now-fargos-second-pandemic/) - Fargo, North Dakota - Planning any outdoor activities? Better bring a baseball bat! Experts agree that this summer's rainy pattern has been ideal for the formation of a bumper crop of unusually large mosquitoes. Our Dr. Goombi Quist admits that "some of the mosquitoes in the greater Fargo-Moorhead area are so large that they don't
- [Xanax Fest Expected To Attract Tranquil Crowd](http://fmobserver.com/xanax-fest-expected-to-attract-tranquil-crowd/) - West Fargo, ND - A new festival coming to the Red River Valley should appeal to anyone who enjoys a more sedate lifestyle. Xanax Fest was the brain child of Nira Vam and her super laid-back boyfriend UpJohn. Mellow music from the relaxing band Alpra Zolam will calm the already placid audience. "We believe that
- [Spiderman Says To Wear A Mask Just Like Him](http://fmobserver.com/spiderman-says-to-wear-a-mask-just-like-him/) - Spider Island, Wisconsin - Spiderman says one reason he wears a mask is to not catch the coronavirus from people who aren't wearing a mask. Just like Spiderman's mask, your mask should completely cover your mouth and nose with a snug fit. "If it makes sense for doctors to wear masks during surgery, it makes
- [At Zeitgeist Funeral Home, We Put The "Fun" In Funerals!](http://fmobserver.com/at-zeitgeist-funeral-home-we-put-the-fun-in-funerals/) - West Fargo, ND - Gone are the days when funerals were melancholy, mournful, and morose. Zeitgeist Funeral Home believes funerals should be a fun celebration. Dr. Agustine Elefritz created Zeitgeist Funeral Home to put some serious fun into serious funerals. "At Zeitgeist, we don't see why funerals can't have some colorful balloons and streamers, along
- [FMO Now Recording Everything On Cassette Tapes](http://fmobserver.com/fmo-now-recording-everything-on-cassette-tapes/) - West Fargo, ND - On the advice of counsel (who part-times as a bouncer), the FM Observer has unanimously voted to begin tape recording all aspects of our entire corporate operation. We believe that this will help us: 1. be more "in tune with the times", and also 2. help document all forgotten ideas, names,
- [Covid-19 Cases Now Reported Up In Heaven, Including Some Deaths](http://fmobserver.com/covid-19-cases-now-reported-up-in-heaven-including-some-deaths/) - Heaven, iCloud - The far-reaching global pandemic is now reportedly being reported up in Heaven where a number of souls have tested positive for Covid-19. Surprisingly, a small percentage of those in Heaven with the Corona Virus have died from the highly contagious and deadly virus. Until further notice, Saint Peter will be testing new
- [Johnnny’s Ninth Retrospective (Posts 800-900)](http://fmobserver.com/johnnnys-ninth-retrospective-posts-800-900/) - Since 900 is such a nice round number, it was decided to use the occasion of my 900th post to take a trip back down memory lane. So, it's time once again to look back at Johnnny's last 100 posts on your FM Observer. All posts are listed as clickable hyperlinks in chronological order. Enjoy!
- [The Forty Mental Stages Experienced During Pandemic Isolation](http://fmobserver.com/the-forty-mental-stages-experienced-during-pandemic-isolation/) - Psychiko, Greece - As many of us are living through our first global pandemic, it might be helpful to be aware of the stages we're likely to be going through during a long period of isolation. Dr. Reta Naquin has listed in order the 40 mental stages that you are likely experiencing while self-quarantining in
- [New Home Work-Out Program Called "Flatten Your Curves" Gaining Popularity](http://fmobserver.com/new-home-work-out-program-called-flatten-your-curves-gaining-popularity/) - Fargo, ND - Are you stuck at home trying to work and/or just survive? Do you have a ton of snack food in your kitchen, pantry, and garage? Is this pandemic quarantining causing you to gain some extra weight? Well then, you need to start doing the Flatten Your Curves home workout program! The Flatten
- [Russian Roulette Club (Once Again) Seeking One New Member](http://fmobserver.com/russian-roulette-club-once-again-seeking-one-new-member/) - Moscow, Idaho - A Russian Roulette Club is actively seeking one new member to fill the vacant seat of a former member who suffered a mishap. "In any game of chance you have your ups and downs, and unfortunately for our previous club member, he experienced one of the downs," says this Russian Roulette Club's
- [South Park Being Used Extensively As Educational Tool For Pandemic Home Schooling](http://fmobserver.com/south-park-being-used-extensively-as-educational-tool-for-pandemic-home-schooling/) - Yourtown, USA - With schools being closed for the foreseeable future, many parents are choosing to educate their home-schooled children by having them watch South Park. "Used as an educational tool, South Park checks all the boxes, plus kids love the lovable South Park characters," says Dr. Yap Fortin who is a respected expert for
- [Time Traveler To Speak In Fargo 14 Months Ago](http://fmobserver.com/time-traveler-to-speak-in-fargo-14-months-ago/) - Time traveler Vern Milton will be giving a talk on time travel on Wednesday, November 21, 2012. This informal gathering in the NDSU Student Union lounge will be Vern's personal thoughts on what it's like to be a bona fide time traveler. His must-hear lecture will then be followed by an extensive Question & Answer period. Free hot coffee and powdered donuts will be served by the Physics Department.
- [FM Observer's First Annual Panicfest Cancelled Due To Lack Of Toilet Paper](http://fmobserver.com/fm-observers-first-annual-panicfest-cancelled-due-to-lack-of-toilet-paper/) - Fargo, ND - What was to be a celebratory reminder to everyone to not panic during a Global Pandemic has been cancelled due to lack of toilet paper. Panicfest organizers made the tough decision to cancel the first annual event after realizing that the number of available rolls of toilet paper for sale in the
- [Pandemic Social Distancing, North Dakota Style](http://fmobserver.com/pandemic-social-distancing-north-dakota-style/) - Medora, ND - Serious times require serious measures, which is why North Dakotans are being asked to stay as far away from each other as possible. How far is considered safe? Well, the definition of a plain is one tree per square mile, and this is a good guide for ideal social distancing in North
- [Fargo Man Impaled By Large Icicle Doesn't Notice It Until He Gets Home To His Wife](http://fmobserver.com/fargo-man-impaled-by-large-icicle-doesnt-notice-it-until-he-gets-home-to-his-wife/) - Fargo, ND - Yes, it's that dangerous time of the year once again when large icicles are precariously hanging high above the Downtown Fargo sidewalks. Such was the case when Mr. Ace Leidich slowly sauntered along while unknowingly entering a red-zone area with very large icicles hanging from the rooftop sixty four feet up. Unfortunately
- [First Machine To Catch Corona Virus From A Human Is Now "Acting Funny"](http://fmobserver.com/first-machine-to-catch-corona-virus-from-a-human-is-now-acting-funny/) - Corona, California - The first documented case of the Corona Virus being passed from a human to a machine has now been confirmed. The machine, whose identity is being kept confidential for now, keeps on saying the same message over and over: "The server encountered an internal error or misconfiguration and was unable to complete
- [Bernie Sanders Waves Good-Bye To Humanity As He Leaves To Become The First President Of Mars](http://fmobserver.com/bernie-sanders-waves-good-bye-to-humanity-as-he-leaves-to-become-the-first-president-of-mars/) - Mars, Milky Way - Shortly after suspending his 2020 presidential campaign, Bernie Sanders waved to everyone on Earth as he boarded his plane for Mars. "This is a bittersweet moment. Bitter because Joe Biden looks to be the Democrat nominee for president. Sweet because I look forward to being the first president of Mars," said
- [Fargo Man Who Dreams He Was On A Cruise Ship Wakes Up With Corona Virus](http://fmobserver.com/fargo-man-who-dreams-he-was-on-a-cruise-ship-wakes-up-with-corona-virus/) - Fargo, ND - While sleeping soundly in his Fargo home, a man who had a dream of being on a cruise ship woke up testing positive for the Corona Virus. After deciding to self-quarantine in his bedroom, the man fell back asleep only to find himself back on the same cruise ship where he could
- [Moorhead Man Willing To Part With N95 Filtration Masks For $100 Each](http://fmobserver.com/moorhead-man-willing-to-part-with-n95-filtration-masks-for-100-each/) - Moorhead, MN - A Moorhead man who has stockpiled literally thousands of the much-demanded N95 facial masks is now selling them for $100 each. Mark Rhoades says that as a favor to the community, he is graciously willing to part with his N95 masks for only $100 each or if you want to save a
- [Survey Asks: Do We Really Need Domesticated Cats?](http://fmobserver.com/survey-asks-do-we-really-need-domesticated-cats/) - Catalina, Arizona - We recently surveyed less than a million people asking about cats as pets. The overall consensus from our expensive and extensive survey was that domesticated cats have now become obsolete. Case in point: Let's take the average domesticated cat for example. Your typical house cat has become bored, lazy, and fat. Today's
- [Leap Day Was Begun As An Extra Day To Do Something New Or Different](http://fmobserver.com/leap-day-was-begun-as-an-extra-day-to-do-something-new-or-different/) - Leapwood, TN - Leap Day was started by a man named John Leap from Tennessee. Mister Leap believed that every four years people needed one extra day to do something different. Whether it be rearranging your furniture, re-organizing and cleaning your garage, playing an instrument, writing and sending a postcard, or using a recipe to
- [Learn How To Learn How To Properly Vape By Attending Beginner Vaping Classes](http://fmobserver.com/learn-how-to-learn-how-to-properly-vape-by-attending-beginner-vaping-classes/) - West Fargo, ND - Now that vaping is considered one of the healthiest things you can do, classes are being offered on how to vape in order to achieve all the benefits that vaping offers. Dr. Grav Polisoto will be teaching new vapers not only how to properly vape but also what personal improvements you
- [The New Measure Of Health Is Pounds Per Vertical Foot](http://fmobserver.com/the-new-measure-of-health-is-pounds-per-vertical-foot/) - Footville, Wisconsin - Experts have come up with a new and easy way to determine one's general overall health. Pounds per vertical foot is the new way to measure and judge how near or far a person is from the ideal bodily proportions. To calculate it, simply take your total weight in pounds and divide
- [Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Asked To Help Fight The Corona Virus](http://fmobserver.com/teenage-mutant-ninja-turtles-asked-to-help-fight-the-corona-virus/) - xx
- [West Fargo Couple Dies In Car While Waiting For Traffic Light To Turn Green](http://fmobserver.com/west-fargo-couple-dies-in-car-while-waiting-for-traffic-light-to-turn-green/) - West Fargo, ND - In a stunningly slow turn of events, an older West Fargo couple died while waiting for a red light to turn green. Leth and Helt Ringgold had pulled up to a red traffic light which recently had been having some functionality "issues". Unfortunately for the Ringgolds, the red light took an
- [Executive Directors Named For Fargo's New Combo Church/Hospital](http://fmobserver.com/executive-directors-named-for-fargos-new-combo-church-hospital/) - Fargo, ND - The new Amen Church Hospital has named Peter and Paul Christianson as executive directors as the project moves forward toward final fruition. The Amen Church Hospital will be the first of its kind in the nation: A fully functioning hospital which also has all the normal underpinnings of a full-blown church. The
- [Joaquin Phoenix's "Cries Of Anguish" Wins The Oscar For Best Picture](http://fmobserver.com/joaquin-phoenixs-cries-of-anguish-wins-the-oscar-for-best-picture/) - Hollywood, CA - As expected, Joaquin Phoenix's movie Cries Of Anguish won the Academy Award for Best Picture. Cries Of Anguish is a wonderful movie about cows being artificially inseminated. Then, the cow babies are stolen from their mommy cows for the veal industry, which prompts unmistakable Cries Of Anguish. All of the stolen milk,
- [Amy Klobuchar Wrestles Woman To Ground After Being Attacked](http://fmobserver.com/amy-klobuchar-wrestles-woman-to-ground-after-being-attacked/) - Penacook, New Hampshire - Presidential candidate Amy Klobuchar successfully wrestled a Bernie Sanders supporter to the floor after being suddenly attacked while campaigning near New Hampshire's capital city of Concord. Luckily, the Minnesota senator had wrestled as a Trojan on her Wayzata High School team, so she instinctively knew some basic moves to protect herself
- [Weekly Listing Of Divorces In Cass County](http://fmobserver.com/weekly-listing-of-divorces-in-cass-county/) - Fargo, ND - It's time once again to list the divorces going down in Cass County. All of the following couples are uncoupling. They have decided to part ways and go in different directions. After some matrimonial restructuring, these former life partners will be relieved of their marital duties as they drop the terms "husband"
- [Fargo Police Add New Dog That Can Detect Weird Activity](http://fmobserver.com/fargo-police-add-new-dog-that-can-detect-weird-activity/) - Fargo, ND - A new dog is being added to the K-9 team of the Fargo Police Department. Tweek is his name and detecting weirdness is his claim to fame. K-9 Tweek is trained to sniff out any and all types of weird activities and people. If you are exhibiting any form of weirdness, Tweek
- [After Iowa Caucus App Fails, Iowa Dems Using 1920's Adding Machine To Try And Calculate The Victor](http://fmobserver.com/after-iowa-caucus-app-fails-iowa-dems-using-1920s-adding-machine-to-try-and-calculate-the-victor/) - Des Moines, Iowa - Once caucus leaders realized their new app apparently was unable to perform under pressure, an old adding machine was brought out of a dusty old closet. Seemingly in dire need of a basic adding machine, Iowa Democrats somehow found a 1920s Victor adding machine to help them try to accurately determine
- [FMObserver Donates Valuable Work Of Art To Popular Soup Kitchen To Boost Morale](http://fmobserver.com/fmobserver-donates-valuable-work-of-art-to-popular-soup-kitchen-to-boost-morale/) - Fargo, ND - Your FM Observer has announced plans to donate a very valuable work of art to the Second Lutheran Church soup kitchen in a magnanimous effort to boost mid-winter morale. The soup kitchen, cleverly called "The Souper Bowl", is located next to the Second Lutheran Church, and is one of the most popular
- [Male Who Identifies As Female To Compete In Next Miss North Dakota Pageant](http://fmobserver.com/male-who-identifies-as-female-to-compete-in-next-miss-north-dakota-pageant/) - Williston, ND - The next Miss North Dakota pageant will include its first-ever male competitor. Hannah Bouncy who grew up on the outskirts of Zap, North Dakota is biologically male but she has totally identified as being female since first grade. "I am so very wonderfully excited and blessed to be allowed to compete in
- [This Man Doesn't Remember Who He Is. Can You Help Identify Him?](http://fmobserver.com/this-man-doesnt-remember-who-he-is-can-you-help-identify-him/) - West Fargo, ND - A man came wandering into our FM Observer Corporate Office Park not remembering his name, if he's married, where he works, where he lives, or the names of any family or friends. When we asked the man where he had recently been, that too seemed to draw a complete blank. He
- [Man's Death Blamed On Panic Attack Caused By Extreme Frustration During Jigsaw Puzzle Tournament](http://fmobserver.com/mans-death-blamed-on-panic-attack-caused-by-extreme-frustration-during-jigsaw-puzzle-tournament/) - Fargo, ND - What began as a potentially fun afternoon gradually swirled into a personal implosion for one jigsaw puzzle tournament participant. Mr. Lemm Tweed-Clopton entered the annual jigsaw puzzle tournament with high hopes of possibly finishing in the Top Five people to successfully complete a very challenging jigsaw puzzle in one very intense race
- [Corona Virus Now Treatable With Extra Lime](http://fmobserver.com/corona-virus-now-treatable-with-extra-lime/) - Corona, SD - With another disease heading our way from China, our very own Dr. Orvin Caruso who lives and works in Corona, South Dakota is already well ahead of this new and potentially deadly virus. Dr. Caruso first points out that the Corona Virus is a meat-eating virus since the letters in 🅲🅾🆁🅾🅽🅰 🆅🅸🆁🆄🆂
- [New School For Gifted Children Requires Quantitative Proof That A Child Is Gifted](http://fmobserver.com/new-school-for-gifted-children-requires-quantitative-proof-that-a-child-is-gifted/) - West Fargo, ND - The "city on the grow" will soon be adding a brand new state-of-the-art school just for gifted children. Honeybrook School will be the best school in the country for children of all ages who are deemed to be gifted. Applicants will be rigorously tested and interviewed to determine which get admitted
- [Chief Justice John Roberts Swears Himself In During Rare Senate Moment](http://fmobserver.com/chief-justice-john-roberts-swears-himself-in-during-rare-senate-moment/) - Washington, DC - Before swearing in all the members of the Senate for the impeachment trial of President Trump, Chief Justice John Roberts had to first swear in himself according to some archaic constitutional protocols. Justice Roberts #1: Will you place your left hand on the Bible and raise your right hand? Justice Roberts #2:
- ["Days Of Our Lives" Soap Opera Being Replaced By Another Called "Endless Impeachment"](http://fmobserver.com/days-of-our-lives-soap-opera-being-replaced-by-another-called-endless-impeachment/) - Washington, DC - Sadly, the long-running soap opera Days Of Our Lives which began in 1965 will soon be terminating due to lack of interest. However, in its place will be another long-running soap opera called Endless Impeachment which does not suffer from a lack of interest. Unlike Days Of Our Lives which was an
- [Society Beginning To Show Signs Of Early Dementia Along With Schizophrenia And Bipolarism](http://fmobserver.com/society-beginning-to-show-signs-of-early-dementia-along-with-schizophrenia-and-bipolarism/) - Earth, Milky Way - Social experts are now in unanimous agreement that global society in general is showing all the telltale signs of madness. Dr. Gamela Dowling explains that all the signs are present to evidence the fact that the world's human population as a whole is tilting toward group sickness. Dr. Omega Dingwall says
- [Local Service Clubs Helping To Make Snow Forts For The Homeless](http://fmobserver.com/local-service-clubs-helping-to-make-snow-forts-for-the-homeless/) - Fargo, ND - All of the service clubs in the Fargo-Moorhead area are joining forces to help the homeless during the cold winter months. Dr. Whit Emerson, who is currently serving as president of the Friendly Raccoons service club, suggested the idea of building snow forts for the homeless to his friend Mister Howen. These
- [Moorhead's Turkey Mitigation Program Getting High Marks](http://fmobserver.com/moorheads-turkey-mitigation-program-getting-high-marks/) - Moorhead, MN - The City of Moorhead is having a special all-city meeting to talk turkey. With a problematic over-abundance of wild turkeys, all options are on the table. Option #1: Turkey Adoption Program (TAP) would ask Moorhead residents to adopt one (1) wild turkey and keep it in the confines of their fenced back
- [Your FM Observer Is Humbled To Have Once Again Won Best Website Award](http://fmobserver.com/your-fm-observer-is-humbled-to-have-once-again-won-best-website-award/) - West Fargo, ND - The FM Observer, which began as a simple scribble on a soiled napkin in the dank basement of a defunct church, is so very proud and humbled to once again accept the most prestigious award for Best Website of 2019. Because of all our faithful readers, we somehow earned this award
- [FMO To Host Free All-City Concert Featuring Hot Mega-Band "Neon Fruitcake!"](http://fmobserver.com/fmo-to-host-free-all-city-concert-featuring-hot-mega-band-neon-fruitcake/) - West Fargo, ND - To help get the New Year started off going in the right direction, your FM Observer will be hosting a free concert open to everyone who lives in West Fargo. The super trending band Neon Fruitcake! will be playing all their current mega-hits including "2020" and "Up Yours"! If your zip
- [FMO's Medivan To Provide Free Medical Check-Ups To Shovelers](http://fmobserver.com/fmos-medivan-to-provide-free-medical-check-ups-to-shovelers/) - West Fargo, ND - While out shoveling heavy snow and pushing your body to the limit, how would you like to step into the warmth of a mobile medical van for a free full physical examination? Our long-time friend Dr. Fred Wangstone first had the idea of having a Medivan to provide free medical services
- [No Parking On Streets Of Fargo After 4+ Inches Of Snow Has Fallen](http://fmobserver.com/no-parking-on-streets-of-fargo-after-4-inches-of-snow-has-fallen/) - Fargo, ND - A new and much stricter parking law in Fargo may leave many street parkers surprised when they come out to look for their vehicle. In order to help the snow plows do their job more quickly, after four or more inches of snow has fallen, any owners with cars parked on the
- [Teams Of Foreign Specialists Coming To Fargo To Study The Mating Habits Of Fargo Natives](http://fmobserver.com/teams-of-foreign-specialists-coming-to-fargo-to-study-the-mating-habits-of-fargo-natives/) - Fargo, ND - Fully equipped with lab coats and clipboards, multiple teams of mating habit specialists from various foreign countries will soon be descending upon Fargo for a long-term scientific study. Dr. Abraham Notti-Figgs will head up the research group comprised of experts from a dozen countries that are particularly interested in the mating habits
- [How To Find Your Groove Pattern (Before It's Too Late)](http://fmobserver.com/how-to-find-your-groove-pattern-before-its-too-late/) - Groove Park, USA - Have you been thinking you need to find your Groove Pattern? Many just like you have been yearningly searching for their Groove Pattern before that window completely shuts in their life. Luckily, your FM Observer has invited Dr. Moose Gravert to conduct some Groove Pattern workshops right here in River City.
- [Dickinson Team Name Changing From The Midgets To Just "The Dicks"](http://fmobserver.com/dickinson-team-name-changing-from-the-midgets-to-just-the-dicks/) - Dickinson, ND - The small town of Dickinson, North Dakota was once simply known for being the home town of the famous actress Angie Dickinson. But now, the Dickinson School Board is in the cross-hairs of a new and extremely flagrant political correctness violation. The Dickinson mascot and team name of The Midgets has been
- [Stevie Wonder Comes To Fargo To Do Some Snowmobiling](http://fmobserver.com/stevie-wonder-comes-to-fargo-to-do-some-snowmobiling/) - Fargo, ND - You may have recently heard a rumor that Stevie Wonder was coming to Fargo to go snowmobiling. Well, Mama, that ain't no rumor! After Sir Elton John publicly offered Stevie Wonder the use of one of his snowmobiles, Stevie decided to take Elton up on his offer and finally get that item
- [Car Full Of Dogs Pulled Over For Excessive Number Of Lane Changes](http://fmobserver.com/car-full-of-dogs-pulled-over-for-excessive-number-of-lane-changes/) - Fargo, ND - What started out as a fairly routine traffic stop ended up anything but. Officer Glasford Fulco pulled over a tan-colored Dog Caravan after noticing a number of seemingly unnecessary lane changes. Upon approaching the vehicle, Officer Fulco was rather surprised to be greeted and licked by a car full of dogs. Seeing
- [People's Militia Group Votes On Proper Punishment For Downtown Fargo Jaywalkers](http://fmobserver.com/peoples-militia-group-votes-on-proper-punishment-for-downtown-fargo-jaywalkers/) - Fargo, ND - The People's Militia Group which oversees the Fargo area, unanimously voted at their latest meeting for all Downtown Fargo jaywalkers to receive the death penalty. The head of the People's Militia Group is Janik Longway who firmly said: "Since jaywalking is a heinously problematic crime in the Downtown Fargo area, we solemnly
- [The White House's Twelve Days Of Impeachment Calendar Is The Latest Trending Christmas Gift](http://fmobserver.com/the-white-houses-twelve-days-of-impeachment-calendar-is-the-latest-trending-christmas-gift/) - Washington, DC - First lady Melania is offering a superbly wonderful gift idea for the holidays. Melania's Twelve Days Of Impeachment Calendar is an impeccably designed likeness of the White House with twelve adorable little windows that can be opened one per day. Share the magic of the impeachment process with your family as more
- [Apple's Smart Christmas iTree Is The Best New Thing For The Holidays Since Eggnog](http://fmobserver.com/apples-smart-christmas-itree-is-the-best-new-thing-for-the-holidays-since-eggnog/) - Apple Valley, CA - It was just a matter of time until Apple introduced their new Christmas iTree. Now, for your Christmas enjoyment, you can have a smart Christmas tree which, of course, comes with a Siri. This new hyper-functional iTree will change Christmas as much as eggnog did when it was first poured. You
- [Other States Envious Of South Dakota's Clever New Meth Slogan](http://fmobserver.com/other-states-envious-of-south-dakotas-clever-new-meth-slogan/) - Methadone, SD - The rest of the country was immediately jealous after South Dakota recently unveiled its incredible new state slogan: Meth--We're On It! This extraordinarily catchy phrase was the result of extremely long brainstorming binges followed by much tweaking and re-tweaking until South Dakota finally got it right. If you're curious, here are some
- [ND DOT Has Plans To Reduce Driver License Wait Times From 4 Hours Down To Only 3 Hours!](http://fmobserver.com/nd-dot-has-plans-to-reduce-driver-license-wait-times-from-4-hours-down-to-only-3-hours/) - Fargone, ND - The North Dakota Department of Transportation has been working overtime to come up with some plans to decrease wait times to get driver's licenses and that newly mandated REAL ID. As wait times have recently elongated to over four hours, the ND DOT wants and needs to improve customer satisfaction by improving
- [Fargo Man Crushed To Death While Trying To Carry 99-Pack Of Pabst Blue Ribbon Beer](http://fmobserver.com/fargo-man-crushed-to-death-while-trying-to-carry-99-pack-of-pabst-blue-ribbon-beer/) - Fargo, ND - In an unfortunate incident involving the purchase of beer, an elderly Fargo man met his demise when he tried walking off with more than he could carry. Mr. Cantine Pinkney, upon seeing the giant cases of Pabst Blue Ribbon in his favorite liquor store, decided to buy the 99-pack of beer for
- [For A Change, The Concordia College Christmas Concert Will Feature All Beatles Music This Year](http://fmobserver.com/for-a-change-the-concordia-college-christmas-concert-will-feature-all-beatles-music-this-year/) - Moorhead, MN - In what's considered to be a slight deviation from the norm, Concordia College will feature all Beatles music during this year's annual Christmas Concert. "Because the night that Jesus was born was so very special, we too decided to do something very special, namely, use all Beatles music for this year's Concordia
- [Sign Up To Win A Chance To Host Cher In Your Fargo Home During The Nights Of Her Concert](http://fmobserver.com/sign-up-to-win-a-chance-to-host-cher-in-your-fargo-home-during-the-nights-of-her-concert/) - Fargo, ND - As part of her Final Outreach Tour, Cher wants to stay in the home of some lucky Fargo family in April 2020! Sign up to win a chance to host Cher in your master bedroom during her two night stay in Fargo, before she scoots off to Green Bay, Wisconsin for her
- [During Impeachment Inquiry Lunch Break, Adam Schiff Orders Pizza For The Dems But Disallows Republicans To Have Any Pizza](http://fmobserver.com/during-impeachment-inquiry-lunch-break-adam-schiff-orders-pizza-for-the-dems-but-disallows-republicans-to-have-any-pizza/) - Swamp City, DC - On Day One of the House Impeachment Inquiry of President Trump, Chairman Adam Schiff ordered an abundance of luncheon pizza for the Democrats on the committee but did not allow the Republicans to order or have any pizza. Ranking minority member Devin Nunes fretfully asked Chairman Schiff why the Republicans were
- [President Trump Made A 'Kid Pro Quo' Deal With Ukraine For A Children Exchange Program](http://fmobserver.com/president-trump-made-a-kid-pro-quo-deal-with-ukraine-for-a-children-exchange-program/) - Kyiv, Ukraine - In a stunning new development which is further fueling the inexorable impeachment inquiry, whistle blowers are blowing their whistles over a Kid Pro Quo deal that President Trump secretly made with Lord Voldemort Zelensky of Ukraine. Apparently the deal included secret plans for the United States to set up a children exchange
- [Fargo Woman Named 'Siri' Gets Asked A Lot Of Questions](http://fmobserver.com/fargo-woman-named-siri-gets-asked-a-lot-of-questions/) - Fargo, ND - Siri Kittlaus, who's been living in Fargo ever since she graduated from Concordia College, gets asked a lot of questions during a normal day. Siri, who originally grew up in Sweden, explained to us that as soon as someone finds out her name, they usually ask her at least one question. FMO:
- [Howard Donson Lodging and Entertainment Destination Opens In Downtown Dilworth](http://fmobserver.com/howard-ohnson-lodging-and-entertainment-destination-opens-in-downtown-dilworth/) - Dilworth, MN - Perhaps you've noticed all that construction/reconstruction/deconstruction and goings on at what was once the Howard Johnson Motel in Dilworth? That's a good eye, you have. The site has undergone significant renovations in recent months, transforming into what is now known as the Howard Donson Lodging and Entertainment Destination®, which, for the purposes
- [This Month Is National Hallucination Day Month](http://fmobserver.com/this-month-is-national-hallucination-day-month/) - Eastern West Fargo, ND - On top of everything else already going on in the nation, this is also National Hallucination Day Month. Just imagine an entire month devoting each and every one of its days to honoring everything on the subject of hallucinations. As the late Dr. Willy Nilly once preached: "The world is
- [At my W.I.T.S. end](http://fmobserver.com/at-my-w-i-t-s-end/) - I am finally at the end of my WITS. WITS, meaning, of course, Winter Introspective Terror Syndrome.
- [The Pope Is Encouraging Catholics To Read The Back Of The Bible](http://fmobserver.com/the-pope-is-encouraging-catholics-to-read-the-back-of-the-bible/) - Vaticano, Italy - After first decreeing that there is no hell to worry about, now in a rather bold move, Pope Francis (aka Jorge Bergoglio) is telling all his sinful Catholic followers to read the back of the Bible. The Pope's own words, which were immediately translated into forty languages: "Once you finish reading the
- [Fargo Man Promises If He Wins Lottery Jackpot, He'll Give Everyone In Fargo One Dollar](http://fmobserver.com/fargo-man-promises-if-he-wins-lottery-jackpot-hell-give-everyone-in-fargo-one-dollar/) - Fargo, ND - In a magnanimous gesture of possible future generosity, a long-time Fargo resident has vowed to give everyone living in Fargo one dollar if and when he wins a lottery jackpot. Roy Alleen Overdorf in his own words: I, Roy Alleen Overdorf, do hereby swear on a brand new stack of unread Bibles,
- [Prince Harry And Meghan Markle Moving To Moorhead Minnesota To Live A Normal Life](http://fmobserver.com/prince-harry-and-meghan-markle-moving-to-moorhead-minnesota-to-live-a-normal-life/) - Moorhead, MN - The bad news is things are not going well for Prince Harry and his wife and child while living in England. The good news is that Harry, Meghan Markle, and their baby Archie will soon be moving to Moorhead, Minnesota in search of "a normal life". Prince Harry's relationship with his brother
- [Mars Rover Discovers Relatively Intelligent Life](http://fmobserver.com/mars-rover-discovers-relatively-intelligent-life/) - Mars, Milky Way - Even though scientists have now officially discovered life on Mars, they are admittedly a bit underwhelmed by the fact that it's just some lichens. However, top Mars lichenologist Dr. Charles Nim says: "We are lichen what we're seeing with this Mars rover!" Dr. Nim notes that it's quite amazing that we've
- [Biden Wins Dem Debate By Focusing On Clipping Coupons In The Stock Market](http://fmobserver.com/biden-wins-dem-debate-by-focusing-on-clipping-coupons-in-the-stock-market/) - Westerville, Ohio - Almost everyone agrees that former Vice President Joe Biden won the 4th Democrat debate which was held in the iconic suburb of Westerville, Ohio. Here is the key moment when former VP Joe Biden cleverly won the debate: CNN MODERATOR ERIN BURNETT: Vice President Biden, you have warned against demonizing rich people.
- [Moorhead To Host National Zombie Apocalypse Survival Conference](http://fmobserver.com/moorhead-to-host-national-zombie-apocalypse-survival-conference/) - Moorhead, MN - The quiet little town of Moorhead will soon be anything but once the National Zombie Apocalypse Survival Conference comes to town. What is the Zombie Apocalypse? As it's described in the Zombible, the Zombie Apocalypse is the undead uprising that will occur during the final destruction of the world. As you probably
- [Weatherman Predicting Worst Winter Ever :(](http://fmobserver.com/weatherman-predicting-worst-winter-ever/) - West Fargo, ND - The good news is that your FM Observer just hired one of the best weather forecasters in the business. The bad news is that our very own Dr. Noblin Glasgow is predicting the worst winter ever for our North Central region of the country. Unfortunately, what we are hearing from Dr.
- [Critics Saying Joker Movie One Of The Best Family-Friendly Comedies Since Caddyshack](http://fmobserver.com/critics-saying-joker-movie-one-of-the-best-family-friendly-comedies-since-caddyshack/) - Gotham City, NJ - Critical feedback of the new Joker movie is giving it many thumbs up. Here are what some of our favorite movie critic friends are saying about Joaquin Phoenix's Joker movie: Luther Frack: This new Joker movie is one of the funniest movies I have ever seen mainly because the audience is
- [Mute Man Learns How To Communicate By Using A French Horn](http://fmobserver.com/mute-man-learns-how-to-communicate-by-using-a-french-horn/) - Elk Horn, Iowa - When Lon Terhark was born, he was unable to vocalize, officially making him a mute. But luckily for Lon, his school band director encouraged him to take up playing French Horn. Now, Lon Terhark has learned how to use his French Horn to communicate. He has even met a woman who
- [Peter Pan Claims He Was Abused By Michael Jackson, Until Tinker Bell Found Out!](http://fmobserver.com/peter-pan-claims-he-was-abused-by-michael-jackson-until-tinker-bell-found-out/) - Neverland, CA - The real Peter Pan is now alleging that the late Michael Jackson sexually abused him in Neverland. [FMO wonders: Was this the reason why Michael Jackson wrote "I'm Bad, I'm Bad, I'm really, really Bad!?"] Michael Jackson is posthumously arguing that it never, never happened and all he wanted to do was
- [Family Trapped In Fargo Escape Room For Weeks](http://fmobserver.com/family-trapped-in-fargo-escape-room-for-weeks/) - Fargo, ND - A family that tried to find their way out of an Escape Room ended up being lost and forgotten for a number of weeks. Ms. Paulette Soules along with her husband and their three children apparently were not up to the Escape Room challenge. Unfortunately, when their problem solving skills weren't good
- [Mandan Artfest Is A Continuous Celebration Of Outdoor Murals](http://fmobserver.com/mandan-artfest-is-a-continuous-celebration-of-outdoor-murals/) - Mandan, ND - In the city that wants to be known as Mural Central, Mandan's new Outdoor Artfest will run from October 1st to September 30th each and every year. After the Mandan City Council decided to have their town be the most mural-friendly community in the nation, artists of all shapes and sizes will
- [Dinosaur Dig In Fargo's Island Park Drawing National Attention](http://fmobserver.com/dinosaur-dig-in-fargos-island-park-drawing-national-attention/) - Fargo, ND - If you would truly like to be apart of something historic, join the upcoming Dino Dig which will happen in Island Park. After two local psychics indicated the presence of dinosaur bones in this area, a dino dig team has been planning their attack to search every cubic inch of Island Park
- ['Noble Sheet' Newsletter To Keep Everyone Updated, Connected, And In The Loop](http://fmobserver.com/noble-sheet-newsletter-to-keep-everyone-updated-connected-and-in-the-loop/) - Fargo, ND - Sign up now for the hottest monthly newsletter to hit the region since the Pony Express. The new Noble Sheet Newsletter will freely be available to everyone for a nominal fee of $120 per year. Not only will everyone want to sign up for this newsletter, but it may also be mandatory.
- [Fargo ND Being Used As Test Site By Algore For Global Warming](http://fmobserver.com/fargo-nd-being-used-as-test-site-by-algore-for-global-warming/) - Fargo, ND - If you notice some major swings in temperature, humidity, and weather happenings around Fargo-Moorhead in the next few years, it will most likely be related to Algore. His new Climate Reality Project is being tested in Fargo, North Dakota because of the "relatively sparse rural population" and its "geo-centrical location on our
- [Man Who's Half Goat To Marry Half-Goat Woman: Said To Make A Great Couple!](http://fmobserver.com/man-whos-half-goat-to-marry-half-goat-woman-said-to-make-a-great-couple/) - Moorhead, MN - The quirky little American town that invented the Dilly Bar will soon have another first. Mr. Billy Goat, who is self-described as being half man and half goat will soon join in marital wedlock with Ms. Fauna Capra, who is similarly also half goat. For their wedding ceremony, both are expected to
- [FM Observer's Long-Time Mentor Dies At The Very End Of His Life](http://fmobserver.com/fm-observers-long-time-mentor-dies-at-the-very-end-of-his-life/) - Eastern West Fargo, ND - Bernard Idiovance, who was very instrumental in encouraging the founders of the FM Observer to begin such an undertaking, is now in the hands of the undertakers. Dear Bernard was not only a mentor to all of us, but also a life coach and a rather strict disciplinarian keeping us in
- [Man Tweaks Life Plan After Doctor Tells Him He May Not Live Forever](http://fmobserver.com/man-tweaks-life-plan-after-doctor-tells-him-he-may-not-live-forever/) - Fargone, ND - When Mr. Verner Foot walked into his doctor's office, he was honestly thinking that he would live forever. When this came up during office visit conversation, his doctor gently broke the news to Verner that the chances of not living forever are about 100%. Mr. Foot is his own words: "What the
- [UND Football Team Adds Moose As Running Back To Roster In Effort To Beat The Bison](http://fmobserver.com/und-football-team-adds-moose-as-running-back-to-roster-in-effort-to-beat-the-bison/) - Grand Forks, ND - In a last ditch effort to topple the NDSU Bison football team, the UND former Fighting Sioux have enlisted the help of an almost unstoppable running back. As you might expect, his name is Bullwinkle and the scouting report on him says this running back is extremely hard to catch, contain,
- [National Lutheran Church To Become Bird Sanctuary Denomination](http://fmobserver.com/national-lutheran-church-to-become-bird-sanctuary-denomination/) - Dulutheran, MN - The Angelical Lutheran Church Of America (ALCOA) announced that it will become the denomination that opens its sanctuary doors up to any and all types of birds. Ms. Rose Grosbeak is the spokeswoman for ALCOA: "Each church sanctuary will be opened up as a safe-haven bird sanctuary for migrating birds who perhaps
- [UFO Encounter In Marshall County Minnesota Finally Solved](http://fmobserver.com/ufo-encounter-in-marshall-county-minnesota-finally-solved/) - Stephen, MN - The mysterious UFO encounter which happened in Minnesota's Marshall county forty years ago has finally been solved. Three space aliens who had recently been detained on unrelated drug charges confessed to flying the orb-like spaceship which was at the center of the infamous 1979 UFO sighting. "Yes, it was our Orb cruiser
- [Kindergartener Hitchhikes Home After School Bus Drops Him Off 75 Miles From Home](http://fmobserver.com/kindergartener-hitchhikes-home-after-school-bus-drops-him-off-75-miles-from-home/) - Valley City, ND - A Fargo child who was attending his first week of kindergarten somehow mistakenly got dropped off in Valley City by the school bus that was to bring him home. The child eventually did get back home by hitchhiking the 75 miles because he had "seen how to hitchhike on TV." The
- [Monkey Makes $34 Million In Stock Market From A $5 Investment](http://fmobserver.com/monkey-makes-34-million-in-stock-market-from-a-5-investment/) - Horace, ND - A resident baboon who's been living with some distant relatives has apparently done what no other monkey has ever done. Babu, an eleven year old baboon, took an online stock trading account which had been seeded by his uncle-in-law with $5.00 and somehow turned it into $34,000,000 in less than twelve months.
- [President Trump To Swap The Blue State Of California For Greenland](http://fmobserver.com/president-trump-to-swap-the-blue-state-of-california-for-greenland/) - Nuuk, Greenland - President Trump has made the decision to trade the state of California to Denmark in exchange for Greenland. "I made a really great deal, because that's what I do, and in exchange for California we will get Greenland," shouted the president in front of a very noisy Marine One. Reactions to this
- [Poetry Contest Could Be Your Ticket](http://fmobserver.com/poetry-contest-could-be-your-ticket/) - Eastern West Fargo, ND - Your FM Observer has unanimously voted to sponsor another poetry contest! Simply gmail us a rhyming poem you've written, preferably about your self. Based on the quantity and quality of responses, this will possibly affect the quantity and quality of any possible prizes. Winning poems might be published on our
- [New Programmable Robot Kicks Dogs Whenever They Bark](http://fmobserver.com/new-programmable-robot-kicks-dogs-whenever-they-bark/) - West Fargo, ND - Do you have a daily problem with your dog or a neighbor's dog barking too much? Well, they finally have made a robot that does something worthwhile! The new Bark-bot model X300 is specifically designed to kick a dog each and every time it barks. Bark-bot delivers a powerful kick which
- [Fargo Man A Dead Ringer For Leonardo Da Vinci](http://fmobserver.com/fargo-man-a-dead-ringer-for-leonardo-da-vinci/) - Fargo, ND - You may have seen him walking in and around the greater Fargo-Moorhead area while frequenting some of his favorite spots such as the library, the planetarium, and Italian restaurants. His name is Davin Condelario and he looks exactly like Leonardo Da Vinci. Some of his close friends call him Davin Da Fargo.
- [Golf Tournament Pummeled With Watermelon-Sized Hail](http://fmobserver.com/golf-tournament-pummeled-with-watermelon-sized-hail/) - Golfball, USA - During a recent golf tournament, players and fans were stunned when hail the size of watermelons began to pound the entire golf course area. Some people were hit by the melon balls while others hid under smashed cars and behind damaged trees. "I was like totally freaking out by what was happening
- [Lottery Winner From Fargo Blows It All On A Single Purchase](http://fmobserver.com/lottery-winner-from-fargo-blows-it-all-on-a-single-purchase/) - Fargo, ND - After winning a $33 million jackpot in one of the various lottery games, Tommy Swinehart decided to buy himself a real nice boat. Since he had just won big, Tommy wanted to think big. Mr. Swinehart ended up purchasing a Wally 118 luxury motor yacht. This incredibly designed boat tops out at
- [New Church Giving Whole Bottle Of Wine With Communion To Attract New Members](http://fmobserver.com/new-church-giving-whole-bottle-of-wine-with-communion-to-attract-new-members/) - West Fargo, ND - In an effort to attract and keep new members, the Church Of Bountiful Grace is offering each member a full bottle of wine along with a full loaf of bread at every communion service. Pastor Loften Wibeto says the Holy Spirits spoke to him with this idea to provide communion participants
- [If You're Shopping For A Vacuum, We Recommend Getting The New Super Sucker 9000](http://fmobserver.com/if-youre-shopping-for-a-vacuum-we-recommend-getting-the-new-super-sucker-9000/) - Toad Suck, AR - Your FM Observer normally does not endorse any particular products but our dear friend Dr. Vaka-Yuma has created the ultimate cleaning machine which is perfect for all types of applications. The new Vaka-Yuma Super Sucker 9000 has more than enough sucking power to grab anything in sight, whether it be residential or
- [Man Chased By Prairie Dog In Western North Dakota](http://fmobserver.com/man-chased-by-prairie-dog-in-western-north-dakota/) - Medora, ND - A tourist who wishes to remain totally anonymous was chased for a mile by an angry prairie dog, who "scared the heck out of me," after the man apparently got too close to the prairie dog during their mating season. The FM Observer has identified the victim as Mr. Opie Girard who
- [New Events Center To Eventually Open In Fargo After It's Made Somewhat More Inhabitable](http://fmobserver.com/new-events-center-to-eventually-open-in-fargo-after-its-made-somewhat-more-inhabitable/) - Fargo, ND - To provide more space for special events in the Fargo area, Hades House is planning on opening its doors after a massive amount of much-needed work is done. Owner/manager York Glockenstein sees Hades House as a real nice place to have a small to medium sized event, if you're willing to overlook
- [Top Ten Confucius Quotes (aka Master Kong)](http://fmobserver.com/top-ten-confucius-quotes-aka-master-kong/) - Chinatown, CA - This week we tip our hats to Confucius, the inventor of Ping Pong, and also the sayer of many famously famous smart sayings. After much heated debate, here is your FM Observer's Top Ten Famous Quotations by Master Kong, who's more commonly known as Confucius: #10. ​No matter how busy you may
- [Top Ten Things To Do In The Fargo-Moorhead Area This Weekend!](http://fmobserver.com/top-ten-things-to-do-in-the-fargo-moorhead-area-this-weekend-2/) - West Fargo, ND - Are you looking for something fun, new, and different to do this weekend? Would you like to be where the happening action is at? Well, once again you've come to the right place! Based on our latest extensive research, here is a convenient synopsis of what's going on in the greater
- [Another FMO Adult Education Class: Computer Maintenance](http://fmobserver.com/another-fmo-adult-education-class-computer-maintenance/) - The FM Observer is proud to bring you another free on-line adult education class. We here at the FM Observer believe learning should never stop. As Fred Robertson always says: "Instruction ends in the school-room but education ends only with life."
- [​Wealthy Benefactor Offers Conditional Money For Two Red River Valley Counties](http://fmobserver.com/​wealthy-benefactor-offers-conditional-money-for-two-red-river-valley-counties/) - Las Vegas, NV - King Poladian Cordeiro of Cyprus has announced a conditional offering of very large sums of money for two lucky counties in the Red River Valley of the North. King Cordeiro of Cyprus is offering Cass County $1 Billion for building the Red River Diversion project. However, the Diversion project must be
- [Try Some Radioactive Soup For What Ails You](http://fmobserver.com/try-some-radioactive-soup-for-what-ails-you/) - ​Are you wanting to jazz up your diet? Do you need more energy to charge your batteries? Would you like to consume more soup? Dr. Audie Porta-Visco who specializes in radioactive foods suggests that you make some radioactive soup to cure whatever ails you. Just like bacteria, not all radioactivity is harmful to your health.
- [Famous Rock Band 'Autopsia' Is Coming To Fargo; Tickets Selling Madly](http://fmobserver.com/famous-rock-band-autopsia-is-coming-to-fargo-tickets-selling-madly/) - Fargone, ND - Another excessively huge concert is just about to be announced for Fargo, North Dakotah! Autopsia will be performing some of their greatest mega-hits, including: Coffee and Cremation, Dead Upon Arrival, Peace Corpse, Skeletonia, The Last Laugh, Coffin Syrup, Prince Deadward, Hotel Gravestonia, Postmortem Fest, Autopsycho, Room 666, and Deadendless. This incredible concert
- [Expert Now Believes Universe Began And Will Also End With A Big Bang](http://fmobserver.com/expert-now-believes-universe-began-and-will-also-end-with-a-big-bang/) - Bangor, Maine - Dr. Gabbin Fingal now has good reason to believe that the universe will end just like it began. Dr. Fingal's highly scientific model of the universe has repeatedly shown that the original Big Bang of creation can and will very likely be eventually followed by a final Big Bang of total disintegration.
- [Burp McGuire Explains The Difference Between A Horse, Donkey, Mule, And Jackass](http://fmobserver.com/burp-mcguire-explains-the-difference-between-a-horse-donkey-mule-and-jackass/) - West Fargo, ND - Our very own Burp McGuire answers a good question from one of our faithful readers. Tammy LaConk asks: Dear Burp, what is the difference between a horse, a donkey, a mule, a jackass and a zebra? Burp: Dear Tammy, thank you for your great question! The answer is quite simple: A
- [Fargo Getting Positive Response From Students About Year-Round Schooling](http://fmobserver.com/fargo-getting-positive-response-from-students-about-year-round-schooling/) - Fargo, ND - Gone are the good old days of School's Out For Summer! Students of all ages in the Fargo school system will soon have the pleasure of year-round schooling. School Board members are patting themselves on their collective backs for "thinking outside the box" on this one, and for coming up with such
- [Moorhead Man Who Was Attacked By A Mourning Dove Is Expected To Survive](http://fmobserver.com/moorhead-man-who-was-attacked-by-a-mourning-dove-is-expected-to-survive/) - Moorhead, MN - Mr. Nevin Goodrum, who was peacefully sitting in his backyard, decided to call to the mourning dove that was sitting up in his tree by blowing into his cupped hands. After a few near-perfect calls, Mr. Goodrum was viciously attacked by the mourning dove who must've taken Nevin's calls as total disrespect.
- [Clown Parade Coming To Downtown Fargo :o)](http://fmobserver.com/clown-parade-coming-to-downtown-fargo-o/) - Fargo, ND - Downtown Fargo will soon be invaded by thousands of clowns from across the country. Many clowns will be descending on Clowntown Fargo because it's the next site of the annual national Clown Parade. Despite the fact that clowns have gotten more and more scary during the past few decades, some children are
- [Tree Toppled By Storm's Strong Winds Damages Home Which Owner Fixes Using Only Duct Tape](http://fmobserver.com/tree-toppled-by-storms-strong-winds-damages-home-which-owner-fixes-using-only-duct-tape/) - Fargo, ND - The home of Dr. Devito Petalcu was heavily damaged this past weekend when a hurricane-force gust knocked down a very large tree onto his family's house. Not wanting to wait for help to arrive, the Petalcu group quickly removed the monstrous tree and chopped it up into neatly stacked firewood for the
- [Women Moving To Venus And Leaving Men Behind](http://fmobserver.com/women-moving-to-venus-and-leaving-men-behind/) - Venus, FL - With men mostly in charge of things here on Earth, and with the general state of affairs going from bad to worse, women are banding together to head out to their very own beautiful planet: Venus! Earth women are getting so sick and tired of men running the show into the ground
- [Johnnny’s Eighth Retrospective (Posts 700-800)](http://fmobserver.com/johnnnys-eighth-retrospective-posts-700-800/) - Since 800 is such a nice round number, it was decided to use the occasion of my 800th post to take a trip back down memory lane. So, it's time once again to look back at Johnnny's last 100 posts on your FM Observer. All posts are listed as clickable hyperlinks in chronological order. Enjoy!
- [FMO's Insurance Desk Now Offering Weekend Insurance!](http://fmobserver.com/fmos-insurance-desk-now-offering-weekend-insurance/) - Eastern West Fargo, Southeastern North Dakota - Yes folks, you read it right! FM Observer (which shall be referred to as FMO, or The Company) has now directed our FMO Insurance Desk to offer our readers Weekend Insurance! For a limited time, and for a limited time only, the FMO Insurance Desk will take in
- [Next Fargo Air Show Promises Some Amazing Never-Seen-Before Acts](http://fmobserver.com/next-fargo-air-show-promises-some-amazing-never-seen-before-acts/) - Fargo, ND - The upcoming Fargo Air Show has somehow put together fifteen new acts and entertainment for people who think they've seen everything. Yo, you ain't seen nothing like this year's line-up of aerial grande entertainment! Here is a "summerized" listing of fifteen reasons why you should not miss this next Fargo Air Show:
- [FMO Asking: How Safe Do You Feel In North Fargo?](http://fmobserver.com/fmo-asking-how-safe-do-you-feel-in-north-fargo/) - Fargo, ND - After Fargo's mayor firmly declared the city to be safe despite some recent fatalities just North of the downtown area, our FM Observer's man-on-the-street went out to ask some locals living in that area of town the following simple question: Question: How safe do you feel in your North Fargo neighborhood? Here
- [A Rare Pair Of Velociraptors Seen Wandering Through West Fargo](http://fmobserver.com/a-rare-pair-of-velociraptors-seen-wandering-through-west-fargo/) - West Fargo, ND - City authorities who are not wanting to cause a panic, are trying to stay calm whilst warning the community that a very rare pair of Velociraptors has been seen walking around within city limits. Dr. Sarlo Petrovic and his spousemate Claire Provost have been flown into West Fargo to monitor this
- [Top Ten Things To Do In The Fargo-Moorhead Area This Weekend!](http://fmobserver.com/top-ten-things-to-do-in-the-fargo-moorhead-area-this-weekend/) - West Fargo, ND - Are you looking for something fun, new, and different to do this weekend? Would you like to be where the happening action is at? Well, once again you've come to the right place! Based on our latest extensive research, here is a convenient synopsis of what's going on in the greater
- [Norwegians Marching To Protest All Those Stupid Norwegian Jokes](http://fmobserver.com/norwegians-marching-to-protest-all-those-stupid-norwegian-jokes/) - Oslo, MN - Well, it was only a matter of time until they had enough and just couldn't take it anymore. Now, many Norwegian-Americans are fed up with all those silly Norwegian jokes and being the subject of such stupidity. Jokes such as: Why do Norwegians grocery shop with a ladder? Because the food prices
- [Local Couple's Painting Worth A Half Million Destroyed By Distracted Driver](http://fmobserver.com/local-couples-painting-worth-a-half-million-destroyed-by-distracted-driver/) - West Fargo, ND - A local couple was delightfully delighted to find out that their rummage sale painting was worth a lot of money. Pipaluk Enoksen and his lovely wife Ivalu had brought their painting of a hummingbird to the Antique Roadshow to hopefully find out its current value. After discoverying that the painting was
- [FM Observer Is Upping Our Volume And Encouraging Our Readers To Up Yours](http://fmobserver.com/fm-observer-is-upping-our-volume-and-encouraging-our-readers-to-up-yours/) - Fargone, ND - Our very own Dr. Lout Vue-Hemp will be mentoring a master workshop on how to up the volume of your life. Dr. Lout Vue-Hemp is highly respected in many regions of our region for being the most respected expert on this timely topic. Lout wishes to share his lifetime of lessons learned
- [New ND Governor's Mansion Mistaken For Highway Rest Area By Many Travelers](http://fmobserver.com/new-nd-governors-mansion-mistaken-for-highway-rest-area-by-many-travelers/) - Bizmark, ND - Whether planned or unplanned is not certain at this juncture, but North Dakota's new Governor's Mansion looks like a highway rest area to many driving by. Many a weary traveler going across the state have stopped at the new Executive Residence recently built for North Dakota's Governor and have walked in to
- [Emergency Counselors Now Available For Problematic Family Situations](http://fmobserver.com/emergency-counselors-now-available-for-problematic-family-situations/) - Moorhead, MN - Summer means fun and family getogethers which can also lead to domestic disharmonies. A new governMental agency called Family Emergency Counseling Extra Services (or FECES) is now here to help with an alphabet of problems including: altercations, brawls, conflicts, debates, eruptions, and fights. If some serious disharmony breaks out during a gathering
- [Cooking Corner: How To Cook A Caged Pigeon](http://fmobserver.com/cooking-corner-how-to-cook-a-caged-pigeon/) - Fargone, ND - Today in our Cooking Corner, we are interviewing Mr. Ped Gascoigne, who is opening a new restaurant in Downtown Fargo called The Squab House. Since Mr. Gascoigne specializes in roasting caged pigeons, we're going to find out from Ped exactly how to properly roast a caged pigeon. Mr. Ped Gascoigne in his
- [Bad Red Panda Gets Solitary Confinement After Escaping From The Red River Zoo](http://fmobserver.com/bad-red-panda-gets-solitary-confinement-after-escaping-from-the-red-river-zoo/) - Fargone, ND - After a bad Red Panda named Sheffield escaped from the Red River Zoo, the head warden for the zoo felt he needed to send a very strong message to all of the rest of the zoo inmates. For escaping from the zoo, their bad Red Panda named Sheffield will get forty (40)
- [Group Of Fargo Wives Puts Their Husbands Out On Boulevard For Clean-Up Week](http://fmobserver.com/group-of-fargo-wives-put-their-husbands-out-on-boulevard-for-clean-up-week/) - North Fargo, ND - Clean-up crews were quite surprised to see what had been put out by the curb in one North Fargo neighborhood. Apparently, ten wives had gotten together and decided to put their ten retired husbands out to get taken away during Clean-Up Week. After asking one of the wives if this was
- [Baby Sussex, The Future King Of England, Shall Be Called Jughead (Forsythe Pendleton Jones Of Windsor Castle)](http://fmobserver.com/baby-sussex-the-future-king-of-england-shall-be-called-jughead-forsythe-p-jones-of-windsor/) - Windsor Castle, England - The High Duke and High Duchess Of Sussex finally announced the official name of their young bundle of joy: Forsythe Pendleton Jones George Harrison Mountbatten Lord Of Windsor Castle, but for short, they will just call him Jughead. Prince Harry Potter and Mum Meghan Markle swaddled their dear Jughead Of Sussex
- [Entire Family Goes Missing After Husband Dreams They Were All Kidnapped](http://fmobserver.com/entire-family-goes-missing-after-husband-dreams-they-were-all-kidnapped/) - Fargo, ND - In a case that might never be solved, an entire family has gone missing after the patriarch had a dream that his family had been kidnapped. Mr. Damian Flipp-Dyke, who reportedly reported the dream by calling 9-1-1, is now missing along with his lovely wife, Lola Flipp-Dyke, and their three above-average children:
- [Kentucky Derby To Be Re-Raced For First Time In Its History](http://fmobserver.com/kentucky-derby-to-be-re-raced-for-first-time-in-its-history/) - Louisville, KY - For the first time ever in its 145 year history, the Kentucky Derby will be re-run. This unprecedented re-running of the Race For The Roses is due to a very controversial finish which resulted in the second biggest long shot ever to win the race, and which many consider a total fluke.
- [Future Teller "Precog" Coming To Fargo To Give  Free Readings To FMO Readers](http://fmobserver.com/future-teller-precog-coming-to-fargo-to-give-free-readings-to-fmo-readers/) - West Fargo, ND - A near and dear friend of your FM Observer is making a special trip to Fargo to do fortune tellings for our readers. He simply goes by the name Precog because of his extraordinary abilities to pre-cogitate and pre-cognize future events and happenings. Precog correctly predicted the bridge collapse in Minneapolis,
- [Iconic Downtown Fargo Theater To Be Converted Into Condos](http://fmobserver.com/iconic-downtown-fargo-theater-to-be-converted-into-condos/) - Fargo, ND - The famous Fargo Theater in Downtown Fargo will soon be turned into unique upper-floor condos while the valuable ground level space will serve as much-needed parking for its residents. The iconic Fargo sign and the large theater marquee, which have recently become the symbol for the City of Fargo, will remain as
- [President-Elect Joe Biden Vows To Make Hudge Fund Managers Take Extredable Cuts](http://fmobserver.com/president-elect-joe-biden-vows-to-make-hudge-fund-managers-take-extredable-cuts/) - Dem Aware, Delaware - After Old Joe Biden ostensibly slurred through his presidential kick-off speech, he was already considered to be the 2020 President-Elect. To those foolable pundits who thought The Joe-ker slurred through his speech, they be wrong! Old clever Joe was simply talkin' casual style, with a nice relaxed drawl, to put his
- [Directions To Our FMO Corporate Headquarters For Reader Meet-N-Greet Parties](http://fmobserver.com/directions-to-our-fmo-corporate-headquarters-for-reader-meet-n-greet-parties/) - West Fargo, ND - In appreciation of our beloved and faithful readers, your FM Observer will be hosting a sensational series of Reader Meet-N-Greets during each of the upcoming weekends. Expensively fine free food will continually be served by our very own French Chef Jean-Claude Sorbonne including Loony Lobster Bisque, Polar Bear Patty Burgers, Midwest
- [Further Funding For "Fort Fargo" Finally Finds Feasible Financial Footing](http://fmobserver.com/further-funding-for-fort-fargo-finally-finds-feasible-financial-footing/) - Fargo, ND - What many have been fighting for for forty four fruitless fortnights may soon finish with fruitional finality. The remains of Fort Fargo, which was originally built at the beginning of Fargo's war with Moorhead, will officially become a preserved historical site, right next to a major museum honoring those who fought in
- [House-Warming Gift Ideas For The West Fargo And Fargo Area](http://fmobserver.com/house-warming-gift-ideas-for-the-west-fargo-and-fargo-area/) - West Fargo, ND - If a new couple has just moved into your neighborhood, within the first two weeks after they've arrived, you should definitely show up unannounced at their front door during normal visiting hours, with a few nice house-warming presents. This will not only satisfy all your curiosities about what your new neighbors
- [Notre-Dame Church Fire In Paris May Have Been Sparked By Lone Cigarette Butt](http://fmobserver.com/notre-dame-church-fire-in-paris-may-have-been-sparked-by-lone-cigarette-butt/) - Paris, France - The historically tragic fire at the 800 year old Notre-Dame cathedral may have been caused a single cigarette butt. This Gothic jewel that took about 100 years to build starting back in 1163, suffered serious damage from a large blaze that could possibly be traced back to a single sparking of some
- [Typo Insurance Company To Offer Typo Insurance](http://fmobserver.com/typo-insurance-company-to-offer-typo-insurance/) - Grand Froks, ND - A new insurance company named Typo Insurance Company is now offering insurance for typos that may have seriously expensive consequences. Company president Ms. Courtney Spina says: "We saw a need in society and are simply trying to phill that knead." President Spina points out some good examples of bad typos for
- [West Fargo's Three Lions Pub: The History Of Its Name](http://fmobserver.com/west-fargos-three-lions-pub-the-history-of-its-name/) - West Fargo, ND - One of the finest pubs in the region is conveniently located on 13th Avenue in eastern West Fargo. Its name is the Three Lions Pub which has become the den where many local lions like to roar, hang out, drink beer, and consume proper English food. Regarding their unique name: It
- [Some Are Now Questioning If The Moorhead Interchange Planning Was Subpar](http://fmobserver.com/some-are-now-questioning-if-the-moorhead-interchange-planning-was-subpar/) - East Fargo, MN - After having used it for a while now, many are seriously scratching their heads while wondering what the hell went wrong during the early planning stages of the I-94 interchange at Moorhead's Eighth Street. One of the main comments we hear over and over is that there seems to be too
- [Lucky Local Mormon Groom Successfully Marries Identical Twin Sister Brides](http://fmobserver.com/lucky-local-mormon-groom-successfully-marries-identical-twin-sister-brides/) - East Fargo, ND - April means floods and also the official beginning of wedding season! One of the first weddings of the year turned out to be a real doozy: In true Mormon fashion, Lorenzo Snow entered into eternal matrimony with Josetta and Yosetta Pettibone, who are identical twin sisters from Pettibone, ND. In true Mormon
- [Dear FMO: How Can We Create A Quagmire On Our Property?](http://fmobserver.com/dear-fmo-how-can-we-create-a-quagmire-on-our-property/) - Quamba, Minnesota - Ms. Geri Quam emailed our gardening and landscape specialist a great question: How can I create a green quagmire on our Minnesota lake property in order to provide some wetlands for animals and help save the Earth? Dr. Pete Bogg who headquarters out of our corporate office park says: Dear Geri Quam,
- [Police Dog Licks Man To Death](http://fmobserver.com/police-dog-licks-man-to-death/) - Lickota, ND - A man was reportedly licked to death while attending a police Meet and Greet social event. The man, whose name is not being released until his family is notified, was identified as Mucciolo Knight from Lickinson, North Dakota. The dog, a German shepherd that was raised in the Norwegian town of Lickehammer,
- [Loud Michael Bolton Music To Be Used At Southern Border To Dissuade Illegal Entries](http://fmobserver.com/loud-michael-bolton-music-to-be-used-at-southern-border-to-dissuade-illegal-entries/) - Rio Grande, TX - Border patrol enforcement officers will soon be using an effective new weapon in their fight against illegal immigration across the southern border of the United States. Very loud Michael Bolton songs have proven quite successful in preventing lab animals from climbing over fences and walls. U.S. Border Agents believe this new
- [Today Is The Last Day Of The Beginning Of Your Life](http://fmobserver.com/today-is-the-last-day-of-the-beginning-of-your-life/) - Today, as the sun gets ready to set on the western horizon (if you're in the northern hemisphere), this chapter of your life, as you know it, will soon be over.
- [Cathy's Cat Cafe Opens In Fargo; Reviews Give It Five Meows](http://fmobserver.com/cathys-cat-cafe-opens-in-fargo-reviews-give-it-five-meows/) - Fargo, ND - The new and hip trend of having restaurants specifically for our feline friends has finally come to Fargo! Cathy's Cat Cafe will cater to cats by offering a full catalog of favorite cat foods and fun. Every category of toys, teasers, challenges, and scratch posts will surround your cat's culinary experience at
- [Charles Barkley Helps FMO Readers With March Madness](http://fmobserver.com/charles-barkley-helps-fmo-readers-with-march-madness/) - Basketball, USA - Your FM Observer has asked our friend Sir Charles Barkley to help our loyal readers with their March Madness bracketology. FMO: Sir Charles, how can you tell the difference between a winning team and a losing team? CB: ​Well, the main difference between a winner and a loser is if they win
- [Proceeds From Famous Painting By Amsterdam Douglass To Help Fund Fargo's Flood Fight](http://fmobserver.com/proceeds-from-famous-painting-by-amsterdam-douglass-to-help-fund-fargos-flood-fight/) - Fargo, ND - Fargo's very own Amsterdam Douglass is donating his most famous recent painting for auction to help raise funds for Fargo's focused fight for freedom from feared forecasted floods. The painting, which is cleverly entitled Pórtráit óf Ivóry Mittán is valued at $1.8 million because: 1. It is by Amsterdam Douglass, and 2.
- [Fargo Group Making Serious Run At Perfect March Madness Bracket](http://fmobserver.com/fargo-group-making-serious-run-at-billion-dollar-bracket/) - Quicken Loans, Mark Cuban and Warren Buffet are all giving a billion big ones to the winning participant. Local March Madman Ryan Noisewater wants badly to capture Buffett's Billion.
- [FM Observers Celebrate Saint Patrick's Day With A Surprise Trip To Ireland](http://fmobserver.com/fm-observers-celebrate-saint-patricks-day-with-a-surprise-trip-to-ireland/) - Cork City, Ireland - Because many FM Observers have such strong ties to Ireland, we decided to take a trip and celebrate St. Patrick's day with the Irish. While visiting with Corkonians here in Cork City, we've learned many things about Saint Patricius, which actually means "patron of the citizens". Besides being the patron saint
- [Democrats Considering Lowering Voting Age To Ten While Offering Them Free Candy](http://fmobserver.com/democrats-considering-lowering-voting-age-to-ten-while-offering-them-free-candy/) - Washington, DC - Nervous Democrats needing a win in the next presidential election are pushing to lower the voting age to ten while offering children free candy and recreational marijuana. Speaker Nancy Pelosi believes it’s really important to capture kids when they’re in grade skool, before they know much about politix, and when they can
- [Because Of Global Change, Geese Don't Know Which Direction To Migrate](http://fmobserver.com/because-of-global-change-geese-dont-know-which-direction-to-migrate/) - Goose Village, Nebraska - Wildlife biologists are noticing confusion amongst the migrating goose population. Professional bird watchers are observing that migrating geese seem "very confused" as to which direction to fly for their annual migration to Spring break. Biologist Sue Coons-Fodge says: "We believe that the combination of Global Warming and Global Cooling is creating
- [Fargo Clock Shoppe Owner Jailed For Refusing To Change His Clocks To Daylight Savings Time](http://fmobserver.com/fargo-clock-shoppe-owner-jailed-for-refusing-to-change-his-clocks-to-daylight-savings-time/) - Fargo, ND - The owner of Ye Olde Clock Shoppe in Fargo is refusing to change all of the clocks in his shoppe to Daylight Savings Time. Mr. Eagan Tinch who has owned Ye Olde Clock Shoppe since it opened in 1967 says he does not like being told by the government what he has
- [Fargo Artist Paints First-Ever Moving Picture Using Kinetic Oil Paints](http://fmobserver.com/fargo-artist-paints-first-ever-moving-picture-using-kinetic-oil-paints/) - Fargo, ND - Local artist Amsterdam Douglass has apparently achieved the unachievable! This semi-famous Fargo artist, previously mostly known for his altruistic generosities, has now somehow painted an oil painting that shows actual movement on the canvas upon which it was painted and within the frame in which it is physically bordered. When asked how
- [International Snow Baron To Finally Visit Fargo](http://fmobserver.com/international-snow-baron-to-finally-visit-fargo/) - Fargo, ND - It was only after a mere fifty inches of winter precip that one of the most revered snow gurus alive finally took notice. Baron Von Jeric Tedlam of the Great Siberian North, Biter Of Frost and Freezer Of Vein, has scheduled a visit to our fair city this 10th day of March,
- [Fargo Man Gains Sixty Pounds In One Sitting At All-You-Can-Eat Buffet](http://fmobserver.com/fargo-man-gains-sixty-pounds-in-one-sitting-at-all-you-can-eat-buffet/) - Fargo, ND - Richard Roundhouse of rural Fargo entered the House Of Food buffet restaurant weighing 310 pounds. When Mr. Roundhouse finally decided to leave the House Of Food three hours later, the scale indicated that Richard now weighed in at 370 pounds. Fargo's new House Of Food restaurant charges by the pound, and therefore invites
- [Polar Bear That Enters North Fargo Grocery Store Ends Up In The Canned Meats Aisle](http://fmobserver.com/polar-bear-that-enters-north-fargo-grocery-store-ends-up-in-the-canned-meats-aisle/) - North Fargo, ND - In what authorities are describing as a very rare occurrence, a hungry large polar bear wandered into a grocery store in North Fargo. It is believed that some of these arctic carnivores are being driven South to find food because of Global Melting. Security video cameras recorded the half ton polar
- [FMO Considering Selling Prayer Pillows To Help Fund Reader Appreciation Parties](http://fmobserver.com/fmo-considering-selling-prayer-pillows-to-help-fund-reader-appreciation-parties/) - Fargo, ND - Your FM Observer understands the importance of saying a bedtime prayer each and every night before retiring to dreamland. In fact, we believe this has been a big reason why we've been so successful at being a non-profit corporation. Things really started to turn around after hiring two full-time chaplains to help guide us
- [Dr. Harshnel Quadflop Called In To Investigate Fargo's Recent Outbreak Of Ekbom's Syndrome](http://fmobserver.com/dr-harshnel-quadflop-called-in-to-investigate-fargos-recent-outbreak-of-ekboms-syndrome/) - Fargone, ND - As if Fargo didn't already have enough problems to deal with (such as beavers, flooding, and pinochle), now city leaders can add an unexpected and unwanted outbreak of Ekbom's Syndrome to its growing list of emerging emergencies. Luckily, the country's leading Ekbom expert was immediately available to head up here to God's
- [Creative Ways To Decline An Offer (Besides Just Saying No)](http://fmobserver.com/creative-ways-to-decline-an-offer-besides-just-saying-no/) - West Fargo, ND - Your FM Observer recently brought in two excellent professional life coaches to instruct our entire staff on how to say "NO" in a number of different ways. Let's face it, there are many times you're asked if you'd want to volunteer for a committee, or buy a coupon booklet, or get
- ['Smiling Depression' Is Now Considered A Disease Treatable With Drugs](http://fmobserver.com/smiling-depression-is-now-considered-a-disease-treatable-with-drugs/) - ​Death Valley, CA - Did you know that smiling is almost a sure sign of depression? "Smiling Depression" is something you'll want to start watching for amongst your family, friends, and co-workers. People who chronically smile are most likely masking deep and severe depression. Depressionologists are advising that if you suspect someone of having Smiling
- [Doctors Believe If You Can Live Long Enough You Might Be Able To Live Forever](http://fmobserver.com/doctors-believe-if-you-can-live-long-enough-you-might-be-able-to-live-forever/) - Stanford, CA - Would you like to live forever? What if you had the option of not aging? Medical researchers now think that if you can live another 30-50 years, you might be able to live as long as you want without ever growing old. Recent exciting advances in the two areas of Telomere Extension
- [Let The FM Observer Help Express Your Love On Valentine's Day](http://fmobserver.com/let-the-fm-observer-help-express-your-love-on-valentines-day/) - Heartland, USA - Valentine's Day is the favorite holiday here at our FM Observer corporate office park. This is true because it's not only a day of flowers and chocolates but also of overt expressions of love. We pride ourselves each year in providing the community with some new and innovative ways for you to
- [Top Ten Winter Words North Dakotans Are Getting Really Sick Of](http://fmobserver.com/top-ten-winter-words-north-dakotans-are-getting-really-sick-of/) - Fargo, ND - Our FM Observer reporters fanned out across the region to knock on doors asking people what winter words they are getting most tired of hearing. After doing so, we then empirically compiled the comprehensive list into a scientific study. We believe it is totally scientific because we used the word empirical. What
- [Tie-Dyed Wind Chill Map Warms Hearts Of Former Hippies](http://fmobserver.com/tie-dyed-wind-chill-map-warms-hearts-of-former-hippies/) - Grand Forks, ND - Some former hippies who now work for the National Weather Service believe one of their recent windchill maps hearkened back to tie-dyed shirts from days gone by. Buzz Marley, assistant climatologist since 1970: "Wow, man. Like we got a lot of calls about this map, dude." Arlo Zappa, radar technician since
- [Virginia Governor Ralph Northam Being Pressured To Do The Moonwalk](http://fmobserver.com/virginia-governor-ralph-northam-being-pressured-to-do-the-moonwalk/) - Richmond, Virginia - After boasting that he won a dance contest in the 1980s by doing Michael Jackson's famous moonwalk, leading Democratix are calling on Virginia's governor Northam to do the moonwalk. "We believe if his Excellency can indeed do the moonwalk like Michael Jackson, this will give some major credence to his nutcase that
- ['Polar Vortex Pizza' Delivers Your Fully Cooked Pizza Completely Frozen](http://fmobserver.com/polar-vortex-pizza-delivers-your-fully-cooked-pizza-completely-frozen/) - Fargo, ND - Not real stoked about going out into the arcticly crazy super-cold windchill temperatures for supper? Maybe you should just stay warm at home while ordering a pizza from Polar Vortex Pizza! Their pizzas are great, and fully cooked in perfectly hot ovens, and then quickly delivered rock-hard frozen solid to your front
- [Moorhead Man Modifies Microwave Oven To Quickly Clear Snow From His Driveway](http://fmobserver.com/moorhead-man-modifies-microwave-oven-to-quickly-clear-snow-from-his-driveway/) - Moorhead, MN - After his daughter suggested the challenge, Wiman Moravec of North Moorhead attempted to tweak an older microwave oven to operate while open, in order to clear all the snow from their driveway. After making some calculated modifications, Mr. Moravec and his daughter slowly moved the microwave oven around his driveway until all
- [New Fargo Bar/Lounge Called 'The Peachflame' To Exclusively Cater To Weird People](http://fmobserver.com/new-fargo-bar-lounge-called-the-peachflame-to-exclusively-cater-to-weird-people/) - Downtown Fargo, ND - A 52nd liquor license has been granted for Downtown Fargo. Proprietor Elwood Wierschem is planning on opening The Peachflame which will specifically cater to bona fide weird-ohs. Mr. Wierschem in his own words: "If you're truly a weird-oh in any sense of the word, then you are welcome at The Peachflame."
- [Ringo Was The Most 'Normal' Of The Beatles](http://fmobserver.com/ringo-was-the-most-normal-of-the-beatles/) - Fargo, ND - While he was in Fargo recently, purchasing a home in the Dinglewood Heights area, the FM Observer had a chance to chat with Ritchie Starkey, a.k.a. Ringo Starr, drummer for The Beatles. FMO: How would you compare yourself to the other Beatles? RS: I honestly believe that I was the most normal
- [Abominable Snowman Comes To Fargo Area In Search Of Mate](http://fmobserver.com/abominable-snowman-comes-to-fargo-area-in-search-of-mate/) - Fargo, ND - Have you been wondering: Why is it so darn cold these days? Answer: Yeti, the abominable snowman, has temporarily left the Arctic Circle long enough to hopefully find himself a mate. Why now? Because this is the mating season of the abominable snowman, since our winter is actually his Spring. Experts agree
- [Many Restaurants Starting To Go Glutton-Free](http://fmobserver.com/many-restaurants-starting-to-go-glutton-free/) - A trend that may have started down in Mississippi is starting to take root in Fargo, North Dakota. Many eating establishments in the Fargo area are on the verge of going Glutton-Free.
- [Five Day Work Week Likened To Rapid Rat Race](http://fmobserver.com/five-day-work-week-likened-to-rapid-rat-race/) - Hamstershire, UK - International researchers have likened workers who work a five day work week to hamsters running on a hamster wheel which is spinning much too quickly. "What we have seen, in our extensive research, is that if a fast-spinning hamster wheel is slowed down a bit, correlating to a four or even a
- [Fargo New-Born Is Suspected Time-Traveler Based On His Post-Birth Questions](http://fmobserver.com/fargo-new-born-is-suspected-time-traveler-based-on-his-post-birth-questions/) - Fargo, ND - A new-born baby who was able to speak just after birth is being treated as a bona fide, de facto, time traveler. The baby, who was given the name Evert Altmire, surprised the doctors and nurses shortly after birth by asking: "What year is it?" After being told the answer, young Mr.
- [Algore Sends Frigid Polar Vortex Into North Dakota As Punishment For Fracking](http://fmobserver.com/algore-sends-frigid-polar-vortex-into-north-dakota-as-punishment-for-fracking/) - Devils Lake, ND - The Godfather of Global Warming has decided to punish the northern half of MegaKota by routing the icy Polar Vortex back into our entire region. FMO: "Algore, why did you decide to blast Northern Megakota with a mega-dose of bone chilling Arctic air?" Algore: "Well, now, I will tell you why.
- [Long Cold Winter Starting To Take Its Effect On Normal People](http://fmobserver.com/long-cold-winter-starting-to-take-its-effect-on-normal-people/) - Fargo, ND - Are you starting to feel the negative effects of winter? Do normally easy small tasks seem bigly challenging? Maybe you're suffering from WHAKOH like most other people living in Fargo. WHAKOH stands for: Winter Hits All Kind Of Hard. If the idea of going to the grocery store to get a few
- [Two Fargo Illusionists Go Missing, Without A Trace, Except For Their Pajamas](http://fmobserver.com/two-fargo-illusionists-go-missing-without-a-trace-except-for-their-pajamas/) - Fargo, ND - An ongoing search for a pair of Fargo magicians keeps coming up empty. The Wee Brothers, who describe themselves as professional illusionists, are seemingly no where to be found after disappearing from their Downtown Fargo condo. The Police have only found a message in a bottle, along with the pajamas the Wee
- [Merge Fargo North High With Fargo South High To Make: Fargo Mega-High School](http://fmobserver.com/merge-fargo-north-high-with-fargo-south-high-to-make-fargo-mega-high-school/) - Fargo Central, ND - While some change orgs are petitioning to merge South and North Dakotas into one MegaKota, others believe it's time to merge Fargo's two original high schools back together again. The person petitioning for this change is Maga Gehrig-Hof: "So yeah, we think this is just really a great idea, and we
- [Local Fargo Filmmaker Has A Big Hit With His New Film "Gristly Nights"](http://fmobserver.com/local-fargo-filmmaker-has-a-big-hit-with-his-new-film-gristly-nights/) - Fargo, ND - A young and upcoming filmmaker from Fargo has boldly announced his presence in the film-making world with a #1 hit at the box office. Dicky "Dick" Glanders is his name and Gristly Nights is his hot new movie. Gristly Nights is being nominated for many awards including best new movie and best
- [Famous French Chef Accused Of Assault During Fargo Master Class](http://fmobserver.com/famous-french-chef-accused-of-assault-during-fargo-master-class/) - Fargo, ND - Charges have been filed against a famous French chef while he was teaching a cooking master class to some of the finest chefs in the Fargo-Moorhead area. French chef Jean-Claude Sorbonne has been charged with cruel and unusual assault on some rising bread dough and is being held in the kitchen of
- [New Game Show Called "Double Jeopardy" Features Twins Acquitted Of A Crime But Then Tried Again For Exact Same Crime](http://fmobserver.com/new-game-show-called-double-jeopardy-features-twins-acquitted-of-a-crime-but-then-tried-again-for-exact-same-crime/) - Hollywood, CA - A new game show is being added to your "must-see" TV entertainment line-up and it's called Double Jeopardy! It is part game show and part court-room drama in which twins once acquitted of a crime are possibly retried for the same crime. The host of the new show is Mr. Perky Parker:
- [FM Observer's Reader's New Year's Resolutions](http://fmobserver.com/fm-observers-readers-new-years-resolutions/) - West Fargo, ND - We recently met face-to-face with some of our faithful readers at a local alcoholic establishment to compile a list of all their top New Year resolutions. So, in case you have not made your New Year's resolutions yet, or just need some more good ideas, here are the FM Observer's reader's
- [New Test For Dementia Is Highly Conclusive](http://fmobserver.com/new-test-for-dementia-is-highly-conclusive/) - Crazy Horse, SD - There is now a new and very simple test for determining pre-dementia as well as full-blown dementia. This test which was scientifically developed by the Dementia Interrogative Program (DIP) is highly conclusive for indicating if someone such as yourself may be leaning toward dementia. How it works: When looking directly at
- [FM Observer Hires New CEO To Right The Ship](http://fmobserver.com/fm-observer-hires-new-ceo-to-right-the-ship/) - West Fargo, ND - Your FM Observer is very excited to announce that we have just hired a new CEO to run our company. Dr. Papi Rafiki comes highly recommended to us from the Red River Zoo. Papi, as he likes to be called, has been hired to "right the ship", if you will, and
- [Fargo's 19th Avenue North Now Open To One Lane Of Traffic](http://fmobserver.com/fargos-19th-avenue-north-now-open-to-one-lane-of-traffic/) - Fargo, ND - After a record seventy two (72) feet of snow drifted in during this most recent blizzard, 19th avenue North in Fargo is finally open again, but only to one lane of traffic. City officials are saying that because of the record snowfall, it could take weeks to re-open all four lanes of
- [Fargo Couple Plans Outdoor Wedding During Blizzard](http://fmobserver.com/fargo-couple-plans-outdoor-wedding-during-blizzard/) - Fargo, ND - Back on a beautiful day in September, during the initial planning phase of their rather large wedding ceremony, it seemed like such a great idea to have an outdoor wedding on the Thursday right after Christmas. Even though some weather forecasters are now predicting two feet of snow along with gusts of
- [Vacationing President Trump Blames Democrats For Hurting His Golf Game](http://fmobserver.com/vacationing-president-trump-blames-democrats-for-hurting-his-golf-game/) - Palm Beach, FL - While vacationing at his humble Mar-a-Lago retreat, President Trump has taken time from his executive duties to play some executive golf. Unfortunately, his golf game seems to be suffering from all the probing investigations into his political and personal lives. President Trump is quick to place the blame on the Democrats
- [New Home Radar System Detects And Then Detains Package Stealers](http://fmobserver.com/new-home-radar-system-detects-and-then-detains-package-stealers/) - Fargo, ND - A new home property protection system developed by a Fargo inventor will safely protect your delivered packages on your front door step until you get home. Dr. Nacci Hatchett's system includes radar detection for your entire property along with the ability to completely detain the culprits with a variety of non-lethal weapons.
- [Here Is The Winner Of Our Annual Picture Of The Year Contest](http://fmobserver.com/here-is-the-winner-of-our-annual-picture-of-the-year-contest/) - West Fargo, ND - Amid mucho buzz and speculation, the winner of the FM Observer's prestigious Picture Of The Year award was unveiled in the fabulous banquet room at our corporate headquarters. Mr. Tadd Wray of rural Sabin, MN took home the top honors with his picture entitled Semi Truckin'. Out of the thousands of
- [Secret Santa Drops In Early At Many Local Businesses](http://fmobserver.com/secret-santa-drops-in-early-at-many-local-businesses/) - Fargo, ND - Secret Santa has recently been making the rounds at many local Fargo businesses. For any employees who choose to participate in their Secret Santa program, it's a chance to find out what are some of the hot items for Christmas this year. Your FM Observer has conveniently compiled a list for you
- [Nothing Says 'I Like You' Like Butterscotch Pudding](http://fmobserver.com/nothing-says-i-like-you-like-butterscotch-pudding/) - Pudding Creek, CA - Are you trying to figure out what to serve during the holidays? Do you want your family and guests to feel like they're one of Santa's elves? Serving butterscotch pudding has been scientifically proven to say "friend" and "Christmas" more than any other substance South of the North Pole. Plus, Santa
- [Professional Bowler Stuns Crowd During Regional Championship Tournament](http://fmobserver.com/professional-bowler-stuns-crowd-during-regional-championship-tournament/) - Fargo, ND - While professional bowler Norm Duke Jr. was competing in the Midwest Regional bowling tournament at The Bowler in Fargo, an unfortunate mishap ruined what looked to be a near-perfect game. Perhaps because of unchecked tournament nerves, or maybe it was because his controlling mother-in-law was in the crowd watching, Norm Duke Jr.
- [Use Decorative Duct Tape To Help Your Partner Stop Snoring During The Holidays](http://fmobserver.com/use-decorative-duct-tape-to-help-your-partner-stop-snoring-during-the-holidays/) - Duck, NC - Are you looking for a smart solution to your partner's snoring problem? Have all your other feeble attempts to get a good night sleep failed? Our very own Dr. Willy Nilly suggests using something that you probably already have in your home: Duct Tape! Studies have shown that duct tape works 100%
- [Sponge Pudding Shortage Threatens Some Local Family Traditions](http://fmobserver.com/sponge-pudding-shortage-threatens-some-local-family-traditions/) - Fargo, ND - If you're having a hard time trying to find some Heinz Spotted Dick Sponge Pudding for Christmas, you are not alone. Many families in the Fargo area share the same holiday tradition of eating Spotted Dick Sponge Pudding on Christmas Eve. Anastasia Fritzi's family has had the Heinz Spotted Dick Sponge Pudding
- [Fargo Family Denied Permission To Adopt Hammerhead Shark](http://fmobserver.com/fargo-family-denied-permission-to-adopt-hammerhead-shark/) - Fargo, ND - In an unusual story, a Fargo family who was planning on adopting a live hammerhead shark has been denied permission to do so. Because they strongly believe that this particular full-size hammerhead shark is the reincarnation of their recently deceased Uncle Martin, they had already turned their basement into a large saltwater
- [Fargo Man Won't Confirm Nor Deny That He's Running For President](http://fmobserver.com/fargo-man-wont-confirm-nor-deny-that-hes-running-for-president/) - Fargo, ND - At this time, Fargo native Rinfret Pounders will neither confirm or deny that he is planning on running for president of the United States in the next presidential election. Speculation surrounding the 35-year-old Fargo native continues to swirl while a decision to run or not by Rinfret Pounders is still completely up
- [Man Who Had Just Figured Out Solution To Climate Change Problem Hit By Bus](http://fmobserver.com/man-who-had-just-figured-out-solution-to-climate-change-problem-hit-by-bus/) - Fargo, ND - Mr. Lonnie Clayhanger had just had the ultimate solution to the Global Climate Change problem suddenly dawn on him. While he was then attempting to carefully walk across the street to jot it down at a Subway sandwich shop, Mr. Clayhanger was sadly hit by a driverless city bus. Unfortunately for our
- [Try This FMO Family Tradition Whilst Enjoying Your Thanksgiving Day Togetherness](http://fmobserver.com/try-this-fmo-family-tradition-whilst-enjoying-your-thanksgiving-day-togetherness/) - Fargo, ND - On this blessed day of Thanksgiving, the FM Observer family would like to share a very old tradition that has been passed down to us from our four-fathers and four-mothers, and from theirs before them. Whilst gathered round the feast table enjoying all the same old recipes as last year, gradually go
- [Things North Dakotans Have To Be Thankful For](http://fmobserver.com/things-north-dakotans-have-to-be-thankful-for/) - West Fargo, ND - After a comprehensive state-wide survey, your FM Observer has painstakingly compiled a list of things for which North Dakotans have to be thankful. So, as you gather round your Thanksgiving dinner table and first go around the table to say what each one is thankful for, you can either memorize some
- [NFL Pickem Calculator Is Amazingly Accurate](http://fmobserver.com/nfl-pickem-calculator-is-amazingly-accurate/) - Pick City, ND - If you're in an NFL pickem league and want a leg up on your fellow pickem pickers, the new Ronco Pickem Calculator is for you! Simply pick it up, turn it on, enter a few basic parameters about any upcoming game in question, and the Ronco Pickem Calculator will give you
- [Hip Downtown Fargo Condos With Sheek New 'Dilapidated' Exterior Now For Sale](http://fmobserver.com/new-downtown-fargo-condos-with-sheek-new-dilapidated-exterior-now-for-sale/) - Fargo, ND - If you're looking for a cool, new flat in happening Downtown Fargo that's super hip and trendy, the new high-end condos by Dilapidated Design are hopefully going to sell very quickly. "Even though the outside has that sheek, new 'dilapidated look', the insides are anything but," says Brigitte Margaux, who manages the
- [UFO Sightings Over Ireland Shortly After Release Of New 'Guinness Plus' Beer](http://fmobserver.com/ufo-sightings-over-ireland-shortly-after-release-of-new-guinness-plus-beer/) - Dublin, Ireland - You may have recently heard about the multiple UFO sightings over and around Ireland. You might not've known that all these UFOs were reported shortly after Guinness Beer released their newest bier: Guinness Plus! Paul Guinness of the Guinness Corp. is proud to point out that their new bier has all the
- [How To Properly Entertain Guests In Your Home For Coffee Or Tea](http://fmobserver.com/how-to-properly-entertain-guests-in-your-home-for-coffee-or-tea/) - West Fargo, ND - Our staff member who's considered to be the Fargo-Moorhead area's Ms. Manners is our very own Ms. Morning Ipson! Ms. Ipson has a few good tips for when you want to invite someone over to your place for some coffee or tea. Morning says: 1. Meet the person at the door
- [Brazil President-Elect A Little Too Obsessed With Sexual Education](http://fmobserver.com/brazil-president-elect-a-little-too-obsessed-with-sexual-education/) - Riberao Preto, BRAZIL - From our southerly American neighbor Brazil comes news at the forefront of their political landscape. President-elect Jair Bolsonaro, on the tail of a victorious Trump-like campaign, remains infatuated with what he insists the schoolchildren of Brazil were poised to fall victim to: the Gay Kit. According to Bolsonaro, his political
- [The Pot Now Legal In Four ND Counties](http://fmobserver.com/the-pot-now-legal-in-four-nd-counties/) - With all the votes now in from the 2018 midterm elections, Measure 3 was successfully passed by a majority of voters in four North Dakota counties. So now, it will be legal for North Dakotans over the age of 20 who live in Rolette, Benson, Sioux, and Cass counties to legally possess and grow the
- [Heroic Pilot Somehow Safely Lands Problematic Plane At The Moorhead International Airport](http://fmobserver.com/heroic-pilot-somehow-safely-lands-problematic-plane-at-the-moorhead-international-airport/) - Moorhead, MN - The day started out just like a normal one for pilot Damario Prothero. His planned itinerary: Fly straight from Dallas to Toronto and back again, hopefully home in time for supper with his lovely wife, Jacinta. Unbeknownst to Damario, mechanical trouble of the highest order would suddenly pop up on his instrumentation
- [Fargo's First Full Frontal Face Transplant Operation Deemed An International Success](http://fmobserver.com/fargos-first-full-frontal-face-transplant-operation-deemed-an-international-success/) - Fargo, ND - As a favor for a friend, Dr. Sanft Plancarte of Fargo's New Face Center is now literally the toast of the town after being the first to successfully design and implement a new human face. Dr. Plancarte, who started out as an accomplished auto mechanic, has long believed that the face would
- [The Cemetery Is Good Place For Trick Or Treaters](http://fmobserver.com/the-cemetery-is-good-place-for-trick-or-treaters/) - Fargo, ND - Dr. Headstone of the Halloween Educational Literary Library Organization (HELLO) is reminding children who want to have a full trick or treating experience to not forget to take a slow walk through the local cemetery. "It is often the last place one thinks of but is really the first place you ought to
- [FMO Buys Gilligan's Island For Our Readers](http://fmobserver.com/fmo-buys-gilligans-island-for-our-readers/) - The FMObserver is extremely proud to announce that after hours of negotiations in smoke-filled rooms, we have purchased Gilligan's Island for an undisclosed number of bitcoins.
- [Lutheran Social Services Promises To Increase The Number Of Refugees Coming Into Fargo](http://fmobserver.com/lutheran-social-services-promises-to-increase-the-number-of-refugees-coming-into-fargo/) - Due to popular demand and overwhelming community support, Lutheran Social Services of North Dakota is vowing to dramatically increase the number of refugees being brought into our region.
- [Top Ten Reasons Why The City Of Moorhead Secretly Changed Its Voting Locations](http://fmobserver.com/top-ten-reasons-why-the-city-of-moorhead-secretly-changed-its-voting-locations/) - Moorhead, MN - Without letting anyone know, Moorhead city leaders decided to change many of their polling locations. Many Moorheadians are now wondering why their silly little town would change many of its polling locations without notifying its citizenry. If you're looking for reasons, here are some good ones that would explain the odd behavior
- [Fargo's Winter Softball League Open For Sign-Up](http://fmobserver.com/fargo-winter-softball-leagues-open-for-sign-up/) - Fargo, ND - Organizers of Fargo's Winter Softball League are seeking those who would brave the elements to do some recreating outdoors during months normally spent hibernating indoors. Birton Westfall and Walston Filbert, who both grew up in Norway, are co-organizing Fargo's Winter Softball League. Birton Westfall says it is a wonderful chance to breathe
- [Fargo Woman Fired From Her Good Job For Having A Bad Hair Day](http://fmobserver.com/fargo-woman-fired-from-her-good-job-for-having-a-bad-hair-day/) - Fargo, ND - A woman showing up for work at Precision Geometrix Corporation in Fargo was fired on the spot for having an extremely bad hair day. It is not known whether Ms. Baria Ridderhoff intentionally had her hair looking unusually crazy or if it was just a terribly fortuitous fluke. From an outside observer's
- [President Trump Orders Up Some Hurricanes To Dissuade Caravan Of Illegals](http://fmobserver.com/president-trump-orders-up-some-hurricanes-to-dissuade-caravan-of-illegals/) - Mexico City - As part of Project Dissuasion, President Trump ordered up two hurricanes in an effort to prevent The Caravan from reaching the United States. Working in close conjunction with the National Hurricane Center, President Trump requested that two new hurricanes be created to hit Mexico as a "welcome present" to those who would
- [Dr. Finance: Should I Buy Some Lottery Tickets For The Mega Jackpot?](http://fmobserver.com/dr-finance-should-i-buy-some-lottery-tickets-for-the-mega-jackpot/) - Jackpot, Nevada - Dear Dr. Finance: You've previously stated that gambling is a tax on the stupid. But would you say it's OK to buy a lottery ticket when the jackpot gets up over a billion dollars? Thanks, Zephania Winther Dear Zephania: Buying lottery tickets normally is something I would not recommend. Since the odds
- [Indian Summer Celebrated By Many Even Though It's No Longer Politically Correct](http://fmobserver.com/indian-summer-celebrated-by-many-even-though-its-no-longer-political-correct/) - Summerset, SD - It's what many in our area have long been waiting and hoping for, and now it's finally arriving: Indian Summer! For any employed workers who are lucky enough to have some extra vacation days, it's a chance to get some final sun on one's face while perhaps sipping an adult beverage out
- [Older Cats Not Too Hip On Trendings Of Younger "Cool Cats"](http://fmobserver.com/older-cats-not-too-hip-on-trendings-of-younger-cool-cats/) - Cathead, PA - There seems to be a growing disconnect between older "establishment" cats and the new younger generation of kittens. For example, some young kittens, like little Felix, are starting to wear hats to make themselves "look cool" and stand out. Mama Cat ain't too keen on Felix wearing his new hat, nor is
- [Blood Bank Looking To Hire Vampires They Can Count On](http://fmobserver.com/blood-bank-looking-to-hire-vampires-they-can-count-on/) - Fargo, ND - The Red River Blood Bank is in dire need of hiring some experienced vampires to be staff phlebotomists and perform venipuncture to collect much-needed blood from client/victims. During Helloween seasoning, the River Of Red Blood Bank sees a bloody uptick in the need for good blood due to a downtick in those
- [Johnnny’s Seventh Retrospective (Posts 600-700)](http://fmobserver.com/johnnnys-seventh-retrospective-posts-600-700/) - Since 700 is such a nice round number, it was decided to use the occasion of my 700th post to take a trip back down memory lane. So, it's time once again to look back on Johnnny's last 100 posts on your FM Observer. All posts are listed as clickable hyperlinks in chronological order. Enjoy!
- [Another Autumn Golfer Nailed By A Distracted Driver-Driven Golf Cart?](http://fmobserver.com/another-autumn-golfer-nailed-by-a-distracted-driver-driven-golf-cart/) - Moorhead, MN - During a relatively relaxing autumn round of par-free golf, Mr. Gotlib Haycraft was suddenly hit by a golf cart while trying to hit his tee shot on the par 3 seventh hole at the new Bogie Man Golf Course in Moorhead. Police are not entirely sure if Mr. Haycraft was accidentally run
- [What To Do After Receiving A Presidential Alert Message](http://fmobserver.com/what-to-do-after-receiving-a-presidential-alert-message/) - Yourtown, America - If you're wondering what to do immediately after receiving a Presidential Alert on your smartphone from the National Wireless Emergency Alert System, simply follow these simple steps which were prepared by FEMA: Do not panic! Locate your Presidential Alert gas mask. Quickly put on your Presidential Alert gas mask according to the
- [An Exclusive FMO Interview With Walt Whitman](http://fmobserver.com/an-exclusive-fmo-interview-with-walt-whitman/) - A conversation with Walt Whitman (1819-1892) FMO: How do you feel about having an image of yourself on a postage stamp? Walt Whitman: If you done it, it ain't bragging. FMO: Many consider you one of America's great poets and some call you the Father Of Free Verse. Your thoughts on this, sir? WW: To
- [Wanting To Collect And Store Everything In Cardboard Boxes Is A Sign Of Superior Intelligence](http://fmobserver.com/wanting-to-collect-and-store-everything-in-cardboard-boxes-is-a-sign-of-superior-intelligence/) - Brainerd, MN - Recent scientific studies show that people who are wanting to collect cardboard boxes in order to store all their belongings in such an organized fashion is a sign of a much higher intellect. Dr. Debra Brosco-Dax who headed up these studies says that "our findings indicate that wanting to organize things in
- [The New Aaron Rodgers $10 Bills Are Very Popular In Wisconsin](http://fmobserver.com/the-new-aaron-rodgers-10-bills-are-very-popular-in-wisconsin/) - Green Bay, Wisconsin - Folks in the cheese state are snapping up the new $10 federal reserve notes like chiclets. After quarterback Aaron Rodgers signed his new mega-million dollar contract which runs thru 2023, the U.S. Mint in Milwaukee started printing the new Aaron Rodgers $10 bills mostly for circulation in Wisconsin. Derck Burgos, who
- [Dear Dr. Finance: Is This A Good Time To Buy Gold?](http://fmobserver.com/dear-dr-finance-is-this-a-good-time-to-buy-gold/) - West Fargo, ND - We recently received a question for our very own Dr. Finance from a Mr. Don Salberg. Mr. Salberg writes: Dear Dr. Finance, Is this a good time to buy gold? Dear Don: Yes it is! As the chief financial officer for the FM Observer Corporation, I have green-lighted the buying of
- [Grade School Goes Into Emergency Lockdown When Catholic Priest Tries To Enter The Building](http://fmobserver.com/grade-school-goes-into-emergency-lockdown-when-catholic-priest-tries-to-enter-the-building/) - Devils Elbow, Missouri - After seeing a Catholic priest trying to gain access to their grade school, St. Peter Elementary School went into full emergency lock-down to protect the children inside. In the wake of The Pope's recent comments that The Devil was to blame for all of the Catholic Church's pervasive sexual abuse problems,
- [FEMA Cot Ready For Hurricane Florence](http://fmobserver.com/fema-cot-ready-for-hurricane-florence/) - Fort Bragg, NC - In anticipation of hurricane Florence's arrival, the U.S. government is calmly assuring everyone that it could not be more prepared for what could be the worst storm to ever hit the East coast. Federal Emergency Management (FEM) proudly announced that it has one cot all ready to go for some lucky
- [Wandering Through Some Wonderings](http://fmobserver.com/wandering-through-some-wonderings/) - Do you ever wonder if it is all worth it? Do you ever wonder if time really exists? Do you ever wonder if you have enough insurance? Do you ever wonder if you're developing normally? Do you ever wonder if you're being told the truth? Do you ever wonder if your bedroom is a fire
- [All Granite Countertops Being Recalled Due To Gamma Radiation](http://fmobserver.com/all-granite-countertops-being-recalled-due-to-gamma-radiation/) - Gamma, Missouri - Tests labs have now proven that granite countertops produce enough gamma radiation so as to be problematic for today's average households. Dr. Artinian Oatridge explains that slabs of granite naturally contain veins housing varying amounts of radioactive elements. "Besides producing cancer-causing radon from any uranium, thorium, or radium that might be present
- [Shoplifter Sentenced To Twenty Years At The West Acres Mall](http://fmobserver.com/shoplifter-sentenced-to-twenty-years-at-the-west-acres-mall/) - Fargo, ND - A chronic shoplifter who recently was caught stealing twenty items from the West Acres Mall has been given an unusual sentence for her crime. A creative judge has handed Hope Flirts a punishment of twenty consecutive years of confinement in the West Acres Mall. Hope in her own words: "Well, what the
- [A Brief History Of Colorado](http://fmobserver.com/a-brief-history-of-colorado/) - Fort Collins, CO - One of the first settlers to the Colorado area was Dr. Cooper Smith. In fact, he named the state after his horse whose name was Colorado. Having been interested in brewing beer since he was a young boy, Dr. Cooper Smith later worked as a bartender at the Zanzi-Bar while working
- [Red River Diversion Still Trying To Begin Long After It Should Have Been Finished](http://fmobserver.com/red-river-diversion-still-trying-to-begin-long-after-it-should-have-been-finished/) - Moorhead, MN - In an effort to explain why the Red River Diversion project is still only in the early planning stages, there will be a public meeting to answer questions from frustrated citizens. One question might be: After decades of discussion and planning, how is it that we are still only at the stage
- [Woman Suing Hot Sauce For Being Too Hot](http://fmobserver.com/woman-suing-hot-sauce-for-being-too-hot/) - Hot Springs, SD - An angry elderly woman is suing the makers of a hot sauce called The Ghost for being too darn hot! Ms. Osucha Hogsett claims that after putting just a small portion of The Ghost hot sauce on her enchilada, she burned her mouth quite badly. Her litigious attorney, whose name is
- [Man Raised By Buffalo Running For Congress](http://fmobserver.com/man-raised-by-buffalo-running-for-congress/) - Buffalo, ND - After being raised by a large family of buffalo as a young child, a North Dakota man is ready to represent his state in Washington, DC. Joe Tatanka, who now wallows in the town of Buffalo, North Dakota, believes it is now his turn to fix big government by bringing old-fashioned common
- [Many Now See The Catholic Church As Institutionalized Pedophilia](http://fmobserver.com/many-now-see-the-catholic-church-as-institutionalized-pedophilia/) - Vaticano - After endless stories of sexual abuse gradually see the light of day, many people, when they now think of the Catholic Church, primarily see it as an institution cloaked with chronic, criminal, pedophiliac activities. To make matters worse, if that's even possible, is that many of the abusive Catholic leaders threatened their young
- [Profanity OK At Holy Crap Church](http://fmobserver.com/profanity-ok-at-holy-crap-church/) - Holyoke, Colorado - At Holy Crap Church, members and guests are encouraged to just be themselves. If you like to swear a lot, then Holy Crap Church is for you. The head pastor at Holy Crap Church is Rev. Ralph Coy. Reverend Ralph believes the Church should accept us for who we are, exactly as
- [Space Farce Soon Recruiting Members In Fargo](http://fmobserver.com/space-farce-soon-recruiting-members-in-fargo/) - Force, Pennsylvania - What do you get if you combine the military with the future? The answer is: President Trump's new Space Farce! Have you been wanting to get away from home and go see the universe? Then consider joining Space Farce! Are you a nobody who wishes you could someday become a major somebody? Then
- [Air Force Space Command Protesting Space Force](http://fmobserver.com/air-force-space-command-lieutenant-goes-on-strike/) - Not fast enough. Too small. Go back to watching your Star Wars movies, kid. You'll never make it. That's what they used to say to United States Air Force Space Command Lieutenant Gragg Bombgarden all those years leading up to his enlistment in the Air Force. They put him down, but all he wanted to
- [Global Warming Changing Algore Into A Reptile](http://fmobserver.com/global-warming-changing-algore-into-a-reptile/) - Lizarda, Brazil - While in South America giving speeches about Global Warming, Algore has reportedly begun changing into what appears to be a reptile. Local Brazilian newspapers are now referring to the Climate Change expert as "Homem Lagarto" (Lizard Man). Some believe that the warmer climate is changing the former vice president into a reptilian
- [Medora Musical Rated Most Over-Hyped Attraction In ND Because It Truly Sucks](http://fmobserver.com/medora-musical-rated-most-over-hyped-attraction-in-nd-because-it-truly-sucks/) - Medora, ND - If you're planning on attending the Medora Musical in Western North Dakota, you obviously have not done your homework. The FM Observer rates the Medora Musical the most over-hyped and under-whelming attraction in the state of North Dakota. Even if the outside temperature is perfect, this show is rated a zero on
- ["Gray Stray Cat Virus" Now Infecting Some Home Computers](http://fmobserver.com/gray-stray-cat-virus-now-infecting-some-home-computers/) - Cathead, Pennsylvania - A new computer virus called the Gray Stray Cat is on the prowl. It silently lurks in waiting until unsuspecting computer users let down their guards. How will you know if you have the Gray Stray Cat virus? Oh, you'll know! It will periodically pop its head up whilst giving you a
- [Area Man Finds Bitcoin In McDonald's Happy Meal](http://fmobserver.com/area-man-finds-bitcoin-in-mcdonalds-happy-meal/) - Moorhead, MN - Moorhead man Greithan Cutstash considers himself a lucky duck. Now he's quacking about it. Lucky enough was Greithan to find what appears to be a genuine bitcoin nestled inside a McDonald's happy meal he bought for his son, Mance. "Bah gawd, that looks like one a them bit-things I seen about in
- [Some Minnesota Lakes Showing Early Signs Of Fermentation](http://fmobserver.com/some-minnesota-lakes-showing-early-signs-of-fermentation/) - Vergas, MN - Trained experts from Minnesota's department of natural resources are saying that some lakes are now starting to show early signs of fermentation. Dr. Martie Fenton, who has studied fermentation since he joined a fraternity in college, says that these early signs of lake fermentation are a harbinger of things to come regarding Global
- [Former President Jimmy Carter Says Jesus Would Drink Heineken And Vote To Legalize Recreational Marijuana](http://fmobserver.com/former-president-jimmy-carter-says-jesus-would-drink-heineken-and-vote-to-legalize-recreational-marijuana/) - Plains, GA - Former President Jimmy Carter declared this week that Jesus Christ would drink Heineken and approve of recreational marijuana. The 39th president, who describes himself as a two-time born-again Christian, says that after his second rebirth, he believes that Jesus would drink Heineken beer and also vote to make recreational marijuana legal in all states,
- [Dog Saves Drowning Man From River And Then Eats The Man](http://fmobserver.com/dog-saves-drowning-man-from-river-and-then-eats-the-man/) - Neche, ND - The good news is: a man who was suddenly drowning in the Tongue River was saved by a large and alert dog. Unfortunately, the bad news is: once the man was pulled to safety on the banks of the river, the large dog then proceeded to eat the man. The man hasn't
- [Heidi Heitkamp And Kevin Cramer Agree To Three UFC-Style Octagon Fights](http://fmobserver.com/heidi-heitkamp-and-kevin-cramer-agree-to-three-ufc-style-octagon-fights/) - Bismarck, ND - Heidi Heitkamp and Kevin Cramer, who are both fighting for the same Senate seat, will meet three times prior to the election in order to help undecided voters make their choice. Their campaigns have agreed that these three meetings will each be a UFC-style fight held within a fenced octagon in which
- [Win This 1968 Mercury Cougar By Entering Your Name At Our FMO Corporate Headquarters](http://fmobserver.com/win-this-1968-mercury-cougar-by-entering-your-name-at-our-fmo-corporate-headquarters/) - West Fargo, ND - To celebrate the fact that the FM Observer has once again won the best website award in North Dakota, we are having a drawing for a brand new 1968 Mercury Cougar. This gem of a car is a two-door hardtop which comes with a powerful 335 horse power V-8 engine, features
- [Montana Tractor Picked Up By Tornado Lands In Minnesota](http://fmobserver.com/montana-tractor-picked-up-by-tornado-lands-in-minnesota/) - Climax, MN - A tractor that started out in Crane, Montana ended up in Climax, Minnesota thanks to a very large and fast moving tornado. Tornadologist Corry Langfitt says he's never seen anything like it: "Yeah, I ain't never seen anything like it," says Corry, who went on to say: "This would be considered very
- [All West Fargoans Asked To Make A Rock Balancing Sculpture In Their Yards](http://fmobserver.com/all-west-fargoans-asked-to-make-a-rock-balancing-sculpture-in-their-yards/) - West Fargo, ND - The new mayor of West Fargo is informally asking all homeowners to build a rock balancing (sometimes called a cairn) somewhere in their yard. FMO: What's the thought behind this idea? Mayor: West Fargo is already unique because there's only one in the country. If every home in West Fargo had
- [Global Spinning Is Increasing In Speed; Is It Too Late To Try And Put The Brakes On?](http://fmobserver.com/global-spinning-is-increasing-in-speed-is-it-too-late-to-try-and-put-the-brakes-on/) - Spinnerville, NY - Governmental experts are now warning inhabitants of Earth that the spinning of our planet is really speeding up. Algore, who seems to be the most expert expert on this impotent issue, is predicting that this increase in speed of Earth's rotation on its axis is caused by Man (mainly in the United
- [New Game Show On Fox Called "Find Your Parents" To Be Hosted By Roseanne Barr](http://fmobserver.com/new-game-show-on-fox-called-find-your-parents-to-be-hosted-by-roseanne-barr/) - Brownsville, TX - The Fox Channel believes it has a new hit game show called "Find Your Parents". Immigrant children who have recently been separated from their parent(s) while illegally crossing the southern U.S. border will have a chance to be reunited with their families in a fun game show setting. The inimitable Roseanne Barr
- [Area Marshes Getting Really Bogged Down](http://fmobserver.com/area-marshes-getting-really-bogged-down/) - Wetonka, SD - With the sudden gradual onset of Global Wetting, marshlands in our area are beginning to get really bogged down. "These low-lying wetlands are becoming so darned waterlogged that some are now being categorized as Level III marshy quagmires," says Pete Bogg, executive director of The War On Wetlands. Climatologists believe that with
- [Contest Winner Eats 81 Tacos In 15 Minutes](http://fmobserver.com/contest-winner-eats-81-tacos-in-15-minutes/) - Moorhead, MN - What do you do when you're really hungry? Well, during Moorhead's recent Taco Eating Contest, a Moorhead man named Tomas Couch set a new record by consuming 81 hard-shell tacos in 15 minutes. The previous record set last year by Audie Boelz was an astounding 77 hard-shell tacos in 15 minutes. Moorhead
- [Dennis Rodman To Receive Nobel Peace Prize](http://fmobserver.com/dennis-rodman-to-receive-nobel-peace-prize/) - Singapore - Former basketball great Dennis Rodman was notified before leaving Singapore that he will be receiving the Nobel Peace Prize. The official declaration reads: "By bringing North Korea's Kim Jong-Un and President Trump together for their historic Singapore summit, we bestow upon you the Nobel Peace Prize." While wearing his MAGA cap and Potcoin
- [Pope Clarifies: There Is A Hell, Otherwise Known As Grand Forks](http://fmobserver.com/pope-clarifies-there-is-a-hell-otherwise-known-as-grand-forks/) - Vaticano, Italy - The Pope admits God may have had it wrong when telling the Pope that there is no Hell. When asked recently about his comments that sinners just disappear and that there is no Hell, The Pope is now saying there still might actually be a Hell and it also goes by the
- [FMO Announces The 2018 Smartest Kids Contest](http://fmobserver.com/fmo-announces-the-2018-smartest-kids-contest/) - West Fargo, ND - The FM Observer is excitedly proud to announce our 2018 Smartest Kids Contest. "Think of this as a spelling bee but you're asked questions instead of spelling words," says Dr. Thomas Tuttle, who runs the Smartest Kids Contest, and who also won his age division when he was younger. Questions can
- [The Orb Is Now Available Wherever Cool Things Are Sold](http://fmobserver.com/the-orb-is-now-available-wherever-cool-things-are-sold/) - Potter, WI - If you like ordering cool things online that are even cooler when you open the box, then Google's new Hairy Potter Magical Orb is for you. Tech-sperts are raving about The Orb and predicting that it could soon replace the need for Siri, Alexa, and smartphones. Not only does it answer any
- [World's 203rd Fastest Man To Speak At Fargo Track Meet](http://fmobserver.com/worlds-203rd-fastest-man-to-speak-at-fargo-track-meet/) - Fargo, ND - The F-M Observer continues to bring you scrumptious news du jour. Today, we briefly chronicle a visit from of one of the top sprinters currently walking running the Earth. Clarent Bippen, the officially ranked 203rd Fastest Man On The Planet, will speak to a group of aspiring sprinters at this year's Fargo Track
- [So-Called Feng Shui Burglar Breaks Into Homes Only To Re-Arrange The Furniture](http://fmobserver.com/so-called-feng-shui-burglar-breaks-into-homes-only-to-re-arrange-the-furniture/) - Fargo, ND - Some home owners in South Fargo have recently been reporting having had their homes broken into, but nothing was stolen. In each and every similar instance, these home break-ins resulted in re-arranged furniture, usually in the main living room, along with a signed note from the Feng Shui Bandit. Based on reading
- [Fargo Dog School Successfully Teaching Young Dogs To Communicate In English](http://fmobserver.com/fargo-dog-school-successfully-teaching-young-dogs-to-communicate-in-english/) - Fargo, ND - A new dog school now teaches young dogs how to read and understand English as a first or second language. Scientific studies have proven that graduates of this Dog School in Fargo can comprehend English spoken to them as commands (ie: Stop biting me!) and also just conversational chit-chat such as "How
- [Busload Of Fargo Folks Heading To The Royal Wedding](http://fmobserver.com/busload-of-fargo-folks-heading-to-the-royal-wedding/) - Fargo, ND - What started out as just a joking comment during some weekend beers in a garage has now turned into an official chartered bus that will be bringing a full busload of people from Fargo, North Dakota to attend the Royal Wedding in England. "Yah, me and some of our neighbors kinda got
- [Nursing Home Residents Shocked When Told They Must Run The Full Fargo Marathon](http://fmobserver.com/nursing-home-residents-shocked-when-told-they-must-run-the-full-fargo-marathon/) - Fargo, ND - You can imagine the surprised shock when one of Fargo's larger nursing homes told all of its residents that they each must run the full Fargo Marathon. "Well, it just doesn't make any sense! How am I supposed to run 26.2 miles at my age?" asked Mable Altenberg, who just recently turned
- [Fargo Approves Funding For "Perv Park" Where Area Pervs Can Gather](http://fmobserver.com/fargo-approves-funding-for-perv-park-where-area-pervs-can-gather/) - Fargo, ND - A somewhat controversial decision by the Fargo Park Authority is raising a few eyebrows. Funding has recently been granted to create a so-called Perv Park. This would be an area explicitly for local pervs to congregate and share stories, interests, and fears. Some people against the idea wonder why tax dollars need
- [Mind Expansion Seminars Can Help You Reach Beyond Your Full Potential!](http://fmobserver.com/mind-expansion-seminars-can-help-you-reach-beyond-your-full-potential/) - West Fargo, ND - Have you been thinking that up until now you have not been using the full power of your mind? Do you sometimes wonder how much brain power is actually under the hood of your head? The FM Observer is proud to announce that our dear friend Dr. Madison Pennix will be
- [Emperor Penguin Elected President Of Antarctica](http://fmobserver.com/emperor-penguin-elected-president-of-antarctica/) - South Pole, Antarctica - History has once again been made as the southern-most continent has elected its first penguin president. Skipper Kowalski along with his wife Frieda will be moving into the presidential ice palace after his official inaugaration later this year. President Kowalski has promised jobs for all while maintaining a balanced budget with
- [Hawaiian Officials Warning People That Hot Lava Is Very Hot](http://fmobserver.com/hawaiian-officials-warning-people-that-hot-lava-is-very-hot/) - Hawaii, HI - Governmental leaders are trying to remind residents and visitors on Hawaii's Big Island that hot lava is nothing with which to play around. "Even though it looks so mesmerizingly beautiful, please do not attempt to touch the hot lava or even go near it as it can sometimes bubble up and the
- [Controlled Burn That Got Out Of Control Now 50% Contained](http://fmobserver.com/controlled-burn-that-got-out-of-control-now-50-contained/) - Burnstad, ND - Highly trained governmental environmental workers trying to do a controlled burn helplessly watched it suddenly get out of control when winds began to gust up out of nowhere. "Yeah, no, what began as our controlled burn, ah, quickly changed over to what we call an uncontrolled burn," reports Luton Crofoot, who lit
- [Mueller Seeks To Penetrate Trump's Personal Inner Sanctum With Long Large Probe](http://fmobserver.com/mueller-seeks-to-penetrate-trumps-personal-inner-sanctum-with-long-large-probe/) - Washington, DC - Robert Mueller, the very special counsel appointed to investigate any and all possible links and/or coordination between the Russian government and the Donald Trump campaign is promising to leave no stones unturned. No matter how long as it takes, the Mueller probe vows to penetrate all facts and leads to their end
- [New UND Mascot Needs A Name!](http://fmobserver.com/new-und-mascot-needs-a-name/) - Grand Forks, UND - It's time once again to put on your politically correct thinking caps to help name UND's chosen mascot. The winner of the mascot naming contest could possibly win a trip to Grand Forks (and the second place award would be two trips to Grand Forks). You can leave your mascot name
- [Kitchen Remodeling Company Creating Questionably Satisfied Customers](http://fmobserver.com/kitchen-remodeling-company-creating-questionably-satisfied-customers/) - Moorhead, MN - OK Remodeling Company has proudly been trying to remodel kitchens in the area for years. They maybe sometimes miss the mark but at least they try hard and work till the job is supposedly done. What do clients say about OK Remodeling Company? Yemane Ambessa: "When we saw what they did to
- [Downtown Fargo Adding Another Bar In An Attempt To Increase Crime And Number Of Drunks](http://fmobserver.com/downtown-fargo-adding-another-bar-in-an-attempt-to-increase-crime-and-number-of-drunks/) - Fargo, ND - As if there wasn't already enough crime and drunks in the Downtown Fargo area, the addition of a new bar should get those social parameters up to acceptable levels. Instead of adding much-needed parking spaces, the presence of a brand new bar called Cobweb Jocks will provide Downtown Fargo with the amount
- [Lots Now Being Sold Around West Fargo Lagoon](http://fmobserver.com/lots-now-being-sold-around-west-fargo-lagoon/) - West Fargo, ND - What are expected to be beautiful lots someday, are being sold today around the West Fargo lagoon. Imagine yourself cruising around this future West Fargo lake in your brand new pontoon. This former sewage lagoon will soon be home to a loon and perhaps a raccoon. They say it will eventually
- [Jimmy Kimmel Being Investigated For Using Unlicensed Monkey To Prepare His Taxes](http://fmobserver.com/jimmy-kimmel-being-investigated-for-using-unlicensed-monkey-to-prepare-his-taxes/) - Hollywood, CA - Comedy King Jimmy Kimmel, who once claimed that he used a dog to prepare his tax return, has now been told he's being investigated for allegedly using an unlicensed monkey to do his tax work. Tax auditors admit the monkey is a hard worker and has built quite the monkey business; basically,
- [New Driverless Motorcycles Expected To Make Roads Safer](http://fmobserver.com/new-driverless-motorcycles-expected-to-make-roads-safer/) - La Honda, CA - A new line of motorcycles just introduced by Honda will be able to drive themselves. Soon, along with driverless cars and buses, expect to be seeing driverless motorcycles on your highways and byways. Honda's first model of driverless motorcycles is called The Headless Horseman, which is considered to be the world's
- [Kids Warned Against Playing Outside During Nice Summer Months](http://fmobserver.com/kids-warned-against-playing-outside-during-nice-summer-months/) - Fair Play, TX - The American Safety Society is warning parents to warn their children to not play outside this summer. "Inside the house is where you should play, for sure at night and also during the day," raps Dr. Daisy Eplin, who currently presides over the American Safety Society. Dr. Eplin goes on: "Research
- [To Show Respect, They're Leaving Barbara Bush On The One Dollar Bill](http://fmobserver.com/to-show-respect-theyre-leaving-barbara-bush-on-the-one-dollar-bill/) - Washington, DC - Out of respect for former First Lady Barbara Bush, the Treasury Department has instructed the Federal Reserve to keep her picture on the one dollar bill, as it has been for decades. As sitting Treasury Secretary, Steven Mnuchin believes we need to stand up and keep honoring former First Lady Barbara Bush
- [Fargo Family Finds Gold Bars Inside Walls Of Their Newly Purchased Older Home](http://fmobserver.com/fargo-family-finds-gold-bars-inside-walls-of-their-newly-purchased-older-home/) - Fargo, ND - After purchasing an older home in North Fargo for about $240,000, Mr. Dell Glawson and his dear wife Goldie decided to remodel their older home by knocking out a few of the main floor walls. In going for that more "open-concept" look, two of the old walls dividing the kitchen and living
- [Sign Up To Join The FMO Birthday Club For Only $100](http://fmobserver.com/sign-up-to-join-the-fmo-birthday-club-for-only-100/) - West Fargo, ND - Are you a person who has a birthday and who likes to have fun? Have you been looking for a way to make perfunctory birthdays more functory? May we suggest that you join the FM Observer Birthday Club by sending us all of your personal identifying information, along with $100 for
- [Area Police Setting Up Four Hundred Twenty 420 Checkpoints](http://fmobserver.com/area-police-setting-up-420-checkpoints/) - Fargo, ND - Via a confidentially anonymous series of trusted fake news sources, the Observer has learned that area police will be staging 420 "420 checkpoints" around the region today. Four hundred and twenty strategically-placed traffic interventions will take place on four hundred and twenty throughways and byways--perhaps even a few highways--during and shortly after 4:20PM today, April 20th, or 4/20
- [New Starbucks Bathroom Policy Welcomes All](http://fmobserver.com/new-starbucks-bathroom-policy-welcomes-all/) - Seattle, WA - After undergoing some much needed racial sensitivity training, Starbucks Coffee has come up with a new bathroom policy for all its locations across the country. Starbucks new Open Door bathroom policy will let anyone use any of their three bathrooms at any time. The fine print of their new Open Door policy does
- [Full Disclosure: Sean Hannity And Michael Cohen Are Brothers From Another Mother](http://fmobserver.com/full-disclosure-sean-hannity-and-michael-cohen-are-brothers-from-another-mother/) - New York, NY - Thanks to porn star Stormy Daniels, we have now found out that Sean Hannity and Michael Cohen are brothers from another mother. According to DNA evidence, both men had the same father but each was from a different mother. Sean Hannity's maternal DNA points to Margaret Thatcher whilst Michael Cohen's mother
- [Musician "Flips The Bird" To Fargo Crowd While Suppposedly Trying To Play The F-Chord](http://fmobserver.com/musician-flips-the-bird-to-fargo-crowd-while-suppposedly-trying-to-play-the-f-chord/) - Fargo, ND - Some surprised listeners in the crowd of a small Fargo bar got upset when the solo musician performing on stage repeatedly gave them the middle finger during her show. To be fair, some hecklers had been yelling out that the music at the relatively small venue was too loud for the space
- [Court Artist Accused Of Drawing-Under-The-Influence At Cohen/Daniels Court Hearing](http://fmobserver.com/court-artist-accused-of-drawing-under-the-influence-at-cohen-daniels-court-hearing/) - New York, NY - The artist chosen to do sketches at the Stormy Daniels/Michael Cohen court hearing has been accused of DUI (Drawing Under The Influence). Just as many famous artists have successfully used drugs to embellish or enhance their work, federal court artists are not supposed to share that same luxury. The artist in
- [Vanna White And Pat Sajak Getting Divorced After Thirty Five Years](http://fmobserver.com/vanna-white-and-pat-sajak-getting-divorced-after-thirty-five-years/) - Hollywood, CA - The stars of America's favorite game show are finally getting divorced. Pat Sajak and Vanna White have decided to call it quits after thirty five good years of marriage. The final phrase on the Wheel Of Fortune prior to them announcing their divorce was "irreconcilable differences". In their split-up, attorneys say Vanna
- [FMO Considering Starting Our Own Line Of Wedding Anniversary Cards](http://fmobserver.com/fmo-considering-starting-our-own-line-of-wedding-anniversary-cards/) - West Fargo, ND - As promised, your FM Observer is seriously pondering coming out of the closet with our own line of wedding anniversary cards. We'll make our final decision whether or not to do so based on your feedback. If you like our card ideas, we'll probably launch the venture. If you don't like
- [Fargo's Wood-Chip-Stock Festival Attracting Some Major Attractions](http://fmobserver.com/fargos-wood-chip-stock-festival-attracting-some-major-attractions/) - Fargo, ND - Organizers of the Wood-Chip-Stock Festival could not be more excited about the line-up of bands scheduled to play at this summer's music fest! Chick Spotwood and Tod Powo-Schick are the co-founders and keepers of the Wood-Chip-Stock Festival. Chick-n-Tod have graciously leaked to us the list of bands currently slated to play at
- [Mummified Monkey Successfully Brought Back To Life](http://fmobserver.com/mummified-monkey-successfully-brought-back-to-life/) - Dayton, OH - After discovering a mummified monkey in an old department store's duct work, a team of mummiologists was called in to see if anything could be done to save the mortalized monkey. Dr. Odem Kenady, who headed up the team, said this upon being called to save the dead monkey: "We believe we
- [Dolphins Being Introduced To Fargo-Moorhead Area Hotel Swimming Pools](http://fmobserver.com/dolphins-being-introduced-to-fargo-moorhead-area-hotel-swimming-pools/) - Fargo, ND - Most of the hotels in the greater Fargo-Moorhead area will soon be adding a pair of breeding dolphins to their swimming pools. The idea came about when Mr. Hodell Shipton, who works as a concierge at the Bed Bug Inn, went on his winter vacation. "After swimming with dolphins down in Florida,
- [The New Rage Is Having A Purse Puppy](http://fmobserver.com/the-new-rage-is-having-a-purse-puppy/) - Pursglove, WV - Fashion trenders are strongly pointing to Purse Puppies as the latest in the super hip new thing for 2018. "If you want to be cutting-edge cool this year, you definitely need a Purse Puppy!" says Manon Gadbois of Trend Magazine. Fact #1: Everyone agrees that the person walking through the airport with
- [All North Dakotans Now Required To Take An Annual Mental Examination](http://fmobserver.com/all-north-dakotans-now-required-to-take-an-annual-mental-examination/) - Bismarck, ND - With much of the national discussion being focused on mental health, North Dakota will proactively soon begin annually checking the mental health of each and every one of its citizens. A new task force called MIND (Mentally Interrogating North Dakota) will do a thorough evaluation of all North Dakotans on their half
- [MSUM Drama Student Comes Out As Thespian](http://fmobserver.com/msum-drama-student-comes-out-as-thespian/) - She came to us to set the record straight.
- [FMObserver Lost In The Wilderness For Forty Days](http://fmobserver.com/fmobserver-lost-in-the-wilderness-for-forty-days/) - Camp Wilderness - In case you had or hadn't noticed, the FMObserver website was gone, missing in action, bye-bye for a rather long while. You could say we were lost in the internet wilderness, not much different from those wandering souls in the Blair Witch Project. Losing a domain name is tantamount to losing your
- [Area Man Says He Can 3-D Print Your Bitcoin](http://fmobserver.com/area-man-will-3-d-print-your-bitcoin/) - Cryptocurrency, which is somehow money, exists on a metaphysical dataplane known as the blockchain. That might all sound utterly baffling, but not to area man Wrick Zapruda.
- [Next Olympic Winter Games To Be Held In Fargo, North Dakota](http://fmobserver.com/next-olympic-winter-games-to-be-held-in-fargo-north-dakota/) - Fargo, ND - The city of Fargo has been abuzz ever since the International Olympic Committee announced that Fargo, North Dakota will host the next Winter Games. When Fargo first bid for the Winter Olympic Games, most people ridiculed the idea as fake news, and laughed until they cried. It turns out that in Fargo,
- [Building-Like Structures Discovered On Planet Mars](http://fmobserver.com/building-like-structures-discovered-on-planet-mars/) - Utopia Basin, Mars - After first discovering water, and then chocolate on Mars, NASA experts have now confirmed the existance of what appear to be buildings on the Red Planet. NASA's Beagle 3 has been sending back some amazing and surprising images since it landed just a few months ago. "We were literally stunned to
- [Piano Playing Support Group Supportive Of Playing Piano](http://fmobserver.com/piano-playing-support-group-supportive-of-playing-piano/) - West Fargo, ND - A new support group for piano players is forming in West Fargo for people who might enjoy the benefits of such a group. Dr. Abu Coplin will be hosting the Piano Player Support Group meetings at his new Pianomatic Support Center. Each session will begin with a Meet & Greet, followed by
- [Fargo Civic Center Purchased By Tom Cruise/Scientology](http://fmobserver.com/fargo-civic-center-purchased-by-tom-cruise-scientology/) - Fargo, ND - While Fargo city leaders were wondering what to do with the aging Fargo Civic Center, Scientology's Tom Cruise made them an offer too good to pass up. The Fargo Civic Center will be transitioned into The Fargo Scientology Center and become the living, breathing regional headquarters for hundreds of Scientology cult members
- ['The Fargo Syndrome' Beginning To Affect Many Fargoans](http://fmobserver.com/the-fargo-syndrome-beginning-to-affect-many-fargoans/) - Fargo, ND - Many clinics have begun reporting cases of people suffering from the effects of The Fargo Syndrome. Doctors say it is comes from a fermenting combination of: the long cold winter, a lack of sun and warm fresh air, a depressing sense that you're living out in the middle of nowhere, and how
- [May Is Take-Your-Pet-Water-Skiing Month](http://fmobserver.com/may-is-take-your-pet-water-skiing-month/) - Detroit Lakes, MN - With global warming moving into Minnesota lakes country, dogs and cats all across the region are excitedly anticipating hitting the water for some seriously fun water sports. Your FM Observer is unofficially declaring that May is officially National Take-Your-Pet-Water-Skiing Month. What puppy or kitten would not want to be dragged around
- [Very Varying Reviews On First Lady Michelle Obama's Smithsonian Portrait](http://fmobserver.com/very-varying-reviews-on-first-lady-michelle-obamas-smithsonian-portrait/) - Painter, Virginia - After the official unveiling of Michelle Obama's portrait for the Smithsonian Institution, debate immediately began on its likeness to the painting's subject. Our painting expert, Amsterdam Douglass, believes a portrait painter has a wide latitude in which to express their creative interpretation of a person or object. "I personally love the Michelle
- [Many Wondering How Curling Can Be Considered An Olympic Sport?](http://fmobserver.com/many-wondering-how-curling-can-be-considered-an-olympic-sport/) - Game Lodge, SD - Many are seriously questioning how Curling became an Olympic "sport" and why it still remains one? Compared to anything done on skis or skates, it seems that Curling is more in the category of playing Shuffleboard, Bocce Ball, and Cornholio (aka Bean Bags). Jack Flushing, president of Poker America, believes that
- [Tsunami False Alarm Issued For State Of North Dakota](http://fmobserver.com/tsunami-false-alarm-issued-for-state-of-north-dakota/) - Bismarck, ND - Even though it did seem a bit odd at the time, a Tsunami Warning was issued for the entire state of North Dakota. Without thinking, many folks in North Dakota did have a panicky knee-jerk reaction to the warning, which read: "Tsunami Alert - Listen To Radio: This is not a test!"
- [Fargo Boy First To Ride Rocket Bike Into Space](http://fmobserver.com/fargo-boy-first-to-ride-rocket-bike-into-space/) - Fargo, ND - A young Fargo man who shall remain unnamed since he is only age 15, has not only started his own company called Space Exit, but has also designed, built, and successfully flown his own Rocket Bike into space. Jermaine Vincent Cohen, who just turned 15 on Saturday, wanted to prove that his
- [Top Ten Things To Do Instead Of Watching The Super Bowl](http://fmobserver.com/top-ten-things-to-do-instead-of-watching-the-super-bowl/) - Fargo, ND - If you're looking for some fun and different options to do whilst everyone else in the world is watching the Super Bowl ads, we have thoughtfully surveyed the greater Fargo-Moorhead area to come up with some great alternatives for you, boiled down into one short convenient list: 10. Host an Anti-Super Bowl
- [PHI Eagles Fans Kindly Asked To Wear Purple (Instead Of Green) To Super Bowl](http://fmobserver.com/phi-eagles-fans-kindly-asked-to-wear-purple-instead-of-green-to-super-bowl/) - Minneapolis, MN - Vikings fans are kindly asking Philadelphia Eagles fans to wear purple when attending Super Bowl 52 in the Minnesota Viking's brand new stadium. Members of the Vikings Fans Safety Committee all agree that to ensure the safety of Philadelphia Eagles fans while entering and exiting the Vikings Stadium, they should not be
- [Some Religious Groups Demanding Statue Of David Wear Some Clothes](http://fmobserver.com/some-religious-groups-demanding-statue-of-david-wear-some-clothes/) - Florence, South Dakota - Many religious groups are now demanding that all statues of David be "properly clothed" so as to not offend onlookers. Leo Gleichman, after seeing David, commented: "Perhaps this would've been OK back when times were different, but in today's society, this is just plain offensive." Loli McGeehan, who couldn't leave the
- [Selling Stolen Pets Becoming Big Business](http://fmobserver.com/selling-stolen-pets-becoming-big-business/) - Fargo, ND - More and more people in the Fargo-Moorhead area are having their pets stolen. If this isn't bad enough, these pets are then sold multiple times at underground pet auctions, sometimes while having to wear funny costumes. The Sheriff's office says some of the "bad people" are claiming lost pets, getting them from
- [Readers Invited To Email Us Ideas For Future Posts](http://fmobserver.com/readers-invited-to-email-us-ideas-for-future-posts/) - West Fargo, ND - The FM Observer is cordially inviting all of our readers to email us any ideas for future posts that you would like to see (or not see). As a member of FM Observer's Virtual Readers Board, not only can you help steer the ship, but it will also look real good
- [Fargo Band Selected To Perform During Halftime Of Next Super Bowl](http://fmobserver.com/fargo-band-selected-to-perform-during-halftime-of-next-super-bowl/) - The ever-popular Fargo band "Double Negative" has just been chosen to play during the halftime of Super Bowl 51! Even though the news came as quite a surprise, the seasoned band members all took it in stride.
- [New Detroit Mountain Recreation Area Offers Fun For Everyone](http://fmobserver.com/new-detroit-mountain-recreation-area-offers-fun-for-everyone/) - The New Detroit Mountain Recreation Area is well on track for its big grand opening in November. This brand new four-season fun park will offer a wide range of great activities and challenges for all ages.
- [Man Who Caused Hawaii Missile Mishap Admits He May Have Pushed The Wrong Button](http://fmobserver.com/man-who-caused-hawaii-missile-mishap-admits-he-may-have-pushed-the-wrong-button/) - Pearl Harbor, Hawaii - After finding the man who may be responsible for causing Hawaii's 38 minutes of mass missile-mishap manic panic, we are now finding out more about how it may have happened. Tong Turnbow does admit he may have accidentally hit the wrong button, but quickly follows that up with the problem being
- [CNN's Anderson Pooper Gets South Park Award For Swearing 81 Times In One Hour](http://fmobserver.com/cnns-anderson-pooper-gets-south-park-award-for-swearing-81-times-in-one-hour/) - Cooper, TX - History was made last night when Anderson Pooper swore 81 times on an hour long prime-time show. After Anderson decided to say "shit-hole" once, the dam had been broken, and it and variations of it were said another eighty times during his show AC360. "Yes, it was all in response to what
- [Fargo Flocks To Car Washes Before Return Of Dreaded Polar Vortex](http://fmobserver.com/fargo-flocks-to-car-washes-before-return-of-dreaded-polar-vortex/) - Fargo, ND - In a community-wide frenzied effort to get all cars washed prior to the return of Algore's Polar Vortex, every car wash is expecting a record-breaking day. Lines into car washes could be so long that police may have to direct traffic while managing road rage caused by people trying to bud in
- [Jeff Sessions Voted Most Out-Of-Touch Person In America](http://fmobserver.com/jeff-sessions-voted-most-out-of-touch-person-in-america/) - Denver, CO - Attorney General Jeff Sessions has just been voted the Most Out-Of-Touch Person in the USA by the Common Sense Club. By his recent decision to rescind the James Cole Memo, AG Sessions is basically telling U.S. attorneys to go after marijuana outlets that are complying with their state regulations rather than solely
- [President Expected To Swear More After Study Shows Profanity Is Sign Of Honesty](http://fmobserver.com/president-expected-to-swear-more-after-study-shows-profanity-is-sign-of-honesty/) - Washington, DC - President Trump, in an effort to quickly increase how honest he is perceived, will not only start swearing more in his public comments and tweets, but will also encourage his entire fucking Cabinet to all start using a lot more profanity in their day to day work lives. The President is also going
- [Top Ten Signs 2018 Might Be A Bad Year For You](http://fmobserver.com/top-10-signs-2016-might-be-a-bad-year-for-you/) - Even though 2016 could be a very good year, here are some indications that 2016 might not be so great for you.
- [FMO's Suggested List For Your 2018 New Year's Resolutions](http://fmobserver.com/fmos-suggested-list-for-your-2016-new-years-resolutions/) - It's that unfortunate time of year again when everyone is frantically trying to come up with their list of New Year's Resolutions. And once again, FMO to the rescue!
- [Moorhead Woman Builds House All By Herself](http://fmobserver.com/moorhead-woman-builds-house-all-by-herself/) - Moorhead, MN - Evette Brickhouse set a lofty goal of building her own home. While sipping on a few jumbo margaritas with a friend three years ago, Ms. Brickhouse decided she wanted to build herself her own dream home "with no help from nobody!" Using the internet, Evette learned how to make bricks in her
- [Fargo Man Arrested For Leaving Dog Outside Too Long](http://fmobserver.com/fargo-man-arrested-for-leaving-dog-outside-too-long/) - Fargo, ND - The good news is: that Mr. Dorf Gonez got a cute little new Shih Tzu puppy for his family as a Christmas present. The bad news is: that Mr. Dorf Gonez forgot that their new little Pixy was tied up outside while Dorf got lost playing his new video games. When his
- [Top Ten Questions To Ask Family, In-Laws, and Relatives During Christmas](http://fmobserver.com/top-ten-questions-to-ask-family-in-laws-and-relatives-during-christmas/) - West Fargo, ND - During your family getogethers with in-laws, relatives, and other extended family members, it is not only a good time to share handshakes and hugs in order to pass your cold and flu germs on to others, but it is also a perfect opportunity to throw out a few key questions to
- [Winter Holiday Greetings From Your FM Observer](http://fmobserver.com/winter-holiday-greetings-from-your-fm-observer/) - Southern North Pole - Since saying Merry Christmas is possibly offensive to some, we here at the FM Observer Headquarters want to wish all our faithful readers very warm Winter Holiday greetings, to hopefully help counteract the recent Global Cooling which seems to have overtaken our area thanks to carbon-taxing Algore. The FM Observer was boldly
- [Moorhead Man Who Claims To Be The Real Santa Detained For Questioning](http://fmobserver.com/moorhead-man-who-claims-to-be-the-real-santa-retained-for-questioning/) - Moorhead, MN - Authorities in the quirky town of Moorhead have detained a man claiming to be the real Santa. Investigators have a plan to hold the Santa Man until after Christmas to prove that either he is an impostor, or that he is indeed the real Santa, in which case millions of children throughout
- [Santa's Deliveries In Jeopardy As Rudolph Has Chronic Wasting Disease](http://fmobserver.com/santas-deliveries-in-jeopardy-as-rudolph-has-chronic-wasting-disease/) - Christmas authorities are expressing serious concern over a recent report from SantaLand that Rudolph is suffering from the dreaded Chronic Wasting Disease.
- [Cigar-Shaped Alien Spacecraft Actually A Large French Bread Heading For Fargo](http://fmobserver.com/cigar-shaped-alien-spacecraft-actually-a-large-french-bread-heading-for-fargo/) - Oumuamua, Hawaii - The FM Observer is proudly excited to exclusively report that we have just received confirmation from Mr. Hankey that the large meteor which is on a collision course with Fargo, North Dakota is actually an alien spacecraft disguised as a giant French bread even though CNN has been referring to it as
- [Tax On Christmas Trees To Go Directly To Obama Retirement Fund](http://fmobserver.com/new-tax-on-christmas-trees-to-go-directly-to-obama-retirement-fund/) - It's about that time of year again to go buy a Christmas tree for your ho-ho-home.
- [Mall Santa Resigns After Multiple Accusations Of Groping](http://fmobserver.com/mall-santa-resigns-after-multiple-accusations-of-groping/) - Fargo, ND - One of the real fake Santas at a well-known local Fargo shopping mall has resigned amid numerous accusations of groping any women within a "reasonable groping distance". Some disgusted mothers and dejected helper-elves have filed complaints to the North Pole that Santa has been groping some of these adult women during official
- [Winter Snow Predictions Now Called 'Flake News'](http://fmobserver.com/winter-snow-predictions-now-called-flake-news/) - Fargo, ND - National weather experts will now be referring to any and all snowfall predictions in the future as Flake News in order to keep up with the changing times and tweets. The most recent example of Flake News for our particular area is that a half a foot (known as a SmallFoot, as opposed
- [Prehistoric Rabbit Femur Located In West Fargo](http://fmobserver.com/prehistoric-rabbit-femur-located-in-west-fargo/) - The backhoe blade carved out a prized archaeological find: A five-foot long, 287-pound Gargantuan Arctic Hare femur.
- [Trump Names Bali Volcano, Mt. Agung, As New Top Advisor](http://fmobserver.com/trump-names-bali-volcano-mt-agung-as-new-top-advisor/) - Washington, D.C. - After losing a number of top advisors in recent weeks, President Trump filled one of the vacant slots with a highly unusual appointment today. Mt. Agung, the active volcano currently erupting in Bali, has been named as his newest high-ranking cabinet member. "I have a wonderful, beautiful, special relationship with Mt. Agung.
- [West Fargo Adding Seven New Robo-Cops To Its Police Force](http://fmobserver.com/west-fargo-adding-seven-new-robo-cops-to-its-police-force/) - West Fargo, ND - To keep up with a growing demand for police presence, West Fargo has gotten the OK to add seven new Robo-Cops to its department. Analysis of a recent survey showed that the City-On-The-Grow actually needed nine new officers but West Fargo's Police Chief believes that seven new Robo-Cops should take care
- [Al Franken Dedicates New Center For Groping](http://fmobserver.com/al-franken-dedicates-new-center-for-groping/) - St. Paul, MN - Yesterday Senator Al Franken proudly dedicated his new Center For Groping, which is conveniently located near the Minnesota State Fair grounds. At the dedication ceremony, when asked about all the recent groping accusations, Senator Franken cleverly said: "Well, once a comedian, always a comedian. Hey, I was just joking around and
- [Expensive Study Finds That Year 2100 Is Only About 82 Years Away](http://fmobserver.com/expensive-study-finds-that-year-2100-is-only-about-82-years-away/) - St. Paul, MN - A recently completed study for the state of Minnesota has made an astonishing discovery about the year 2100. Minnesota scientists, working with NASA, have determined that the year 2100 in Earth Years is only about 82 years ahead of us in our communal future. The Minnesota study was funded by a
- [Woman Claims Woodrow Wilson Touched Her Inappropriately During White House Visit](http://fmobserver.com/woman-claims-woodrow-wilson-touched-her-inappropriately-during-white-house-visit/) - Touchet, WA - A recently deceased woman claims that she was groped by then President Woodrow Wilson whilst she was on a group tour of the White House. Ms. Gerda Powis of Touchet, Washington wrote in her detailed memoirs that instead of a group tour, it turns out she was on a "grope tour" after
- [Johnnny's Sixth Retrospective (Posts 500-600)](http://fmobserver.com/johnnnys-sixth-retrospective-posts-500-600/) - Since 600 is such a nice round number, it was decided to use the occasion of my 600th post to take a trip back down memory lane. So, it's time once again to look back on Johnnny's last 100 posts on your FM Observer. All posts are listed as clickable hyperlinks in chronological order. Enjoy!
- [Cat Racing Coming To Fargo](http://fmobserver.com/cat-racing-coming-to-fargo/) - Fargo, ND - The exciting sport of Cat Racing will soon be coming to Fargo! "Have some fun while betting on your favorite cat and get drunk at the same time. It just doesn't get any better than that," says Carcia Fortgang who is the executive director of the Fargo Cat Race Corporation. Cat Racing
- [Vikings Place Sam Bradford On Injured Reserve And Activate Debra Getty-Widder](http://fmobserver.com/vikings-place-sam-bradford-on-injured-reserve-and-activate-debra-getty-widder/) - Viking, MN - The Minnesota Vikings' quarterback controversy seems to finally be resolving itself in dramatic fashion. Whilst Sam Bradford is heading to the Injured Reserve list, the Minisoda Vikings have signed Debra Getty-Widder who will not only be the Viking's new starting quarterback but also the first female quarterback in the history of the
- [It's No Longer OK To Say OK](http://fmobserver.com/its-no-longer-ok-to-say-ok/) - Kinderhook, NY - Saying OK is no longer considered to be politically correct according to the PC Police. Because "OK" was made popular back when Martin Van Buren was running for president under the nickname Old Kinderhook, "OK" has now been deemed to invoke negative historic cultural domination by white males. The recent outbreak of
- [Oprah's Much-Anticipated Holiday Gift-Giving Guide](http://fmobserver.com/oprahs-much-anticipated-holiday-gift-giving-guide/) - It is once again that lusciously delightful time of year when everyone waits to see what's on The Oprah's gift giving idea list for the upcoming holidays. Every year The Oprah shares her wonderfully personal list of favorite things to get your loved ones for Christmas. This year is no exception as The Oprah never
- [New Wonder Drug Called 'Blitzkrieg' Has Some Very Serious Side Effects](http://fmobserver.com/new-wonder-drug-called-blitzkrieg-has-some-very-serious-side-effects/) - The FDA has just approved a powerful new drug that has been tested to cure a number of major ailments in lab rats. Now approved for humans, Blitzkrieg has a number of potentially very bad side effects that you should be aware of. Contact your health care professional if you're doing the lawn limbo in
- [Moorhead Couple Caught With 800 Pounds Of Qiameth Worth An Estimated $2.4 Billion](http://fmobserver.com/moorhead-couple-caught-with-800-pounds-of-qiameth-worth-an-estimated-2-4-billion/) - Moorhead, MN - Police in the quirky town of Moorhead were very surprised to find 800 pounds of Qiameth in the trunk of a car that they found parked at a stop sign. The Qiameth, which is known to be 1,000 times more powerful than regular meth, has an estimated street value of $2.4 Billion.
- [Pet Halloween Costume Contest](http://fmobserver.com/pet-halloween-costume-contest/) - The FM Observer is looking for Fargo-Moorhead's cutest Halloween pet. Dress your pet into their best Halloween costume and send photos to fmobserver@gmail.com.
- [Uncle Screwball Warning Trick-Or-Treaters To Avoid Scary Clowns Like Him](http://fmobserver.com/uncle-screwball-warning-trick-or-treaters-to-avoid-scary-clowns-like-him/) - Moorhead, MN - As a public service in the name of survival safety, the infamous clown named Uncle Screwball (who is best known for freaking kids out) wants to warn parents and children to stay away from any scary-looking clowns around Halloween time. Uncle Screwball not only wants to warn trick-or-treaters to avoid himself, but
- [Moorhead Police Arrest McDonalds Drive-Thru Speaker](http://fmobserver.com/moorhead-police-arrest-mcdonalds-drive-thru-speaker/) - Police offers arrested a Moorhead McDonalds drive-thru speaker earlier this morning. Police reports state the drive-thru speaker was being "confrontational" and "speaking funny" to warrant an arrest.
- [FMO Recommends Doing Some Pre-Shoveling Prior To Any Winter Storm](http://fmobserver.com/fmo-recommends-doing-some-pre-shoveling-prior-to-any-winter-storm/) - West Fargo, ND - One tip the FM Observer would like to share with our beloved readers is to get out and do some pre-shoveling prior to a winter storm. What is pre-shoveling, you may ask? Pre-shoveling is proactively doing some of the inevitable after-storm shoveling that you'll have to do...but prior to the snow
- [Fargo Lobster Bisque Company Goes Belly Up Due To Lack Of Local Lobsters](http://fmobserver.com/fargo-lobster-bisque-company-goes-belly-up-due-to-lack-of-local-lobsters/) - Fargo, ND - Even before it officially opened its doors for business, the Fargo Lobster Bisque Company is officially closing its doors. Selbo Berquist is the owner of the already defunct Fargo Lobster Bisque Company who now admits: "Yeah, we prolly forgot to do our due diligence and go with the highly recommended Feasibility Study which
- [Aging Presidential Administration Ships Horse Masks To Puerto Rico](http://fmobserver.com/aging-presidential-administration-ships-horse-masks-to-puerto-rico/) - To the aid of the stricken comes a few dozen thousand goofy conversation starters, just in time for Halloween. Halloweenluiah!
- [Boys Joining Girl Scouts Just For The Cookies](http://fmobserver.com/boys-joining-girl-scouts-just-for-the-cookies/) - New York, NY - With girls now joining Boy Scouts for the challenge, boys are now joining Girl Scouts for the cookies. Pat Hades, a transexual by birth, and who now is executive director of American Scout Society, believes that this is a win/win for both the Boy Scouts to allow girls who want a
- [Many Apple Pickers Who Choose To Make Apple Wine End Up Getting Quite Drunk](http://fmobserver.com/many-apple-pickers-who-choose-to-make-apple-wine-end-up-getting-quite-drunk/) - West Fargo, ND - It's that special time of year once again when apple pickers in the region start thinking about fermentation. Dr. Zymurgy explains that by using the magic of fermentation, a little bit of yeast and sugar can transform friendly apple juice into powerful apple wine. Ms. Feleppa Westin is executive apple of
- [Costumes And Candy Banned For Halloween In Fargo](http://fmobserver.com/costumes-and-candy-banned-for-halloween-in-fargo/) - Fargo, ND - The custom of dressing up in costumes for Halloween has been banned for security purposes. Also, the handing out of candy has also been banned because of a few bad apples in the past who have handed out dangerous items. During the fright night of Halloween, people can still go door to
- [FMO Hiring Senior Retro-Tech Position To Service All Our Older Equipment](http://fmobserver.com/fmo-hiring-senior-retro-tech-position-to-service-all-our-older-equipment/) - Eastern West Fargo, in Southeastern North Dakota - The FM Observer is proud to announce that we are interested in hiring a Senior Retro-Tech to our staff of Information Technologists. Candidates must be willing to work in a slow-paced environment and be able to handle extreme pressure well. Must be willing and able to work
- [Superman Trump Single-Handedly Saves Puerto Rico By Tossing Out Paper Towels](http://fmobserver.com/superman-trump-single-handedly-saves-puerto-rico-by-tossing-out-paper-towels/) - Puerto Rico - Somewhere out on a small piece of land surrounded by big ocean water, President Trump supermanishly saved the ailing island of Puerto Rico by tossing out cylindrical rolls of much needed paper towels almost as if they were round basketballs being swished through the hoop of a Michael Jordan free throw. Everyone
- [Big Bird Dead At The Age Of Seventy](http://fmobserver.com/big-bird-dead-at-the-age-of-seventy/) - Sesame Street, NY - The world is mourning the passing of one of its favorite large birds. Big Bird from Sesame Street died in his nest whilst surrounded by his family and close friends at the age of 70, which is like 150 in bird years. The cause of death was firstly complications from the
- [Unsportsmanlike Conduct Now A Federal Crime](http://fmobserver.com/unsportsmanlike-conduct-now-a-federal-crime/) - Anthem, AZ - A new federal executive order that just took effect when it was signed by President Trump now considers any form of not respecting the American Flag and the National Anthem prior to any sort of competition to be Unsportsmanlike Conduct resulting in immediate ejection from the game. This not only applies to
- [Eddie Money Cover Band 'Edward Currency' To Open For Eddie Money](http://fmobserver.com/eddie-money-cover-band-edward-currency-to-open-for-eddie-money/) - The scheduled opening act being forced to bail left the promoters with a split-second decision to make. Lo and behold, did anyone expect this gift from above to fall right into our lap? An Eddie Money cover band volunteered to fill the slot!
- [Man Tries To Rob Convenience Store For A Pack Of Cigarettes Using Only A Pillow](http://fmobserver.com/man-tries-to-rob-convenience-store-for-a-pack-of-cigarettes-using-only-a-pillow/) - Fargo, ND - Henry Doofus was booked on charges of felonious attempted robbery after he tried to rob a convenience store while only carrying a pillow as a weapon. The store clerk, Richard Stonewall, at first thought it was a big joke when Mr. Doofus demanded a pack of Marlboro Light 100s while threatening to
- [Todd Rundgren Opens Moorhead Concert With A Prayer For President Trump](http://fmobserver.com/todd-rundgren-opens-moorhead-concert-with-a-prayer-for-president-trump/) - Moorhead, MN - Many who attended the Yes/Todd Rundgren concert were pleasantly delighted when Mr. Rundgren opened the concert with a nice long Hawaiian prayer for President Donald Trump. Unfortunately, they were not pleasantly surprised when YES did not show up due to some serious family problems. Luckily, Todd Rundgren was then able to dedicate
- [Man Claims He Simply Forgot To Get Dressed After Walking Into His Workplace Naked](http://fmobserver.com/man-claims-he-simply-forgot-to-get-dressed-after-walking-into-his-workplace-naked/) - Fargo, ND - Terando Kwak got quickly arrested after walking into his place of employment totally stark naked on Monday. Terando tried explaining to police officers that he simply forgot to get dressed that morning as he had "a lot on his mind". Interestingly, Mr. Kwak has a long history of attending area events naked.
- [Hurricane Limbaugh Set To Wreak Havoc On Liberal Media](http://fmobserver.com/hurricane-limbaugh-set-to-wreak-havoc-on-liberal-media/) - Palm Beach, FL - After Rush Limbaugh suggested that Hurricane Irma is merely a liberal hoax, Hurricane Limbaugh suddenly popped up in its place and is expected to stir things up on the mainland. Obviously caused by climate change, which is caused by global warming, which is caused by fracking, Hurricane Limbaugh is on track
- [Fargo American Idol Audition Winner Lied About Age](http://fmobserver.com/fargo-american-idol-audition-winner-lied-about-age/) - Fargo, ND - Auditions for the hit game show American Idol took a pit stop in Fargo today with much ado.
- [Minnesota Raising Legal Cigarette Smoking Age To Fifty](http://fmobserver.com/minnesota-raising-legal-cigarette-smoking-age-to-fifty/) - St. Paul, MN - In what many consider to be a bold move, Minnesota is upping the minimum legal age to smoke cigarettes to fifty (50). "Yes, we believe this is the right thing to do, so this is the reason why we are doing what we are doing," says Geier Stockmaster, who authored the bill. Studies
- [President Trump To Vacation In Fargo](http://fmobserver.com/president-trump-to-vacation-in-fargo/) - Washington, DC - President Trump has announced that he and his first family will be vacationing in Fargo, North Dakota sometime in the near future, but is giving few details about the presidential trip. The President has also indicated that his vacations will shift from a time-based approach to one based on conditions, such as:
- [Solar Eclipse Cancelled As Some Find It To Be Offensive](http://fmobserver.com/solar-eclipse-cancelled-as-some-find-it-to-be-offensive/) - Sunbeam, Idaho - So as to not be offensive to people of certain religious beliefs, the solar eclipse has been cancelled by federal and state authorities. While statues of George Washington and Abraham Lincoln are being pulled down because of their political incorrectness, the once-in-a-lifetime solar eclipse has now been cancelled after a number of
- [National Coffee Shortage Causing Companies To Hoard The 'Fuel Of Business'](http://fmobserver.com/national-coffee-shortage-causing-companies-to-hoard-the-fuel-of-business/) - Coffee City, TX - Large and small businesses all across America have begun to hoard coffee in anticipation of a nation-wide shortage due to Global Warming due to Algore's changing climate. With coffee in short supply, the speed of business in America could slow to just a trickle. Mr. Schaffer Gootee who heads up the
- [West Fargo Library Being Closed For Displaying Books](http://fmobserver.com/west-fargo-library-being-closed-for-displaying-books/) - West Fargo, ND - The West Fargo Library was recently notified that the facility will sadly be shut down at the end of the month for having displayed books within the library. The Federal Library Administration Board (FLAB) has made it perfectly clear that the displaying of books in public libraries will no longer be
- [VooDoo Sun Doctor To Fix Global Warming](http://fmobserver.com/voodoo-sun-doctor-to-fix-global-warming/) - A young VooDoo priest who calls himself Legba (pronounced Leg-Ba) claims he can actually help Planet Earth with its global warming "fever". Mr. Legba has apparently done some incredible things involving the sun in his native northern Australian backwoods area.
- [Area Man Cancels Plan To Follow Solar Eclipse Across United States Using Solar-Powered Jetpack](http://fmobserver.com/area-man-cancels-plan-to-follow-solar-eclipse-across-united-states-using-solar-powered-jetpack/) - He noticed that the moon's umbral shadow will take a "leisurely" trek across the entire United States, covering 2,496 miles in just 90.7 minutes, whizzing by at an average speed of 1,651 mph. This was an attainable mark for his homemade jetpack.
- [West Fargo Runners Admit To Drinking Mt. Dew Before Running 3-Minute Mile](http://fmobserver.com/west-fargo-runners-admit-to-drinking-mt-dew-before-running-3-minute-mile/) - West Fargo, ND - After two West Fargo athletes broke the three-minute mile barrier, they both admitted to cheating by drinking a couple Mountain Dews prior to their record-breaking race. Zippy Blistad and Flasher Perkins both ran a mile in just under three minutes during the final race of the day. During their post-race interview
- [Global Warming Causing Ice To Become The New Currency](http://fmobserver.com/global-warming-causing-ice-to-become-the-new-currency/) - Meltonville, Iowa - Due to increasingly increasing high and low temperatures throughout the Upper Midwest region, unmelted ice is beginning to become the new currency in this post-Global Warming economy. Based on his own scientific research, Dr. Gil McIntee strongly believes that people will soon be paying for all their basic survivalistic-type items with unmelted
- [Man Mails Himself To Vacation Destination In A Cardboard Box](http://fmobserver.com/man-mails-himself-to-vacation-destination-in-a-cardboard-box/) - Box Elder, SD - Rather than pay exorbitant airfare prices for seats that are getting smaller by the day, one South Dakota man had a creative and relatively inexpensive way of getting himself to Puerto Vallarta. Declan Morgans decided it would be ten times cheaper to mail himself to Mexico in a cardboard box rather
- [Fargo Realtor Being Sued For Calling Bedroom #1 The 'Master Bedroom'](http://fmobserver.com/fargo-realtor-being-sued-for-calling-bedroom-1-the-master-bedroom/) - Fargo, ND - A top realtor in Fargo is being sued for a million dollars for insensitively referring to what should now be called Bedroom #1 as the "Master Bedroom". Lavinia Gamba, founder of Gamba Realty, is being sued by her clients, Dagman and Kusama Sheripov for using what they call an "offensive term" in
- [Storms Completely Wipe The Town Of Centralia, ND Off The Map](http://fmobserver.com/storms-completely-wipe-the-town-of-centralia-nd-off-the-map/) - Centralia, North Dakota - Where there once stood a vibrant little North Dakota town called Centralia, there is now nothing. "It's like the town never even existed," noted one stunned observer who drove by shortly after the storms evaporated. National Weather Service data confirms that two very strong storms hit Centralia around suppertime but by
- [Fargo's Dr. Svinkhaus Believes That Black Holes Matter](http://fmobserver.com/fargos-dr-svinkhaus-believes-that-black-holes-matter/) - Fargo, ND - Dr. Hector Svinkhaus who is internationally known for his work in radioactivity, particularly AM/FM, is now a possible candidate to receive the Nobel Peace Prize for his breakthrough study of black holes. "What I have done here is make black holes accessible to the common people, and now these domesticated black holes
- [Delaware Has Broken Off From The United States](http://fmobserver.com/delaware-has-broken-off-from-the-united-states/) - Dover, Delaware - The entire state of Delaware has somehow broken off from the North American mainland just like an iceberg. Delaware, along with everyone on it, is now adrift out in the cold Atlantic Ocean. There are some fears that it could eventually collide (and collude) with a new large Antarctica iceberg which is
- [Trump Administration Considering Travel Enforcement To New Arctic Iceberg](http://fmobserver.com/trump-administration-considering-travel-enforcement-to-new-arctic-iceberg/) - Washington, DC - Last week, in the thrall of a red-hot northern hemisphere summer, the shockingly brittle Larsen C Ice Shelf buckled under the pressure and shed a few trillion tons of unneeded weight. This signifies a huge win for climate change accepters like Al Gore. Climate change deniers remain mum. The Trump administration is
- [World Famous Jazz Monkey Set To Wow Fargo Jazz Aficionados](http://fmobserver.com/world-famous-jazz-monkey-set-to-wow-fargo-jazz-aficionados/) - Fargo, ND - If you are a major jazz aficionado like we are, you are in for a real treat when Thelonius Monkey comes to town with his unique jazz sounds that have won the world over and put him in the main international jazz spotlight. "Having been playing his own kind of new-age jazz
- [25 Eating Tips By FMObserver Senior Staff Dietitian Angie Pitts](http://fmobserver.com/25-eating-tips-by-fmobserver-senior-staff-dietitian-angie-pitts/) - Since eating is such a universal activity, and Eating Well has now become so hip and trendy, we here at the FM Observer decided to proactively hire our own Senior Staff Dietitian to provide free, important, and helpful advice to all of our readers (and also to those who cannot read). Professional Dietitian Angie Pitts
- [Montana Earthquake Either Caused By Global Fracking Or Payback For Unabomber](http://fmobserver.com/montana-earthquake-either-caused-by-global-fracking-or-payback-for-unabomber/) - Lincoln, MT - Experts are divided on what exactly caused the rare 5.8 earthquake that recently struck western Montana. One school of thought is that Global Fracking was the cause of the quake. "All those fracking oil drillers are upsetting Mother Earth who doesn't like horizontal holes being drilled through her upper crust," opined long-time
- [Fargo Bocce Ball Tournament To Raise Money For Its Organizers](http://fmobserver.com/fargo-bocce-ball-tournament-to-raise-money-for-its-organizers/) - Fargo, ND - A city-wide bocce ball tournament will be held as a fund raiser for the personal gain of its organizers. With an entrance fee of only $50, the tournament could raise approximately $6.5 million if enough people sign up to fill the single-elimination tournament's giant bracket of 131,072 contestants. After eight rounds of
- [Twelve-Year Old Kung-Fu Brown-Belt Kicks Crap Out Of Would-Be Burglar](http://fmobserver.com/twelve-year-old-kung-fu-brown-belt-kicks-crap-out-of-would-be-burglar/) - Fargo, ND - A young boy who's been taking Kung Fu lessons since he was six years old recently "beat the living crap" out of a man trying to rob his family's home. Little Tommy Maddox discovered a burglar entering their back kitchen door while his parents had temporarily left the boy at home to
- [Area Drought Being Blamed On Dry Conditions And 'Global Drying'](http://fmobserver.com/area-drought-being-blamed-on-dry-conditions-and-global-drying/) - West Fargo, ND - Our new staff droutologist Dr. Rod Guth has just issued his final report on the area drought. Rod believes that short-term dry conditions coupled with the long-term Global Drying are the two main reasons for the "paucity of moisture" in the upper Midwest region. Dr. Guth in his own words: "An
- [Lottery Winner On Way To Collect Jackpot Killed By Distracted Driver](http://fmobserver.com/lottery-winner-on-way-to-collect-jackpot-killed-by-distracted-driver/) - Bismarck, ND - Ty Barich was excitedly on his way to collect his jackpot millions after repeatedly checking his winning lottery ticket with his pregnant wife. While crossing the street en route to the lottery headquarters, Mr. Barich got hit by a distracted driver who decided it was more important to text "LOL" to his
- [New Detention Centers Being Built Just For Distracted Drivers](http://fmobserver.com/new-detention-centers-being-built-just-for-distracted-drivers/) - Bismarck, ND - With the huge surge in accidents caused by distracted drivers, lawmakers are responding with a draconian strengthening of punishments for those who choose to endanger others with their irresponsible negligence while behind the wheel of a vehicle. The new Blacktomb Holding Center will house Level One first-time minor violators who will lose
- [Anti-Distracted Driver Movement Gaining Steam](http://fmobserver.com/anti-distracted-driver-movement-gaining-steam/) - Hawley, MN - Just imagine you're completely stopped at a red light and a distracted driver (who later claims he didn't see you) rear-ends your vehicle at 50 mph without ever even slamming on the brakes. This is happening more and more to more and more people every day. The time to end distracted driving
- [Volunteers Sought For Deja-Vu Clinical Study](http://fmobserver.com/volunteers-sought-for-deja-vu-clinical-study/) - West Fargo, ND - A new clinical study focusing on Deja Vu is now seeking volunteers who may have had personal experiences with the Deja Vu phenomenon. The Marzano Clinic will be paying selected volunteers $200 per day as they undergo a full battery of testing designed to isolate and document the Deja Vu occurrences.
- [Fargo Tops State With Seven I-94 Exits](http://fmobserver.com/fargo-tops-state-with-seven-i-94-exits/) - Fargo, ND—The results are finally in! Fargo, for the eighteenth year in a row, was awarded the honor of Most Independent I-94 Highway Exits with an estimable 7. ND Department Of Transportation Administrator Hifton Gasscage believes this to be the result of hard work and a little divine intervention. "We're happy with these recent findings. Currently,
- [Puppy Monkey Baby Placed On Endangered Species List](http://fmobserver.com/puppy-monkey-baby-placed-on-endangered-species-list/) - Canis Homo Chimpus, or Puppy Monkey Baby as it is more affectionately known, has been given a conservation status of "critically endangered" by the WWF.
- [American Thunderball Federation Holding Open Tryouts In Fargo](http://fmobserver.com/american-thunderball-federation-holding-open-tryouts-in-fargo/) - THE MINNEAPOLIS-ST. PAUL BLUES EXPLOSION ? OF THE AMERICAN THUNDERBALL FEDERATION™ IS LOOKING FOR PLAYERS.
- [Fargo Man Dials 911 Over Earbuds Mishap](http://fmobserver.com/fargo-man-dials-911-over-earbuds-mishap/) - Fargo, ND—Those earbuds with the rubbery coating that come prepackaged with every iPhone or iPod. The ones that, once they get tangled, you suddenly need to manifest surgical precision and years of boy scout knot-knowledge to get them undone? Yeah, those.
- [Oscar The Grouch Admits He Is Made Of Marijuana](http://fmobserver.com/oscar-the-grouch-admits-he-is-made-of-marijuana/) - Oscar The Grouch, a muppet character from the ever so popular kids show Sesame Street, has finally come clean about himself.
- [Elderly Man Dies Peacefully At Home After Family Tells Him Trump Was Impeached](http://fmobserver.com/elderly-man-dies-peacefully-at-home-after-family-tells-him-trump-was-impeached/) - West Fargo, ND - Surrounded by family, close friends, and a few random strangers, Mr. Patrum McPhie let himself go toward the light after hearing the news that President Trump had just been impeached. Dr. Mutch Pimpare who was acting as spokesperson for the motley group, said they believed it was the best thing to
- [Tiger Woods Asking For Help And Understanding After Admitting Being Wealthy Ain't Easy](http://fmobserver.com/tiger-woods-asking-for-help-and-understanding-after-admitting-being-wealthy-aint-easy/) - Jupiter, Florida - In the wake of Tiger Woods getting arrested for driving under the influence (of something), many see this as his quiet way of asking for help. Dr. Pedigo Elsworth explains that Tiger Woods may be the victim of over-wealthiness which can easily take its toll on an otherwise fairly normal person. Dr.
- [New Tiger Woods Invitational Golf Tournament Only For Legally Drunk Players](http://fmobserver.com/new-tiger-woods-invitational-golf-tournament-only-for-legally-drunk-players/) - Jupiter, Florida - The King of modern golf says it is time for him to start his own invitational golf tournament. Tiger Woods says his new PGA tourney shall be called the Tiger Woods DUI Invitational. Each participant will be required to consume enough adult beverages prior to each round of golf in order to
- [Valuable Items For Sale At Inflated Prices](http://fmobserver.com/valuable-items-for-sale-at-inflated-prices/) - Junks, Louisiana - Our new retail affiliate Xing Xang Collectibles has now bargained-priced all remaining items for immediate liquidation. Since all collectible items must be sold, take half off the already half off prices and then reduce that by another astounding 50%! These items are guaranteed to be one of kind with less than a
- [Golfer Ian Poultergeist Somehow Got Trapped In A Television Set](http://fmobserver.com/golfer-ian-poultergeist-somehow-got-trapped-in-a-television-set/) - Buckinghamshire, England - Professional golfer Ian Poultergeist who is known for his bold fashion has somehow gotten trapped in an old television set. Mr. Poultergeist: "Yes, I am definitely trapped in this TV and cannot seem to figure a way out." Becoming trapped in a television set is quite uncommon but has been known to
- [Casino Owner Smothered To Death By Huge Pile Of Your Gambled Money](http://fmobserver.com/casino-owner-smothered-to-death-by-huge-pile-of-your-gambled-money/) - Hankinson, ND—A pillar of the Hankinson community is gone. Locals mourn the loss of Harold Barnes, Co-Chief Operating Officer and Whatnot of Dakota Gaming Enterprises, which holds stake in Dakota Magic Casino & Resort-Hotel-And Events Stuff.
- [New MN State Record Set For Smallest Walleye Ever Caught](http://fmobserver.com/new-mn-state-record-set-for-smallest-walleye-ever-caught/) - Lakes, MN - Dr. Wayne Tilley didn't know what he was in for during the Minnesota walleye fishing opener. Wayne had no idear he would soon be the new state record-holder for the smallest walleye ever successfully reeled in since fishing records first began being kept back during the Taft administration. Dr. Tilley plans to
- [Foolhardy Fargo Men Try Operating A Powerful Magnetron Outside Its Protective Shielding](http://fmobserver.com/foolhardy-fargo-men-try-operating-a-powerful-magnetron-outside-its-protective-shielding/) - Fargo, ND - Some curious Fargo men broke one of the basic Cardinal Rules of Physics: Never mess with an unshielded magnetron especially while not protecting your private parts. "Just because you can take a microwave apart does not mean it is advisable to do so," says Dr. Grant Moen of the Institute For Higher
- [North Dakota First State To Make Church Attendance Mandatory](http://fmobserver.com/north-dakota-first-state-to-make-church-attendance-mandatory/) - Bismarck, ND - The North Dakota legislature has now made attending church on Sunday required by law. The bill which passed unanimously will also give a 10% tithe from each church's offering plates to the state as a thank you kickback for requiring every North Dakota citizen to attend church each and every week. "We
- [Amsterdam Douglass Donates Priceless Painting For Global Cooling Fundraiser](http://fmobserver.com/amsterdam-douglass-donates-priceless-painting-for-global-cooling-fundraiser/) - West Fargo, ND - To get things kicked off for our Annual Global Cooling Silent Auction Fundraiser, local artist Amsterdam Douglass has graciously donated his amazing work called True Blue Sky. Amsterdam Douglass: "Even tho it's worth a lot more, we're setting the minimum bid on this painting at an even $500,000 since fighting Global
- [Military Developing Pink Night Vision Just For Female Fighters](http://fmobserver.com/military-developing-pink-night-vision-just-for-female-fighters/) - Pink, Oklahoma - The U.S. Military working in conjunction with the color pink has come up with new pink night-vision goggles for its female fighting force. The traditional green phosphor night-vision was designed for males whose eyes are more sensitive to the green color pallet. But Dr. Ivon Pinski who heads up Project Pink says the
- [Moorhead Names Itself The Most Scenic City In The Moorhead Area](http://fmobserver.com/moorhead-names-itself-the-most-scenic-city-in-the-moorhead-area/) - Moorhead, MN - The city that was originally named after Captain Ralph Moorhead (who opened Ralph's Corner Bar which Moorhead subsequently tore down) is proud to announce that it has named itself the most scenic city in the Moorhead area. Some of the fascinating viewscapes in Moorhead almost take your breath away as if you've
- [Groups Of Homeless Living In Trees East Of Glyndon](http://fmobserver.com/groups-of-homeless-living-in-trees-east-of-glyndon/) - Glyndon, MN - Even though you perhaps cannot see them from Highway 10 as you're driving to/fro Detroit Lakes, they can certainly see you driving by. Many of the groups of trees visible from Highway 10 just East of Glyndon, Minisoda now house numerous groups of homeless people living in hammocks and cleverly designed lean-to shelters.
- [Rooftop Dancing Is The New Downtown Fargo Party Craze](http://fmobserver.com/rooftop-dancing-is-the-new-downtown-fargo-party-craze/) - Fargo, ND - As we all know, each and every new national craze usually starts as a spark in someone's brain. Well, the new craze is Rooftop Dancing and it began in renascent Downtown Fargo. The idea came to Mr. Paden Crofoot after he had consumed multiple adult beverages during a brainstormy evening in Fargo's
- [Fargo Man Suing Hospital For Mistakenly Removing His Novanoid](http://fmobserver.com/fargo-man-suing-hospital-for-mistakenly-removing-his-novanoid/) - Fargo, ND - After having his novanoid removed erroneously by a distracted surgeon, Donovan Ion is lawyering up to sioux the hospital. The surgeon-at-fault admits he may have been sexting during the botched operation but veinly consoles by saying not having a novanoid taint the end of the world. Since the hospital in question clearly
- [FMO's ABCs For Living Happily Ever After](http://fmobserver.com/fmos-abcs-for-living-happily-ever-after/) - West Fargo, ND - With wedding season just around the coroner, your FM Observer is offering free marriage counseling advice to those who seek to soon enter the gates of matrimonial blissful harmony. FMO's ABCs For A Happy Marriage! Always admit you're wrong even when you're right. Be accountable especially when paying taxes to the IRS. Communicate
- [In Honor Of Humpday, Defense Dept Introduces An Old/New Military Weapon](http://fmobserver.com/in-honor-of-humpday-defense-dept-introduces-an-oldnew-military-weapon/) - Zumbrota, MN - Cleverly being introduced on Humpday, the U.S. Military is proud to unveil one of its newest weapons to be used in conquering the world. It is called the Zumbooruk which is a cannon shot from the back of a one-humped camel. Even tho this idea has been around for centuries, secret military
- [Fargo Singing Group To Perform On Jimmy Fallon's Tonight Show](http://fmobserver.com/fargo-singing-group-to-perform-on-jimmy-fallons-tonight-show/) - Fargo, ND - A very popular singing group from Fargo called Six Jumpy Biscuits will soon be performing on The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon. Mr. Fallon discovered the group by accident when he literally ran them over with his vehicle while staying in Fargo recently in order to visit Moorhead's famous super haunted house
- [Trump To Use LGBTQ To Make America Great Again](http://fmobserver.com/trump-to-use-lgbtq-to-make-america-great-again/) - Lazear, CO - In an effort to keep his promise to make American great again, President Trump will be using the LGBTQ for military weapons testing. As we all know, L.G.B.T.Q. stands for Laser Guided Bomb Testing Quadrants. These are special areas set aside by the federal government for testing the latest new secret laser-guided
- [Moorhead Hoarder Finds Dead Husband Buried Under Tons Of Junk](http://fmobserver.com/moorhead-hoarder-finds-dead-husband-buried-under-tons-of-junk/) - Moorhead, MN - The Department of Health and Human Services is reporting that a woman who wishes to remain anonymous recently found her deceased husband under some of her belongings. Agnes Elhart of 1313 Hoarder Drive in Moorhead now wonders "why would Clarence have been crawling around underneath my newspaper collection?" Agnes further ponders: "Maby
- [Gmail Now Permitting Use Of Emoji In New Email Addresses](http://fmobserver.com/gmail-now-permitting-use-of-emoji-in-email-addresses/) - Palo Alto, CA - Great news this day for emoji fans and horrifying news for emoji haters. That little smileyface icon you've fallen in love with using in messages has taken one step closer to formally joining the lexicon as Google announced yesterday it is allowing those characters in brand new Gmail usernames. Now, instead
- [Man Hit By Train In Stable Condition While Recovering At The Morgue](http://fmobserver.com/man-hit-by-train-in-stable-condition-while-recovering-at-the-morgue/) - Moorhead, MN - Police report that a man was hit by a train in Moorhead early this morning. Officer Tarin Starck believes that 1. either the man did not know where he was walking, or 2. he knew but did not know a train was coming, or 3. he knew but thought he could jump
- [FMO Hiring Day Will Be A Week From Next Month](http://fmobserver.com/fmo-hiring-day-will-be-a-week-from-next-month/) - West Fargo, ND - Yes, once again it's almost Hiring Day at the FM Observer! Because we've lost some impotent associates during this last hectically wonderful year, we'll be looking to fill some key vacancies in our team line-up, including: Assistant Vice President, Assistant to the Vice President, Rogue Reporter #2, Field Reporter #3, Head
- [Fargo Bar Fight Begins After Man Asks Another To Borrow His Toogit](http://fmobserver.com/fargo-bar-fight-begins-after-man-asks-another-to-borrow-his-toogit/) - Fargo, ND - In what could have been because of a possible misunderstanding, a bar fight broke out last night in a downtown Fargo bar after one man seemingly innocently asked a stranger if he could borrow the other man's toogit. Things quickly escalated to the point where push came to shove followed by the
- [FMO Interviews United Airlines CEO Oscar Muñoz](http://fmobserver.com/fmo-interviews-united-airlines-ceo-oscar-munoz/) - Chicago, IL - Our on-the-spot field agent reporter in Chicago is Zurdly Zervative who just happened to file this timely interview with the CEO of United Airlines after they forcibly removed a fully paid passenger from his seat for not voluntarily giving up his seat to Louisville because the flight was overbooked. FM Observer: Is
- [United Airlines Expecting Insignificant Revenue Shortfall Amidst Controversy](http://fmobserver.com/united-airlines-expecting-insignificant-revenue-shortfall-amidst-controversy/) - Louisville, KY - $36 billion in annual revenue could turn into a mere $33 billion after video of United airline staff violently re-appropriating or re-accommodating or re-moving or whatever they call what they did to a paid customer surfaced the other day. "We might lose a couple potential flyers. It is an unfortunate consequence of millions of people
- [Playing Slot Machines Good For Health](http://fmobserver.com/playing-slot-machines-good-for-health/) - Jackpot, Nevada - A new comprehensive study by casinos shows that there are numerous health benefits associated with playing slot machines. Essentially, the more time spent playing slot machines, the healthier (and sometimes wealthier) you become. Doctor Simon Cleath who conducted the study for the casino industry says the results were somewhat surprising. "We knew
- [Fargo Man Demonstrates How To Levitate Using Advanced Meditation Techniques](http://fmobserver.com/fargo-man-demonstrates-how-to-levitate-using-advanced-meditation-techniques/) - Fargo, ND - If you believe in levitation but have never actually witnessed it, or if you would have to see it in order to believe it, then you're in luck. Tony Vedic, who grew up in Levita, Texas but who now calls Fargo home, not only can levitate with the best of them, but
- [Russians Hack Krispy Kreme's Secret Recipe](http://fmobserver.com/russians-hack-krispy-kremes-secret-recipe/) - Moscow, Pennsylvania - With no evidence to back it up, President Trump is alleging that the Russians have hacked Krispy Kreme Doughnuts and stolen their secret recipe. FM Observer: So, what do you think about the Russians supposedly hacking Krispy Kreme's secret doughnut recipe? President Trump: I think it's a bad deal, a very bad deal,
- [New FM Area Golf Course To Cross Interstate Highway](http://fmobserver.com/new-fm-area-golf-course-to-cross-interstate-highway/) - Fargo, ND - In an effort to keep up with a growing demand for golf courses in the greater Fargo-Moorhead area, Urban Golf Association Partners (UGAP) is opening its newest challenge along Interstate 94. It is called Fargo Diversions and its catchy slogan is: "We put the PAR in Party!" This unique golf course will
- [Cancellation Of UND Women's Hockey Was Just A Bad April Fool's Joke](http://fmobserver.com/cancellation-of-und-womens-hockey-was-just-a-bad-april-fools-joke/) - Grand Forks, ND - As many expected, the recent announcement that the famed UND Women's Hockey program at the University of North Dakota was just a complete fake-news hoax. It turns out that the university's decision makers simply wanted to play a big joke on the top-notch world-class Women's Hockey program but did not think
- [FMO Interviews The Queen Of England](http://fmobserver.com/fmo-interviews-the-queen-of-england/) - Who says persistence doesn't pay off? After many repeated requests for an exclusive interview with the Royal Queen of England, she finally graciously agreed to grant us permission to ask her a few questions. Enjoy! FM Observer: You're known to many as Queen Elizabeth II. What is your actual full name? Her Majesty: My real name is Elizabeth Alexandra Mary Windsor.
- [FMObserver Soon To Open University Dedicated To Teaching Fake News](http://fmobserver.com/fmobserver-soon-to-open-university-dedicated-to-teaching-fake-news/) - West Fargo, ND - A dream of our FMO Founding Fathers will soon come to pass: Having our very own university entirely focused on teaching every asspect of Fake News. What began as a basic remote summer camp with a few tents will soon proudly be a full-scale university with doors, toilets and even a
- [Local Hospitals Reporting Increasing Numbers Of Gogopox Cases](http://fmobserver.com/local-hospitals-reporting-increasing-numbers-of-gogopox-cases/) - Moorhead, MN - The first of many new 21st century diseases is making its presence known in the Midwest. Many over-crowded area hospitals are now reporting a sudden spike in the number of serious cases of Gogopox. This rare pox-type disease is believed to have mutated from the British eating horse meat at certain unnamed
- [Fargo's Dr. Hendassa Calling It Quits After 150 Years Of Service](http://fmobserver.com/fargos-dr-hendassa-calling-it-quits-after-150-years-of-service/) - Fargo, ND - Fargo's own Dr. Frank Hendassa has decided to finally retire after practicing medicine for 150 years. Dr. Hendassa opened the original Dakota Clinic out of a covered wagon back in the year 1867, the same year that Nebraska became the 37th state. This was the year that antiseptic surgery and mouthwash were
- [Jack Nicholson Opening A Bar In Downtown Fargo](http://fmobserver.com/jack-nicholson-opening-a-bar-in-downtown-fargo/) - Fargo, ND - Actor Jack of the Nicholson clan plans to open a new bar in renascent downtown Fargo called The Cuckoo's Nest. Not only does Jack Nicholson plan on opening a state-of-the-art bar in Fargo, but he also plans on spending a lot of time there visiting with Fargo locals who also enjoy sipping
- [Gang Signs Causing Fights Between Rival Retirement Homes](http://fmobserver.com/gang-signs-causing-fights-between-rival-retirement-homes/) - Fargo, ND - Apparently residents of opposing retirement homes in the Fargo area have been flashing gang signs back and forth at each other to the point where it has become "problematical". Police reports indicate that residents of Death Valley Retirement Home have been ramping up tensions between themselves and their opposition gang which resides at
- [Nigerian Prince Email Scam Academy Set to Launch This Spring](http://fmobserver.com/nigerian-prince-scam-academy-set-to-launch-this-spring/) - The Nigerian Scam Academy (NSA) is now accepting open enrollment for its introductory courses in Spam Arts.
- [The Northern To Begin Drug Testing Female Dancers](http://fmobserver.com/the-northern-to-begin-drug-testing-female-dancers/) - Club Northern has vowed to begin drug testing female talent, but there's a catch...
- [Husband Of Peanut Farmer's Wife Driving Her Nuts](http://fmobserver.com/husband-of-peanut-farmers-wife-driving-her-nuts/) - Nuttsville, Virginia - Murly Spanielson says her husband is to blame for her having gone completely nuts. Ironically, Sparky Spanielson, a nut farmer by trade, has said he pleads not guilty to all charges except for maybe the "going nuts" part. Murly has supposedly gone through all the different stages of going nuts and is
- [New Fargo Donut Shop Specifically Designed For People On Drugs](http://fmobserver.com/new-fargo-donut-shop-specifically-designed-for-people-on-drugs/) - Fargo, ND - Entrepreneur Jami Hendrix is opening a new doughnut shop in Downtown Fargo. The unique thing about this donut shoppe is that it will be created with people on drugs in mind. Jami Hendrix: "Rather than deny we hava drug problem in Fargo, why not accept it and then cater to it?" She
- [Fargo Downtowner Arrested For Repeated Dawdlings](http://fmobserver.com/fargo-downtowner-arrested-for-repeated-dawdlings/) - Fargo, ND - Nyork Slocco, who calls the general downtown Fargo area his home, was arrested by police for "dawdling". "No man! You got it all wrong. I was in no way dawdling! Dallying a bit maybe, yes, but deafinitely not dawdling," says an adamant Slocco. The arresting police officer added that there might have
- [FM Area To Begin Spraying For Gadflies](http://fmobserver.com/fm-area-to-begin-spraying-for-gadflies/) - Fargo, ND - Aerial sprayers working in conjunction with NDSU bugologists will be taking their fight to the gadfly population this summer, along with the other usual suspects: mosquitoes. The gadfly (pronounced: gad-fly), which has been a problem since Greek times, is usually only a nuisance to livestock by biting them repeatedly until they start
- [Fargo's Plan To Ban Plastic Bags Irks Some Civil Liberties Groups](http://fmobserver.com/fargos-plan-to-ban-plastic-bags-irks-some-civil-liberties-groups/) - Fargo, ND - Many civil liberties groups are beginning to push back against the Fargo City Commission's early attempts to ban plastic bags from the city. They collectively say: "What Commissioner Jan Strond is proposing is just unfair against plastic bags, some who have immigrated from other countries where they may have been threatened. Banning
- [Vasco Corporation Now Hiring Part-Time Workers To Test Wetchops](http://fmobserver.com/vasco-corporation-now-hiring-part-time-workers-to-test-wetchops/) - West Fargo, ND - Please answer the following questions honestly: Are you a motivated person who is looking for something better to focus your energy on? (Yes, No) Do you feel that up until this point in your life that your potential has mostly remained latent? (Yes, No) Has your self esteem taken a blow
- [New Chinese Poodle Puppies Come In Variety Of Colours](http://fmobserver.com/new-chinese-poodle-puppies-come-in-variety-of-colours/) - 獣兵衛忍風帖, China - Have you been waiting to get a puppy until new color choices were available? Were you wishing that the colors of Chinese Poodle Puppies were only limited by infinity? Have you been waiting to get a dog that would blow the minds of all your neighbors? Well, your wait is finally over!
- [Fargo Psychic Wins Lottery For Ninth Time](http://fmobserver.com/fargo-psychic-wins-lottery-for-ninth-time/) - Unbeknownst to most hoi polloi, living amongst Fargo's commonfolk resides One with a "most powerful" gift. Fargo's Miss Divine can foretell the future "well enough" to have just won a record nine lottery jackpots.
- [Goat-Boat Woman To Challenge The Mississippi](http://fmobserver.com/goat-boat-woman-to-challenge-the-mississippi/) - Miss Hazel Brown of Pilottown, Louisiana is about to attempt the unattainable. Miss Brown (Miss is short for Mississippi) has been preparing to navigate all 2,320 miles of the Mississippi River
- [Man-On-The-Street Checking The ZeitGeist](http://fmobserver.com/man-on-the-street-checking-the-zeitgeist/) - Fargo, ND - Our man Jay Hazer is back out on the streets of Fargo once again to check the Zeitgeist of what's happening in the Fargo area and how real local folks are feeling these days. Jay Hazer: Scuze me, how do you feel about the Zeitgeist? Man #1: What the hell are you
- [Fargo Witch Heading To Trial](http://fmobserver.com/fargo-witch-heading-to-trial/) - Fargo, ND - Deirdre Cummings has been charged in Fargo District Court with three counts of witchcraft, bewitching, and witchery. Ms. Cummings will soon be on trial for multiple counts of practicing her practice within Fargo city limits which is a fourth class felony under the state's mandated uniformed citizenry code of ethics. Her attorney
- [Fargo Student Has Seriously Woke Minecraft](http://fmobserver.com/fargo-student-has-seriously-woke-minecraft/) - Geil Carmister, 12, has caught the attention of friends, teachers, and the FM Observer with his uncanny ability to depict real life situations, especially geopolitical ones, using the computer-generated world simulation game Minecraft.
- [FM Observer Hiring SPAM Email Answerer](http://fmobserver.com/fm-observer-hiring-spam-email-answerer/) - One lucky Larry will be assigned the unending task of replying hilariously to every SPAM email fmobserver@gmail.com gets.
- [Andrew WK To Give Up Partying For Lent](http://fmobserver.com/andrew-wk-to-give-up-partying-for-lent/) - The Observer has learned, via a tweet posted on Facebook via a StumbleUpon to Reddit cross-post, that famous party animal Andrew WK has formally given up partying for lent.
- [Hawaii Votes To Add Another Island Named Zaui](http://fmobserver.com/hawaii-votes-to-add-another-island-named-zaui/) - Honolulu, Hawaii - As if it didn't already have enough beautiful paradise islands, the state of Hawaii has overwhelmingly voted to add another inhabitable island to its current list of seven. The new island is going to be called Zaui and will include "the best of the best" from each of the other islands. Hawaii's
- [Dr. Finance Answer$ Your Money Question$](http://fmobserver.com/dr-finance-answer-your-money-question/) - Mrs. Blanch Gladstone asks: Our home is worth less than what we owe on it. What can we do?
- [Boeing 787 Is (Almost) A Dream Machine](http://fmobserver.com/boeing-787-is-almost-a-dream-machine/) - Except for a few minor glitches, the new Boeing 787 Dreamliner could be the most ultra-modern and problem-free passenger airplane ever assembled by union hands.
- [Gay Love Donkeys To Be Married](http://fmobserver.com/gay-love-donkeys-to-be-married-2/) - A couple of gay Love Donkeys will soon "tie the knot" at the local zoo. It's believed to be the first known pair of gay Love Donkeys in captivity to be married within the confines of a zoo-type environment.
- [Lunatics Banned From Washington DC](http://fmobserver.com/lunatics-banned-from-washington-dc/) - Back in December of 2012, Congress temporarily set aside its gridlock in an unusual bipartisan effort to ban the word 'lunatic' from all federal legislation. The new law was designed to remove outdated or demeaning language from existing US code.
- [Tom Cruise Certain Scientology Not A Hoax](http://fmobserver.com/tom-cruise-certain-scientology-not-a-hoax/) - World famous movie star and maverick is adamant that Scientology is not a hoax. Our affiliate Hollywood reporter, Tojo Saxton, has some interesting new information about all this.
- [Cat Receiving Monthly Social Security Checks](http://fmobserver.com/cat-receiving-monthly-social-security-checks/) - Cat owner was "surprised as hell" when her young cat started receiving a monthly social security check. What started out as an apparent system glitch has compounded itself into some nice additional income.
- [Young Local Chess Master Has Big Plans](http://fmobserver.com/young-local-chess-master-has-big-plans/) - A young local chess prodigy wants all home-schooled children to form teams. Cooper Sterling has been a chess master since age six.
- [New Flashcards Make Learning Chinese Easy](http://fmobserver.com/new-flashcards-make-learning-chinese-easy/) - Have you always wanted to be able to speak fluent conversational Chinese, but thought it was too difficult to learn? When eating at a Chinese restaurant, have you often wondered what the owners are saying? Now, because of a new break-through in learning the Chinese language, you too can be speaking perfect Chinese in a matter of weeks. The Flash-Learn Company has put together a new set of language flashcards that make it possible for anyone to easily learn how to speak and understand Chinese.
- [Dog Show Winner Actually A Polar Bear!](http://fmobserver.com/dog-show-winner-actually-a-polar-bear/) - The 137th Annual Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show has been rocked by scandal. Shortly after the Best-In-Show winner was named at Madison Square Garden, it was discovered that the winning dog was actually a polar bear cub, named Knut.
- [Start Your Own Bucket List Club](http://fmobserver.com/start-your-own-bucket-list-club/) - Not long after hearing about the 2007 movie "The Bucket List", my spouse-mate and I decided to start our own Bucket List Club. We thought the idea of having lists of things we each wanted to do before we "kicked the bucket" was a cool idea.
- [Fargo's Most Famous Poet Tries To Explain His Best Works](http://fmobserver.com/fargos-most-famous-poet-tries-to-explain-his-best-works/) - Fargo, ND - Nedley Graves is known far and wide as probably thee most famous poet to ever call Fargo, ND his home. His whole life has been spent writing poetry to the extent that his home is so full of it that it was specially zoned as a historic library of major literary significance,
- [Trump To Introduce Family's New Pet Llama Whose Name Is Dolly](http://fmobserver.com/trump-to-introduce-familys-new-pet-llama-whose-name-is-dolly/) - Washington, DC - Breaking from long-standing tradition once again, instead of introducing a new First Dog to the country as most presidents have done in the past, President Donald Trump and his First Family will be unveiling their new pet llama named Dolly. As it was a gift from the Bolivian Llama Party, the First
- [FMObserver To Purchase City Of Fargo For Undisclosed Number Of Bitcoins](http://fmobserver.com/fmobserver-to-purchase-city-of-fargo-for-undisclosed-number-of-bitcoins/) - West Fargo, ND - The FM Observer is in consideration talks to purchase the entire City of Fargo. Our top-notch negotiators have been assiduously working on securing a mutually beneficial deal with the City of Fargo. Since it is so difficult to ascertain an accurate dollar value of the City of Fargo, an overall appraisal
- [FMO's Buddy Driscoll Will Be Driving The #99 Car In The Daytona 500 Race](http://fmobserver.com/fmos-buddy-driscoll-will-be-driving-the-99-car-in-the-daytona-500-race/) - Daytona Beach, FL - The FM Observer will be watching the Daytona 500 this year with an extra element of excitement. Buddy "Bloody" Driscoll will be our designated driver and driving the #99 Nascar in hopes of taking the checkered flag for the FM Observer Team after 200 times around the track. Buddy, who is
- [Motivational Speaker Marv Hoppler Coming To Fargo For Some Accelerated Sessions](http://fmobserver.com/motivational-speaker-marv-hoppler-coming-to-fargo-for-some-accelerated-sessions/) - Fargo, ND - The FM Observer is proud to announce that Marv Hoppler will be coming to Fargo soon to do what he is famous for: Motivational Speaking! Dr. Hoppler has won numerous awards as one of the best motivational speakers in the country. His focus for this upcoming visit to Fargo will be how
- [Elderly Fargo Man Will Not Pay His Property Taxes Until Diversion Is Done](http://fmobserver.com/elderly-fargo-man-will-not-pay-his-property-taxes-until-diversion-is-done/) - Fargo, ND - A long-time resident of Fargo who was one of the first to originally support the Red River Diversion feels that the city needs a little extra motivation to get the job done. So, Harold Myerson is planning on not paying his property taxes until the project has been completed. Mr. Myerson calls
- [Jamba Joot To Headline Fargo Reggae Fest](http://fmobserver.com/jamba-joot-to-headline-fargo-reggae-fest/) - Fargo, ND - This summer's highly anticipated Fargo Reggae Fest is excitedly stoked to announce that Jamba Joot will be the headlining act at this year's all-star event. Jamba Joot has played at literally every Reggae Fest in the world except for the Fargo Reggae Fest, but luckily that will soon no longer be true.
- [Dr. Pepper Advises All His Patients To Drink More Soda Pop](http://fmobserver.com/dr-pepper-advises-all-his-patients-to-drink-more-soda-pop/) - Pepper Pike, OH - Dr. Pepper, who's become a well-known physician throughout the country because of his promotion of health on his television show, is encouraging all his patients to drink more soda pop. "In the North they drink pop and down South they call it soda, but wherever you live and whatever you call
- [ND Lawmakers Vote To Cut Their Own Pay And Always Wear Jeans](http://fmobserver.com/nd-lawmakers-vote-to-cut-their-own-pay-and-always-wear-jeans/) - Bismarck, ND - Following the new theme of reinventing government, North Dakota lawmakers have voted to cut their own pay by 15%. "This will show the legendary people of North Dakota that we are serious about making North Dakota great again," said a blue jeans-wearing caucus leader during an afternoon tea break. The full legislative
- [Man Dies When Far-Sighted Reptile Mistakes Him For Large Rodent](http://fmobserver.com/man-dies-when-far-sighted-reptile-mistakes-him-for-large-rodent/) - Dilworth, MN - The Minnesota Animal Task Force has reported that a large reptilian pet that escaped from its steel cage gradually wandered over into a nearby neighbor's yard where it consumed a small man. The victim was a diminutive gentleman by the name of Dr. Nome Fletcher, a retired motivational speaker who lived alone
- [Fargo To Legalize Pot Holes](http://fmobserver.com/fargo-to-legalize-pot-holes/) - In what some consider a bold move, the City of Fargo is highly considering legalizing pot holes and breaking with long-standing Federal Law. Some states have recently gone the route of legalizing what many find to be a societal nuisance. After hashing it out to some late-night Pink Floyd, Fargo officials are now showing indications they might be ready to legalize the ubiquitous "problem".
- [Obama Ninja Army Fighting Climate Change](http://fmobserver.com/obama-ninja-army-fighting-climate-change/) - It is potentially alleged that in the smoldering wake of his White House tenure, former President Obama has been using covert operations to keep the cherished climate change initiative alive.
- [Fargo City Leaders Vote Yes To Seek Out Guatemalan Sister City](http://fmobserver.com/fargo-city-leaders-vote-yes-to-seek-out-guatemalan-sister-city/) - Fargo, ND - In a historic vote which passed almost unanimously, Fargo city commissioners collectively concurred on beginning the long and arduous process of finding a community in the exotic country of Guatemala that might want to buddy up with Fargo and become our second Sister City. Fargo currently has only one other Sister City
- [Moorhead Couple Spends Valentine's Evening Together In Jail After Being Arrested For Disrespecting An Officer](http://fmobserver.com/moorhead-couple-spends-valentines-evening-together-in-jail-after-being-arrested-for-disrespecting-an-officer/) - Moorhead, MN - Trelga and Nevron Broomstad simply wanted to go eat out at one of Moorhead's finer restaurants on Valentine's Day and then perhaps head back home to snuggle and maybe watch some reruns of reruns on television. Unfortunately, on their way home, the Broomstads got pulled over by a Moorhead police officer for
- [Many College Students Admit To Living Off Of Costco Free Samples](http://fmobserver.com/many-college-students-admit-to-living-off-of-costco-free-samples/) - Fargo, ND - The FM Observer has learned from our last year's annual survey that a large number of area college students who are often living on a rather tight budget regularly eat for free at the Costso store. Franseska Thrice, who's studying Animal Sciences at NDSU, admits that just by sauntering through Costco and
- [Johnnny's Fifth Retrospective (Posts 400-500)](http://fmobserver.com/johnnnys-fifth-retrospective-posts-400-500/) - Since 500 is such a nice round number, it was decided to use the occasion of my 500th post to take a trip back down memory lane. So, it's time once again to look back on Johnnny's last 100 posts on your FM Observer. All posts are listed as clickable hyperlinks in chronological order. Enjoy!
- [Rural Fargo Man Cornered By Moose For 'A Really Really Long Time'](http://fmobserver.com/rural-fargo-man-cornered-by-moose-for-a-really-really-long-time/) - Fargo, ND - A rural Fargo man was simply trying to bring the garbage out prior to heading off to work on a foggy Monday morning when he suddenly heard a very large noise. In the early morning light, Bruno Maneek says he then saw something moving toward him from the dense brushy forest next
- [Fargo Homeless Man Amasses Fortune From Penny Trays](http://fmobserver.com/fargo-homeless-man-amasses-fortune-from-penny-trays/) - A homeless man who has been calling Fargo home for the past few years shared his amazing story with the FM Observer recently.
- [Pinochle Players Spending Most Of The Time Arguing About Trump](http://fmobserver.com/pinochle-players-spending-most-of-the-time-arguing-about-trump/) - Fair Play, TX - Ever since Donald Trump was elected president, what used to be friendly relaxing games of pinochle have become more heated political debate sessions. Pinochle players such as Arnie Macnaughton of Fair Play, Texas admit that he and his pinochle cohorts now spend more time arguing about Trump than they do actually
- [Ambien User Somnambulates To X-Wife's House To Ask For Nullification Of Divorce](http://fmobserver.com/ambien-user-somnambulates-to-x-wifes-house-to-ask-for-nullification-of-divorce/) - Moorhead, MN - After taking more than the prescribed normal dosage of Ambien to help him fall asleep, Victor Rishikof walked in his sleep to the home of his ex-wife while only wearing a bath robe. Once there, Victor repeatedly rang the doorbell at around three in the morning. His ex-wife Sheila eventually answered the
- [Glyndon MN Considering Covering Entire Town With A Clear Dome](http://fmobserver.com/glyndon-mn-considering-covering-entire-town-with-a-clear-dome/) - Glyndon, MN - The quaint town of Glyndon which is often merely thought of as a suburb of Dilworth will possibly soon be covered with a good-sized clear plastic dome thus making it one of the largest greenhouses in the world. This most interesting idea is the brainchild of Jesper Søndergaard, a Glyndon resident, who
- [FMO Planning An Exciting Bus Tour Excursion For Our Readers To The Fossil Fish Festival](http://fmobserver.com/fmo-planning-an-exciting-bus-tour-excursion-for-our-readers-to-the-fossil-fish-festival/) - West Fargo, ND - The FMO Tour Bus is being cleaned out (from our last trip to the State Prison) for our next Reader Tour Fun Package! Where are we going this time? To Wyoming, to see the amazing Fossil Fish Festival on February 18th! You may ask yourself: Whyoming? Well, because that's where the
- [FMO's Public Service Announcements For The Weeks Of February 8-22](http://fmobserver.com/fmos-public-service-announcements-for-the-weeks-of-february-8-22/) - West Fargo, ND - Here are your Public Service Announcements from the FM Observer for the weeks of February 8 to February 22 in order of first to last: ☺Nome Fletcher would like to challenge anyone to fight him in his garage. Nome is suffering from Hypofightroid Disease and finds that physical pummelling tends to
- [Fargo To Get Its Very Own Soap Opera](http://fmobserver.com/fargo-to-get-its-very-own-soap-opera/) - Fargo will soon be getting its own soap opera called Fargo Family. It will be based in Fargo, be about Fargo, and all the actors will be from Fargo.
- [North Dakota county hopes somebody will run for prosecutor](http://fmobserver.com/north-dakota-county-hopes-somebody-will-run-for-prosecutor/) - After controversy forced the last county prosecutor out of office, the position has been left vacant for the past couple months. Now, Pembina county is absolutely terrified that nobody will run for the primary this June.
- [Lady Gaga To Bring Performance Art Tour To Fargo](http://fmobserver.com/lady-gaga-to-bring-performance-art-tour-to-fargo/) - Stage performer Lady Gaga, fresh off one of the most scintillating Super Bowl halftime show performances of the modern era, has formally announced that she will embark on a nationwide "performance art" tour.
- [Fargo North Dakota Seeking To Copyright The Word 'Fargo'](http://fmobserver.com/fargo-north-dakota-seeking-to-copyright-the-word-fargo/) - Fargo city planners in smoky back rooms are secretly planning to copyright the name 'Fargo'. The calculated but risky move which is being co-orchestrated by Dan Grof and Rod Fang could possibly mean millions in extra revenue for the City of Fargo if things go as planned.
- [New Downtown Fargo Bar/Restaurant To Provide Horse Stables For Its Cowboy Patrons](http://fmobserver.com/new-downtown-fargo-barrestaurant-to-provide-horse-stables-for-its-cowboy-patrons/) - Fargo, ND - With an increasing number of cowboy customers riding horseback due to Global Warming, Downtown Fargo will soon have a new restaurant/bar which will also provide an old-fashioned stables to hold your horses in comfort while the cowboys hava shot of whiskey and an Old West-style meal while their horses get fed, bathed,
- [One Of The Most Anticipated Ads During The Super Bowl Is For 'The Super Bowl'](http://fmobserver.com/one-of-the-most-anticipated-ads-during-the-super-bowl-is-for-the-super-bowl/) - Flushing Meadows, NY - As millions of football fans watch Super Bowl 51, even more people will be tuning in to see the much-anticipated batch of advertisements during the game. One ad that many will be watching for features the world's largest toilet now available for public use. It is simply called The Super Bowl.
- [After Trump Converts To Mormonism, He Plans To Add Another First Lady](http://fmobserver.com/after-trump-converts-to-mormonism-he-plans-to-add-another-first-lady/) - Washington, DC - It has somehow been leaked that President Trump may soon use an executive order to add another First Lady to the White House after his anticipated upcoming conversion from Presbyterian to Mormonism. Now we know what all the meetings with Mitt Romney were about. Mormons allow polygamy which would fly in the
- [UND Offering Classes On How To Wake Up And Get Out Of Bed](http://fmobserver.com/und-offering-classes-on-how-to-wake-up-and-get-out-of-bed/) - Grand Forks, ND - The University of North Dakota has decided to offer special classes for its students on how to literally wake up and physically get out of bed. After noticing that a majority of students were not attending early morning classes, school officials came up with the novel idea of teaching how to
- [Large School Bus Full Of Illegal Aliens To Pass Between Earth And Moon](http://fmobserver.com/large-school-bus-full-of-illegal-aliens-to-pass-between-earth-and-moon/) - Moonshine, Illinois - Top scientists from our top-notch science department are warning that a large school bus believed to be full of illegal aliens will be passing between the Earth and the Moon soon. It is not known who if anyone is drinking while driving this bus nor whether or not it will be just
- [Local Youth Has Read Every Book In The Fargo Public Library](http://fmobserver.com/local-youth-has-read-every-book-in-the-fargo-public-library/) - Fargo, ND - A young speed reader who challenged himself to read every book in the Fargo Public Library just announced that he has accomplished his goal. Sopan Talleen is his name and reading a lot of books is his game. Sopan is a twelve year old Mensa student who was discovered to be a
- [New Fargo Religious Radio Station To Broadcast Only In Tongues](http://fmobserver.com/new-fargo-religious-radio-station-to-broadcast-only-in-tongues/) - Soon to hit the airwaves of the Fargo-Moorhead area will be a new religious radio station which might be rather difficult to understand for some. All of the on-air personalities will be speaking in tongues, which is believed to be a divine religious language of yesteryear that is completely foreign to the speaker.
- [Large Quantities Of Hydrogen And Oxygen Found In Fargo's Water Supply](http://fmobserver.com/large-quantities-of-hydrogen-and-oxygen-found-in-fargos-water-supply/) - Some newly-available digital testing instruments have shown that Fargo's water supply contains unusually large amounts of Hydrogen and Oxygen.
- [FMO's Public Service Announcements For The Fortnight Of January 24 To February 7](http://fmobserver.com/fmos-public-service-announcements-for-the-fortnight-of-january-24-to-february-7/) - West Fargo, ND - Here are your Public Service Announcements offered freely and voluntarily from the FM Observer for the weeks of January 24 to February 7 in no particularly discernable order: ☺Clem Erdman has begun selling Acme cleaning products that are almost guaranteed to be the best cleaning products you have ever boughten [sic]
- [President Trump To Make Salvation Army Part Of U.S. Military](http://fmobserver.com/president-trump-to-make-salvation-army-part-of-u-s-military/) - Trump Tower, NY - On Day One of his presidency, President Donald Trump stuck to his campaign promise to make the Salvation Army an equal member of the United States Military. "This is going to be huge, folks, trust me, it's going to be great," uttered the in-coming president. "Now bell ringers with guns will
- [Fargo Family Soap Opera Pilot Episode Script Continues](http://fmobserver.com/fargo-family-soap-opera-pilot-episode-script-continues/) - In case you've been living under a rock with a rock on top of it, we've been piecing together an exciting new soap opera for Fargo, based in Fargo and with Fargo-ish overtones. Do you want to be in it?
- [Fargo Family Soap Opera Pilot Episode Script Exclusive!](http://fmobserver.com/fargo-family-soap-opera-pilot-episode-script-exclusive/) - we are providing interested parties with a rough draft of opening scenes from the much-anticipated pilot episode of Fargo Family, Fargo's first and only soap opera scheduled to definitely maybe air.
- [Volunteers Needed To Test New Bullet-Proof Jackets](http://fmobserver.com/volunteers-needed-to-test-new-bullet-proof-jackets/) - West Fargo, ND - Security Test Labs is seeking more volunteers to help test out some new bullet proof jackets poised to soon hit the market. Volunteers will be compensated for their time and trouble but must first sign a disclaimer form prior to any testing sessions. The disclaimer states that Security Test Labs is
- [Fargo Teen Accidentally Creates An Actual Wormhole In His Bedroom](http://fmobserver.com/fargo-teen-accidentally-creates-an-actual-wormhole-in-his-bedroom/) - Fargo, ND - While working on his school project for the upcoming Science Fair, a Fargo teenager somehow created an actual wormhole in his bedroom. As we all know, a wormhole is a shortcut to another point in the space-time continuum offering a shorter distance between two vastly separated areas of the universe. Daron Bainbridge,
- [Quarterback Aaron Rodgers Denies That He Denied Being Gay](http://fmobserver.com/quarterback-aaron-rodgers-denies-that-he-denied-being-gay/) - Shortly after quarterback Aaron Rodgers recently denied being gay, he came out and denied that he made the original denial. The starr quarterback for the Green Bay Packers is essentially denying that he denied being gay.
- [Fargo Facebook Families Fatally Fear Fifty Foot Fast Flood Forecast](http://fmobserver.com/fargo-facebook-families-fatally-fear-fifty-foot-fast-flood-forecast/) - Fargo, ND - With the forecast calling for quick climate change from global cooling to global warming, many who fought The Big Flood zactly 20 years are starting to squirm any time the words "sand" or "bag" are mentioned. The Benson Family: "Yah, we probly should've built that Red River Diversion by now, doncha know?"
- [Ways To Stay Warm During A North Dakota Winter](http://fmobserver.com/ways-to-stay-warm-during-a-north-dakota-winter/) - We asked all of our FMO team members to brainstorm various ways to stay warm during the dead of winter here near Fargo, North Dakota. We then slowly simmered the list of a hundred ideas down into this Top Ten List.
- [Fargo Family Soap Opera Pilot Episode Script Is Complete](http://fmobserver.com/fargo-family-soap-opera-pilot-episode-script-is-complete/) - (Conrad is behind the wheel of his Dodge RAM Super Duty, cruising westbound down main avenue. AM 1100 plays very loudly on radio; Rush Limbaugh is talking.)
- [Recounts Show That Jill Stein Won The Election](http://fmobserver.com/recounts-show-that-jill-stein-won-the-election/) - Green Party presidential candidate Jill Stein has finally finished doing her own vote recount in Wisconsin, Michigan and Pennsylvania. Based on her new final count vote totals, she is declaring that she won the election fair and square, narrowly beating out both Donald's Trump and Hillary's Clinton.
- [List: Top 10 Things to Do In Fargo During Winter](http://fmobserver.com/list-top-10-things-to-do-in-fargo-during-winter/) - The F-M Observer has compiled a short to-do list for the coming winter months in an effort to help everyone cope. Here are some fun winter activities to get you through the season...
- [FMO's BiWeekly Public Service Announcements](http://fmobserver.com/fmos-biweekly-public-service-announcements/) - West Fargo, ND - Here is this biweekly's rendition of your FM Observer's mandatory Public Service Announcements, offered freely to you, our beloved readers, under the strict strictures of the PSA Regulatory Council of America, Section VI, Code 9, Clausette B-12, where it clearly states: Thou shalt offer thy beloved readers free Public Service Announcements of
- [Fargo Man Becomes Very Attached To His Brick](http://fmobserver.com/fargo-man-becomes-very-attached-to-his-brick/) - One fine day, Mr. Wade Dumpkins was out for his walk when he came upon a single solitary brick laying on the ground at the edge of an abandoned construction site. After carefully looking around, Mr. Dumpkins picked up the brick and then decided to carry it home with him. Mr. Wade Dumpkins has now been taking this brick pretty much everywhere he goes for the last twenty five years.
- [Prince Look-A-Like Also Loves Purple](http://fmobserver.com/prince-look-a-like-also-loves-purple/) - He looks almost exactly like Prince but his name is Piercey Asplin, who is still living, and does so in the quirky town of Moorhead.
- [First 2017 Fargo Newborn Gets A Carson Wentz Tattoo](http://fmobserver.com/first-2017-fargo-newborn-gets-a-carson-wentz-tattoo/) - The first newborn baby to be born in Fargo after the stroke of midnight on New Year's Eve was born to Erron and Martine Fenster of rural Fargo. The happy couple, who each have a number of tattoos, not only decided to name their boy Carson Wentz Fenster but had "Carson Wentz" tattooed on the boy's right forearm shortly after he was born.
- [Recently Discovered Neanderthal Man Suing For Being Called Neanderthal](http://fmobserver.com/recently-discovered-neanderthal-man-suing-for-being-called-neanderthal/) - A recently discovered Neanderthal man from the Cro-Magnon era is suing anyone who has been calling him a Neanderthal man.
- [Criss Angel To Lead US Army's New MINDFREAK Infantry](http://fmobserver.com/criss-angel-to-lead-armys-new-mindfreak-infantry/) - Chuck Hagel, the new Secretary of Defense, has decided as first order of business to implement the power of Magic to the Army's arsenal of tactics. Hagel sees Magic as a very sly, cunning and deceptive tool that our nation's military can utilize to their benefit
- [NFL players breathe sigh of relief after not making Pro Bowl](http://fmobserver.com/nfl-players-breathe-sigh-of-relief-after-not-making-pro-bowl/) - New York, NY - The National Football League Pro Bowl roster was announced recently, and much to the relief of many players around the league, they were not included.
- [Fargo's Ice Maze Is Free Freezing Fun](http://fmobserver.com/fargos-ice-maze-is-free-freezing-fun/) - One thing good about Fargo's cold winters is they supposedly help keep out the riff raff. The other good thing about having excessively cold temperatures of long durations is their conduciveness for supporting an outdoor Ice Maze.
- [Federal 'Affordable Cheese Act' Providing Free Cheese From US Government](http://fmobserver.com/federal-affordable-cheese-act-providing-free-cheese-from-us-government/) - In its infinite wisdom, the U.S. Government is now offering free cheese to anyone willing and able to eat it.
- [Vikings Plane Misses Green Bay Runway Wide Left](http://fmobserver.com/vikings-plane-misses-green-bay-runway-wide-left/) - The entire Minnesota Vikings team missed the Green Bay runway wide left while attempting to land a much-needed win against the Packers.
- [Kids: The Christmas Presents Are In Your Parents' Cursed Egyptian Sarcophagus](http://fmobserver.com/breaking-the-christmas-presents-are-in-your-parents-cursed-egyptian-sarcophagus/) - Fargo, ND—You can stop searching. The Observer has learned exactly where your parents are storing your Christmas presents, and it's not the location you're used to.
- [DECEMBER 2012 EVENT CALENDAR: What's happening in December](http://fmobserver.com/december-2012-event-calendar-whats-happening-in-december/) - Fargo, ND - Here is a list of F-M Observer sponsored events and happenings taking place in the area this December. Saturday, December 8th: MOVEMBER MUSTACHE CONTEST: DON'T SHAVE YET! SHOW OFF YOUR CHARITY-INSPIRED GRILL COVER AT OUR 1ST ANNUAL "MOVEMBER MUSTACHE GROWING CONTEST". 'STACHE JUDGES WILL BE ON HAND TO RULE ON WINNERS. AWARDS WILL
- [Mothership!  Aliens Invading Fargo-Moorhead Workforce!](http://fmobserver.com/mothership-aliens-invading-fargo-moorhead-workforce/) - It's True!!! Aliens have been spotted around the Fargo-Moorhead area. However, they are in place you would least expect. Working right next to you! That's right. Aliens have been trying to mingle amongst us here on earth for quite sometime and now their act has been compromised. How long has this been going on? How long have they been infiltrating our human race? All good questions that we have no answers to.
- [Global Cooling Forces Fargo To Purchase Ice Breaker For Red River](http://fmobserver.com/global-cooling-forces-fargo-to-purchase-ice-breaker-for-red-river/) - The City of Fargo has voted unanimously to purchase a Class-D All-Weather Icebreaker from the country of Iceland.
- [FMO's Award-Winning List Of Things To Do During The Holiday Season](http://fmobserver.com/fmos-award-winning-list-of-things-to-do-during-the-holiday-season/) - We are very proud to present FMO's award-winning list of fun, helpful, creative, and productive things to do during the sometimes-stressful Christmas holiday season.
- [Shoe Tossing The Work Of Ancient Satanic Evil Says Area Man](http://fmobserver.com/shoe-tossing-the-work-of-ancient-satanic-evil-says-area-man/) - The presence of shoes dangling from power lines has nothing to do with drugs, gangs, or kids just funnin around. No, sir, there's far more to it than that, according to FMO Correspondent and respected area elder Skint Boobidoo, III.
- [Area Man's Unhealthy Obsession With Celebrity Revealed In Cryptic Letter](http://fmobserver.com/area-mans-unhealthy-obsession-with-celebrity-revealed-in-cryptic-letter/) - This was no ordinary hunk of rubbish. The dog kept at it until it would be retrieved. He wouldn't let it go. So, the crumpled-up paper was plucked from the snowy gutter.
- [Xcel Energy Announces Power Outage Compensation Plan](http://fmobserver.com/xcel-energy-announces-power-outage-compensation-plan/) - Fargo-Moorhead area Xcel customers want to know: What's being done about all this dissapearin' electricity and whatnot?
- [Blog: When Will Climate Change Scientists Figure It Out?](http://fmobserver.com/blog-when-will-climate-change-scientists-figure-it-out/) - This year, another embarrassing u-turn for climate "scientists". First they said 2015 was the hottest year on record. Now they're saying it's 2016!
- [After Devastating Loss, NDSU Bison Football Program To Be Cancelled](http://fmobserver.com/after-devastating-loss-ndsu-bison-football-program-to-be-cancelled/) - Some thought the dream would just go on forever. People had already purchased tickets to Frisco, Texas to cheer on the NDSU Bison football team to win their sixth straight national championship, and that this would simply continue ad infinitum.
- [Fargo Man Arrested For Clearing Snow With Flamethrower](http://fmobserver.com/fargo-man-arrested-for-clearing-snow-with-flamethrower/) - Fargo, ND - Local resident Todd Fox has been detained for "reckless endangerment" and "illegal use of high-powered fire-breathing weaponry" for attacking snow with his flamethrower.
- [Man Found Living Inside Fargo Piano](http://fmobserver.com/man-found-living-inside-fargo-piano/) - Unbeknownst to the residents of a Fargo apartment, a man was found living inside their upright piano. Needless to say, the residents are "kind of freaking out" about the whole situation, say police investigators who are working the case.
- [An Online Christmas Card You Can Send To A Friend](http://fmobserver.com/an-online-christmas-card-you-can-send-to-a-friend/) - Merry Christmas to whomever you are! As we gather round the Christmas tree, Which was chopped and flocked for you and me, We nibble on some scones and sip Chablis, While outside it's a dangerous one degree.
- [Some Useful Phrases When Travelling To Norway](http://fmobserver.com/some-useful-phrases-when-travelling-to-norway/) - It seems like everyone is travelling to Norway these days. Perhaps this is the reason why the FM Observer has been repeatedly asked to provide a quick tutorial on speaking Norwegian. Since we never disappoint, here are a few key phrases we suggest memorizing prior to landing in Oslo.
- [BigFoot Spotted Wandering Around Just Outside Of Moorhead](http://fmobserver.com/bigfoot-spotted-wandering-around-just-outside-of-moorhead/) - One of our trained spotters who was out doing some bird watching recently got what is believed to be the best picture ever of The BigFoot.
- [Eggnog Support Groups Now Forming For The Holiday Season](http://fmobserver.com/eggnog-support-groups-now-forming-for-the-holiday-season/) - A new support group is now forming in the Fargo-Moorhead area for people who are Eggnogaholics. These are local folks living amongst us who cannot control their desire and lust for the holiday drink we call "Eggnog".
- [Some FM Area Businesses Allowing Use Of Cookies As Fungible Barter Tool](http://fmobserver.com/some-fm-area-businesses-allowing-use-of-cookies-as-fungible-barter-tool/) - Fargo, ND - During the holiday season, some Fargo-Moorhead businesses will be accepting cookies as payment for goods and services for amounts less than $10. "We here at the R.R.C.C. believe that barter in the form of fungible cookies is alive and well in the FM area," says Dr. Drake Duckson who is president of
- [Twelve New Words Being Added To FMO's Dictionary](http://fmobserver.com/twelve-new-words-being-added-to-fmos-dictionary/) - West Fargo, ND - As you know, at the end of each year we look back and decide what words should be added to our FMO Lexicon. Since its first publication back in 1879, our dictionary has grown into quite a load especially if being carried to skool in a backpack. So, without any further
- [Holiday Lights In Lindenwood To Be Visible From Space](http://fmobserver.com/holiday-lights-in-lindenwood-to-be-visible-from-space/) - Fargo, ND - The Fargo-Moorhead Sertoma Club is again providing a dazzling display of diodes and doodads. Holiday Lights In Lindenwood Park is open to the public and boy, is it impressive.
- [Hatchimal Hoarders Selling This Year's Hot Items Out Of Their Basement](http://fmobserver.com/hatchimal-hoarders-selling-this-years-hot-items-out-of-their-basement/) - The Good News is: There is no shortage of Hatchimals in the FM Observer area. The Bad News is: If you want this year's hottest Christmas item, you will have to pay a pretty penny to the two brothers who bought up all the Hatchimals that came into the Red River Valley.
- [Elderly Fargo Man Arrested For Driving 29 MPH On I-29](http://fmobserver.com/elderly-fargo-man-arrested-for-driving-29-mph-on-i-29/) - State Highway Patrol pulled over an elderly Fargo driver who was travelling at a very low rate of speed on Interstate-29. Mr. Cornwall Wilbertson had for some reason decided to take the interstate when driving from North Fargo to West Acres to do some early Christmas shopping.
- [Denmark Charged With Tresspassing Onto Finlandian Space Nebula](http://fmobserver.com/denmark-charged-with-tresspassing-onto-finlandian-space-nebula/) - The Interstellar Order Of Protection has charged the country of Denmark with unlawful trespass after one of Denmark's self-contained village units inadvertently breached an intergalactic boundary, traversing space territory owned by Finland.
- [Harambe's Family To Sue Zoo Who Blew Him To Timbuktu](http://fmobserver.com/harambes-family-to-sue-zoo-who-blew-him-to-timbuktu/) - Family members of the recently murdered, captive, and endangered silverback named Harambe have lawyered up and plan to sue the zoo where Harambe was shot while assisting a young, overly-curious boy who unexpectedly decided to drop in for a visit.
- [Facebook To Begin Charging Users A $30 Monthly Usage Fee](http://fmobserver.com/facebook-to-begin-charging-users-a-30-monthly-usage-fee/) - In what may come as a surprise to most Facebook users, a new $30 monthly usage fee will begin being charged in 2017.
- [Super Moon Proves It's Moving Closer To Earth](http://fmobserver.com/super-moon-proves-its-moving-closer-to-earth/) - The recent full super beaver moon is proof positive for many that the Moon is indeed moving closer to Earth. Experts say that if the current rate continues, the Moon should be just a few miles away from Earth by the year 2035.
- [Lutheran Social Services Bringing In Many Mice From MN Lakes Area Due To Lack Of Acorns There](http://fmobserver.com/lutheran-social-services-bringing-in-many-mice-from-mn-lakes-area-due-to-lack-of-acorns-there/) - In what many see as compassionate humanitarian assistance, Lutheran Social Services of Fargo has been bringing unknown numbers of mice from the Minnesota lakes area into the Fargo area to be resettled here.
- [Meditation Tents One Way To Combat Stress From Mosquitos](http://fmobserver.com/meditation-tents-one-way-to-combat-stress-from-mosquitos/) - Have you been wanting to meditate in your back yard but just could not because a thousand mosquitos wanted to suck your blood? The FM Observer feels your pain and offers a simple answer to your problem.
- [Canada Building Wall To Keep Out Mericans And Mexicans](http://fmobserver.com/canada-building-wall-to-keep-out-mericans-and-mexicans/) - While the United States continues its never-ending debate about building a wall on its southern border, Canada is actually beginning to build a wall on its southern border.
- [President Trump Puts Pink Floyd In Charge Of Building The Wall](http://fmobserver.com/president-trump-puts-pink-floyd-in-charge-of-building-the-wall/) - Wall, Texas - Wasting no time after his landslide victory, President Trump announced that he is putting Pink Floyd in charge of building The Wall. President Trump: "Pink Floyd is going to be in charge of The Wall along our Southern border. It's going to be great. It will be longer and greater than the Great
- [Repetitive Phone Calls Encourage Civic Duty](http://fmobserver.com/repetitive-phone-calls-encourage-civic-duty/) - I would like to publicly give a "thumbs up" and thank those people that made the multitude of repetitive phone calls to remind me to vote.
- [Vote For Vivian Nutwrangler Because She Wants What You Want](http://fmobserver.com/vote-for-vivian-nutwrangler-because-she-wants-what-you-want/) - If you live in, near, or far from District 82, please consider voting for Vivian Nutwrangler. Vivian is a no-nonsense candidate who is for everything you want. Even more importantly, Vivian Nutwrangler strongly opposes everything you are against.
- [Fargo Man Returns To Life After Clocks Changed Back One Hour](http://fmobserver.com/fargo-man-returns-to-life-after-clocks-changed-back-one-hour/) - In what doctors are calling "highly unusual", a hospital patient who had passed away during the early Sunday morning hours came back to life after the hospital turned the clocks back an hour to Central Standard Time.
- [West Fargo Garage Band Hits Big Time After Being Discovered By Leonardo DiCaprio](http://fmobserver.com/west-fargo-garage-band-hits-big-time-after-being-discovered-by-leonardo-dicaprio/) - West Fargo, ND - Just as Steve Jobs began tinkering with apples in his garage, three young men playing their music in a garage have blasted off from their West Fargo launch pad. The local garage band named Mind Probe was recently discovered by actor Leonardo DiCaprio who was on his way back to the Dakota Access
- [Husband Living In Doghouse Learns To Do Tricks For Treats](http://fmobserver.com/husband-living-in-doghouse-learns-to-do-tricks-for-treats/) - After multiple misbehavings, Mr. Rolph Barker was banished to the doghouse by his wife. Since then, and after being on a short leash for long enough, Rolph has started to show positive signs of improvement says Mrs. Barker.
- [Jason Bourne Moving Back To North Dakota After Learning His Identity](http://fmobserver.com/jason-bourne-moving-back-to-north-dakota-after-learning-his-identity/) - Oakes, ND - After learning that he lived and grew up in North Dakota prior to having his brain scrambled by the CIA, Jason Bourne has decided to move home again. Jason Bourne: I am very much looking forward to once again living in Oakes, North Dakota where I was supposedly raised and in the
- [Ghost Convention To Be Held In Fargo, North Dakota](http://fmobserver.com/ghost-convention-to-be-held-in-fargo-north-dakota/) - Living organizers of the International Ghost Convention have just announced that the next International Ghost Convention will be held in Fargo, North Dakota on Friday night, October 31st, or as most spiritual beings call it: Halloween.
- [Gawk Tour Bus To Visit Pipeline Protest Site Without Getting Involved](http://fmobserver.com/gawk-tour-bus-to-visit-pipeline-protest-site-without-getting-involved/) - Have you been wanting to see what's going on with the Dakota Access Pipeline Protesters without really getting involved? Would you like to watch history in the making while a major altercation is playing out?
- [Area Clowns Needed To Scare Off Pipeline Protesters](http://fmobserver.com/area-clowns-needed-to-scare-off-pipeline-protesters/) - "Clean them clowns off our city streets 'n get em out to the pipeline" Fargo, ND - Authorities think they've found a solution for all the unwelcome clowns we've noticed lately. Clowning around has the people on edge. Ronald McDonald, Bozo, Krusty--they've all gone dormant after the recent outcry. Lucky for them, authorities have found a
- [Researchers Confirm That Thursday Is The New Friday](http://fmobserver.com/researchers-confirm-that-thursday-is-the-new-friday/) - Duluth, MN - University of Minnesota at Duluth researchers have conclusively confirmed that Thursdays are now the new Fridays. Just as we at the FM Observer have longly strongly suspected, that all-important Friday slot has now been taken over by Thurdays. Professor Stuard Shy exclaims: "Because of the new extra tilting of the Earth, along
- [Tilda Swinton Adds Fargo Shapeshifting Charity Tour Stop](http://fmobserver.com/tilda-swinton-adds-fargo-shapeshifting-charity-tour-stop/) - Fargo: The Witching Hour is nigh upon you. Famed Hollywood actress Tilda Swinton, best known for her superior acting prowess, is spearheading Breast Cancer Awareness month by bringing one of her lesser-known talents on a nationwide tour for charity. Tilda Swinton's Witching Hour gives patrons an up-close glimpse into her uncanny ability to shape-shift. Metaphysical duality will be on live
- [Fargo Pedophiles Feeling Left Out This Halloween Season](http://fmobserver.com/fargo-pedophiles-feeling-left-out-this-halloween-season/) - It's a somber, sad, and gloomy month for area pedophiles as Halloween is around the corner. Lately you can see all their vans parked lonesomely in the shadows. Lurking in the dark corners, but no lurking is to be had.
- [Haunted Corn Maze Hiring 20 Children Of The Corn](http://fmobserver.com/haunted-corn-maze-hiring-20-children-of-the-corn/) - Moorhead, MN—Local terror attraction Haunted Corn Maze is in search of blonde-haired, pale-faced ghoulish children for its new Children Of The Corn exhibit.
- [Block 6 Building Reportedly Haunted](http://fmobserver.com/old-delendrecies-building-in-fargo-reportedly-haunted/) - Fargo, ND - Reports have been flying in regarding spiritual activity occurring at 620 Main Avenue, the location of the old Delendrecies department store building in Fargo.
- [World-Famous Scandinavian Folk Singer Coming To Fargo](http://fmobserver.com/world-famous-scandinavian-folk-singer-coming-to-fargo/) - The FM Observer is very proud and excited to announce that world-famous folk accordianist Hidah Tinkenbörg will be performing in Fargo sometime in the near future.
- [OBAMACAR: If You Like Your Car, You Can Keep Your Car](http://fmobserver.com/if-you-like-your-car-you-can-keep-it/) - President Obama's new Affordable Car Act (or as many affectionately call it: 'ObamaCar') was secretly rammed through Congress by Democrats in the middle of the night, while unsuspecting Republicans were asleep at the wheel.
- [UFO Spotted Within Fargo City Limits](http://fmobserver.com/ufo-spotted-within-fargo-city-limits/) - Fargo, ND - "If seeing is believing, then you can believe this one!", said NDSU Ufologist Donald Parkins who captured this amazing unidentified flying object on special digital camera equipment. The clear image of this green and yellow UFO was taken at about 2:15 AM on Sunday morning near West Acres. Dr. Parkins: "Its lights
- [Global Warmers Now Say Global Cooling Is Evidence Of Long Term Warming Trend](http://fmobserver.com/global-warmers-now-say-global-cooling-is-evidence-of-long-term-warming-trend/) - International Falls, MN - After Global Warmers from all around the world met in Minnesota, they all agreed that slightly falsified data now conclusively shows that Global Cooling is part of Global Warming and that the only way to solve the overall problem is by raising taxes. Climate Changologists meeting in International Falls, Minnesota agreed
- [Many Companies See Benefits To Adding Whack-A-Mole To Their Employee Break Rooms](http://fmobserver.com/many-companies-see-benefits-to-adding-whack-a-mole-to-their-employee-break-rooms/) - Fargo, ND - After celebrating a birthday at Chuck-E-Cheese, Connie Johnson had a great idea for the company where she worked. She put a suggestion in the Suggestion Box to have Whack-A-Mole machines installed in the company's break room. A week later six brand-new Whack-A-Mole machines were delivered and installed in the break room where
- [During Another Moment Of Confusion, Hillary Says She's Voting For Trump](http://fmobserver.com/during-another-moment-of-confusion-hillary-says-shes-voting-for-trump/) - Clintonia, USA - While ostensibly suffering from another moment of dazed confusion, Hillary's Clinton announced she is voting for Donald Trump for president. After her army of aides and handlers tried to negate her pronouncement, she doubled down by also encouraging others to follow her lead and vote for The Donald. Reporters quickly tried to
- [Republican National Committee Considering Cormorant Mayor As Presidential Nominee](http://fmobserver.com/republican-national-committee-considering-cormorant-mayor-as-presidential-nominee/) - Reince Preibus again has optioned a replacement nominee after his (purported) idea of bringing a broomstick in to replace the Donald went south faster than those backyard sparrows did last week after it got cold. We suspect that Preibus is favorably mentioning Duke, the mayor of lakeside town Cormorant in Minnesota.
- [In Case You're Not Sure, Take The FMO Sanity Test](http://fmobserver.com/in-case-youre-not-sure-take-the-fmo-sanity-test/) - During the lazy hazy crazy days of summer, we here at the FMObserver Headquarters decided to provide a much-needed free community service by rolling out the next installment of our scientifically designed Sanity Test.
- [Republican National Committee To Replace Donald Trump With Broomstick](http://fmobserver.com/republican-national-committee-to-replace-donald-trump-with-broomstick/) - At this hour, the Republican backpedal is spinning at over 6 million revolutions per second as the GOP scrambles to find a replacement for noted gropesmith Donald Trump.
- [Young Man Digging Fargo Diversion By Himself](http://fmobserver.com/young-man-digging-fargo-diversion-by-himself/) - Fargo, ND - After seeing more and more red tape causing endless delays, a young Fargo man has taken it upon himself to begin digging the controversial $2.2 billion Red River Diversion. Timmy Diggs has already dug a half mile diversion channel exactly according to the official Diversion plans and he has no plans to
- [Amnesia Support Group Forgets When And Where To Meet](http://fmobserver.com/amnesia-support-group-forgets-when-and-where-to-meet/) - Moorhead, MN - The good news is that the Fargo-Moorhead area does have a special support group just for people suffering from amnesia. The bad news is that the group has never actually met because no one has ever shown up for a meeting. The Amnesia Support Group's leader is supposedly Dr. Opie Sugarman but
- [New Meta-University Soon To Open In FM Area!](http://fmobserver.com/new-meta-university-soon-to-open-in-fm-area/) - Your FM Observer will soon be opening the nation’s first Meta-University for Advanced Meta-Cognitional Studies.
- [Boy Gets Suspended From Skool For Saying 'Shih Tzu'](http://fmobserver.com/boy-gets-suspended-from-skool-for-saying-shih-tzu/) - Moorhead, MN - The day did not go the way young Raven Tufano was expecting. After doing his normal early morning routine which included taking his dog for a walk, he then headed off to school. The teacher asked Raven's class what different kinds of dogs they could think of. She started off by mentioning
- [FMO To Host Incredible Meet & Greet Session With Carson Wentz At Our New Corporate Headquarters](http://fmobserver.com/fmo-to-host-incredible-meet-greet-session-with-carson-wentz-at-our-new-corporate-headquarters/) - With the ever-popular Carson Wentz in the area during his NFL bye week after crushing the Pittsburgh Steelers 34-3, the FMObserver will be hosting a special Meet & Greet session with the future Hall of Fame quarterback at our state-of-the-art corporate headquarters in Wentz Fargo.
- [Horoscopes For The Week Of September 25, 2016](http://fmobserver.com/horoscopes-for-the-week-of-september-25-2016/) - Your Horoscope by Nina Verbena: Horoscopes For The Week Of September 25, 2016
- [If You See This Chipmunk, Contact Your Local Authorities Immediately](http://fmobserver.com/if-you-see-this-chipmunk-contact-your-local-authorities-immediately/) - The authorities are asking for your help in finding this chipmunk who goes by the name of "Mr. Chippy".
- [E Corp Chief Technology Officer Warns Of Possible Hack](http://fmobserver.com/e-corp-cto-warns-of-possible-2nd-phase-hack/) - In a coded briefing released at 12:34:56 PM yesterday, Terry Colby, the Chief Technology Officer of banking conglomerate E Corp, warned of a possible 2nd-phase wave of hacks aimed at their users' personal data.
- [Fargo Hires Fourth Grader To Prevent System Hacking](http://fmobserver.com/fargo-hires-fourth-grader-to-prevent-system-hacking/) - The City of Fargo has decided to hire a fourth grader named Ethan Hackett to prevent hackers from infiltrating the city's new computer systems.
- [Skittles Founder Responds To Newest Trump Campaign Metaphor](http://fmobserver.com/skittles-founder-responds-to-newest-trump-campaign-metaphor/) - Skittletopia, West Virginia - The founding father of one of America's favorite candies has taken offense to this new Trump campaign musing: Shortly after Donald Trump, Jr tweeted that photo, Skittles pioneer Phictor Skittle went ballistic on behalf of the small sugary candy his family invented back in the early 1940s. "Isn't it too bad
- [Wounded Knee Could Leave Adrian Peterson A Paralegal For The Rest Of His Life](http://fmobserver.com/battle-of-wounded-knee-could-leave-adrian-peterson-a-paralegal-for-the-rest-of-his-life/) - After only seven quarters of football, Adrian Peterson's 2016 season appears to be in serious jeopardy.
- [Stephen King To Read Scary Books To Children At Fargo Liberry](http://fmobserver.com/stephen-king-to-read-scary-books-to-children-at-fargo-liberry/) - As a public service announcement, consider yourself now informed that author Stephen King will be reading scary books to children every day all next month at the Fargo Public Liberry.
- [Police Turkeys Helping Moorhead Police Solve Crimes](http://fmobserver.com/police-turkeys-helping-moorhead-police-solve-crimes/) - If you see small groups of turkeys along the Red River in Moorhead, chances are the police will not be far behind. Moorhead Police are now using domesticated, trained wild turkeys to solve many heretofore previously unsolved crimes.
- [George Soros Admits To Being Emperor Palpatine](http://fmobserver.com/george-soros-admits-to-being-emperor-palpatine/) - After receiving a tip from one of our readers, we did some old-fashioned investigative reporting and discovered that George Soros is Emperor Palpatine.
- [Send A Basket Of Deplorables From Hillary's Flower Shoppe](http://fmobserver.com/send-a-basket-of-deplorables-from-hillarys-flower-shoppe/) - A new business is finally opening in the former bustling city of Moorhead, Minisoda. Hillary's Flower Shoppe will soon be inaugurating its service to the public.
- [FMO Helps Gary Johnson Answer The Question: What Is A Leppo?](http://fmobserver.com/fmo-helps-gary-johnson-answer-the-question-what-is-a-leppo/) - In an effort to help presidential candidate Gary Johnson confidently answer the question: "What is a Leppo?", the FM Observer has done some quick yet thorough research into this impotent matter.
- [Most People In FM Area Consider Themselves To Be Above Average](http://fmobserver.com/most-people-in-fm-area-consider-themselves-to-be-above-average/) - Our annual survey results are starting to be compiled and are showing that most of the people in the Fargo-Moorhead area consider themselves to be above average.
- [Hunting Mishap Almost Put Youngster Behind Bars](http://fmobserver.com/hunting-mishap-almost-put-youngster-behind-bars/) - A young boy named Bruce had just finished drinking some juice when he saw in the air a goose which lately had a tendency to overproduce.
- [Maui Parrot-Fish Learns To Speak Fluent Underwater English](http://fmobserver.com/maui-parrot-fish-learns-to-speak-fluent-underwater-english/) - Everyone told him it couldn't be done. No, you can't train a parrot-fish to speak English, you silly boy! That's when he wished that someday he could prove them all wrong. Twelve year old Koka Pakalolo had always dreamed of having a fish that he could talk to, but all he ever heard was that it was just a pipe dream.
- [Fargo To Build System Of Tunnel Roads](http://fmobserver.com/fargo-to-build-system-of-tunnel-roads/) - In a last-ditch effort to save downtown Fargo, smart city planners are planning a federal-funded feasibility study to investigate the likely possibility of connecting struggling downtown Fargo to the ever-popular West Acres area through a complicated system of underground tunnels.
- [Florida Hurricane Giving Zika Mosquitos A Free Ride To The Entire East Coast](http://fmobserver.com/florida-hurricane-giving-zika-mosquitos-a-free-ride-to-the-entire-east-coast/) - As hazardous Hurricane Hermine passed over Florida, most people were worried about the obvious winds, rains, and flooding from a category one hurricane. What most people did not realize was that as tropical storm Hermine moved up along the East Coast, the mosquitos that carry the Zika Virus (mozikos) would get transported to new areas of the country.
- [Downer Changing Its Name To Xanax](http://fmobserver.com/downer-changing-its-name-to-xanax/) - The sleepy town of Downer, Minnesota says it is time for a name change. All seven residents voted unanimously to change the name from Downer to Xanax.
- [Rolling Stones Latest New Hit: Sympathy For Dementia](http://fmobserver.com/rolling-stones-latest-new-hit-sympathy-for-dementia/) - The forever Rolling Stones have once again put forth another song for the ages, or in this case, for the aging. Sympathy For Dementia is their latest new hit song and for many baby boomers entering their sunset years, this song hits home with them.
- [Blake Shelton & Gwen Stefani To Stay In Guestroom Of Randomly Selected Fargo Home](http://fmobserver.com/blake-shelton-gwen-stefani-to-stay-in-guestroom-of-randomly-selected-fargo-home/) - With Blake Shelton and Gwen Stefani coming to Fargo for a concert stop, the superstar couple is requesting to stay with "some normal folks" in a randomly selected Fargo home during their stay here.
- [State Insane Asylum Reopens Due To High Demand](http://fmobserver.com/state-insane-asylum-reopens-due-to-high-demand/) - The State Hospital in Jamestown, ND will be having a Grand Re-Opening soon. After being closed for decades due to political incorrectness, the State Insane Asylum will be resuming operations due to a large spike in demand. Authorities have noticed a sudden growth in the population of crazies in the region.
- [Fargo Skool Board Reveals Its List Of Lofty Goals For The Upcoming Year](http://fmobserver.com/fargo-skool-board-reveals-its-list-of-lofty-goals-for-the-upcoming-year/) - It is that exciting time of year again when the Fargo Skool Board announces its list of goals for the upcoming skool year.
- [Ryan Lochte Found Hiding In Swimming Pool](http://fmobserver.com/ryan-lochte-found-hiding-in-swimming-pool/) - Rochester, NY - Amidst controversy over statements made to A Polícia Brasileira, Ryan Lochte had been sought for questioning until today. With help, A Polícia Brasileira have located Lochte hiding in his favorite training facility swimming pool. The Olympic swimmer had been hiding underwater for 15 minute intervals until A Polícia Brasileira detained him via a non-anonymous tip. "I mean, like,
- [Lyan Lochte Falsely Reports That Zika Caused His Hair Color Change](http://fmobserver.com/lyan-lochte-falsely-reports-that-zika-caused-his-hair-color-change/) - Ryan Lochte who first reported that his hair changed color after becoming infected with the Zika Virus now admits that he personally dyed his hair while drunk at a gas station bathroom in Rio.
- [Pokemon Go Trainer Wants Your Ass In His Class](http://fmobserver.com/pokemon-go-trainer-wants-your-ass-in-his-class/) - Fargo, ND - There is high local demand for Pokegoods and Pokeservices now that the hot new app Pokemon Go has taken America by storm. People of all ages are looking to level-up as they embark on a quest to "catch them all" as quickly as possible. Unfortunately for some, leveling up requires a combination
- [FMObserver Lights Candle For World Peace](http://fmobserver.com/fmobserver-lights-candle-for-world-peace/) - In observation of Word Peace Month, your FMObserver has decided to light our Peace Candle for world peace.
- [Milkshakes A Great Way To Add Poundage](http://fmobserver.com/milkshakes-a-great-way-to-add-poundage/) - Are you underweight and trying to put on a few extra pounds to increase your gravitas? Are you tired of being bullied by someone in the bully pulpit? Milkshakes have been found to be an excellent way to add those desired pounds while enjoying every sip of the process.
- [Ask For Your 'Free Beer' During Free Beer Week!](http://fmobserver.com/ask-for-your-free-beer-during-free-beer-week/) - All across the region, it is once again Free Beer Week! This will be the Second Annual Free Beer Week since last year's kickoff was so well received.
- [Fisherman Catches Rainbow Trout On Internet Using Clickbait](http://fmobserver.com/fisherman-catches-rainbow-trout-on-internet-using-clickbait/) - As predicted, a man has actually caught a real live rainbow trout on the internet using only clickbait for a lure.
- [Zika Fears Creating Need For Last-Minute Olympic Substitutes](http://fmobserver.com/zika-fears-creating-need-for-last-minute-olympic-substitutes/) - Unexpected opportunities for unlikely Olympic participants are being caused by Olympic qualifiers deciding to not go to the Rio Games due to Zikaphobia.
- [Scientists Warn: Sugarloaf Mountain Fermenting In Polluted Rio de Janeiro Bay](http://fmobserver.com/scientists-warn-sugarloaf-mountain-fermenting-in-polluted-rio-de-janeiro-bay/) - Rio de Janeiro, Brazil - Water pollution isn't the only thing tainting the enchanting landscape of Rio de Janeiro, home of the 2016 Summer Olympics. Scientists now warn that the polluted Guanabara Bay in Rio is rotting a famous landmark. Sugarloaf Mountain, or Pão de Açúcar as it's called in its native tongue. The mountain gets its name
- [KFGO Required To Broadcast Half In Spanish](http://fmobserver.com/kfgo-required-to-broadcast-half-in-spanish/) - The Mighty 790 KFGO radio station will soon be required to broadcast half of its programming in Spanish. Todas las estaciones de radio en Fargo pronto estarán obligados a proporcionar la mitad de su contenido en el idioma español.
- [West Acres Mall Stolen By Man Dressed As Security Guard](http://fmobserver.com/west-acres-mall-stolen-by-man-dressed-as-security-guard/) - The West Acres Mall was allegedly "stolen" during the night but investigators on the scene are still only using the phrase "temporarily missing".
- [Young Fargo Inventor Hits It Big On Shark Tank](http://fmobserver.com/young-fargo-inventor-hits-it-big-on-shark-tank/) - On an upcoming Shark Tank show, a youthful Fargo inventor wows all five sharks and walks away with a mega deal.
- [Army Corps Of Engineers To Straighten Out Red River For Improved Flowability](http://fmobserver.com/army-corps-of-engineers-to-straighten-out-red-river-for-improved-flowability/) - Fargo, ND – In an effort to increase the efficiency of the Mighty Red River of the North, the Army Corps of Engineers is going to straighten out the river’s seemingly random and needlessly meandering route. “By making an almost perfectly straight canal, the river’s route will have much improved flowability,” explains Loran Toca, who
- [Bison Turf To Rise Again From The Ashes, Bigger And Better Than Ever!](http://fmobserver.com/bison-turf-to-rise-again-from-the-ashes-bigger-and-better-than-ever/) - As the current chapter of the Bison Turf Bar changed from mass to energy, the next chapter of its future was already beginning to rise from the ashes!
- [New Fargo Motorcycle Gang Called 'Hell Monkeys'](http://fmobserver.com/new-fargo-motorcycle-gang-called-hell-monkeys/) - Fargo, ND - Whether it likes it or not, Fargo now has a new motorcycle gang with which to contend. The Hell Monkeys are their name and they claim to be more fun than a barrel of monkeys. Hell Monkey members tend to emulate one another because: monkey see, monkey do. They purportedly only deal
- [Middle Finger Replaces Frown Face On Social Media](http://fmobserver.com/middle-finger-replaces-frown-face-on-social-media/) - In an on-going effort to stay culturally current, the old frown face is now being replaced by the middle finger on The Facebook.
- [FMO's 1st Annual Snackathon Eating Contest](http://fmobserver.com/fmos-1st-annual-snackathon-eating-contest/) - Your FM Observer is proud to be teaming up with the Hostess Snack Corporation to bring you our First Annual Snackathon Eating Contest!
- [New Green Shoes Designed To Lessen Carbon Footprints](http://fmobserver.com/new-green-shoes-designed-to-lessen-carbon-footprints/) - The Federal Government, secretly working in conjunction with Algore, has designed a new Green Shoe to help lessen each person's carbon footprints. Here are some important facts you need to know about Algore's New Green Shoes.
- [Pokémon Parents Pleading Please Stop The Insanity](http://fmobserver.com/pokemon-parents-pleading-please-stop-the-insanity/) - West Fargo, ND - After a five year old child was hit by a Mack truck while walking across the interstate highway at midnight, the child's parents are asking for the insanity to stop.
- [Hackers Change Pokemon Go Animals Into Satanic Demons](http://fmobserver.com/hackers-change-pokemon-go-animals-into-satanic-demons/) - Fargo, ND - A small number of Android users have become affected by a nefarious hack into the newly-famous Pokemon Go mobile game interface. Certain pokehunters are now encountering demonic hellspawn where cute and adorable Pokemon once were. Pokemon Go player Plis Kincannix, 15, says "I didn't sign up to fight demons, but bro, these demons are
- ['Black Lights Matter' Has One Small Problem](http://fmobserver.com/black-lights-matter-has-one-small-problem/) - A number of people in the North Fargo area had recently replaced their normally white porch lights with blacklights to show support for the Black Lights Matter movement.
- [Fotos By Fritz The Cat Opens In Moorhead](http://fmobserver.com/fotos-by-fritz-the-cat-opens-in-moorhead/) - A new business is finally coming to the quirky town of Moorhead. Fotos by Fritz the Cat will be opening its doors this week at the sight of the old Ralph's bar on Main Avenue, just across the river in downtown Moorhead.
- [Psychic Predicts Large Number Of Fargo Sinkholes To Appear In The Coming Months](http://fmobserver.com/psychic-predicts-large-number-of-fargo-sinkholes-to-appear-in-the-coming-months/) - A well-known psychic has predicted that Fargo will soon be riddled with many good-sized sinkholes.
- [Zombie Jimmy Hoffa Emerges From South Fargo Sinkhole](http://fmobserver.com/zombie-jimmy-hoffa-emerges-from-south-fargo-sinkhole/) - "No employer really accepts a union," said Hoffa from inside what is and has apparently been his grave for over 40 years.
- [New Pizza Business To Specialize In Deliveries To Jails And Prisons](http://fmobserver.com/new-pizza-business-to-specialize-in-deliveries-to-jails-and-prisons/) - A new pizza delivery company will soon be unlocking its doors in North Dakota. Prison Pizza Pros will specialize in hot deliveries to those who find themselves behind bars.
- [FM Observer Recruits Pizzaologist To Analyze Alleged New Pizza Corner Flavor](http://fmobserver.com/fm-observer-recruits-pizzaologist-to-analyze-new-pizza-corner-flavor/) - The FM Observer has recruited noted Pizzaologist Caxton Nudewrath to settle the debate over whether or not the new entity is doing anything different to the famous 'za.
- [Fargo Woman Suing Led Zeppelin For Plagiarizing Her Song 'Kashmir'](http://fmobserver.com/fargo-woman-suing-led-zeppelin-for-plagiarizing-her-song-kashmir/) - An elderly Fargo woman is planning to sue Led Zeppelin for stealing a song that she claims she wrote back in 1972. The lady's name is Mrs. Roberta Plantain and the name of the song that she claims Led Zeppelin plagiarized from her is called "Kashmir".
- [Obama First Family To Book A Room At Trump's Turnberry Golf Resort](http://fmobserver.com/obama-first-family-to-book-a-room-at-trumps-turnberry-golf-resort/) - Brockobama, along with his first wife and first daughters, are The First Family to book a room at the newly refurbished Trump Turnberry golf resort, possibly the site of the British Open in the year 2022.
- [FM Observer To Sponsor Park Wood Cemetery Renovation](http://fmobserver.com/fm-observer-to-sponsor-park-wood-cemetery-renovation/) - Fargo, ND - The north wing of Park Wood Cemetery in Fargo has been in dire need of a facelift for quite some time. Tombs are moldy, crypts are dusty and the rats have colonized a functioning village. This has led the city to seek an overhaul of this historic burial site.
- [Johnnny’s Fourth Retrospective (Posts 300-400)](http://fmobserver.com/johnnnys-fourth-retrospective-posts-300-400/) - Since 400 is such a nice round number, twas decided to use the occasion of my 400th post to take a trip back down memory lane. So, it's time once again to look back on Johnnny's last 100 posts on FM Observer. All posts are listed as clickable hyperlinks in chronological order. Enjoy!
- [32 Pound Squirrel Attacks Family Picnickers In Moorhead](http://fmobserver.com/32-pound-squirrel-attacks-family-picnickers-in-moorhead/) - A nice family out having a normal picnic in a well-known Moorhead park was negatively amazed when a 32-pound squirrel performed a hostile takeover of all their food
- [NDSU Hires Hairy Potter As Professor Of Spells And Incantations](http://fmobserver.com/ndsu-hires-hairy-potter-as-professor-of-spells-and-incantations/) - The FM Observer has confirmed while drinking from the grapevine that Hairy Potter has been hired by NDSU to be the school's first-ever Professor of Spells and Incantations.
- [Fargo Summer Games To Culminate With Shin Kicking Contest](http://fmobserver.com/fargo-summer-games-to-culminate-with-shin-kicking-contest/) - The Fargo Summer Games will once again bring folks together from all Fargo neighborhoods to compete for pride and the respect of the community.
- [West Fargo Lagoon Workers Tired Of Taking Crap From Everyone](http://fmobserver.com/west-fargo-lagoon-workers-tired-of-taking-crap-from-everyone/) - West Fargo, ND - Waste Stabilization Pond Foreman Chlaff Peenisackle has seen it all come through. Severed limbs, sea monkey colonies, the physical manifestation of shame from the night before. These are only a few of what atrocities find their way into West Fargo's lagoon. But what Peenisackle dislikes the most is taking crap from the
- [Justin Beaver's 'Porpoise' Concert Floating To Fargo](http://fmobserver.com/justin-beavers-porpoise-concert-floating-to-fargo/) - Marine biologists are among the many who are excitedly anticipating Justin Beaver's "Have a Porpoise" concert tour stop in Fargo.
- [Fargo City Commission To Re-Define Integration Goals Within Zones Of Proximity](http://fmobserver.com/fargo-city-commission-to-re-define-integration-goals-within-zones-of-proximity/) - With the hot issue of Fargo's Zones of Proximity heating up, the City Commission High Court is trying to establish its integration goals to stay ahead of this contentious issue.
- [2016 Rio Olympics Being Moved To Zanzibar](http://fmobserver.com/2016-rio-olympics-being-moved-to-zanzibar/) - Since Rio de Janeiro is having such a plethora of problems, the International Olympic Committee has decided to change the site of the 2016 Rio Games to Zanzibar.
- [FMObserver Staff Personally Testing All Of The Various Dog Shock Collars](http://fmobserver.com/fmobserver-staff-personally-testing-all-of-the-various-dog-shock-collars/) - In our successful effort to be the best website on the Internet, each of our dedicated staff members has been personally testing all of the different dog shock collars on the market today.
- [Local Restaurant Review By Nick And Johnnny](http://fmobserver.com/local-restaurant-review-by-nick-and-johnnny/) - What follows is another in a special series of restaurant reviews of places in the F-M area. By the flip of a coin, we decided to check out a new basement restaurant in downtown Fargo called Le Sous-Sol (the basement). As soon as we stumbled into the place, we knew it was a huge mistake to come here.
- [City of Fargo Approves Sidewalk Lemonade Stand Tax Break](http://fmobserver.com/city-of-fargo-approves-sidewalk-lemonade-stand-tax-break/) - Not only did they approve 15.5 million dollars to help fund Doug Burgum’s skyscraper, but with a 5-0 vote they appropriated an additional $1 million for sidewalk lemonade stands.
- [UND Having Second Thoughts About Their Name Change Decision](http://fmobserver.com/und-having-second-thoughts-about-their-name-change-decision/) - Ever since the Fighting Sioux officially changed their name to the Fighting Hawks, there has been much regret and many second thoughts on the name change.
- [Area Man Sleepwalks Fargo Marathon](http://fmobserver.com/area-man-sleepwalks-fargo-marathon/) - Fargo, ND—The annual Fargo Marathon was greeted with an unlikely participant this year as one area man haphazardly decided to not run, not jog, not walk but sleepwalk a portion of the route. Vincent McDuffie, an apparent victim of sleepwalking, awoke to cheers as he zombie-walked his way past the finish line this morning.
- [President Clinton To Hit Some Fargo Hot Spots](http://fmobserver.com/president-clinton-to-hit-some-fargo-hot-spots/) - President Bill Clinton somehow ended up in Fargo, North Dakota to try and drum up support for his wife's floundering presidential campaign.
- [NDSU Changing Its School Song To: We Are The Champions!](http://fmobserver.com/ndsu-changing-its-school-song-to-we-are-the-champions/) - NDSU is now extremely proud to announce that its new official school song is: We Are The Champions! While striving for 6 consecutive championships, Bison fans will be cheering for: The Joy Of Six!
- [Cannibals Anonymous Group Therapy At Hilton Garden Inn](http://fmobserver.com/cannibals-anonymous-sessions-to-be-held-at-hilton-garden-inn/) - Fargo, ND - Due to the suddenly widespread craving for human flesh stirring panic throughout the land, the Observer has decided to hold open workgroup sessions to help cannibals deal with their internal hunger for skin and organs.
- [Moorhead Man Lands Record Large-Mouth Bass From Long Lake](http://fmobserver.com/moorhead-man-lands-record-large-mouth-bass-from-long-lake/) - During the opening of fishing season, Humbert Galasso landed what appears to be the largest large mouth bass ever caught in Minnesota.
- [FMO's Golf Pro Shares Valuable Tips To Greatly Improve Your Game](http://fmobserver.com/fmos-golf-pro-shares-valuable-tips-to-greatly-improve-your-game/) - Your FM Observer recently hired a golf professional to join our growing staff. Wade Lancer is his name and improving your golfing is his game.
- [Obama Names NDSU Bison Our National Football Team](http://fmobserver.com/obama-names-ndsu-bison-our-national-football-team/) - President Obama has graciously taken some time off his busy golf schedule to name the NDSU Bison our official national football team.
- [City of Fargo Debuts New Rabbit Bounty Program](http://fmobserver.com/city-of-fargo-debuts-new-rabbit-bounty-program/) - Here at FM Observer we like to take input from the “common folk” of the FM area. Their biggest complaint is that the rabbit population has been hare-balling out of control and let me tell you, people are furiously fed up. As a result, the city has hastily issued a new program that will: 1. take care of the excessive rabbit population and 2. Let disgruntled citizens blow off some steam.
- [FM Observer Secures Naming Rights To Hazeltine National Golf Course Outhouses](http://fmobserver.com/fm-observer-secures-naming-rights-to-hazeltine-national-golf-course-outhouses/) - In a groundfracking 8-figure deal (move the decimal point over a few spots), FM Observer will have its logo plastered on every Port-A-Jonni outhouse on the Hazeltine front nine.
- [Horoscopes For The Week Of May 8, 2016](http://fmobserver.com/horoscopes-for-the-week-of-may-8-2016/) - Your Horoscope by Nina Verbena: Horoscopes For The Week Of May 8, 2016
- [Hillary Clinton Recruiting Tech Students To Host Her Email Server](http://fmobserver.com/hillary-clinton-recruiting-tech-students-to-host-her-email-server/) - Presumptive President Clinton ponders potential political possibilities.
- [Million Dollar Painting Vanishes During Art Show](http://fmobserver.com/million-dollar-painting-vanishes-during-art-show/) - Fargo, ND - A valuable painting by the late Lord Van Dyke with an estimated worth of five million dollars suddenly vanished while the museum's art curator was discussing its importance relative to the art world. The painting had recently been donated to Fargo's Museum Of Modern Art by Svenster Borgman, an extremely rich Norwegian
- [Fargo Man Returns Home To Discover Demolition Crew Destroying Wrong House](http://fmobserver.com/fargo-man-returns-home-to-discover-demolition-crew-destroying-wrong-house/) - You can imagine the shock that Mr. Henry Kaberry who lives at 2088 Muscat Street was feeling when he pulled into his driveway.
- [Fargo Hospital Hires First Monkey Doctor](http://fmobserver.com/fargo-hospital-hires-first-monkey-doctor/) - An area hospital is proud to announce a new team member to its full-time staff.
- [April 30 Is National Chop-Down-Your-Neighbor's-Tree Day](http://fmobserver.com/april-30-is-national-chop-down-your-neighbors-tree-day/) - In the wake of yesterday being Arbor Day, today is our national day to chop down any neighborhood trees that you don't like. Chop it down today and axe questions tomorrow.
- [35-Foot Snake Possibly On The Loose In Moorhead](http://fmobserver.com/35-foot-snake-possibly-on-the-loose-in-moorhead/) - Moorhead, MN - Authorities not wanting to cause any sort of panic in the normally quaint city of Moorhead are quietly warning residents that a very large snake is unfortunately slithering around town. The snake, whose name is Slang, somehow got loose while a local film crew was working on a new movie called Snake
- [Senate To Debate If 'Biweekly' Means Twice Per Week Or Once Every Two Weeks](http://fmobserver.com/senate-to-debate-if-biweekly-means-twice-per-week-or-once-every-two-weeks/) - Next week, the United States Senate is set to debate what is the definition of the ambiguous term "biweekly".
- [Fargo Restroom Patrons Can Use Whichever One They Want Based On How They Feel](http://fmobserver.com/fargo-restroom-patrons-can-use-whichever-one-they-want-based-on-how-they-feel/) - To avoid any possible messy lawsuits, all public and private businesses in Fargo will now be required to allow anyone to use whichever bathroom they want based on how they feel at that moment.
- [Free FMO Adult Ed Classes To Increase Your Vocabulary](http://fmobserver.com/free-fmo-adult-ed-classes-to-increase-your-vocabulary/) - The FM Observer will soon be hosting another claborian self-improvement class at our intercamped West Fargo headquarters. This zaptic vocabulary enrichment training is entitled "Impress Others With Lostic Words".
- [Newly Painted Downtown Fargo Buildings To Add Some Much Needed Color](http://fmobserver.com/newly-painted-downtown-fargo-buildings-to-add-some-much-needed-color/) - Peter Maxim, an NDSU student majoring in Color Psychology, has come up with a great idea to make Downtown Fargo more attractive.
- [Fargo To Vote On Changing To Either A 6-Day Or 8-Day Week](http://fmobserver.com/fargo-to-vote-on-changing-to-either-a-6-day-or-8-day-week/) - With the Fargo City Commission starting to run out of things to talk about, people in the FM area will soon have an unexpected opportunity to vote on whether or not Fargo should change from the normal seven 24-hour days to either six 28-hour days or eight 21-hours days.
- [Today Is National Haiku Poetry Day!](http://fmobserver.com/today-is-national-haiku-poetry-day/) - Yes, it is once again National Haiku Day! These are those short 5-7-5 syllable poems that made China famous.
- [Fargo Marathon Decides To Not Have One Set Route](http://fmobserver.com/fargo-marathon-decides-to-not-have-one-set-route/) - Unlike past years when Fargo Marathon runners had to run a pre-defined, set route to a pre-determined finish line, this year the full marathon runners will be able to run their own routes.
- [City of Hawley to Construct Hawley-Wood Dock Of Fame](http://fmobserver.com/city-of-hawley-to-construct-hawley-wood-dock-of-fame/) - Hawley, MN—Taking a page from the Hollywood textbook of glitz and glamour, the city of Hawley, Minnesota will be constructing their own living, commemorative outdoor museum of fame entitled the Hawley-wood Dock of Fame.
- [FMObserver Lands Exclusive Interview With Mr. Stephen Hawking](http://fmobserver.com/fmobserver-lands-exclusive-interview-with-mr-stephen-hawking/) - Stephen Hawking sits down for an interview with the FMObserver.
- [Boy Drives Entire Family Nuts Practicing Trumpet](http://fmobserver.com/boy-drives-entire-family-nuts-practicing-trumpet/) - When Daniel Boddington first decided that he wanted to become a trumpet player in the school band, his family was so happy and excited.
- [City of Fargo Releases Pamphlet On How To Avoid Getting Hit By A Train](http://fmobserver.com/city-of-fargo-releases-pamphlet-on-how-to-avoid-getting-hit-by-a-train/) - Fargo, ND - The City of Fargo released a pamphlet earlier today that explains in detail on how to avoid getting killed by a train.
- [Fargo Man Forgot How to Golf, It's Been So Long](http://fmobserver.com/fargo-man-forgot-how-to-golf-its-been-so-long/) - Now that the icy cobwebs have finally melted into nothing, many of our local golf courses are slated to open their grounds this weekend. This comes as good news to Ronald Hicks, if only he could understand why.
- [Fargo Shooting Park To Add Golf Driving Range](http://fmobserver.com/fargo-shooting-park-to-add-golf-driving-range/) - The Fargo Shooting Park in has decided to jazz things up a bit with the implementation of a golf driving range. The park is adding a golf ball dispenser, so bring your guns and your clubs to your next visit.
- [North Dakota Unveils Its New State Flag](http://fmobserver.com/north-dakota-unveils-its-new-state-flag/) - After the Fighting Sioux won their eighth national hockey championship, and with the fifth straight national title for the Bison football team, North Dakota has decided to change its state flag and state motto.
- [Undercover Investigation Uncovers Underground Senior Citizen Fight Club In Fargo](http://fmobserver.com/undercover-investigation-uncovers-underground-senior-citizen-fight-club-in-fargo/) - After a lengthy two-day investigation by your FM Observer, we recently turned up disturbing news about some dangerous seasoned citizens in our area.
- [Horoscopes For The Week Of April 8, 2016](http://fmobserver.com/horoscopes-for-the-week-of-april-8-2016/) - Your Horoscope by Nina Verbena: Horoscopes For The Week Of April 8, 2016
- [Area Mom Under Fire For Bizarre Home-Schooling Tactics](http://fmobserver.com/area-mom-under-fire-for-bizarre-home-schooling-tactics/) - Fargo, ND - Area mother Davia Flexano, a home-schooler, is catching a lot of flack for teaching her son Whick a slanted view of world geography. Flexano, who chose to remain nameless, is having her son learn the states from this flipped-around view of North America: WTF, right? Is this really how we want an
- [Plans For New Clay County Jail Looking Quite Penal](http://fmobserver.com/plans-for-new-clay-county-jail-looking-quite-penal/) - With the current jail having been built in the 1890s, Clay County Commissioners were excited to finally see plans for their new jail.
- [Obama Pens Exec Order Forcing All States To Raise Min Wage To $30/Hour By 2040](http://fmobserver.com/obama-pens-exec-order-forcing-all-states-to-raise-min-wage-to-30hour-by-2040/) - Not to be outdone by Gov. Jerry Brown in California, President Obama just signed into law via another Executive Order, a new law which mandates that all 57 states increase their minimum wage to $30 per hour by the year 2040.
- [Delegate To Sue Party Convention Because Nobody Would Caucus With Her](http://fmobserver.com/delegate-to-sue-party-convention-because-nobody-would-caucus-with-her/) - Dorothea Toppen went to the North Dakota Democrat Convention wanting to caucus but no one would caucus with her.
- [The FM Observer Is Shutting Down. For Good.](http://fmobserver.com/the-fm-observer-is-shutting-down-for-good/) - Fargo, ND—With a little over two years of poignant amateur satire under its belt, Fargo-Moorhead's only fake news website is calling it quits. The FM Observer is shutting down permanently, as of this evening.
- [Excitement Builds For New 'Fargo Diversion' Theme Park](http://fmobserver.com/excitement-builds-for-new-fargo-diversion-theme-park/) - As support for the proposed FM Red River Diversion Project wanes due to emotional and financial fatigue, excitment is now waxing for a brand new theme park to be called: The Fargo Diversion!
- [North Fargo's Ponyland To Become Largest Refugee Resettlement Camp In America](http://fmobserver.com/north-fargos-ponyland-to-become-largest-refugee-resettlement-camp-in-america/) - City Commissioners unanimously approved moving ahead with the rezoning of Ponyland into a Syrian refugee resettlement camp. Workers have already begun transforming the old Ponyland into what will soon be home to 50,000 Syrian refugees living in 5,000 tents.
- [Travel With All Your FMO Friends To Magical Goosey-Goosey Island!](http://fmobserver.com/travel-with-all-your-fmo-friends-to-magical-goosey-goosey-island/) - Are you in minor need of a major getaway? Has your March Madness turned to March Sadness? Looking for a trip to trump all trips? It's time once again to sign up for FMO's Annual Migration to Goosey-Goosey Island!
- [Horoscopes For The Week Of March 27, 2016](http://fmobserver.com/horoscopes-for-the-week-of-march-27-2016/) - Your Horoscope by Nina Verbena: Horoscopes For The Week Of March 27, 2016
- [Top 10 Responses To FMO's Man-On-The-Street Question: What If The Unthinkable Happens?](http://fmobserver.com/top-10-responses-to-fmos-man-on-the-street-question-what-if-the-unthinkable-happens/) - Our main man, Peter Quisling, is back out on the unswept sidewalks of infamous Downtown Fargo, asking random people his most interesting Question-of-the-Day: What if the unthinkable happens?
- [Lime Disease Traced Back To Margarita Happy Hours](http://fmobserver.com/lime-disease-traced-back-to-margarita-happy-hours/) - At the Hellmann's Mayo Clinic, researchers have positively linked Lime Disease to the excessive drinkage of lime-flavored margaritas.
- [Fargo Easter Kids Found What?!? Jaw dropping!  Must Read!](http://fmobserver.com/fargo-easter-kids-found-what-jaw-dropping-must-read/) - Fargo, ND - Will was looking for easter eggs with his brother earlier this morning when they discovered something awful. Will stated him and his brother went behind the shed to get some cute easter eggs. What they discovered were not easter eggs but two ripped apart bunnies mangled beyond recognition. Their heads ripped apart
- [Dolphin Correctly Picks Every Game In First Two Rounds Of March Madness](http://fmobserver.com/dolphin-correctly-picks-every-game-in-second-round-of-march-madness/) - A smiling dolphin named Debbie successfully beat the odds and picked every game correctly in the first two rounds of the 2016 NCAA Basketball Tournament.
- [Fargo Boy Holding Helium Balloons Now Somewhere Over Michigan](http://fmobserver.com/fargo-boy-holding-helium-balloons-now-somewhere-over-michigan/) - While playing with a bunch of helium balloons in the backyard, seven year old Tommy Sauerson decided to grab "just a few more".
- [Tales of a Struggling Economy: Garbage Peddler Pete Wrigley, Jr.](http://fmobserver.com/tales-of-a-struggling-economy-garbage-peddler-pete-wrigley-jr/) - Reckless hobo Pete Wrigley Jr., who was once only thought of as a panhandling street urchin, was spotted yesterday in a 2nd avenue apartment dumpster trying to peddle common throw-aways to passersby.
- [Scientists Discover A Gate to Hell In Fargo North Dakota](http://fmobserver.com/scientists-discover-a-gate-to-hell-in-fargo-north-dakota/) - In breaking news, scientists have literally discovered a gate to hell. This fiery hole of death was found right here in a farm field north of Fargo, North Dakota.
- [Event: Weekly Spam Email Poetry Reading](http://fmobserver.com/event-weekly-spam-email-reading/) - Fargo, ND—Spam email. We all get it. Hell, some of us have even replied to one or two. Have you ever gotten a SPAM email so over-the-top you just had to share its contents? Did you ever feel like sharing that SPAM email in a jazzy nightclub setting?
- [Government Spy Birds Are Watching You](http://fmobserver.com/government-spy-birds-are-watching-you/) - New information is being leaked by the Governmental Leak Information Bureau (G.L.I.B.) about federally trained birds that are now being used for domestic surveillance. Ospreys (click on picture) and other large birds are helping Big Brother spy on you.
- [Pinochle Banned In The State Of North Dakota](http://fmobserver.com/pinochle-banned-in-the-state-of-north-dakota/) - In its infinite wisdom, the state of North Dakota has banned the game of Pinochle.
- [Minnesota's Turtle Hunting Season Soon To Open](http://fmobserver.com/minnesotas-turtle-hunting-season-soon-to-open/) - It's almost that exciting time of year again when turtle hunters of all shapes and sizes come out of their shells and gear up to go turtle hunting.
- [Peyton Manning Announces Formation Of Senior Football League](http://fmobserver.com/peyton-manning-announces-formation-of-senior-football-league/) - During Peyton Manning's formal announcement of retirement from the Denver Broncos, he used the opportunity to also discuss plans for his new Senior Football League.
- [Horoscopes For The Week Of March 13, 2016](http://fmobserver.com/horoscopes-for-the-week-of-march-13-2016/) - Your Horoscope by Nina Verbena: Horoscopes For The Week Of March 13, 2016
- [Fargo To Host 55th Annual National Taxicology Conference](http://fmobserver.com/fargo-to-host-55th-annual-national-taxicology-conference/) - Fargo will soon be home to the 55th Annual National Taxicology Conference. Taxicologists from all across the country will descend upon Fargo to learn the latest about everything in the world of Taxicology.
- [All Climate Change Deniers To Be 'Rounded Up' And Sent To Work Camps](http://fmobserver.com/all-climate-change-deniers-to-be-rounded-up-and-sent-to-work-camps/) - Ever since the threat of carbon emissions was deemed to be the #1 threat to our country's safety, Big Government is wasting no time in dealing with deniers of Climate Change.
- [Led Zeppelin To Play For Giant Prom Dance At The Fargodome](http://fmobserver.com/led-zeppelin-to-play-for-giant-prom-dance-at-the-fargodome/) - Fargodome officials were very excited to announce that Led Zeppelin will perform for an all-high school prom this Spring.
- [Zika Test Now Available](http://fmobserver.com/zika-test-now-available/) - A new Zika Test is now available. Most of the test results so far have been quite negative. State epidemiologists are hoping for more positive results in the future. In cooperation with the FM Observer, Dr. Carola Runquist has put together this simple, new Zika Test which can be self-administered in the privacy of your own home.
- [FMO's Final Interview With David Bowie](http://fmobserver.com/fmos-final-interview-with-david-bowie/) - Here is a portion of the FM Observer's final interview with David Bowie:
- [Contest: Get Your Ass To Mars!](http://fmobserver.com/contest-get-your-ass-to-mars/) - NASA (in conjunction with select media outlets across the nation) is preparing to send a handful of lucky ducks straight to Mars in a shuttle co-captained by both Bruno Mars and Arnold Schwartzenegger for a firsthand look at the gorgeous new OUTPOST facility
- [Police Shoot And Kill Cat For Climbing Tree Illegally](http://fmobserver.com/police-shoot-and-kill-cat-for-climbing-tree-illegally/) - Fargo, ND - Police had to shoot to kill a cat over the weekend. Tigger, a local neighborhood cat, was shot over the weekend. Police state they received a call about a cat climbing a tree illegally. Police responded to the call immediately. Upon arriving at the scene, police state that they tried to get
- [Project Update for the FM Diversion](http://fmobserver.com/project-update-for-the-fm-diversion-2/) - Fargo, ND - Ralph Malph, a local busboy, informed us at the FM Observer that a huge change is coming to the controversial FM Diversion....
- [160-Year-Old Man Shares His Secrets To Longevity](http://fmobserver.com/160-year-old-man-shares-his-secrets-to-longevity/) - Austin, TX - Sheppy Milton, the oldest human alive at 160, is terribly reluctant to grant interviews but when he heard that his father and esteemed time traveler Vern Milton made an appearance in our fine publication over 100 years ago, he obliged.
- [2 Fargo schoolchildren left unattended on school bus; resorted to cannabalism](http://fmobserver.com/2-fargo-schoolchildren-left-unattended-on-school-bus-resorted-to-cannabalism/) - Fargo, ND - In a very short series of unfortunate events, two Fargo school children were left for dead in a Valley Bus school bus Thursday morning.
- [Family Held Hostage By Pet Leopard Gecko](http://fmobserver.com/family-held-hostage-by-pet-leopard-gecko/) - West Fargo, ND - The Taylors just wanted to get to a movie Saturday evening but instead ended up getting held hostage by their pet leopard gecko.
- [West Fargo's 'War On Dogs' Now To Include Deportation](http://fmobserver.com/west-fargos-war-on-dogs-now-to-include-deportation/) - The fastest growing city in North Dakota, known as the "City on the Grow", has also just declared its own "War on Dogs."
- [Rachel Maddow Announces She's Running For Governor Of North Dakota](http://fmobserver.com/rachel-maddow-announces-shes-running-for-governor-of-north-dakota/) - Rachel Maddow has stunned the political world by announcing that she is running for Governor of the great state of North Dakota.
- [Former F-M Area City Planner Taking It In the Face Over Sexual Innuendo](http://fmobserver.com/former-f-m-area-city-planner-taking-it-in-the-face-over-sexual-innuendo/) - As the population of our area continues to grow, more prominent figures have taken notice of the rampant perversion of its city planners.
- [Moorhead Finally Changing Its Name To East Fargo](http://fmobserver.com/moorhead-finally-changing-its-name-to-east-fargo/) - Residents and city leaders in the quirky town of Moorhead, Minisoda are just giddy with the idea they will soon be called East Fargo.
- [Fargo Inmate To Represent North Dakota In National Scared Straight Competition](http://fmobserver.com/fargo-inmate-to-represent-north-dakota-in-national-scared-straight-competition/) - Fargo, ND—Cass County Jail inmate #04627 has been chosen to represent the state of North Dakota in this year's Scared Straight International Competition being held at Idaho State Penitentiary this coming May.
- [Meet The Real Domino's Pizza Makers](http://fmobserver.com/meet-the-real-dominos-pizza-makers/) - There's pizza makers and then there's Domino's Pizza Makers. These are their stories
- [Bose Named Next Speaker Of The House](http://fmobserver.com/bose-named-next-speaker-of-the-house/) - Bose has been named the next Speaker of the House.
- [Horoscopes For The Week Of February 26, 2016](http://fmobserver.com/horoscopes-for-the-week-of-february-26-2016/) - Your Horoscope by Nina Verbena: Horoscopes For The Week Of February 26, 2016
- [City Council Rejects Counter-Terrorism Proposal](http://fmobserver.com/city-council-rejects-counter-terrorism-proposal/) - Local security consulting firm Merriweather Security proposed installing a loaded machine gun turret on the top of the Fargo Theater sign in an effort to discourage illegal and/or suspicious activity.
- [Try-Outs Now Open For Fargo's New Table Tennis Team](http://fmobserver.com/try-outs-now-open-for-fargos-new-table-tennis-team/) - As the sport of table tennis continues to grow in popularity world-wide, Fargo is being proactive to stay ahead of the competition.
- [Dr. Finance Explains Negative Interest](http://fmobserver.com/dr-finance-explains-negative-interest/) - Dr. Finance is back by popular demand to answer another money question from one of our smarter readers.
- [United Nations Hires Liam Neeson To Eliminate ISIS](http://fmobserver.com/united-nations-hires-liam-neeson-to-eliminate-isis/) - Action movie star Liam Neeson has taken up a special assignment in between filming dominator action films. At the behest of the United Nations and by special request of President Obama, Liam Neeson will seek out and destroy the terrorist cell known as ISIS. Liam Neeson's publicist, in a statement released yesterday: "He doesn't know who they are. He
- [Cenobites Denied Foreign Immigration Visa](http://fmobserver.com/cenobites-denied-foreign-immigration-visa/) - Hell—Due to increasing skepticism over foreign immigration, The Cenobites, aka Satan's Minions, have been denied entry to America via Hell's customs portal.
- [Cockpit Of New Boeing 797 Not Dissimilar To Giant Organ](http://fmobserver.com/cockpit-of-new-boeing-797-not-dissimilar-to-giant-organ/) - As former test pilots for NASA, a few of our FMO staff members got to personally witness the unveiling of the latest Boeing 797 airplane.
- [Obama Threatens To Block Senate's Block Of Supreme Court Justice Nominee](http://fmobserver.com/obama-threatens-to-block-senates-block-of-supreme-court-justice-nominee/) - Washington, DC - President Obama has vowed to find a qualified candidate to nominate for Supreme Court Justice. The speculation is that that candidate will be anti-anti-liberal. This does not sit well with the Republican-controlled Senate.
- [Proposed New Downtown Fargo Parking Ramp Offers More Style Than Space](http://fmobserver.com/proposed-new-downtown-fargo-parking-ramp-offers-more-style-than-space/) - Downtown Fargo will soon be getting some much needed extra parking spaces thanks to a proposed new one-level parking ramp. But instead of focusing on maximizing space for parking, developers have decided to maximize its architectural flair.
- [Military Raising The Bar On Combat Readiness Test](http://fmobserver.com/military-raising-the-bar-on-combat-readiness-test/) - At Fort Michael Jackson, where most of the army recruits go for basic training, the Military is changing its testing to see who makes it and who goes home. Gone are the days of push-ups, pull-ups, and a two-mile fun run. The Army no longer wants to test fitness but rather combat readiness.
- [Local Bank Surprised When Confused Robber Asks To Open An Account](http://fmobserver.com/local-bank-surprised-when-confused-robber-asks-to-open-an-account/) - The security camera of a local branch bank recently recorded what probably was supposed to have been a bank robbery but what turned into a more normal banking transaction.
- [Who Should Obama Nominate As Supreme Court Justice? An FM Observer Investigative Report](http://fmobserver.com/who-should-obama-nominate-as-supreme-court-justice-an-fm-observer-investigative-report/) - Obama is now met with another opportunity to nominate one respected, authoritative, experienced, judgmental individual to the United States Supreme Court.
- [Valuable Valentine's Day Mobiles Cleverly Hidden Throughout Fargo-Moorhead Area](http://fmobserver.com/valuable-valentines-day-mobiles-cleverly-hidden-throughout-fargo-moorhead-area/) - As a special Valentine's Day treat for our readers, the FM Observer's local resident artist has offered up some extra exciting fun.
- [Horoscopes For The Week Of December 1, 2015](http://fmobserver.com/horoscopes-for-the-week-of-december-1-2015/) - Your Horoscope by Nina Verbena: Horoscopes For The Week Of December 1, 2015
- [Free Personalized Valentine's Day Gift Ideas](http://fmobserver.com/free-personalized-valentines-day-gift-ideas/) - With Valentine's Day fast approaching, the mad scramble is on to buy prickly thorned roses and chocolate covered teddy bears for all the lovely sweethearts. Others are desperately seeking alternative gift ideas to show their love and affection, such as a gift certificate to Victor's Secrets, or a year-long membership to a shooting range, or a Hearts-On-Fire blood diamond. The FM Observer has an idea for a fun and creative present for your Valentine.
- [Harpist To Serenade Downtown Fargo Valentine's Day Patrons](http://fmobserver.com/harpist-to-serenade-downtown-fargo-valentines-day-patrons/) - Fargo, ND—The Observer is proud to announce a special treat for downtown Fargo this Valentine's Day! The enchanting melodies of the soon-to-be infamous Broadway Harpist will serenade street-side onlookers this weekend. Couples who walk hand-in-hand down Broadway will enjoy the ambient presence of the heavenly harp-sick-cord. Thine own soothing harpist shalt gleefully stalk ye with romantic sound as ye walk. He shalt
- [Sir Elton John Is Buying The Fargo Theater](http://fmobserver.com/sir-elton-john-is-buying-the-fargo-theater/) - Through our London branch office, the FM Observer has just learned that Sir Elton John is purchasing the Fargo Theater.
- [Sanford Hospital To Provide Free Valentine's Day Heart Transplants](http://fmobserver.com/sanford-hospital-to-provide-free-valentines-day-heart-transplants/) - Fargo, ND—A local hospital is taking a heartfelt initiative this Valentine's Day. Starting today at noon, the first 100 customers through the door at Sanford Health in downtown Fargo will receive a no-cost heart transplant.
- [Zen Poets Group To Protest That 'Blank Lines Matter'](http://fmobserver.com/zen-poets-group-to-protest-that-blank-lines-matter/) - A group of minimalist Zen monks are forming an official protest group called: Blank Lines Matter! As writers of Zen Koans and haikus, these humble Zen monks also believe that: Blank Lines Matter!
- [Chris Christie: "I want to eat more voters in 2014"](http://fmobserver.com/chris-christie-i-want-to-eat-more-voters-in-2014/) - In an excerpt from Anderson Cooper's recently staged interview with New Jersey Governor Chris Christie (R) for CNN, he inquired what motivates Christie the most in 2014:
- [Thin Man Found Living Inside Fargo Family's Chair](http://fmobserver.com/thin-man-found-living-inside-fargo-familys-chair/) - In what police are calling a "very bizarre situation", an thin elderly man was recently discovered to be living inside a Fargo family's large comfy chair, which had been in the middle of their living room.
- [Moorhead Imposes Harsh New Penalties For All Non-Recyclers](http://fmobserver.com/moorhead-imposes-harsh-new-penalties-for-all-non-recyclers/) - Effective immediately, the City of Moorhead will now be enforcing stringent new penalties for any and all households that do not recycle.
- [Google Maps Street View Boat Discovers Bermuda Triangle](http://fmobserver.com/google-maps-street-view-boat-discovers-bermuda-triangle/) - The Street View vehicles have hit a milestone today. A Street View Boat has made a groundbreaking discovery as it has sent back pictures of what is believed to be the Bermuda Triangle.
- [Horoscopes For The Week Of February 4, 2016](http://fmobserver.com/horoscopes-for-the-week-of-february-4-2016/) - Your Horoscope by Nina Verbena: Horoscopes For The Week Of February 4, 2016
- [FM Observer Secures Naming Rights For Blue Post-it Notes](http://fmobserver.com/fm-observer-secures-naming-rights-for-blue-post-it-notes/) - Temecula, CA—A much-anticipated blockbuster deal has been finalized. After extensive negotiations, the FM Observer has inked a 10-year branding contract with popular sticky note manufacturer Post-It Note.
- [Frack Lives Matter Movement Galvanizes In Western North Dakota](http://fmobserver.com/frack-lives-matter-movement-galvanizes-in-western-north-dakota/) - With oil prices tumbling and jobs disappearing, western North Dakotans are channeling their frustration into a powerful, singular message: Frack Lives Matter.
- [New ND License Plates Being Recalled Because Fonts Suck](http://fmobserver.com/new-nd-license-plates-being-recalled-because-fonts-suck/) - All of the new North Dakota 'Sunrise' license plates are immediately being recalled because: the fonts suck.
- [The Entire Internet Will Be Down For Maintenance This Weekend](http://fmobserver.com/the-entire-internet-will-be-down-for-maintenance-this-weekend/) - The Internet Maintenance Task Force has announced that the entire Internet will be down this weekend to perform some server maintenance and important system upgrades.
- [Fargo Man Performs Amateur Exorcism](http://fmobserver.com/fargo-man-performs-amateur-exorcism/) - Fargo, ND - An area man, without the help of a brave Catholic priest, has completely freed his significant other from demonic possession.
- [First Fargo Robin Sighting A Sign Of Spring And Global Warming](http://fmobserver.com/first-fargo-robin-sighting-a-sign-of-spring-and-global-warming/) - Multiple reports of a robin sighting in the trees around the West Acres Mall indicate that Spring is just around the corner.
- [Big Demand For Small Hats Due To Zika Virus](http://fmobserver.com/big-demand-for-small-hats-due-to-zika-virus/) - As the mutating Zika Virus spreads by mosquitos through America, the fashion industry is wasting no time trying to get ahead of a new trend. Since the Zika Virus causes microcephaly, hat sizes will soon need to be smaller to fit onto all those smaller heads.
- [Vin Diesel To Donate 4,000-Gallon Collection Of Distilled Tears To Flint, MI](http://fmobserver.com/vin-diesel-to-donate-4000-gallon-collection-of-distilled-tears-to-flint-mi/) - Hollywood, CA - Contrary to what we all had thought, acclaimed movie badass and feared megaman Vin Diesel isn't 100% ferocious. No! Upon hearing of the Flint water crisis, he's taken the call to donate to this long-term need. Diesel will be sending them 40,000 gallons of cried tears.
- [Barry Manilow's 'No Apologies' Tour Announces Possible Stop In Fargo](http://fmobserver.com/barry-manilows-no-apologies-tour-announces-possible-stop-in-fargo/) - The one and only Barry Manilow with his latest "No Apologies" Concert Tour has announced he is considering a concert tour stop in Fargo.
- [Horoscopes For The Week Of January 24, 2016](http://fmobserver.com/horoscopes-for-the-week-of-january-24-2016/) - Your Horoscope by Nina Verbena: Horoscopes For The Week Of January 24, 2016
- [Hitch-a-Bitch Doggy Dating Service to Open In Fargo](http://fmobserver.com/hitch-a-bitch-doggy-dating-service-to-open-in-fargo/) - You, the dog's owner, can now play the role of Pooch Pimp with the help of Fargo's new doggy dating service, Hitch-a-Bitch!
- [Doug's Doggy Diner to Open In Fargo](http://fmobserver.com/dougs-doggy-diner-to-open-in-fargo/) - Doug's Doggy Diner set out to combine two of the things dogs enjoy: eating and being a person.
- [Mail Delivery In Some Fargo Neighborhoods Described As 'Random' At Best](http://fmobserver.com/mail-delivery-in-some-fargo-neighborhoods-described-as-random-at-best/) - "Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed rounds." But nowhere in the U.S. Postal Service's motto does it say that mail will be swiftly delivered to the correct address.
- [Canadian Movie Star Thonn Furbeglan To Host 2016 Maple Syrup Festival](http://fmobserver.com/canadian-movie-star-thonn-furbeglan-to-host-2016-maple-syrup-festival/) - Edmonton, AB, Canada - The syrup world is abuzz this morning with the announcement that Canadian action film star Thonn Furbeglan will be donning the flannel stageside for this year's Maple Syrup Cookoff Festival set to take place at City Theatre in Edmonton, Alberta.
- [Minnetonka Prepares for First Annual “Milfoil-stival”](http://fmobserver.com/minnetonka-prepares-for-first-annual-milfoil-stival/) - Excelsior, MN – After running out of reasons to pile boats into the lake, members of the Lake Minnetonka Event Planners have scheduled a celebration of the area’s most abundant natural resource: milfoil.
- [The New Goal When Playing Tennis Is To Lose](http://fmobserver.com/the-new-goal-when-playing-tennis-is-to-lose/) - It seems political correctness has now changed the game of tennis. While LOVE still means nothing, the goal of winning the game has changed. What's going to matter going forward is how many matches have you lost, not won.
- [Cave Exploration Not Unlike Doing A Colonoscopy](http://fmobserver.com/cave-exploration-not-unlike-doing-a-colonoscopy/) - Recently, while hanging out in the lunchroom of a local hospital, we learned of an interesting phenomenon while sipping coffee at a table with some professional gastroenterologists. What we discovered is that many of these digestive tract doctors like to spend their free time exploring caves and leading some group cave explorations.
- [Horoscopes For The Week Of January 13, 2016](http://fmobserver.com/horoscopes-for-the-week-of-january-13-2016-2/) - Your Horoscope by Nina Verbena: Horoscopes For The Week Of January 13, 2016
- [Gamecocks No Match For NDSU Bison Thundering Herd](http://fmobserver.com/gamecocks-no-match-for-ndsu-bison-thundering-herd/) - After the NDSU Bison football team's stampede over the opposing gamecocks, it once again shows that The Bison are truly in a league of their own.
- [Long Island Ice Tea Party Seeking Their Presidential Candidate](http://fmobserver.com/long-island-ice-tea-party-seeking-their-presidential-candidate/) - Fed up with all the shinanigans going on in government and politix today, the Long Island Ice Tea Party is ready to make its move.
- [California Drought To Be Quickly Replaced By Giant Mudslides](http://fmobserver.com/california-drought-to-be-quickly-replaced-by-giant-mudslides/) - The Good News is that the California drought will soon be over. The Bad News is that the state will soon be one gigantic mudslide.
- [Oprah Wants Everyone To Join Weight Watchers Since She Owns 10% Of The Company](http://fmobserver.com/oprah-wants-everyone-to-join-weight-watchers-since-she-owns-10-of-the-company/) - The Oprah is asking for everyone to join Weight Watchers to lose weight along with her. Everyone who reaches their goal weight will receive a free yo-yo!
- [WNBA game suspended after ball gets stuck between rim and backboard](http://fmobserver.com/wnba-game-suspended-after-ball-gets-stuck/) - Minneapolis, MN - A recent professional Women's National Basketball Association game between the Minnesota Lynx and the Atlanta Dream suffered a stoppage in play after the ball became lodged between the rim and the backboard.
- [Where Are They Now: Wheel of Fortune Big Winner Ken Noisewater](http://fmobserver.com/where-are-they-now-wheel-of-fortune-big-winner-ken-noisewater/) - Fargo, ND - $25,000. Could that dollar amount change your life? I'm willing to bet it could (even after taxes). Kenneth Noisewater landed a shot at fortune and fame; the type that could only be earned along side big Pat Sajak. Ken went on Wheel of Fortune and hit the big time. Mild-mannered Ken, an
- [Punk Rocker Booed For Not Vomiting On Stage](http://fmobserver.com/punk-rocker-booed-for-not-vomiting-on-stage/) - Fargo, ND - Local punk group Fist Munch was met with a flurry of boos after frontman Jason "DickRash" Regal refused to perform his customary mid-song vomit during a gig at the Aquarium last night.
- [Pair of lungs or some other organ found on LA sidewalk](http://fmobserver.com/pair-of-lungs-or-some-other-organ-found-on-la-sidewalk/) - Sunday evening, authorities received a call to investigate what was reported to be a pair of lungs stuck to a south Los Angeles county sidewalk.
- [Sting Operation At Dog Park Results In Arrest](http://fmobserver.com/sting-operation-at-dog-park-results-in-arrest/) - The K-9 unit in Fargo, acting on an anonymous tip from someone at the FM Observer (it was me. sorry) recently enacted a sting operation resulting in an arrest at the dog park on 45th Street in Fargo.
- [Trucker Breaks Guiness World Record Clogging Toilets In All 50 States](http://fmobserver.com/trucker-breaks-guiness-world-record-clogging-toilets-in-all-50-states/) - Trucker Randy Burton has made history in one of the grossest ways possible. Mr. Burton has plenty of time to think about life while on the road, and recently, he let his crazy thoughts get away from him while on the john.
- [Tomato Plant Bombs Causing Fear of Terrorist Activity](http://fmobserver.com/tomato-plant-bombs-causing-fear-of-terrorist-activity/) - Fargo, ND - The recent string of tomato plant bombs in the downtown Fargo area has certain business patrons and residents on high alert. These tomato plant buckets have been popping up in random locations on sidewalks throughout downtown, much to the dismay of your typical god-fearing terrorist-hating American.
- [Cops Crash Bachelorette Party Posing As Strippers](http://fmobserver.com/cops-crash-bachelorette-party-posing-as-strippers/) - Fargo, ND - Local on-duty uniformed police officers were reported to have had a little fun at the expense of a bachelorette party over the weekend.
- [Hole In Ground Available For Rent In Fargo](http://fmobserver.com/hole-in-ground-available-for-rent-in-fargo/) - A property management company has decided to get innovative and cutting edge with their leasing options.
- [Interview With King Buzzo of The Melvins](http://fmobserver.com/interview-with-king-buzzo-of-the-melvins/) - The Melvins have been around. And around. They are one of the most consistent rock bands of all time, ever since the inception of grunge in the late 80s/early 90s. They've made their mark on the rock & roll landscape by writing music and touring relentlessly throughout America and abroad.
- [NASA Roundup: What We Know About Mars So Far](http://fmobserver.com/nasa-roundup-what-we-know-about-mars-so-far/) - Pasadena, CA - Mission control for the worldly popular Curiosity on Mars excursion has released a preliminary report of the rover's findings. These highly unclassified and somewhat opinionated documents provide detail on what NASA has already figured out about the Red Planet.
- [Should I go see The Avengers or watch a real movie: HELLRAISER?](http://fmobserver.com/should-i-go-see-the-avengers-or-watch-a-real-movie-hellraiser/) - Today at the White House, a government mandate was unanimously passed into marshall law requiring every American citizen to go see The Avengers because "It's SO damn good." It seems that everybody has seen The Avengers and an equal amount of people (everybody on the planet) loved it. You want to be entertained, maybe even shaken to your innermost core? GO BUY HELLRAISER TONIGHT
- [Red Bull® gives man wings; man sues](http://fmobserver.com/red-bull-gives-man-wings-man-sues/) - A local man is suing the makers of Red Bull energy drink, claiming the product produced "uncomfortable and disproportionate feathery growths" sprouting from underneath both shoulder blades.
- [Jason Voorhees taking this Friday the 13th off](http://fmobserver.com/jason-voorhees-taking-this-friday-the-13th-off/) - In a surprising turn of events this Friday the 13th, well-known blood fiend and murder artist Jason Voorhees has decided to not stalk & slash this evening. Young area campers have already begun rejoicing
- [Zygi Wilf asks Viking fans to start thinking of new team name](http://fmobserver.com/zygi-wilf-asks-viking-fans-to-start-thinking-of-new-team-name/) - Minneapolis, MN - As the twilight years of yet another Minnesota sports team near their bittersweet end, the owner of the Minnesota Vikings of the NFL is keeping the lines of communication with the fan base open.
- [**ALERT** PRESENCE OF SUPER AIDS IN CLEANUP WEEK TRASH PILE SPAWNS EPIDEMIC](http://fmobserver.com/alert-presence-of-super-aids-in-cleanup-week-trash-pile-spawns-epidemic/) - The filthy remnants of a cleanup week trash pile containing an unknown quantity of Super AIDS is believed to be the cause of the rampant Super AIDS epidemic here in Fargo
- [Car insurance adjuster freaking out over NASCAR wreck](http://fmobserver.com/car-insurance-adjuster-freaking-out-over-nascar-wreck/) - Yesterday's NASCAR FedEx 400 event in Dover contained one of the most heinous multiple car pileups we've seen so far this year. A total of 13 cars were involved in this chain-reaction wreck
- [Dead Morbidly Obese Arsonist Torches Crematorium](http://fmobserver.com/morbidly-obese-corpse-arsonist-torches-crematorium/) - Graz, Austria - A gigantic 440-lb hunk of dead & smoldering fatty tissue was the cause of a fiery inferno at a crematorium in Graz, Austria yesterday.
- ["March Madness" Defense Fails Miserably In Court](http://fmobserver.com/march-madness-defense-fails-miserably-in-court/) - The Observer is surprised to learn that yet another bumbling defendant and his pro bono "not gettin' paid, so whatever" lawyer went with the "March Madness" defense, only to get laughed at by a veteran judge who has definitely seen this type of idiocy before.
- [NECROPLASTY: An In-depth Interview and Discography With a Tortured Soul](http://fmobserver.com/necroplasty-an-in-depth-interview-and-discography-with-a-tortured-soul/) - I sit down with one of Fargo's finest. A native son born into boredom and evil.
- [Idiot Arrested After Attempted Drug Deal With Obvious Off-Duty Cop](http://fmobserver.com/idiot-arrested-after-attempted-drug-deal-with-obvious-off-duty-cop/) - An Otsego, MN man was arrested last night after propositioning a cocaine deal to what was quite obviously an off-duty cop.
- [Morbidly Obese Lake Trout Breaks State Record](http://fmobserver.com/morbidly-obese-lake-trout-breaks-state-record/) - A North Dakota state record was broken recently as a 16lb-6oz, 33-inch lake trout was hauled out of the Garrison Dam Tailrace.
- [Rock 102 FM's news radio makeover causes expected uproar](http://fmobserver.com/rock-102-fms-news-radio-makeover-causes-expected-uproar/) - Was there ever any doubt that residents occupying the broadcast area of the Rock 102 FM radio frequency would voice their discontent over the channel's new talk radio format changeover?
- [Struggling website Google+ threatens suicide](http://fmobserver.com/struggling-website-google-threatens-suicide/) - In a not-too-surprising outcry stemming from lack of acceptance, the struggling social networking website Google+ has been audibly lamenting ever being born with threats of self-harm and suicide.
- [Record Temps Spreading Fear Throughout Area](http://fmobserver.com/record-temps-spreading-fear-throughout-area/) - The month of March has proven already to be one of the scariest winter months on record for our region.
- [Crazed Gun Owners Planning Government Takeover Defense Strategy](http://fmobserver.com/crazed-gun-owners-planning-government-takeover-defense-strategy/) - Deranged gun zealots across the nation are banding together in a show of defiance over the Obama administration's looming gun law initiatives. A kook in Alabama is leading the charge by launching a website where concerned gun owners can go to congregate.
- [New North Dakota License Plate Ideas](http://fmobserver.com/new-north-dakota-license-plate-ideas/) - Now they are weighing the cost of such a redesign as well as possible ideas for a new slogan. Ideas for a new slogan, you say? The Observer can help with that. Here are a handful of slogans we'd like to see grace the top of the North Dakota license plate:
- [Peyton Manning to Tim Tebow: "Cut That Meat!"](http://fmobserver.com/peyton-manning-to-tim-tebow-cut-that-meat/) - Denver, CO - As many in the NFL landscape are being made aware today, the Denver Broncos and Peyton Manning have agreed to a 5-year deal worth up to $98 million dollars that Tim Tebow will not see any of. Tebow, upon hearing the news of the Manning signing, had this to say:
- [November 2012 EVENT CALENDAR: What's Happening in November](http://fmobserver.com/november-2012-event-calendar-whats-happening-in-november/) - Fargo-Moorhead - Here is a list of F-M Observer sponsored events and goings-on taking place in the area this November.
- [Wife Divorcing Husband For Christmas Shopping At A Strip Mall](http://fmobserver.com/wife-divorcing-husband-for-christmas-shopping-at-a-strip-mall/) - A Fargo woman is filing for divorce after finding out her husband was doing some Christmas "shopping" at a strip mall.
- [FMO's Dr. Willy Nilly Announces He's Permanently Moving To Brazille](http://fmobserver.com/fmos-dr-willy-nilly-announces-hes-permanently-moving-to-brazille/) - Our long-time friend and consultant, Dr. Willy Nilly, who's been helping out the FM Observer for many moons, has finally decided to call it quits and move on into the next chapter of his postcocious life!
- [Jamestown Man Goes Crazy While Looking At Himself In The Mirror Too Long](http://fmobserver.com/jamestown-man-goes-crazy-while-looking-at-himself-in-the-mirror-too-long/) - Have you ever looked at your self in the mirror long enough so that you forgot you were looking at a reflection?
- [First Annual Plastic Surgery Beauty Pageant To Crown Miss Plastic America](http://fmobserver.com/first-annual-plastic-surgery-beauty-pageant-to-crown-miss-plastic-america/) - This is the event for which many have been waiting a long time. The 1st Annual Miss Plastic America Contest will soon have the most "beautiful" plastic surgery victims descend upon Beauty, Kentucky from each of the 57 states in the nation.
- [Last Sane People On Earth Now Starting To Lose Their Minds](http://fmobserver.com/last-sane-people-on-earth-now-starting-to-lose-their-minds/) - Up until now, the last two sane people living in this insane world were Charles and Beverly Landstrum from Valentine, Nebraska.
- [Jim Nantz Receives Sportscasters Guild Perseverance Award For Putting Up With Phil Simms](http://fmobserver.com/jim-nantz-receives-sportscasters-guild-perseverance-award-for-putting-up-with-phil-simms/) - For putting up with Phil Simms twice a week for 10 consecutive NFL regular season telecasts, Jim Nantz was unanimously voted the 2015 recipient.
- [Google's New 3-D Printer Can Print An Edible Roasted Turkey](http://fmobserver.com/googles-new-3-d-printer-can-print-an-edible-roasted-turkey/) - Leave it to Google to take 3-D printing to the next level. After some Germans were able to first print edible gummy bears with a 3-D printer, Google has now perfected the ability to 3-D print a ready-to-eat hot roasted turkey, just like the one grandma used to pull out of the oven for Thanksgiving.
- [Fargo's New Party Barge To Run On Red River Yearound Thanks To Global Warming](http://fmobserver.com/fargos-new-party-barge-to-run-on-red-river-yearound-thanks-to-global-warming/) - Thanks to Algore for first inventing the Internet and then Global Warming, Fargo's new Party Barge will be providing tours of the Red River throughout the entire year.
- [New Family Fun Game For The Holidaze: Add-On Swear Word!](http://fmobserver.com/new-family-fun-game-for-the-holidaze-add-on-swear-word/) - The FM Observer is rolling out a new family-fun game just in time for the fucking holidays. It's called Add-On Swear Word!
- [The Ralph Engelstad Arena Being Dismantled Brick By Brick](http://fmobserver.com/the-ralph-engelstad-arena-being-dismantled-brick-by-brick/) - On the same day that out-going UND President Robert Kelley announced that the Fighting Sioux will now forever after be called the Fighting Hawks, workers quietly began the slow and painful process of taking down the Ralph Engelstad Arena according to the benefactor's original instructions.
- [With Turkey Shortage From Bird Flu, Many Opting For Emu On Thanksgiving Table](http://fmobserver.com/with-turkey-shortage-from-bird-flu-many-opting-for-emu-on-thanksgiving-table/) - After losing millions of turkeys to the avian bird flu, the resulting turkey shortage is causing many to seek an alternative for their traditional Thanksgiving dinner.
- [Horoscopes For The Week Of November 15, 2015](http://fmobserver.com/horoscopes-for-the-week-of-november-15-2015/) - Your Horoscope by Nina Verbena: Horoscopes For The Week Of November 15, 2015
- [Ancient Roman Ruins Found Just South Of Jamestown, North Dakota](http://fmobserver.com/ancient-romans-ruins-found-just-south-of-jamestown-north-dakota/) - A lone deer hunter accidentally discovered some ancient Roman ruins near the town of Gackle, North Dakota.
- [Edible Cricket Farming Providing Many Fargo Families Extra Income During Sluggish Obama Economy](http://fmobserver.com/edible-cricket-farming-providing-many-fargo-families-extra-income-during-sluggish-obama-economy/) - With healthcare costs becoming more and more unaffordable due to increasing premiums and deductibles under the UnAffordable Care Act, many Fargo families have turned to edible cricket farming in an effort to help make ends meet.
- [For Thanksgiving, Win Your Family A Trip To Turkey!](http://fmobserver.com/for-thanksgiving-win-your-family-a-trip-to-turkey/) - Readers of the FM Observer are invited to submit their application for a trip-of-a-lifetime to Turkey for Thanksgiving.
- [Volunteers Needed As Fargo Seeks To Break Beer Drinking Record](http://fmobserver.com/volunteers-needed-as-fargo-seeks-to-break-beer-drinking-record/) - Worthy volunteers are being sought as Fargo gears up to break the world record for the most amount of binge beer drinking performed during a 48-hour weekend.
- [World's Fastest Banjo Player Coming To Fargo To Do Free Banjo Workshops](http://fmobserver.com/worlds-fastest-banjo-player-coming-to-fargo-to-do-free-banjo-workshops/) - The undisputed fastest banjo player in the world is coming to Fargo, North Dakota! Ol' Joe Perkins has long been the fastest banjo player in the world.
- [Horoscopes For The Week Of November 1, 2015](http://fmobserver.com/horoscopes-for-the-week-of-november-1-2015/) - Your Horoscope by Nina Verbena! Horoscopes For The Week Of November 1, 2015.
- [US Military Top-Secret Balloon Dog On The Loose](http://fmobserver.com/us-military-top-secret-balloon-dog-on-the-loose/) - A very large runaway military doggy balloon was recently seen in the skies around Harrisburg, Pennsylvania. The giant brownish wiener dog-shaped balloon is reportedly for a special military mission to "smell out" trouble.
- [Endangered Sea Monkeys Found In Fargo's Red River](http://fmobserver.com/endangered-sea-monkeys-found-in-fargos-red-river/) - Scientists have discovered a family of Sea Monkeys living in the Red River near downtown Fargo. Sea Monkeys were recently moved from the endangered species list to now being considered critically endangered and thus are a protected species of living creatures.
- [Horoscopes For The Week Of October 25, 2015](http://fmobserver.com/weekly-horoscopes-for-the-week-of-october-25-2015/) - Your Horoscope by Nina Verbena
- [Hillary Didn't Even Have A Computer In Her Office!](http://fmobserver.com/hillary-didnt-even-have-a-computer-in-her-office/) - Our Washington reporter, Mr. Ben Ghazi, was lucky enough be present while President-Elect Hillary Clinton got brutally questioned by mean, extremist, Republican members of Congress.
- [Johnnny's Third Retrospective (Posts 200-300)](http://fmobserver.com/johnnnys-third-retrospective-posts-200-300/) - Since 300 is such a nice round number (and it is Roman Numeral CCC, which stands for Chocolate Chip Cookies), it was decided to use the occasion of my 300th post to take a trip back down memory lane.
- [New ND Governor's Mansion To Be Way Nicer Than South Dakota's](http://fmobserver.com/new-nd-governors-mansion-to-be-way-nicer-than-south-dakotas/) - North Dakota has finally decided to build a new Governor's Mansion, since its current one looks like an out-dated, dilapidated, detached garage.
- [New 'Cat Fight' Movie Will Scare The Shit Out Of Cat Lovers](http://fmobserver.com/new-cat-fight-movie-will-scare-the-shit-out-of-cat-lovers/) - Set to open just before Halloween, the highly anticipated latest new scary movie called "Cat Fight" from Director Blaze Benzun will shirley deliver.
- [Fargo's New Hospital To Treat Dogs And Cats](http://fmobserver.com/fargos-new-hospital-to-treat-dogs-and-cats/) - The new Sanford Mega-Hospital being built along I-94 has just announced that one entire wing will be devoted to providing healthcare for pets.
- [Donald Trump To House Speaker Boehner: 'You're Fired!'](http://fmobserver.com/donald-trump-to-house-speaker-boehner-youre-fired/) - In preparation for his upcoming presidency, Donald Trump is already making some big changes. On Friday, the Trumpster told House Speak John Boehner, "You're Fired!".
- [Former Vikings Mascot Now With Green Bay Packers](http://fmobserver.com/former-vikings-mascot-now-with-green-bay-packers/) - After being let go by the Minisoda ViQueens, Ragnar has signed a lucrative contract with the Green Gay Packers.
- [After Meeting With Bishops, Rooks, And Pawns, Pope Goes Golfing With Obama](http://fmobserver.com/after-meeting-with-bishops-rooks-and-pawns-pope-goes-golfing-with-obama/) - After spending a busy day visiting with everyone from top Catholic bishops down to some lowly pawns and paupers, Pope Francis was challenged by President Obama to a friendly round of golf by way of a short ride on Marine One.
- [Ladybug Named Insect-Of-The-Year By Entomologists](http://fmobserver.com/ladybug-named-insect-of-the-year-by-entomologists/) - The Entomological Society of America has just announced that the ladybug is the proud winner of the coveted Insect-of-the-Year Award.
- [Caitlyn Jenner On New $10 'Hero Bill'](http://fmobserver.com/caitlyn-jenner-on-new-10-hero-bill/) - After becoming a national hero to most Americans, the Federal Reserve has proudly announced that Caitlyn Jenner will soon be appearing on the new $10 bills.
- [Psychic Convention To Be Held In Fargo, North Dakota](http://fmobserver.com/psychic-convention-to-be-held-in-fargo-north-dakota/) - As you've probably seen in your crystal ball, Fargo will be hosting the next International Psychic Convention.
- [Vast Amounts Of Chocolate Discovered On Mars](http://fmobserver.com/vast-amounts-of-chocolate-discovered-on-mars/) - As many scientists have long suspected, the planet Mars has been discovered to have large amounts of chocolate on its surface.
- [New Designated Driver 'Party Bus' Offers Free Rides To Bars In The Fargo Area](http://fmobserver.com/new-designated-driver-party-bus-offers-free-rides-to-bars-in-the-fargo-area/) - Fargo is now offering a new free service for those who have been drinking. It is called the Party Bus!
- [If Elected President, Trump Vows To Go Bald](http://fmobserver.com/if-elected-president-trump-vows-to-go-bald/) - While standing on top of his Trump Tower building, Donald Trump promised to a small gaggle of reporters that if elected president, he would shave the top of his own personal Trump Tower.
- [President Changes Names Of Rocky Mountains, Alabama, And Hawaii](http://fmobserver.com/president-changes-names-of-rocky-mountains-alabama-and-hawaii/) - After flying to Alaska to change the name of Mount McKinley to Denali (meaning "to get high"), President Obama flew to Denver to officially rename the Rocky Mountains. By executive order, the new name shall be "The Barocky Mountains".
- [Answer To Fargo's Beaver Problem: Catapult Them Into Minnesota!](http://fmobserver.com/answer-to-fargos-beaver-problem-catapult-them-into-minnesota/) - After many possible solutions to Fargo's beaver problem were reviewed, city authorities decided to relocate the tree-eating rodents by sending them flying into Minnesota via giant catapults.
- [Woman Lists Infant Child On Ebay](http://fmobserver.com/woman-lists-infant-child-on-ebay/) - In another edition of You Can't Make It Up (But We Did Anyway), an area mom has listed her infant son Bemmen as a bidding item on popular online auction site Ebay.
- [Haunted Scientology Farm Scaring The Living Crap Out Of Visitors](http://fmobserver.com/haunted-scientology-farm-scaring-the-living-crap-out-of-visitors/) - Just outside the quaint village of Wolverton, Minnesota lurks a haunted farm so scary that each visitor must first pass an extensive physical examination before getting the OK to attend.
- [Local Art Show To Help Hillary's Legal Defense Fund](http://fmobserver.com/local-art-show-to-help-hillarys-legal-defense-fund/) - A new local Fargo art gallery (YOGART Gallery) is having a special art show (Help Hillary Now!) to help raise money for Hillary's Clinton's Legal Defense Fund.
- [Many Considering Getting A Shingle Shot Opting For A Double Shot Instead](http://fmobserver.com/many-considering-getting-a-shingle-shot-opting-for-a-double-shot-instead/) - To avoid a reactivation of the chickenpox virus, many people are being encouraged to go get a shingle shot from their healthcare provider.
- [Fighting Sioux Fans Plan Freedom-Of-Speech Class Action LawSuit Against NCAA](http://fmobserver.com/fighting-sioux-fans-plan-freedom-of-speech-class-action-lawsuit-against-ncaa/) - After it was learned that the NCAA is threatening the University of North Dakota with more penalties and sanctions if the fans continue to yell out "Sioux" at the end of the National Anthem, Sioux fans are planning to sue.
- [Donald Trump Planning Fly-Overs To Drop $100 Bills In Many Key Voting States](http://fmobserver.com/donald-trump-planning-fly-overs-to-drop-100-bills-in-many-key-voting-states/) - The next president of the United States wants to thank you in advance for your vote by dropping $100 bills from the sky.
- [Many Fargo Dogs And Dog Owners Using Magic Mushroom Therapy To Create A Closer Bondage](http://fmobserver.com/many-fargo-dogs-and-dog-owners-using-magic-mushroom-therapy-to-create-a-closer-bondage/) - For dog owners wanting to create a closer bond between themselves and their dogs, Magic Mushroom Therapy™ is showing some very promising results.
- [Visit Fargo's Famous Upside Down House](http://fmobserver.com/visit-fargos-famous-upside-down-house/) - One of Fargo's lesser known but more popular tourist attractions is the Upside Down House. Executive Director Chidinma Obialo who grew up upside down says Fargo's Upside Down House is the only one of its kind in the entire country.
- [North Korea To Trademark New Time Zone](http://fmobserver.com/north-korea-to-trademark-new-time-zone/) - With news that North Korea is planning to extract itself from a time zone shared with Japan comes the apparent corporate branding of said time zone.
- [ND License Plates Being Widened To 14 Characters](http://fmobserver.com/nd-license-plates-being-widened-to-14-characters/) - The state that leads the country in grain growing, oil fracking, and honey bee production will also be the first state to offer double-wide license plates.
- [Wild Zebra Continues To Run Rings Around Fargo](http://fmobserver.com/wild-zebra-continues-to-run-rings-around-fargo/) - For some unknown reason, a wild zebra continues to run circles around the entire city of Fargo. According to our sources, this unusual activity began about a month ago.
- [It's Official: Jar Jar Binks Is Moving To Fargo!](http://fmobserver.com/its-official-jar-jar-binks-is-moving-to-fargo/) - After much behind-the-scenes planning and excitement, Jar Jar Binks has decided to "settle down" in Fargo, North Dakota.
- [New UND Nickname And Logo Soon Announced: The Sundogs!](http://fmobserver.com/new-und-nickname-and-logo-soon-announced-the-sundogs/) - With the Fighting Sioux nickname found to be too politically incorrect and the top vote-getter "North Dakota" being thrown out by The Committee, it looks like those with the power to decide are leaning toward: The Sundogs!
- [Fargo Police Give Blue Angels Speeding Ticket](http://fmobserver.com/fargo-police-give-blue-angels-speeding-ticket/) - Just as there are speed limits on the ground, a Blue Angel pilot just discovered that there are also speed limits over the city of Fargo.
- [Local Idiot Support Group Has Standing Room Only During First Meeting](http://fmobserver.com/local-idiot-support-group-has-standing-room-only-during-first-meeting/) - After receiving an overwhelming number of requests, the City of Moorhead's Idiot Support Group had its big kick-off meeting this week.
- [BigFoot Spotted Roaming WE Fest Area](http://fmobserver.com/bigfoot-spotted-roaming-we-fest-area/) - Some call him BigFoot while others say Sasquatch. But all experts now agree that the overgrown Yeti now appears to be roaming around and sleeping in the Sioux Pass Ranch area, just in time for WE Fest.
- [Woman Living In Hammock Above Fargo Park](http://fmobserver.com/woman-living-in-hammock-above-fargo-park/) - One of our best junior reporters somehow discovered a woman living up in a hammock in Fargo's Lindenwood Park.
- [Zebra Muscles Invade Red River Zoo](http://fmobserver.com/zebra-muscles-invade-red-river-zoo/) - Fargo, ND—Red River Zoo officials have gleefully added zebra muscles to their fleet of exotic animal inventory.
- [Texas Governor To Pardon One Thousandth Death Row Execution](http://fmobserver.com/texas-governor-to-pardon-one-thousandth-death-row-execution/) - Austin, TX—Last year, Texas became the first state to murder 500 death row inmates since the US Supreme Court reinstated capital punishment in 1976. The execution frontrunner has disposed of nearly five times as many people as Virginia, the second state on the list.
- [Area Man 3-D Prints Lusty, Dead-Eyed Carpool Lane Passenger](http://fmobserver.com/area-man-3-d-prints-lusty-dead-eyed-carpool-lane-passenger/) - Do you ever wish you could drive freely down the wide-open carpool lane during rush hour traffic instead of pulling out your eyeballs and putting them back in their sockets as you sit there aging ungracefully during a traffic jam? Well, much to the chagrin of the Fargo Police Department, one area man made that wish come true with the use of a 3-D printer.
- [Source Of Haze Over Fargo Discovered](http://fmobserver.com/source-of-haze-over-fargo-discovered/) - The source of the smoke that's been causing the haze over Fargo has been discovered. It turns out to be coming from Mr. Gary Lofton's continuous bonfire.
- [Binge Drinking OKed In Fargodome Suites During Football Games](http://fmobserver.com/binge-drinking-oked-in-fargodome-suites-during-football-games/) - The Good News: The decision has been made to finally allow binge drinking during Bison football games. The Bad News: Binge drinking will only be allowed in suites.
- [New FM Lakes Shuttle Service To Alleviate Weekend Traffic](http://fmobserver.com/new-fm-lakes-shuttle-service-to-alleviate-weekend-traffic/) - The Fargo-Moorhead Corporation will begin providing driverless shuttle service to the popular Minnesota lakes area in an effort to alleviate weekend traffic jams.
- [NDSU To Offer Rock Balancing As Major Field Of Study](http://fmobserver.com/ndsu-to-offer-rock-balancing-as-major-field-of-study/) - North Dakota State University is proud to announce that a major in Rock Balancing is being added to its fields of study.
- [FMO Announces Winner Of 1st Dubious Yard-Of-The-Month Award](http://fmobserver.com/fmo-announces-winner-of-1st-dubious-yard-of-the-month-award/) - And the winner of the June 2015 Dubious Yard-of-the-Month Award goes to
- [Father's Day Surprise: Wife Gives Birth During Rollercoaster Ride](http://fmobserver.com/fathers-day-surprise-wife-gives-birth-during-rollercoaster-ride/) - To celebrate the longest day of the year, Dr. Michael Hunt and his lovely wife Susan decided to go for a fun afternoon ride on the Millennium Force rollercoaster in the Cedar Point amusement park.
- [Mosquito Spraying Turns Tadpole Into Giant MegaToad](http://fmobserver.com/mosquito-spraying-turns-tadpole-into-giant-megatoad/) - A young boy raising tadpoles for his fricking frog farm believes area mosquito sprayings caused one of his pet tadpoles to grow to Godzilla-sized proportions.
- [Condemned Grand Forks Castle Renting Out As Party House](http://fmobserver.com/condemned-grand-forks-castle-renting-out-as-party-house/) - An historic old building in Grand Forks which dates back to the Ming Dynasty, is now available for large, wild parties. In the wake of the 1997 flood, the castle sustained enough damage for city authorities to condemn the place.
- [Fargo Airport To Allow Runway Drag Racing In Between Flights](http://fmobserver.com/fargo-airport-to-allow-runway-drag-racing-in-between-flights/) - In what some are calling a bold move, the Fargo Airport will soon allow street racing on the runways during times between flights.
- [LeBron James grateful for another shot at losing NBA Finals](http://fmobserver.com/lebron-james-grateful-for-another-shot-at-losing-nba-finals/) - NBA MVP LeBron James has once again, for the 2nd straight year and 3rd time in his career, led his team to the NBA Finals earning yet another shot at despair and failure.
- [Local Large-Group Marriage Expected To Go To The Supreme Court](http://fmobserver.com/local-large-group-marriage-expected-to-go-to-the-supreme-court/) - In the quaint Minnesota village of Downer (formerly known as Xanax), a large-group wedding of nine women and five men is expected to challenge the definition of marriage.
- [New Cheeseburger-Shaped Space Restaurant Ready To Serve](http://fmobserver.com/new-cheeseburger-shaped-space-restaurant-ready-to-serve/) - NASA and the Burger King Corporation are very proud to announce that their joint effort to put a Burger King restaurant into space orbit has finally been realized.
- [Fargo Man Discovers iPod's Song Shuffle Algorithm](http://fmobserver.com/area-man-discovers-ipods-song-shuffle-algorithm/) - Local Mathologist Dr. Bictor Tedhanger believes there's something very specific about his iPod's "shuffle" sequence.
- [From The Archives: Woman Trapped In Man's Body Yearns For Freedom](http://fmobserver.com/from-the-archives-man-trapped-in-womans-body-yearns-for-freedom/) - Fargo, ND—Local cowboy Theddy Crumpsmith longs to be free, the Observer has learned. Crumpsmith is suffering from a disorder not well known to mankind; one for which mankind currently has no solution.
- [FM Observer Soon Going 3-Dimensional](http://fmobserver.com/fm-observer-soon-going-3-dimensional/) - The FM Observer is proud to announce that it will soon become a 3-D website. All past, present, and future posts will be presented in three dimensionality.
- [Fargo's Redhawks Just Hoping To Win A Game](http://fmobserver.com/fargos-redhawks-just-hoping-to-win-a-game/) - With the Redhawks baseball team off to a rough start to their season, players and fans are now simply hoping to eventually win a game.
- [Super Fans Will Blow Storm Clouds Away](http://fmobserver.com/super-fans-will-blow-storms-clouds-away/) - The National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration (NOAA) now has the capability of controlling the weather when it comes to the elimination of bad storm clouds.
- [New Insane Asylum For Pets Gives Families Hope](http://fmobserver.com/new-insane-asylum-for-pets-gives-families-hope/) - A new animal-friendly care institution recently opened South of Moorhead. The Sabin Observatory For Insane Animals (SOFIA) was designed to meet the special needs of pets that have gone completely crazy.
- [Leonard Nimoy To Be Rejuvenated With Project Genesis](http://fmobserver.com/leonard-nimoy-to-be-rejuvenated-with-project-genesis/) - Even though the man who played Mr. Spock on Star Trek died on February 27, 2015, many believe that Leonard Nimoy's spiritual essence, or katra, has been preserved.
- [Fargo Man Accused Of Illegally Cloning Dachshunds For Profit](http://fmobserver.com/fargo-man-accused-of-illegally-cloning-dachshunds-for-profit/) - Mr. Clemont Dill of rural Fargo is being charged with the illegal cloning of a Dachshund. He supposedly has cloned his favorite dog, Pickles, over 250 times.
- [Donald Trump Building Skyscraper In Moorhead "Just For The Hell Of It"](http://fmobserver.com/donald-trump-building-skyscraper-in-moorhead-just-for-the-hell-of-it/) - Donald Trump announced tomorrow that he will soon begin construction of a 57-story skyscraper in downtown Moorhead. Why Moorhead? The Donald's answer: Moorhead is a really, really great community.
- [Google Robot Beats Human At Bocce Ball](http://fmobserver.com/google-robot-beats-human-at-bocce-ball/) - Signifying the progression of the eminent artificial intelligence takeover, a Google-owned ATLAS robot at the Institute for Human and Machine Cognition (IHMC) recently beat a human at a game of bocce ball.
- [Dr. Finance: What To Do With Too Much Money](http://fmobserver.com/dr-finance-what-to-do-with-too-much-money/) - Dear Dr. Finance: My husband and I feel like we have way too much money. What should we do to make us feel better about ourselves? Sincerely, Mimi Gladstone
- [BitchFest 3000 Coming To Fargo](http://fmobserver.com/bitchfest-3000-coming-to-fargo/) - A new way of keeping the long-term peace is coming to Fargo. BitchFest 3000 is way of helping people express their anger without destruction of property.
- [Some Rejected UND Nicknames Maybe Worth Another Look](http://fmobserver.com/some-rejected-und-nicknames-maybe-worth-another-look/) - With the Fighting Sioux nickname being run out of town by the NCAA, the Grand Forks Herald recently made available the list of all the submitted alternative nicknames for UND.
- [Fargo's Uber Program Offers Free One-Way Jet Rides To Anywhere](http://fmobserver.com/fargos-uber-program-offers-free-one-way-jet-rides-to-anywhere/) - Fargo, ND - After the exciting announcement that the UBER RideShare Program was coming to Fargo, the FM Observer is excited to make another big announcement: People from the Fargo area will be able to catch a ride to anywhere in the world via a McDonnell Douglas F/A-18 Hornet.
- [FM Observer Asks: Do You Uber?](http://fmobserver.com/fm-observer-asks-do-you-uber/) - With Uber ride service starting soon in Fargo, the FM Observer wonders if you, the reader, Uber.
- [New Fargo Children's Daycare Called Spookhouse](http://fmobserver.com/new-fargo-childrens-daycare-called-spookhouse/) - A new theme park-style daycare service will soon be opening in Fargo. Spookhouse Daycare will provide excellently creepy care for today's modern youth.
- [Raceism Is What Makes Marathon Week So Special](http://fmobserver.com/raceism-is-what-makes-marathon-week-so-special/) - Fargo, ND--Raceism is alive and well in Fargo this weekend during this year's marathon. Raceists from all across the country have flocked to Fargo this week for the city's annual 26-miler.
- [Shania Twain Moving To Fargo](http://fmobserver.com/shania-twain-moving-to-fargo/) - Shania Twain, the famous daughter of the late Mark Twain, has just announced that she will be moving to Fargo, effective September 21, 2015. The singing superstar said that after performing in Fargo back in 1998 and 2004, and after seeing the movie FARGO, she has decided to relocate to Fargo, permanently.
- [Center For Disease Control Bans The Handshake](http://fmobserver.com/center-for-disease-control-bans-the-handshake/) - In the midst of mucho bad news during the last year about the spread of diseases, the customary handshake is in danger of extinction.
- [Yellowstone Park To Soon Blow Its Top](http://fmobserver.com/yellowstone-park-to-soon-blow-its-top/) - We think of Yellowstone National Park as 3,500 square miles of family fun and adventure. With all its amazing canyons, rivers, forests, and hot springs, it's a favorite destination for many group outings.
- [MN Pond Scum Being Sold As Organic Herbal Muck](http://fmobserver.com/mn-pond-scum-being-sold-as-organic-herbal-muck/) - A group of resourceful environmental herbologists with a special knack for marketing organic health products will soon be selling pond scum (Pondis Scumius Major) carefully gathered from certain hard-to-reach Minnesota pond areas.
- [Watch Out For Cleanup Week Curb Kids](http://fmobserver.com/watch-out-for-cleanup-week-curb-kids/) - Fargo, ND—It's cleanup week in Fargo! One man's trash is another man's treasure
- [Baltimore Mayor A Paragon Of Political Pragmatism](http://fmobserver.com/baltimore-mayor-a-paragon-of-political-pragmatism/) - The mayor of Baltimore will soon be given the Grace-Under-Fire Award by the National Association Of Mayors Institution (NAOMI). While Baltimore has been given the space and time to be pillaged, looted, and burned, Balitmore Mayor Stephanie Rawlings-Blake through it all appeared as calm as the ocean in the eye of a hurricance.
- [National Weatherman Walk-Out Threatens Nation](http://fmobserver.com/national-weatherman-walk-out-threatens-nation/) - Our nation now faces the threat of no weather forecasting for the foreseeable future thanks to Meteorologist Union Of Brotherhood Workers #2127, who are threatening a strike at midnight Honolulu Time.
- [New Family Restaurant Offers All-You-Can-Eat Pancakes](http://fmobserver.com/new-family-restaurant-offers-all-you-can-eat-pancakes/) - If you're super hungry for a great breakfast, go to Hotcakes! The newest family restaurant in the FM area specializes in breakfast - all day long.
- [Bruce Jenner Announcing Sect Change During Two Hour Television Special](http://fmobserver.com/bruce-jenner-announcing-sect-change-during-two-hour-television-special/) - Bruce Jenner, famed former Olympian and step-father to the Kardashian family, plans to announce his sect change during a television special with ABC’s Diane Sawyer. Jenner will be changing his sect from Lutheran to Methodist. “I’ve been mulling this over for decades. It just didn’t feel right living the way I was. It felt like
- [Wedding Tax Obama Administration's Next Executive Action](http://fmobserver.com/wedding-tax-obama-administrations-next-executive-action/) - With the busy wedding season almost here and the government running out of new ways to tax the American public, the White House has announced a new executive action to be effective immediately. A 10% wedding tax will be imposed on the total cost of all weddings.
- [Al Gore Blames Chilean Volcano On Global Warming](http://fmobserver.com/al-gore-blames-chilean-volcano-on-global-warming/) - Cupertino, CA—Famed internet inventor and climate changeologist Al Gore went on the offensive yesterday during an Earth Day event at Apple® headquarters. When news of the Chilean volcanic eruption broke, Gore equated it to a byproduct of global warming. "The continual warming of the Earth's crust leads to violent reactions that harm our atmosphere," said Gore.
- [West Fargo Teacher Stung By A Sting Operation](http://fmobserver.com/west-fargo-teacher-stung-by-a-sting-operation/) - A young teacher at the West Fargo High Skool named Gordon Summers (age 32), was allegedly, the subject of a school-girl fantasy. She wanted him, so badly, and she knew what she wanted to be. Inside her, there was so much longing, and this girl was an open page. The problem is, that the girl, (let's call her Lolita), was only half his age (16).
- [New Business Called "Janitors On Steroids" Coming To Fargo-Moorhead Area](http://fmobserver.com/new-business-called-janitors-on-steroids-coming-to-fargo-moorhead-area/) - With the ever-growing economy in the FM area, the need for excellent janitorial services grows with it. The FM Observer is proud to announce that we have personally invited a new business called "Janitors On Steroids" to soon move into our area.
- [Montana Pipe Dream A Religious Experience](http://fmobserver.com/montana-pipe-dream-a-religious-experience/) - On this day in history, a veterinarian named James W. Hubbard (just call me Jim) would meet the love of his life, young Philena "Jane" Potter. Jim and Jane would then soon after adopt a young boy named Henry August Wilson who would later change his legal name to Harry Ross Hubbard.
- [Moorhead Starting A Community Bongo Band](http://fmobserver.com/moorhead-starting-a-community-bongo-band/) - The progressive city of Moorhead, Minisoda is seeking members for its new Moorhead Outdoor Bongo Band (MOBB). The idea came from Moorhead resident Billy Bongo who teaches Advanced Bongo at M-State University.
- [Large Comet To Hit Downtown Fargo Next Year](http://fmobserver.com/large-comet-to-hit-downtown-fargo-next-year/) - City officials are trying to not start a panic while announcing that a large comet may hit downtown Fargo sometime next year. The comet is named X-51 and is believed to be from the Taurus constellation.
- [Pop singer Madonna extremely satisfied with penis arm implants](http://fmobserver.com/pop-singer-madonna-extremely-satisfied-with-peins-arm-implants/) - Los Angeles, CA - World-renowned pop music singer and diva Madonna was recently asked in an interview about the satisfaction and comfort of her penis arm implants:
- [How To Tell If A Bird Has The Bird Flu](http://fmobserver.com/how-to-tell-if-a-bird-has-the-bird-flu/) - With the Avian Flu starting to spread its nasty wings, it might be helpful for us all to know the signs of a Sick Bird. After months and months of careful research, the FM Observer has put together a fairly long short-list of all the most common ways to identify a bird that may be carrying the dreaded Bird Flu.
- [Drought-Stricken California Looking To Dip Into Swimming Pools](http://fmobserver.com/drought-stricken-california-looking-to-dip-into-swimming-pools/) - As California continues to suffer from its worst drought since their last bad drought, the California Water Authority is searching for ways to deal with the problem.
- [Returned Diversion Assessment Ballots Being Used To Build Diversion](http://fmobserver.com/returned-diversion-assessment-ballots-being-used-to-build-diversion/) - All of your returned 'NO' ballots will be put to good use Fargo, ND—Local property owners: Did you recently find a flood risk ballot in your mailbox asking you to help fund the FM Diversion project? Did you open it, read it, then furiously scrawl an X in the 'No' box and send it in?
- [Vegas Casinos Ridding Roulette Of Number 23](http://fmobserver.com/vegas-casinos-ridding-roulette-of-number-23/) - Most of the casinos in Las Vegas will soon be removing the number 23 from their Roulette wheels. Enough people have finally figured out that 23 is the luckiest Roulette number, which is now starting to cause a problem for casinos that offer the game.
- [Burning Ban Does Not Include Throwing Lit Cigarettes Out Car Windows](http://fmobserver.com/burning-ban-does-not-include-throwing-lit-cigarettes-out-car-windows/) - Moderate drought conditions in North Dakota are sparking burning bans to be implemented on both the state and county levels. The extremely dry conditions due to Global Drying have precipitated government leaders to douse all fire-related activities until further notice.
- [Miraculous ElderHaus Magically Cures Whatever Ails You](http://fmobserver.com/miraculous-elderhaus-magically-cures-whatever-ails-you/) - It's the oldest building in the motley city of Moorhead. Known as just ElderHaus, everyone who's ever stayed there claims it has magical powers to rid one's body and mind of all sorts of ailments and afflictions.
- [Fargo Starts New Program To Help Juveniles Avoid Jail](http://fmobserver.com/fargo-starts-new-program-to-help-juveniles-avoid-jail/) - With the upwardly mobile trend of crime in Fargo due to Global Fracking, a new program is being started to dissuade area youth from landing themselves in jail and prison. The program is called Incarcerational Detention Improves Obstinate Teenagers (or IDIOT).
- [The New West Fargo Recycling Bins Are The Size Of A Hot Tub](http://fmobserver.com/the-new-west-fargo-recycling-bins-are-the-size-of-a-hot-tub/) - The new West Fargo recycling bins were delivered this last week. Obviously recycling is a good thing that everyone should be doing. But the size of these new recycling bins has many residents dumbfounded.
- [FM Observer Donates Million Dollar Painting To Help Save Fargo's Horse Park](http://fmobserver.com/fm-observer-donates-million-dollar-painting-to-help-save-fargos-horse-park/) - The FM Observer is donating a million dollar painting in order to help raise awareness of the financial problems that Fargo's Horse Park has been having and also to kick start a Fund Razor which would help raise funds to assist the financially struggling North Dakota Horse Park.
- [Large Sinkhole Creates New Minnesota Lake: Lots Selling Quickly](http://fmobserver.com/large-sinkhole-creates-new-minnesota-lake-lots-selling-quickly/) - After a large sinkhole unexpectedly created a new lake in Northern Minisoda, realtors are wasting no time selling front row seats to the new gem.
- [Downtown Fargo Parking Sucks: No Plans To Fix](http://fmobserver.com/downtown-fargo-parking-sucks-no-plans-to-fix/) - It is not a big secret that the parking situation in downtown Fargo is a problem. Just try meeting someone for lunch downtown and driving around finding a suitable place to park that's relatively close to your destination.
- [Minnesota Tells Residents To Stick It To Fargo](http://fmobserver.com/minnesota-tells-residents-to-stick-it-to-fargo/) - Apparently not everyone in Minnesota loves Fargo as much as Fargo does. Emotions seem to be running quite high after a Minnesota County Board made and seconded a motion to "Stick It To Fargo".
- [International Pi Day Is Here! How Are You Celebrating?](http://fmobserver.com/international-pi-day-is-here-how-are-you-celebrating/) - It's March 14th, 2015! Did you know that this date holds significance for fans of a certain mathematical constant? 3/14/15 is International Pi Day. Those five numbers, in order, are the first five numbers of Pi (π), the ratio of a perfect circle's circumference to its diameter! Was 9/11 an inside job? This is a huge day for
- [Fargo Mom Thought Marijuana Legalization Would Have Destroyed Colorado By Now](http://fmobserver.com/fargo-mom-thought-marijuana-legalization-would-have-destroyed-colorado-by-now/) - Fargo,ND−Area mother Cynthia Lincoln-Baxter finds herself utterly perplexed at the fact that Colorado hasn't developed into an absolute wasteland full of crime, poverty and despair since the state's decriminalization of marijuana last year.
- [Renters Complaining About Clogged Plumbing Get Told By Landlord To Go Screw Themselves](http://fmobserver.com/renters-complaining-about-clogged-plumbing-get-told-by-landlord-to-go-screw-themselves/) - When renters Norm and Nikki Waite politely mentioned to their landlord that their sinks and toilets were all backed up, the responses they got were not what they expected.
- [North Dakota Farmer Takes Wrong Turn, Never Heard From Again](http://fmobserver.com/lisbon-farmer-takes-wrong-turn-is-never-heard-from-again/) - Lisbon, ND - A Lisbon-area wheat farmer has been reported missing. This vast expanse of grass and nothingness has swallowed up yet another victim, it seems, most likely from a missed turn on a gravel road. Wendell Pierce was reportedly driving back to his farmstead last night after making a trip to Lisbon to pick up a few things.
- [Oceans Rising Faster Than Predicted: Millions Moving To North Dakota](http://fmobserver.com/oceans-rising-faster-than-predicted-millions-moving-to-north-dakota/) - As Global Warming continues to melt the polar ice caps down to nothing, the oceans are rising faster than originally expected.
- [United States government closing Florida border permanently](http://fmobserver.com/united-states-government-closing-florida-border-permanently/) - With the safety of Americans hanging in the balance due to a very recent series of strange and sometimes violent activity in Florida, the government of our fair nation has decided to close the state's border off from the rest of the country
- [FMO Restaurant Review: Grand Porks](http://fmobserver.com/fmo-restaurant-review-grand-porks/) - Today we are reviewing a restaurant called Grand Porks which is new to the Fargo area but, not surprisingly, originated in Grand Forks. Since we were both quite hungry, Nick and I decided to review this restaurant together.
- [FMO Reporter Describes Seeing A Ghost](http://fmobserver.com/fmo-reporter-describes-seeing-a-ghost/) - Gabrial Aimes here reporting from Hauntown, Iowa, at the very sight where I just saw a ghost. Yes, with my very own eyes, I saw the ghost, first go into this house behind me here, and then, the ghost subsequently exited the same house, about two minutes later, apparently heading off to the grocery store.
- [The Times They Are A Changin'](http://fmobserver.com/the-times-they-are-a-changin/) - Are you one of the many who forgot to move your clocks ahead last night? Or maybe you chose to not participate in this arbitrary time change?
- [No One Leaves Alive From This Fargo Haunted House](http://fmobserver.com/no-one-leaves-alive-from-this-fargo-haunted-house/) - It's the place everyone knows about, but no one talks about. Fargo's Minister Mansion, as it is called, is thee most haunted house between Moorhead, Minnesota and Missoula, Montana.
- [Red River Zoo Adding A Rat Farm!](http://fmobserver.com/red-river-zoo-adding-a-rat-farm/) - The Red River Zoo is very proud to announce that they will soon be adding a new Rat Farm to their growing list of fun animal displays.
- [Obituary: FM Observer Secretary Gertrude Clagbung](http://fmobserver.com/obituary-fm-observer-secretary-gertrude-clagbung/) - News Of Yore: 27th May, 1899 The FM Observer is sad to report that the ravages of dysentery have claimed a valued member of our fake news agency. Our beloved secretary, Gertrude Clagbung, fought a short-lived battle with the Red Sickness, only to succumb to its evils just yesterday afternoon. She was a gorgeous and lively
- [Donate Your Junker To Cars For The Blind](http://fmobserver.com/donate-your-junker-to-cars-for-the-blind/) - Do you have a junker car that you'd like to get rid of? What if you could donate your dentmobile to a good cause, get a tax "write-off", plus win a 3-night stay in a 2-star motel?
- [March Is National Eat More Vegetables Month](http://fmobserver.com/march-is-national-eat-more-vegetables-month/) - With March being National Eat More Vegetables Month, we decided to turn our focus on these frabjous fruits from the garden.
- [Sales Exec Serves As Lookout During Illicit Video Playback](http://fmobserver.com/sales-exec-serves-as-lookout-during-illicit-video-playback/) - If you want to have childish fun at work, you better make sure you don't get caught. That's the risk you take when you watch fail vids and barf vids during business hours. In order to combat this risk, you need to take the proper precautions. Sales executive Dan Trunkman was given the hefty responsibility
- [Phone Call Bails Area Man Out Of Face-to-Face Conversation](http://fmobserver.com/phone-call-bails-area-man-out-of-face-to-face-conversation/) - The awkward drudgery of interpersonal small talk was brought to an abrupt halt today for one area man. Mike Pancake was nearly out of things to talk about with his rambling co-worker Randy when the gods finally smiled upon him: His phone rang. Mike could hardly contain his joy as he felt the vibration in his pocket. "Excuse me,
- [FM Observer To Begin Series Of Area Restaurant Reviews](http://fmobserver.com/fm-observer-to-begin-series-of-area-restaurant-reviews/) - By popular demand, the FM Observer will soon begin a series of restaurant reviews of all your favorite eateries in the Fargo-Moorhead area.
- [Top Ten Zen Proverbs](http://fmobserver.com/top-ten-zen-proverbs/) - Just as promised, the FM Observer is proud to bring you the Top Ten List of Zen Proverbs. After searching the entire world, these are the best of the best when it comes to sayings about Nothing.
- [Father Of Modern Photography Coming To Fargo](http://fmobserver.com/father-of-modern-photography-coming-to-fargo/) - The Fargo-Moorhead Photography Club is excited to announce that Mr. Andre Kertesz who many consider to be the Father of Modern Photography will be coming to the FM area to do a photography workshop free-of-charge to the first 500 interested people who respond to this post.
- [Swimmable Lake Discovered On Mars!](http://fmobserver.com/swimmable-lake-discovered-on-mars/) - Marsologists are excitedly reporting that a lake has been discovered on Planet Mars! What was first observed with the Viking Orbiter has now been confirmed with the Mars Rover.
- [Chinese New Year: Year Of The Sheep](http://fmobserver.com/chinese-new-year-year-of-the-sheep/) - This February 19 begins the Chinese New Year which coincides with the New Moon (or as some call it: No Moon). It will be the Year of the Sheep, Goat, or Ram and will go from Feb. 19, 2015 to Feb. 7, 2016.
- [Things To Know About Valentine's Day](http://fmobserver.com/things-to-know-about-valentines-day/) - Most people don't know the true history of Valentine's Day. Back in the early 1920's, Dr. Valentine wanted to express to his wife how much he loved her.
- [NASA Rocket Launch Bringing Two Of Every Species To The Moon](http://fmobserver.com/nasa-rocket-launch-bringing-two-of-every-species-to-the-moon/) - NASA has unveiled its new Noah's Rocket designed to bring two of every animal species to the moon in a last-ditch effort to save the Animal Kingdom from an imminent world-wide cataclysm.
- [Drunk Zamboni Driver Ices Ex-Wife's Property](http://fmobserver.com/drunk-zamboni-driver-ices-ex-wifes-property/) - It was probably bound to happen eventually. A drunk Zamboni driver "temporarily borrowed" the big ice machine to give his ex-wife an early Valentine's Day present.
- [National Bonfire Month To Help Combat Global Cooling](http://fmobserver.com/national-bonfire-month-to-help-combat-global-cooling/) - This is National Bonfire Month designed to help fight against Global Cooling and the next Glacial Age. With average global temperatures cooling instead of warming, bonfires seem to be the best solution.
- [One Millionth ObamaCare Signee To Receive Free Healthcare For Life](http://fmobserver.com/one-millionth-obamacare-signee-to-receive-free-healthcare-for-life/) - Washington, DC—In an effort to bolster support for his controversial new healthcare system, President Obama announced today that the 1,000,000th Affordable Care Act registrar will be awarded with free healthcare for life.
- [Brian Williams' Entire Identity Now Being Questioned](http://fmobserver.com/brian-williams-entire-identity-now-being-questioned/) - With many beginning to question the factual authenticity of a number of news stories reported by the popular NBC news anchor, some are now even looking into if his name is actually Brian Williams.
- [Retro Spective Of Johnnny's Last 100 Posts](http://fmobserver.com/retro-spective-of-johnnnys-last-100-posts/) - Since 200 is such a nice round number, it was decided to use the occasion of my 200th post to take a trip down memory lane. It's time once again to look back on Johnnny's last 100 posts on FM Observer.
- [Giant Rabbits Are Taking Over Fargo](http://fmobserver.com/giant-rabbits-are-taking-over-fargo/) - Fargo, ND - The rabbit population in Fargo-Moorhead is spiraling dangerously out of control. The herbivore hare is making its presence known to the point of them becoming the cuddly-wuddly new pest in our area.
- [The New Duplicator Machine Can Duplicate Anything!](http://fmobserver.com/the-new-duplicator-machine-can-duplicate-anything/) - If you were waiting for the next new big thing by way of inventions, wait no longer. What some may think is straight out of an episode of Star Trek, is now a reality.
- [Prejudicial Scapegoating OK Except When It Comes To Goats](http://fmobserver.com/prejudicial-scapegoating-ok-except-when-it-comes-to-goats/) - We all know that in the world of social psychology, the breakdown of healthy family relationships can result in nasty prejudicial scapegoating. But don't try telling that to these goats, who say they will have nothing of the sort!
- [It's The Year Of The Owl](http://fmobserver.com/its-the-year-of-the-owl/) - Even though it will be the Year of the Sheep for the Chinese New Year, for the rest of the world it is the: Year of the Owl! Owls seem to be the new hip thing that everyone is into, and for some very good reasons. Here are some interesting facts about our owl friends that you may or may not have known.
- [Advice: What To Do If Your Dog Thinks He's Darth Sidius](http://fmobserver.com/advice-what-to-do-if-your-dog-thinks-hes-darth-sidius/) - Perhaps you've noticed your dog doing strange things lately? I know I have. Recently, my dog has been wearing a blanket like a cloak, glaring at me with sinister, glowing eyes and growling eerie renditions of Star Wars movie quotes. When he's bored he loves to huddle under his cloak and mutter "send a fleet
- [Local Moms Gather For Nappy Hour](http://fmobserver.com/local-moms-gather-for-nappy-hour/) - Moms from across the area are gathering today at 2 pm for the first ever Nappy Hour. This event consists of one hour in which moms come to take a nap. They are encouraged to bring a blanket, their pajamas, a mat, or whatever will help them get some sleep. Childcare is provided free of
- [New Dollar Hotel Perfect For Some Budgets](http://fmobserver.com/new-dollar-hotel-perfect-for-some-budgets/) - A new budget hotel is coming to the area. The Dollar Hotel will offer basic discount luxury. "Think of the DoHo as the hotel version of the Dollar Store", said someone.
- [New PolyPax Chance To Turn Your Life Around](http://fmobserver.com/new-polypax-chance-to-turn-your-life-around/) - Polypax Corporation is now accepting applications for extremely motivated entrepreneurs to expand the PolyPax domination of the PolyPax marketplace world-wide.
- [Should Fargo Turn Its Telephone Booths Into Hyperbaric Chambers?](http://fmobserver.com/should-fargo-turn-its-telephone-booths-into-hyperbaric-chambers/) - The FM Observer asks: Should Fargo turn its talkboxes into hyperbaric chambers that its citizens can use to replenish their O² levels at nearly double the PSI of the Earth's atmosphere?
- [How Many Clones Are Running In This Circle?](http://fmobserver.com/how-many-clones-are-running-in-this-circle/) - Forest Clone Dancing recently observed just outside Fargo, North Dakota.
- [Art Show To Help Dog Owners Buy More Dog Food For More Dogs](http://fmobserver.com/art-show-to-help-dog-owners-buy-more-dog-food-for-more-dogs/) - The FM Observer will soon be hosting an art sale to help assist pet owners who cannot afford to buy food for their ever-hungry pets.
- [Hundreds Of Misguided Bison Fans Mistakenly Went To San Francisco](http://fmobserver.com/hundreds-of-misguided-bison-fans-mistakenly-went-to-san-francisco/) - Some Bison football fans taking buses to the Big Game in Frisco ended up taking a very wrong turn. A convoy of four buses full of Bison fans had gotten as far as Omaha, Nebraska when one of the bus drivers was chatting with a trucker at a truck stop during a smoke break.
- [Top Ten Norwegian Proverbs](http://fmobserver.com/top-ten-norwegian-proverbs/) - The entire FM Observer staff is here in Hammerfest, Norway for their annual Hammerfest. While here, we discovered that Norway is known for much more than all those Norwegian jokes.
- [Local Man Who Dreamed He Was Flying Somehow Woke Up In Tokyo](http://fmobserver.com/local-man-who-dreamed-he-was-flying-somehow-woke-up-in-tokyo/) - A local Fargo man who crawled into bed in Fargo somehow amazingly woke up in Tokyo, Japan. Dave Cooperfeld of 243 Pinecone Place says he had a dream that night in which he was flying in a large passenger airplane and when he woke from his long slumber, he was in Tokyo.
- [Area Man Injured By Falling Gas Prices](http://fmobserver.com/area-man-injured-by-falling-gas-prices/) - Fargo, ND—Local man Tarto Burstwalter is suing Phillip's 66 after he claims he was hit by falling gas prices.
- [Looking Back On Some Of The Top Stories In 2014](http://fmobserver.com/looking-back-on-some-of-the-top-stories-in-2014/) - It's the perfect time for a quick final review of some of the biggest stories on the FM Observer in the last year. From my perspective, here is the Top Ten List for 2014:
- [Drug Companies To Give Bill Cosby Lifetime Achievement Award](http://fmobserver.com/drug-companies-to-give-bill-cosby-lifetime-achievement-award/) - Drug Companies are planning on giving funny man Bill Cosby a lifetime achievement award. "Never has one person used so many drugs on so many others over such a long period of time," says Rolf Hoffman-La Roche, spokesperson for the Drug Companies Conglomeration Corporation.
- [Million Dollar Painting Found In Garage Rafters](http://fmobserver.com/million-dollar-painting-found-in-garage-rafters/) - Vern Vandegrift was lighting a cigar out in their cold un-insulated detached garage when he noticed something up in the frozen rafters.
- [Young Pigs Express Concern Upon Learning Where Bacon Comes From](http://fmobserver.com/young-pigs-express-concern-upon-learning-where-bacon-comes-from/) - The Pork Industry Group (PIG) says that pigs all across this great nation are planning protest marches to raise awareness for violence against pigs.
- [Area Aunt Wants You To Know She Included Receipt With Your Christmas Gift](http://fmobserver.com/area-aunt-wants-you-to-know-she-included-receipt-with-your-xmas-gift/) - Fargo, ND—Your aunt wanted to remind you that the box that the sweater she gave you came in does, in fact, have the receipt inside should you want to return it, sources confirmed at Christmas yesterday
- [Terrible Socialite Diva Making Stop At West Acres](http://fmobserver.com/terrible-socialite-diva-making-stop-at-west-acres/) - Fargo, ND—The Observer has learned that Kula RePaParker, heiress to the vast RePaParker
® line of stylish animal cosmetics, will be attempting to break the Guinness Book of World Records "most state malls shopped by one materialistic human in one year" record by making a slew of frivolous purchases in at least one shopping mall in all 50 states during 2014.
- [FMO To Sponsor Fargo Senior Citizen Soccer Team](http://fmobserver.com/fmo-to-sponsor-fargo-senior-citizen-soccer-team/) - With the days already starting to get longer, the FM Observer is excited to announce that it will be sponsoring a Summer Super Senior Citizen Soccer Team called the Fargo Flash.
- [Missing Cat Found Wrapped Up Under Tree](http://fmobserver.com/missing-cat-found-wrapped-up-under-tree/) - After their dear sweet cat went missing for two days, the Dumstone family desperately dialed 9-1-1. Specially trained canine units were brought in to hopefully sniff out the lost feline.
- [Obama To Send All Republicans Into Outer Space](http://fmobserver.com/obama-to-send-all-republicans-into-outer-space/) - With his growing unconstitutional powers, President Obama is planning on executing another of his executive memos. This time he is plotting to ask all top Republican leaders to take a "tour" of a new NASA rocket.
- [Santa's Warning Letter To Naughty Children](http://fmobserver.com/santas-warning-letter-to-naughty-children/) - Fargo was recently in the national news for a lady's obesity letter being given out to fat trick-or-treaters. Now, children in the greater Fargo-Moorhead area are being targeted once again. Santa Claus and his wife will soon be sending out warning letters to any kids who have become too materialistic.
- [Win A New Robot For The New Year](http://fmobserver.com/win-a-new-robot-for-the-new-year/) - It is time once again for some lucky person or family to have a chance to Win-A-Robot. This particular robot is programmed to do multiple tasks.
- [Wrap Framed Art To Decorate Your Home For Christmas](http://fmobserver.com/wrap-framed-art-2-decorate-your-home-4-christmas/) - With the Christmas and Festivus holiday season almost here you probably have all your shopping done, tree decorated, stockings hung up, cards sent out and cookies in the oven. If you want a fun and easy idea to transform your home into major Christmasland, wrap your hanging framed pictures!
- [Heineken Home Deliveries Being Well Received](http://fmobserver.com/heineken-home-deliveries-being-well-received/) - Some towns still have home delivery services of milk from the milkman. Other home deliveries might include pizza and mail. One of the best days in our neighborhood is when the Heineken Man makes his rounds.
- [Some Memorable Moments From Cody Marthaller](http://fmobserver.com/some-memorable-moments-from-cody-marthaller/) - The FM Observer is very sad to say that we recently lost a friend and one of the Founding Fathers of this website. On Sunday, October 26th, Cody Marthaller lost his long battle with cancer at age 32. Back in August 2012, Cody had been diagnosed with a rare form of lung cancer.
- [Ted Talks Top Ted, Ted Tedman, Trucking To Town To Talk Teds](http://fmobserver.com/ted-talks-founder-ted-to-talk-teds-in-fargo/) - Fargo, ND—The founding member of Ted Talks, Ted Tedman, is coming to Fargo for a "Talkin' 'Bout Ted" Ted Talk.
- [Alleged TouchTunes Terrorist Spreading Christmas Cheer Throughout the Land](http://fmobserver.com/alleged-touchtunes-terrorist-spreading-christmas-cheer-throughout-the-land/) - An alleged TouchTunes Terrorist has been hacking or logging in to the phone app and playing shit music to the chagrin of many.
- [Join FMO On A Whirlwind Trip Around The World](http://fmobserver.com/join-fmo-on-a-whirlwind-trip-around-the-world/) - We here at the FM Observer are gearing up for our 1st Annual Trip Around The World. The plan is to hit one hundred cities in one hundred days of fun-packed adventure while making some new life-long friends.
- [Ask FMO: How To Keep Your Dog From Pissing On Your Christmas Tree](http://fmobserver.com/ask-fmo-how-to-keep-your-dog-from-pissing-on-your-christmas-tree/) - A reader asks: Dear FMO, We love our dog Bruno. We also love having a real Christmas tree inside our home. But we don't love it when Bruno pees on our tree. Is there a way to prevent this?
- [The FM Observer Asks: What Time Is It?](http://fmobserver.com/the-fm-observer-asks-what-time-is-it/) - Fargo, ND—Are you a literate human? Were you taught basic fundamental math as a young child? Can you tell time? Then the FM Observer wants to talk to you!
- [Stephen Kink's New "Toxic Santa's Revenge" Promises To Change Christmas Forever](http://fmobserver.com/stephen-kinks-new-toxic-santas-revenge-promises-to-change-christmas-forever/) - A new book by Stephen Kink which is scheduled to be released before Christmas will alter your holiday mindset forever.
- [Kate Middleton Deems Dental Hygiene 'Unpractical'](http://fmobserver.com/kate-middleton-deems-dental-hygene-unpractical/) - With curves in the correct places, a beautiful baby and a charming smile, Kate Middleton tops People's "Top 25 Hot Celeb List," but her latest input on oral hygiene has left many to ponder upon the British way.
- [More Memorable Moments From Cody Marthaller](http://fmobserver.com/more-memorable-moments-from-cody-marthaller/) - As mentioned in a previous post, we recently lost Cody Marthaller, who was a dear friend and also a co-founder of this website. This post is Part 2 of some of Cody's more memorable posts. All of these posts are all from the year 2013.
- [Man Riding Bike To Liquor Store Refuses To Re-Evaluate Life](http://fmobserver.com/man-riding-bike-to-liquor-store-refuses-to-re-evaluate-life/) - Fargo, ND—Upon riding his janky old Huffy to the Nestor off-sale for the 4th time this week, local drunkard Gendle Mungripper still actively refuses to re-evaluate what a "successful" human being would label an unfortunate life situation.
- [Government To Begin Grouping People Into "Sick Camps" By What Diseases We Have](http://fmobserver.com/government-to-begin-grouping-people-into-sick-camps-by-what-diseases-we-have/) - Washington, DC - With the help of the CDC (Centre for Disease Control), Big Government will soon be organizing communities into groups of people based on what diseases we have.
- [ISIS Family Celebrates Joyous "Death To America" Holiday](http://fmobserver.com/isis-family-celebrates-joyous-death-to-america-holiday/) - PAKISTAN—Al-Qaedan families across the Middle-East are set to gather around the tire fire this evening for their yearly Death To America holiday celebration.
- [Exceedingly Mediocre Restaurant Tip Goes Viral](http://fmobserver.com/exceedingly-mediocre-restaurant-tip-goes-viral/) - Coon Rapids, Minn. -- Applebee's waitress Nicole MaHobbes's Tuesday night shift ended in misery after she received a tip so extremely average that it could only be explained as "an obvious insult." The $6.17 left on a $35.26 check, a tip of exactly %17.5, left MaHobbes infuriated and confused. "I just don't understand it," MaHobbes said. "I gave grade-A service according
- [Marijuana-Scented Candles Frustrating Police](http://fmobserver.com/marijuana-scented-candles-frustrating-police/) - Police in Fargo say a recent uptick in disturbance calls can be attributed to the growing popularity of marijuana-scented candles. Dispatchers estimate they have received approximately 420 complaints about strong marijuana odors in the last 6 months.
- [Ray Rice Challenges Any Woman To Fight Him In An Elevator](http://fmobserver.com/ray-rice-challenges-any-woman-to-fight-him-in-an-elevator/) - Short on cash since he was banned from football, Ray Rice has challenged any woman to fight him in a casino elevator. The former Baltimore Ravens running back says he is not afraid to fight any woman in an elevator, just as Andy Kaufman dared to fight any woman in the Professional Wrestling ring.
- [LEAKED: New University of North Dakota Team Logo/Nickname](http://fmobserver.com/leaked-new-university-of-north-dakota-team-logonickname/) - Grand Forks, ND—Sources have confirmed the existence of a newly revamped UND team jersey! This photo, leaked by an insider at the University of North Dakota whose initials are DP, shows a rough depiction of the jersey embroidered with the word SPERM and what appears to be a giant sperm whale.
- [BREAKING: Your Mortal Soul Now Belongs To This Warlock](http://fmobserver.com/breaking-your-mortal-soul-now-belongs-to-this-warlock/) - Fargo, ND—The Observer would like to regretfully inform you that your mortal soul, however puny and insignificant it may be, now belongs to this devious warlock.
- [Sign Up Now For Exciting Parade Of Hoarder Homes](http://fmobserver.com/sign-up-now-for-exciting-parade-of-hoarder-homes/) - With hoarding starting to become rather chic, Fargo is excited to announce its First Annual Parade Of Hoarder Homes.
- ["Yay, Another New Phonebook, Just What I Needed!" Said Nobody](http://fmobserver.com/yay-another-new-phonebook-just-what-i-needed-said-nobody-2/) - Over the last decade, nearly every facet of our society has embraced the concept of going paperless. We're encouraged - sometimes downright shamed - to reduce our paper waste by doing everything we can, from recycling paper products and paying our bills online to bringing our own reusable bags to the grocery store.
- [Fargo Man Seriously Injured In Giant Jenga Accident](http://fmobserver.com/fargo-man-seriously-injured-in-giant-jenga-accident/) - A fun night with friends took a terrifying turn after a Giant Jenga game suddenly collapsed, authorities say. Fargo firefighters rescued local resident, Pete Saykes from the pile of Giant Jenga pieces around 2 a.m., about an hour after his last turn.
- [BREAKING: Doctors find 9th unborn fetus inside Octomom](http://fmobserver.com/breaking-doctors-find-9th-unborn-fetus-inside-octomom/) - During a routine check-up at the local OBGYN, doctors located a lifeless unborn fetus stuck inside famously inseminated degenerate Nadya Suleman, also known as Octomom.
- [Swiss woman attempts to live on sunlight; dies](http://fmobserver.com/swiss-woman-attempts-to-live-on-sunlight-dies/) - A Swiss newspaper is reporting that a woman who recently attempted a sort of "spiritual journey" that requires fasting both food AND water while only to live off the incredibly harmful rays of the sun, has died.
- [Consider Giving Komodo Dragons For Christmas](http://fmobserver.com/consider-giving-komodo-dragons-for-christmas/) - Are you looking to give your loved ones a Christmas gift to show how much you cherish their existence in your life? Consider giving them a full-grown Komodo Dragon.
- [Vote YES On Ballot Measure 11: Make FMO The Official Website Of North Dakota](http://fmobserver.com/vote-yes-on-ballot-measure-11-make-fmo-the-official-website-of-north-dakota/) - If you care about the future of North Dakota, like we do, then make sure to vote YES on Measure #11! This important ballot measure would make the FM Observer the official website of the state of North Dakota forever.
- [ND Measure 9 To Ban Happy Marriages](http://fmobserver.com/nd-measure-9-to-ban-happy-marriages/) - Due to an avalanche of misleading language, hidden agendas and incompetent proofreaders, North Dakota's midterm elections will now include a ballot measure that would outlaw all happy marriages.
- [Dr. Finance Answer$ Another $tupid Que$tion](http://fmobserver.com/dr-finance-answer-another-tupid-quetion/) - If you have any stupid questions about money or finance that you might like to have answered, simply leave them down below in the comment section of this post (if you can figure out how to leave a comment). Today's question was sent in by Miss Leesha McHoarder from Frackville, Pennsylvania!
- [New Jersey Governor Making Fat Be Cool](http://fmobserver.com/new-jersey-governor-making-fat-be-cool/) - New Jersey Governor Chris Christie is changing the perception of fatness. What used to be a "problem" that needed to be "corrected" is now becoming a virtue that makes a person more respected and have more gravitas. In flaunting his expansive obesity, Governor Christie has been sending a message that it is not only OK to be fat, but it's actually cool and something of which one can be proud.
- [Fargodome Target Of Wacko Protest Group](http://fmobserver.com/fargodome-target-of-wacko-protest-group/) - Well, they're at it again! The extremist left-wing wackos that tried to ban the Ten Commandments from downtown Fargo are up to another equally fretful plot. By using powerful empirical logic, these pseudo-Vulcans believe in complete and total separation of church and state as is prescribed by the U.S. Bill Of Rights. Any nano-violation of this cardinal sin is fair game for the omnipresent mental focus of these non-emotional agnostic brainiacs.
- [Barbara Walters Being Retired To A Stud Farm](http://fmobserver.com/barbara-walters-being-retired-to-a-stud-farm/) - The beautiful and lovely Barbara Walters has been told she is retiring. ABC executives are leaking the news that she will be comfortably retired to a Stud Farm.
- [Professional Pie Shoppe Franchise Opportunity](http://fmobserver.com/professional-pie-shoppe-franchise-opportunity/) - Franchise opportunity possibilities are available for interested and motivated persons. Professional Pie Shoppe Franchise Opportunity Corporation wants to soon open a store in your neighborhood.
- [Elmo Charged With DUI and Public Disturbance](http://fmobserver.com/elmo-charged-with-dui-public-disturbance/) - One of the most recognizable and loved celebrities on television has been charged with a DUI and could face some serious consequences. Elmo is best known as one of the muppet superstars from the long-running children's television series, Sesame Street. Unfortunately, he is also quickly becoming known for his questionable behavior off the set.
- [Sam Houston Having Nightmares About Bison](http://fmobserver.com/sam-houston-having-nightmares-about-bison/) - The Sam Houston BearKat football players are not sleeping well these days. After their nationally televised 39-13 humiliation by the North Dakota State University Bison, many of their squad members are reporting being haunted by reoccurring bad dreams.
- [President Attacked By Young Tea Party Organizer](http://fmobserver.com/president-attacked-by-young-tea-party-organizer/) - After addressing the nation during a somber Memorial Day service at Arlington National Cemetery, the ever-popular President Obama was jumped by a crazed, young Tea Party organizer. Parker Cornell, of Hubert, North Carolina, successfully attempted to attack the president, in spite of a number of Secret Service agents who were surrounding the president at the time.
- [How To Say A Useful Phrase In 10 Languages](http://fmobserver.com/how-to-say-a-useful-phrase-in-10-languages/) - In the FM Observer's on-going effort to bring you free, cutting-edge, continuing adult educational trainings, we take you to Eel River, Indiana where we've been invited to take a vicarious ride with Bob Scarponi on his air-cushioned hovercraft.
- [Timberlake Concert Cancelled, Replaced By Barrel O' Monkeys](http://fmobserver.com/timberlake-concert-cancelled-replaced-by-barrel-o-monkeys/) - The much-anticipated Justin Timberlake concert that was to be held in Fargo in February 2014 has been cancelled due to high ticket prices. Fargodome officials are planning on making the announcement later this week.
- [Area Cats Tripping On Acid](http://fmobserver.com/many-local-cats-tripping-on-acid/) - Just as many local residents have long suspected, a recent survey has shown that many cats in the Fargo-Moorhead area are taking LSD on a daily basis. Ms. Caramella Brandybuck of the National Feline Drug Taskforce is reporting that acid (LSD) has been pouring into our area from Minneapolis. The main kingpin drug lord responsible for the illicit trafficking has been a cat who goes by the name of Mr. Kitty (click on pic to see Mr. Kitty).
- [NASA Reducing Its Goal To Just Being Able To Successfully Launch A Rocket](http://fmobserver.com/nasa-reducing-its-goal-to-just-being-able-to-successfully-launch-a-rocket/) - Despite an apparent 'glitch' during take-off, NASA is saying that everything is under control and that no one should have any reason for concern. Even though many on-lookers witnessed an alleged explosion during the attempted launch of the NASA Antares Rocket, government officials are down-playing the event as a possible 'abnormal termination'.
- [Are You A Loser?](http://fmobserver.com/are-you-a-loser/) - Have you ever wondered if you're a Loser? Ever honestly wondered if your personality categorization might not quite make it into the normal range?
- [Math Class Replaced By Black Jack Studies](http://fmobserver.com/math-class-replaced-by-black-jack-studies/) - The North Dakota Education Association (NDEA) has decided to officially drop math from the state's teaching curriculum. The teaching of boring, tradition math will be replaced by super-fun, instructional classes in the card game Black Jack. Mr. Tom Collins, who heads up the Curriculum Committee, says that with all the calculators and smart phones present in today's world, the teaching of math is obsolete and a complete waste of time. "Kids have long hated math class and all the tedious homework that goes with it. But, learning Black Jack is something everyone can get excited about!"
- [New Multi-Bike Is What's Hot This Summer](http://fmobserver.com/new-multi-bike-is-whats-hot-this-summer/) - If you've been curiously wondering what the hot new trend is going to be for the Summer of 2013, your wait is over.
- [Jail To Offer Square Dancing As Threat Or Bribe](http://fmobserver.com/jail-to-offer-square-dancing-as-threat-or-bribe/) - The Cass County Jail will soon be implementing a new, fun activity for some of their inmate population. The sounds of Square Dancing in the jailhouse will be heard on Wednesday afternoons and Saturday evenings. As a bonus treat, pink lemonade and powdered doughnuts will be offered, for a nominal fee.
- [Fanatical Mathematical Radical Goes On Problematical Sabbatical](http://fmobserver.com/fanatical-mathematical-radical-goes-on-problematical-sabbatical/) - An overly-zealous Fargo math teacher has been suspended from teaching. Students in Mr. Cal Cuelate's third grade class had been complaining of having a steady heavy load of math homework assignments.
- [Clever 'Calibration Errors' Ensure Democrat Victories In Every Political Race](http://fmobserver.com/clever-calibration-errors-ensure-democrat-victories-in-every-political-race/) - Even if no Democrats show up to vote in the upcoming state and national elections, Republicans better be ready to lose each and every political race in the country.
- [NFL Reveals Diagnosis to Peyton Manning](http://fmobserver.com/nfl-reveals-diagnosis-to-peyton-manning/) - After keeping the diagnosis under wraps for nearly a decade the NFL finally told Broncos quarterback Peyton Manning he has Tourette's syndrome. The league's biggest secret was first discovered in 2005 when Indianapolis Colts head coach Tony Dungy noticed Manning's unusual behavior at the line of scrimmage. The symptoms began as a mere foot stomp,
- [Red River Valley Fair Freak Show](http://fmobserver.com/red-river-valley-fair-freak-show/) - When the Red River Valley Fair comes to town later this month, it is bringing more than just the Tilt-A-Whirl and Merry-Go-Round. After many years of being locked in the closet due to politically correctness, the Freak Show will triumphantly make its return.
- [FM Observer Wins Best Website Award](http://fmobserver.com/fm-observer-wins-best-website-award/) - The FM Observer is proud to announce that it has been selected to receive the prestigious Best Website Award. This amazing award came with a short note from the selection committee: "For continuously raising the bar for other websites to meet, we bestow this top award to the FM Observer. May you continue to thrive and lead by example for generations to come. Congratulations on a job well done!"
- [Google To Image Inside Of All Homes](http://fmobserver.com/google-to-image-inside-of-all-homes/) - Google recently announced that their controversial Street-View cameras will soon be coming into your home. Ready or not, your home or apartment will have a Google Home-View camera probe and document your personal dwelling space.
- [Paula Deen Dropped From Human Race](http://fmobserver.com/paula-deen-dropped-from-human-race/) - The International Human League has unanimously voted to strip Paula Deen of her human status. Recent sub-human activities by Celebrity chef Paula Deen, 66, have forced the IHL Central Counsel Committee to drop her membership to the Human Race.
- [White Man To Marry Black Bear](http://fmobserver.com/white-man-to-marry-black-bear/) - When Barry Ambrose was growing up as a young boy, he loved his stuffed black Teddy Bear. Unfortunately, that original Teddy Bear was suddenly lost when his family's home went up in flames.
- [Obama To Take Over Leno's Tonight Show](http://fmobserver.com/obama-to-take-over-lenos-tonight-show/) - In a surprise move, NBC has announced that President Obama will take over for Jay Leno as host of the Tonight Show. Jimmy Fallon was slated to be the next host of the show but those plans have "gone out the window".

## Pages

- [Links](http://fmobserver.com/links/) - Interesting links to check out on the interwebs.
- [This is a test post that will be available on the site](http://fmobserver.com/this-is-a-test-post-that-will-be-available-on-the-site/) - With its own URL but not on the home page since it's only a Page. Has a featured image and an inset image. Long paragraph with only two sentences. The map is ONLY used to determine which facility operators may have facilities in your dig area. The precise excavation area and scope of work MUST
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- [About](http://fmobserver.com/about/) - About FM Observer provides farcical/satirical news and entertainment for the Fargo-Moorhead and surrounding area, as well as nationally. We are the greatest website you will ever visit in your entire human existence. Contact: e-mail: fmobserver@gmail.com Contact Form Advertising Info Absurdly Observative™ Nos Sunt Optima™ We Never Don't™
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- [Home2](http://fmobserver.com/home2/) - Dr. Finance On Making Big Money With Garage SalesJune 21, 2014 - 10:00 AMND Leaders To Tribal Councils: Please Stop Doing Rain DancesJune 19, 2014 - 11:03 AMMan Fired From Job For Abusing POTJune 18, 2014 - 3:51 PMWinning Powerball Lottery Ticket Being Sought In Knoxville LandfillJune 17, 2014 - 4:20 PMThe Melvins’ Buzz Osborne
- [Blog_FMOB](http://fmobserver.com/blog_fmob/)
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- [Calendar](http://fmobserver.com/calendar/)
- [The Salvation Army - Best Hobo Hangout](http://fmobserver.com/the-salvation-army-best-of-the-red-river-valley-fargo/) - The Salvation Army in Fargo wins the Best of The Red River Valley 'Best Hobo Hangout' award.
- [The Hub -  Best Bar To Almost Get Thrown Out Of](http://fmobserver.com/the-hub-best-of-the-red-river-valley-fargo/) - The Hub was awarded the Best of the Red River Valley award in Fargo from the FM Observer.
- [Taco Bell - Best Mexican Restaurant](http://fmobserver.com/taco-bell-best-of-the-red-river-valley-fargo/) - Taco Bell wins the Best of The Red River Valley Fargo award in the category of Best Mexican Restaurant For Murdering Your Toilet.
- [Dons Car Wash -  Best Restaurant](http://fmobserver.com/fargo-moorhead-best-of-the-red-river-valley-restaurant/) - Don's car wash in Fargo won the Best of the Red River Valley Award for Best Restaurant.

## Categories

- [Uncategorized](http://fmobserver.com/category/uncategorized/)
- [News](http://fmobserver.com/category/news/)
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- [Sports](http://fmobserver.com/category/sports/)
- [Editorial](http://fmobserver.com/category/editorial/)
- [The Lounge](http://fmobserver.com/category/the-lounge/) - The Lounge is where we post pictures, videos, or links that we find entertaining. Relax, hangout, and browse around.
- [Videos](http://fmobserver.com/category/the-lounge/the_lounge_videos/)
- [Pictures](http://fmobserver.com/category/the-lounge/the_lounge_pictures/)
- [Local](http://fmobserver.com/category/news/news_local/)
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- [Reviews](http://fmobserver.com/category/entertainment/reviews/)
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- [Film](http://fmobserver.com/category/entertainment/entertainment_flim/)
- [Music](http://fmobserver.com/category/entertainment/entertainment_music/)
- [Gaming](http://fmobserver.com/category/entertainment/entertainment_gaming/)
- [Television](http://fmobserver.com/category/entertainment/entertainment_television/)
- [NCAA Football](http://fmobserver.com/category/sports/sports_ncaa_football/)
- [MLB](http://fmobserver.com/category/sports/sports_mlb/)
- [MMA](http://fmobserver.com/category/sports/sports_mma/)
- [NASCAR](http://fmobserver.com/category/sports/sports_nascar/)
- [NCAA Basketball](http://fmobserver.com/category/sports/sports_ncaa_basketball/)
- [NFL](http://fmobserver.com/category/sports/sports_nfl/)
- [HIGHSCHOOL](http://fmobserver.com/category/sports/sports_highschool/)
- [ACTION](http://fmobserver.com/category/sports/sports_action/)
- [NBA](http://fmobserver.com/category/sports/sports_nba/)
- [Offbeat](http://fmobserver.com/category/entertainment/offbeat/)
- [Fashion & Style](http://fmobserver.com/category/entertainment/fashion-style/)
- [Technology](http://fmobserver.com/category/entertainment/technology/)
- [Strange But True](http://fmobserver.com/category/news/strange_but_true_news_stories/)
- [Celebrity](http://fmobserver.com/category/entertainment/celebrity-entertainment/)
- [Gifs](http://fmobserver.com/category/the-lounge/gifs/)
- [NHL](http://fmobserver.com/category/sports/nhl-sports/)
- [News Of Yore](http://fmobserver.com/category/news/news-of-yore/) - News we were too slow to report when it happened
- [Recipes For Success](http://fmobserver.com/category/editorial/recipes-for-success/) - You can build anything if you have the Recipe For Success
- [News From The Future](http://fmobserver.com/category/news/news-from-the-future/) - Stuff that has yet to maybe happen

## Tags

- [headline](http://fmobserver.com/tag/headline/)
- [midgets](http://fmobserver.com/tag/midgets/)
- [diapers](http://fmobserver.com/tag/diapers/)
- [burglary](http://fmobserver.com/tag/burglary/)
- [surgery](http://fmobserver.com/tag/surgery/)
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- [ape](http://fmobserver.com/tag/ape/)
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- [editorial](http://fmobserver.com/tag/editorial-2/)
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- [roads](http://fmobserver.com/tag/roads/)
- [spring](http://fmobserver.com/tag/spring/)
- [cone monster](http://fmobserver.com/tag/cone-monster/)
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- [disaster](http://fmobserver.com/tag/disaster/)
- [news](http://fmobserver.com/tag/news-2/)
- [mentally unstable](http://fmobserver.com/tag/mentally-unstable/)
- [management for dummies](http://fmobserver.com/tag/management-for-dummies/)
- [boobs](http://fmobserver.com/tag/boobs/)
- [boob sweat](http://fmobserver.com/tag/boob-sweat/)
- [car crashes](http://fmobserver.com/tag/car-crashes/)
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- [election](http://fmobserver.com/tag/election/)
- [president](http://fmobserver.com/tag/president/)
- [running mate](http://fmobserver.com/tag/running-mate/)
- [android](http://fmobserver.com/tag/android/)
- [robot](http://fmobserver.com/tag/robot/)
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- [instagram](http://fmobserver.com/tag/instagram/)
- [buttholes](http://fmobserver.com/tag/buttholes/)
- [hurt](http://fmobserver.com/tag/hurt/)
- [fanboys](http://fmobserver.com/tag/fanboys/)
- [humanity](http://fmobserver.com/tag/humanity/)
- [teamiphone](http://fmobserver.com/tag/teamiphone/)
- [ephemeromorphs](http://fmobserver.com/tag/ephemeromorphs/)
- [madonna](http://fmobserver.com/tag/madonna/)
- [arms](http://fmobserver.com/tag/arms/)
- [gaunt](http://fmobserver.com/tag/gaunt/)
- [workout](http://fmobserver.com/tag/workout/)
- [scary](http://fmobserver.com/tag/scary/)
- [miracle](http://fmobserver.com/tag/miracle/)
- [dakota ace](http://fmobserver.com/tag/dakota-ace/)
- [peregrine falcon](http://fmobserver.com/tag/peregrine-falcon/)
- [wrestling](http://fmobserver.com/tag/wrestling/)
- [gay](http://fmobserver.com/tag/gay/)
- [hugh jackman](http://fmobserver.com/tag/hugh-jackman/)
- [unphotogenic](http://fmobserver.com/tag/unphotogenic/)
- [zuckerberg](http://fmobserver.com/tag/zuckerberg/)
- [retro](http://fmobserver.com/tag/retro/)
- [instagrammy](http://fmobserver.com/tag/instagrammy-2/)
- [finger wiener](http://fmobserver.com/tag/finger-wiener/)
- [cookie](http://fmobserver.com/tag/cookie/)
- [NBA](http://fmobserver.com/tag/nba/)
- [basketball](http://fmobserver.com/tag/basketball/)
- [Michael Jordan](http://fmobserver.com/tag/michael-jordan/)
- [Charlotte Bobcats](http://fmobserver.com/tag/charlotte-bobcats/)
- [scheels](http://fmobserver.com/tag/scheels/)
- [alien baby](http://fmobserver.com/tag/alien-baby/)
- [ferris wheel](http://fmobserver.com/tag/ferris-wheel/)
- [midwest](http://fmobserver.com/tag/midwest/)
- [alient baby](http://fmobserver.com/tag/alient-baby/)
- [deer fucker](http://fmobserver.com/tag/deer-fucker/)
- [scheels all sports](http://fmobserver.com/tag/scheels-all-sports/)
- [pembina](http://fmobserver.com/tag/pembina/)
- [prosecutor](http://fmobserver.com/tag/prosecutor/)
- [bob](http://fmobserver.com/tag/bob/)
- [goat yelling](http://fmobserver.com/tag/goat-yelling/)
- [funny goat](http://fmobserver.com/tag/funny-goat/)
- [jason voorhees](http://fmobserver.com/tag/jason-voorhees/)
- [Friday the 13th](http://fmobserver.com/tag/friday-the-13th/)
- [crystal lake](http://fmobserver.com/tag/crystal-lake/)
- [murder](http://fmobserver.com/tag/murder/)
- [blood](http://fmobserver.com/tag/blood/)
- [killing](http://fmobserver.com/tag/killing/)
- [meth](http://fmobserver.com/tag/meth/)
- [drugs](http://fmobserver.com/tag/drugs/)
- [war on drugs](http://fmobserver.com/tag/war-on-drugs/)
- [methamphetamine](http://fmobserver.com/tag/methamphetamine/)
- [respect](http://fmobserver.com/tag/respect/)
- [depressed man](http://fmobserver.com/tag/depressed-man/)
- [batshit crazy](http://fmobserver.com/tag/batshit-crazy/)
- [phil mccrackin](http://fmobserver.com/tag/phil-mccrackin/)
- [draft](http://fmobserver.com/tag/draft/)
- [twitter](http://fmobserver.com/tag/twitter/)
- [dickhead](http://fmobserver.com/tag/dickhead/)
- [flood](http://fmobserver.com/tag/flood/)
- [wilf](http://fmobserver.com/tag/wilf/)
- [owner](http://fmobserver.com/tag/owner/)
- [zygi](http://fmobserver.com/tag/zygi/)
- [vikings](http://fmobserver.com/tag/vikings/)
- [minnesota](http://fmobserver.com/tag/minnesota/)
- [move](http://fmobserver.com/tag/move/)
- [stadium](http://fmobserver.com/tag/stadium/)
- [jimmy kimmel](http://fmobserver.com/tag/jimmy-kimmel/)
- [420](http://fmobserver.com/tag/420/)
- [pot](http://fmobserver.com/tag/pot/)
- [flirting with magic](http://fmobserver.com/tag/flirting-with-magic/)
- [odd](http://fmobserver.com/tag/odd/)
- [wife](http://fmobserver.com/tag/wife/)
- [husband](http://fmobserver.com/tag/husband/)
- [transgender](http://fmobserver.com/tag/transgender/)
- [paula cole](http://fmobserver.com/tag/paula-cole/)
- [cowboys](http://fmobserver.com/tag/cowboys/)
- [one hit wonder](http://fmobserver.com/tag/one-hit-wonder/)
- [dangerious](http://fmobserver.com/tag/dangerious/)
- [poison](http://fmobserver.com/tag/poison/)
- [toilet flushing](http://fmobserver.com/tag/toilet-flushing/)
- [trend](http://fmobserver.com/tag/trend/)
- [high](http://fmobserver.com/tag/high/)
- [buzz](http://fmobserver.com/tag/buzz/)
- [keeping up with the kardashians](http://fmobserver.com/tag/keeping-up-with-the-kardashians/)
- [E! Entertainment](http://fmobserver.com/tag/e-entertainment/)
- [suicide](http://fmobserver.com/tag/suicide/)
- [television](http://fmobserver.com/tag/television/)
- [reality tv](http://fmobserver.com/tag/reality-tv/)
- [switzerland](http://fmobserver.com/tag/switzerland/)
- [sun](http://fmobserver.com/tag/sun/)
- [died](http://fmobserver.com/tag/died/)
- [woman](http://fmobserver.com/tag/woman/)
- [living](http://fmobserver.com/tag/living/)
- [sun worshipping woman](http://fmobserver.com/tag/sun-worshipping-woman/)
- [students](http://fmobserver.com/tag/students/)
- [college](http://fmobserver.com/tag/college/)
- [dirk benedict](http://fmobserver.com/tag/dirk-benedict/)
- [steel stomachs](http://fmobserver.com/tag/steel-stomachs/)
- [wtf](http://fmobserver.com/tag/wtf/)
- [red bull](http://fmobserver.com/tag/red-bull/)
- [wings](http://fmobserver.com/tag/wings/)
- [lawsuit](http://fmobserver.com/tag/lawsuit/)
- [new salem](http://fmobserver.com/tag/new-salem/)
- [holstein cow](http://fmobserver.com/tag/holstein-cow/)
- [fiberglass](http://fmobserver.com/tag/fiberglass/)
- [salem sue](http://fmobserver.com/tag/salem-sue/)
- [The World's Largest Holstein Cow](http://fmobserver.com/tag/the-worlds-largest-holstein-cow/)
- [Palo Alto](http://fmobserver.com/tag/palo-alto/)
- [California](http://fmobserver.com/tag/california/)
- [Organ Harvest](http://fmobserver.com/tag/organ-harvest/)
- [Organ Donor](http://fmobserver.com/tag/organ-donor/)
- [organ](http://fmobserver.com/tag/organ/)
- [facebook application](http://fmobserver.com/tag/facebook-application/)
- [Mark Zuckerberg](http://fmobserver.com/tag/mark-zuckerberg/)
- [blackmarket](http://fmobserver.com/tag/blackmarket/)
- [black market](http://fmobserver.com/tag/black-market/)
- [octomom](http://fmobserver.com/tag/octomom/)
- [nadya suleman](http://fmobserver.com/tag/nadya-suleman/)
- [fetus](http://fmobserver.com/tag/fetus/)
- [unborn](http://fmobserver.com/tag/unborn/)
- [west fargo](http://fmobserver.com/tag/west-fargo/)
- [robbery](http://fmobserver.com/tag/robbery/)
- [jesus](http://fmobserver.com/tag/jesus/)
- [matthew swanson](http://fmobserver.com/tag/matthew-swanson/)
- [mowing lawn](http://fmobserver.com/tag/mowing-lawn/)
- [disorderly conduct](http://fmobserver.com/tag/disorderly-conduct/)
- [fergus falls](http://fmobserver.com/tag/fergus-falls/)
- [mn](http://fmobserver.com/tag/mn/)
- [face](http://fmobserver.com/tag/face/)
- [burnt sienna](http://fmobserver.com/tag/burnt-sienna/)
- [fargo police](http://fmobserver.com/tag/fargo-police/)
- [hostage](http://fmobserver.com/tag/hostage/)
- [college party](http://fmobserver.com/tag/college-party/)
- [shot dead](http://fmobserver.com/tag/shot-dead/)
- [NDSU](http://fmobserver.com/tag/ndsu/)
- [clean up week](http://fmobserver.com/tag/clean-up-week/)
- [scavengers](http://fmobserver.com/tag/scavengers/)
- [filthy shit](http://fmobserver.com/tag/filthy-shit/)
- [super AIDS](http://fmobserver.com/tag/super-aids/)
- [breakout](http://fmobserver.com/tag/breakout/)
- [virus](http://fmobserver.com/tag/virus/)
- [deadly](http://fmobserver.com/tag/deadly/)
- [danger](http://fmobserver.com/tag/danger/)
- [secede](http://fmobserver.com/tag/secede/)
- [canada](http://fmobserver.com/tag/canada/)
- [epidemic](http://fmobserver.com/tag/epidemic/)
- [death](http://fmobserver.com/tag/death/)
- [destruction](http://fmobserver.com/tag/destruction/)
- [dickish](http://fmobserver.com/tag/dickish/)
- [The Avengers](http://fmobserver.com/tag/the-avengers/)
- [hellraiser](http://fmobserver.com/tag/hellraiser/)
- [cenobites](http://fmobserver.com/tag/cenobites/)
- [torture](http://fmobserver.com/tag/torture/)
- [movie](http://fmobserver.com/tag/movie/)
- [horror](http://fmobserver.com/tag/horror/)
- [action](http://fmobserver.com/tag/action/)
- [solar eclipse](http://fmobserver.com/tag/solar-eclipse/)
- [cemetary](http://fmobserver.com/tag/cemetary/)
- [wedding](http://fmobserver.com/tag/wedding/)
- [minn](http://fmobserver.com/tag/minn/)
- [marriage](http://fmobserver.com/tag/marriage/)
- [trial](http://fmobserver.com/tag/trial/)
- [zombie sighting](http://fmobserver.com/tag/zombie-sighting/)
- [zombie](http://fmobserver.com/tag/zombie/)
- [walker](http://fmobserver.com/tag/walker/)
- [undead](http://fmobserver.com/tag/undead/)
- [florida](http://fmobserver.com/tag/florida/)
- [riff raff](http://fmobserver.com/tag/riff-raff/)
- [crookston](http://fmobserver.com/tag/crookston/)
- [prayer](http://fmobserver.com/tag/prayer/)
- [bermuda triangle](http://fmobserver.com/tag/bermuda-triangle/)
- [just terrible](http://fmobserver.com/tag/just-terrible/)
- [practical weapon](http://fmobserver.com/tag/practical-weapon/)
- [zombies](http://fmobserver.com/tag/zombies/)
- [apocalypse](http://fmobserver.com/tag/apocalypse/)
- [sword](http://fmobserver.com/tag/sword/)
- [katana](http://fmobserver.com/tag/katana/)
- [support group](http://fmobserver.com/tag/support-group/)
- [NASCAR](http://fmobserver.com/tag/nascar/)
- [fedex 400](http://fmobserver.com/tag/fedex-400/)
- [dover](http://fmobserver.com/tag/dover/)
- [catalina clouser](http://fmobserver.com/tag/catalina-clouser/)
- [baby](http://fmobserver.com/tag/baby/)
- [roof of car](http://fmobserver.com/tag/roof-of-car/)
- [one month old baby](http://fmobserver.com/tag/one-month-old-baby/)
- [driving away](http://fmobserver.com/tag/driving-away/)
- [forgetting](http://fmobserver.com/tag/forgetting/)
- [marijuana](http://fmobserver.com/tag/marijuana/)
- [getting high](http://fmobserver.com/tag/getting-high/)
- [dui](http://fmobserver.com/tag/dui/)
- [sunset lanes](http://fmobserver.com/tag/sunset-lanes/)
- [burglar](http://fmobserver.com/tag/burglar/)
- [break in](http://fmobserver.com/tag/break-in/)
- [police](http://fmobserver.com/tag/police/)
- [criminal](http://fmobserver.com/tag/criminal/)
- [bowling balls](http://fmobserver.com/tag/bowling-balls/)
- [ND](http://fmobserver.com/tag/nd/)
- [rape](http://fmobserver.com/tag/rape/)
- [sexual assault](http://fmobserver.com/tag/sexual-assault/)
- [felony](http://fmobserver.com/tag/felony/)
- [cremation](http://fmobserver.com/tag/cremation/)
- [austria](http://fmobserver.com/tag/austria/)
- [cow](http://fmobserver.com/tag/cow/)
- [exhibitionist](http://fmobserver.com/tag/exhibitionist/)
- [doing the dirty](http://fmobserver.com/tag/doing-the-dirty/)
- [bovine](http://fmobserver.com/tag/bovine/)
- [co rd 17](http://fmobserver.com/tag/co-rd-17/)
- [george w. bush](http://fmobserver.com/tag/george-w-bush/)
- [bird](http://fmobserver.com/tag/bird/)
- [wrecked](http://fmobserver.com/tag/wrecked/)
- [dazed and confused](http://fmobserver.com/tag/dazed-and-confused/)
- [lebron james](http://fmobserver.com/tag/lebron-james/)
- [lungs](http://fmobserver.com/tag/lungs/)
- [los angeles](http://fmobserver.com/tag/los-angeles/)
- [sidewalk](http://fmobserver.com/tag/sidewalk/)
- [panhandlers](http://fmobserver.com/tag/panhandlers/)
- [bums](http://fmobserver.com/tag/bums/)
- [small business owners](http://fmobserver.com/tag/small-business-owners/)
- [city ordinance](http://fmobserver.com/tag/city-ordinance/)
- [asian](http://fmobserver.com/tag/asian/)
- [indecent exposure](http://fmobserver.com/tag/indecent-exposure/)
- [nudist](http://fmobserver.com/tag/nudist/)
- [elusive](http://fmobserver.com/tag/elusive/)
- [west fargo police department](http://fmobserver.com/tag/west-fargo-police-department/)
- [crow](http://fmobserver.com/tag/crow/)
- [dog park](http://fmobserver.com/tag/dog-park/)
- [arrest](http://fmobserver.com/tag/arrest/)
- [trucker](http://fmobserver.com/tag/trucker/)
- [fight](http://fmobserver.com/tag/fight/)
- [argument](http://fmobserver.com/tag/argument/)
- [ed](http://fmobserver.com/tag/ed/)
- [goat](http://fmobserver.com/tag/goat/)
- [yelling](http://fmobserver.com/tag/yelling/)
- [swamp](http://fmobserver.com/tag/swamp/)
- [save him](http://fmobserver.com/tag/save-him/)
- [dinner](http://fmobserver.com/tag/dinner/)
- [swearing](http://fmobserver.com/tag/swearing/)
- [aliens](http://fmobserver.com/tag/aliens/)
- [workforce](http://fmobserver.com/tag/workforce/)
- [tioga](http://fmobserver.com/tag/tioga/)
- [Amanda Smock](http://fmobserver.com/tag/amanda-smock/)
- [track](http://fmobserver.com/tag/track/)
- [running](http://fmobserver.com/tag/running/)
- [olympics](http://fmobserver.com/tag/olympics/)
- [olympic](http://fmobserver.com/tag/olympic/)
- [drunk in public](http://fmobserver.com/tag/drunk-in-public/)
- [tomato](http://fmobserver.com/tag/tomato/)
- [tomato bombs](http://fmobserver.com/tag/tomato-bombs/)
- [2013](http://fmobserver.com/tag/2013/)
- [giant wiener](http://fmobserver.com/tag/giant-wiener/)
- [hair style](http://fmobserver.com/tag/hair-style/)
- [hairdo](http://fmobserver.com/tag/hairdo/)
- [strippers](http://fmobserver.com/tag/strippers/)
- [bachelorette](http://fmobserver.com/tag/bachelorette/)
- [red river valley fair](http://fmobserver.com/tag/red-river-valley-fair/)
- [minnow racing](http://fmobserver.com/tag/minnow-racing/)
- [apartment](http://fmobserver.com/tag/apartment/)
- [leasing](http://fmobserver.com/tag/leasing/)
- [RRVF](http://fmobserver.com/tag/rrvf/)
- [vomit](http://fmobserver.com/tag/vomit/)
- [PTSD](http://fmobserver.com/tag/ptsd/)
- [JERROD NIEMANN](http://fmobserver.com/tag/jerrod-niemann/)
- [ankle weights](http://fmobserver.com/tag/ankle-weights/)
- [wrist weights](http://fmobserver.com/tag/wrist-weights/)
- [adult movies](http://fmobserver.com/tag/adult-movies/)
- [porn](http://fmobserver.com/tag/porn/)
- [tits](http://fmobserver.com/tag/tits/)
- [fuck](http://fmobserver.com/tag/fuck/)
- [cum](http://fmobserver.com/tag/cum/)
- [cock](http://fmobserver.com/tag/cock/)
- [bang](http://fmobserver.com/tag/bang/)
- [piss](http://fmobserver.com/tag/piss/)
- [pervert](http://fmobserver.com/tag/pervert/)
- [escue](http://fmobserver.com/tag/escue/)
- [inflatable doll](http://fmobserver.com/tag/inflatable-doll/)
- [office](http://fmobserver.com/tag/office/)
- [stupid](http://fmobserver.com/tag/stupid/)
- [Garbage Peddler](http://fmobserver.com/tag/garbage-peddler/)
- [Pete Wrigley](http://fmobserver.com/tag/pete-wrigley/)
- [girl scout cookies](http://fmobserver.com/tag/girl-scout-cookies/)
- [little girl](http://fmobserver.com/tag/little-girl/)
- [falls](http://fmobserver.com/tag/falls/)
- [hits head](http://fmobserver.com/tag/hits-head/)
- [deadlifting](http://fmobserver.com/tag/deadlifting/)
- [puke](http://fmobserver.com/tag/puke/)
- [throw up](http://fmobserver.com/tag/throw-up/)
- [protein shake](http://fmobserver.com/tag/protein-shake/)
- [cheney](http://fmobserver.com/tag/cheney/)
- [palin](http://fmobserver.com/tag/palin/)
- [mitt romney](http://fmobserver.com/tag/mitt-romney/)
- [bong toker](http://fmobserver.com/tag/bong-toker/)
- [ryan Lochte](http://fmobserver.com/tag/ryan-lochte/)
- [interviews](http://fmobserver.com/tag/interviews/)
- [mars](http://fmobserver.com/tag/mars/)
- [mars rover](http://fmobserver.com/tag/mars-rover/)
- [curiosity](http://fmobserver.com/tag/curiosity/)
- [landing](http://fmobserver.com/tag/landing/)
- [london](http://fmobserver.com/tag/london/)
- [wrasling](http://fmobserver.com/tag/wrasling/)
- [raping](http://fmobserver.com/tag/raping/)
- [humping](http://fmobserver.com/tag/humping/)
- [male on male](http://fmobserver.com/tag/male-on-male/)
- [powerlifting](http://fmobserver.com/tag/powerlifting/)
- [Melvins](http://fmobserver.com/tag/melvins/)
- [Melvins Lite](http://fmobserver.com/tag/melvins-lite/)
- [rock & roll](http://fmobserver.com/tag/rock-roll/)
- [russia](http://fmobserver.com/tag/russia/)
- [putin](http://fmobserver.com/tag/putin/)
- [nfc](http://fmobserver.com/tag/nfc/)
- [bears](http://fmobserver.com/tag/bears/)
- [packers](http://fmobserver.com/tag/packers/)
- [lions](http://fmobserver.com/tag/lions/)
- [bigfoot](http://fmobserver.com/tag/bigfoot/)
- [sasquatch](http://fmobserver.com/tag/sasquatch/)
- [photobombing](http://fmobserver.com/tag/photobombing/)
- [nasa](http://fmobserver.com/tag/nasa/)
- [rover](http://fmobserver.com/tag/rover/)
- [mission](http://fmobserver.com/tag/mission/)
- [findings](http://fmobserver.com/tag/findings/)
- [newborn](http://fmobserver.com/tag/newborn/)
- [birth](http://fmobserver.com/tag/birth/)
- [brawl](http://fmobserver.com/tag/brawl/)
- [motel 6](http://fmobserver.com/tag/motel-6/)
- [parking lot](http://fmobserver.com/tag/parking-lot/)
- [Anchorman](http://fmobserver.com/tag/anchorman/)
- [west fargo police](http://fmobserver.com/tag/west-fargo-police/)
- [ban](http://fmobserver.com/tag/ban/)
- [law](http://fmobserver.com/tag/law/)
- [bike path](http://fmobserver.com/tag/bike-path/)
- [fatkid](http://fmobserver.com/tag/fatkid/)
- [overweight](http://fmobserver.com/tag/overweight/)
- [children](http://fmobserver.com/tag/children/)
- [kid](http://fmobserver.com/tag/kid/)
- [homeless](http://fmobserver.com/tag/homeless/)
- [hobo](http://fmobserver.com/tag/hobo/)
- [jay cutler](http://fmobserver.com/tag/jay-cutler/)
- [chicago bears](http://fmobserver.com/tag/chicago-bears/)
- [green bay packers](http://fmobserver.com/tag/green-bay-packers/)
- [football](http://fmobserver.com/tag/football/)
- [minnesota vikings](http://fmobserver.com/tag/minnesota-vikings/)
- [workout guy](http://fmobserver.com/tag/workout-guy/)
- [magic hugs](http://fmobserver.com/tag/magic-hugs/)
- [aquarium](http://fmobserver.com/tag/aquarium/)
- [tour](http://fmobserver.com/tag/tour/)
- [hipster](http://fmobserver.com/tag/hipster/)
- [assult](http://fmobserver.com/tag/assult/)
- [man](http://fmobserver.com/tag/man/)
- [affliction shirt](http://fmobserver.com/tag/affliction-shirt/)
- [Richard Haaland](http://fmobserver.com/tag/richard-haaland/)
- [douche-baggary](http://fmobserver.com/tag/douche-baggary/)
- [pizza](http://fmobserver.com/tag/pizza/)
- [bribery](http://fmobserver.com/tag/bribery/)
- [PETA](http://fmobserver.com/tag/peta/)
- [protest](http://fmobserver.com/tag/protest/)
- [WNBA](http://fmobserver.com/tag/wnba/)
- [suspended](http://fmobserver.com/tag/suspended/)
- [big mac](http://fmobserver.com/tag/big-mac/)
- [campaing](http://fmobserver.com/tag/campaing/)
- [statement](http://fmobserver.com/tag/statement/)
- [halloween](http://fmobserver.com/tag/halloween/)
- [costume](http://fmobserver.com/tag/costume/)
- [pedophiles](http://fmobserver.com/tag/pedophiles/)
- [pedophile](http://fmobserver.com/tag/pedophile/)
- [october](http://fmobserver.com/tag/october/)
- [candy](http://fmobserver.com/tag/candy/)
- [van](http://fmobserver.com/tag/van/)
- [creepy](http://fmobserver.com/tag/creepy/)
- [west fargo high school](http://fmobserver.com/tag/west-fargo-high-school/)
- [river dancing](http://fmobserver.com/tag/river-dancing/)
- [gary clark](http://fmobserver.com/tag/gary-clark/)
- [career](http://fmobserver.com/tag/career/)
- [principal](http://fmobserver.com/tag/principal/)
- [dmv](http://fmobserver.com/tag/dmv/)
- [hospital](http://fmobserver.com/tag/hospital/)
- [hell](http://fmobserver.com/tag/hell/)
- [gates of hell](http://fmobserver.com/tag/gates-of-hell/)
- [shooting range](http://fmobserver.com/tag/shooting-range/)
- [location](http://fmobserver.com/tag/location/)
- [wheel of fortune](http://fmobserver.com/tag/wheel-of-fortune/)
- [sajak](http://fmobserver.com/tag/sajak/)
- [winner](http://fmobserver.com/tag/winner/)
- [money](http://fmobserver.com/tag/money/)
- [loser](http://fmobserver.com/tag/loser/)
- [despair](http://fmobserver.com/tag/despair/)
- [womb](http://fmobserver.com/tag/womb/)
- [adult baby](http://fmobserver.com/tag/adult-baby/)
- [observer](http://fmobserver.com/tag/observer/)
- [event calendar](http://fmobserver.com/tag/event-calendar/)
- [entertainment](http://fmobserver.com/tag/entertainment-2/)
- [herbalife](http://fmobserver.com/tag/herbalife/)
- [cult](http://fmobserver.com/tag/cult/)
- [selling](http://fmobserver.com/tag/selling/)
- [Review](http://fmobserver.com/tag/review/)
- [moorhead antique mall](http://fmobserver.com/tag/moorhead-antique-mall/)
- [pumpkin](http://fmobserver.com/tag/pumpkin/)
- [pumpkin humper](http://fmobserver.com/tag/pumpkin-humper/)
- [delendrecies](http://fmobserver.com/tag/delendrecies/)
- [downtown](http://fmobserver.com/tag/downtown/)
- [historic](http://fmobserver.com/tag/historic/)
- [ghosts](http://fmobserver.com/tag/ghosts/)
- [spirits](http://fmobserver.com/tag/spirits/)
- [haunted](http://fmobserver.com/tag/haunted/)
- [paranormal activity](http://fmobserver.com/tag/paranormal-activity/)
- [snow](http://fmobserver.com/tag/snow/)
- [lists](http://fmobserver.com/tag/lists/)
- [hurricane sandy](http://fmobserver.com/tag/hurricane-sandy/)
- [bloopers](http://fmobserver.com/tag/bloopers/)
- [things to do](http://fmobserver.com/tag/things-to-do/)
- [top 10 list](http://fmobserver.com/tag/top-10-list/)
- [home](http://fmobserver.com/tag/home/)
- [bored](http://fmobserver.com/tag/bored/)
- [presidential campaign](http://fmobserver.com/tag/presidential-campaign/)
- [competition](http://fmobserver.com/tag/competition/)
- [best of the red river valley](http://fmobserver.com/tag/best-of-the-red-river-valley/)
- [video games](http://fmobserver.com/tag/video-games/)
- [2012 election](http://fmobserver.com/tag/2012-election/)
- [chimaira](http://fmobserver.com/tag/chimaira/)
- [album](http://fmobserver.com/tag/album/)
- [obama](http://fmobserver.com/tag/obama/)
- [biden](http://fmobserver.com/tag/biden/)
- [victory](http://fmobserver.com/tag/victory/)
- [election 2012](http://fmobserver.com/tag/election-2012/)
- [walmart](http://fmobserver.com/tag/walmart/)
- [polling station](http://fmobserver.com/tag/polling-station/)
- [trampling](http://fmobserver.com/tag/trampling/)
- [ufc](http://fmobserver.com/tag/ufc/)
- [the ultimate fighter](http://fmobserver.com/tag/the-ultimate-fighter/)
- [douchebags](http://fmobserver.com/tag/douchebags/)
- [punk rock](http://fmobserver.com/tag/punk-rock/)
- [cemetery](http://fmobserver.com/tag/cemetery/)
- [exhumed](http://fmobserver.com/tag/exhumed/)
- [salmonella](http://fmobserver.com/tag/salmonella/)
- [recall](http://fmobserver.com/tag/recall/)
- [bison](http://fmobserver.com/tag/bison/)
- [wal mart](http://fmobserver.com/tag/wal-mart/)
- [soccer mom](http://fmobserver.com/tag/soccer-mom/)
- [combat](http://fmobserver.com/tag/combat/)
- [black friday](http://fmobserver.com/tag/black-friday/)
- [riot](http://fmobserver.com/tag/riot/)
- [sale](http://fmobserver.com/tag/sale/)
- [kelloggs](http://fmobserver.com/tag/kelloggs/)
- [reefer](http://fmobserver.com/tag/reefer/)
- [product line](http://fmobserver.com/tag/product-line/)
- [colorado](http://fmobserver.com/tag/colorado/)
- [washington](http://fmobserver.com/tag/washington/)
- [stoners](http://fmobserver.com/tag/stoners/)
- [stoner food](http://fmobserver.com/tag/stoner-food/)
- [munchies](http://fmobserver.com/tag/munchies/)
- [frosted flakes](http://fmobserver.com/tag/frosted-flakes/)
- [rice krispies](http://fmobserver.com/tag/rice-krispies/)
- [mary jane](http://fmobserver.com/tag/mary-jane/)
- [iphone](http://fmobserver.com/tag/iphone/)
- [app](http://fmobserver.com/tag/app/)
- [waterproof phone](http://fmobserver.com/tag/waterproof-phone/)
- [water damage](http://fmobserver.com/tag/water-damage/)
- [hilarious](http://fmobserver.com/tag/hilarious/)
- [dog](http://fmobserver.com/tag/dog/)
- [shaking hands](http://fmobserver.com/tag/shaking-hands/)
- [Hostess](http://fmobserver.com/tag/hostess/)
- [Twinkies](http://fmobserver.com/tag/twinkies/)
- [fat people](http://fmobserver.com/tag/fat-people/)
- [electric scooters](http://fmobserver.com/tag/electric-scooters/)
- [bankruptcy](http://fmobserver.com/tag/bankruptcy/)
- [BCTGM Union](http://fmobserver.com/tag/bctgm-union/)
- [strike](http://fmobserver.com/tag/strike/)
- [the hub](http://fmobserver.com/tag/the-hub/)
- [dons car wash](http://fmobserver.com/tag/dons-car-wash/)
- [floodlight](http://fmobserver.com/tag/floodlight/)
- [neighbor](http://fmobserver.com/tag/neighbor/)
- [feud](http://fmobserver.com/tag/feud/)
- [cute](http://fmobserver.com/tag/cute/)
- [baby giarafee](http://fmobserver.com/tag/baby-giarafee/)
- [picture](http://fmobserver.com/tag/picture/)
- [cyber monday](http://fmobserver.com/tag/cyber-monday/)
- [deals](http://fmobserver.com/tag/deals/)
- [shopping](http://fmobserver.com/tag/shopping/)
- [deaths](http://fmobserver.com/tag/deaths/)
- [powerball](http://fmobserver.com/tag/powerball/)
- [lottery](http://fmobserver.com/tag/lottery/)
- [jackpot](http://fmobserver.com/tag/jackpot/)
- [unicorn](http://fmobserver.com/tag/unicorn/)
- [korea](http://fmobserver.com/tag/korea/)
- [scam](http://fmobserver.com/tag/scam/)
- [bullshit](http://fmobserver.com/tag/bullshit/)
- [pyramid](http://fmobserver.com/tag/pyramid/)
- [mlm](http://fmobserver.com/tag/mlm/)
- [business owner](http://fmobserver.com/tag/business-owner/)
- [party](http://fmobserver.com/tag/party/)
- [weight loss](http://fmobserver.com/tag/weight-loss/)
- [scheme](http://fmobserver.com/tag/scheme/)
- [sponsor](http://fmobserver.com/tag/sponsor/)
- [make money](http://fmobserver.com/tag/make-money/)
- [monty](http://fmobserver.com/tag/monty/)
- [driving dog](http://fmobserver.com/tag/driving-dog/)
- [legal](http://fmobserver.com/tag/legal/)
- [baby duck](http://fmobserver.com/tag/baby-duck/)
- [swimming](http://fmobserver.com/tag/swimming/)
- [sink](http://fmobserver.com/tag/sink/)
- [UFC on FOX](http://fmobserver.com/tag/ufc-on-fox/)
- [ultimate fighting championship](http://fmobserver.com/tag/ultimate-fighting-championship/)
- [pimp](http://fmobserver.com/tag/pimp/)
- [academy](http://fmobserver.com/tag/academy/)
- [gift ideas](http://fmobserver.com/tag/gift-ideas/)
- [holiday season](http://fmobserver.com/tag/holiday-season/)
- [ballsack](http://fmobserver.com/tag/ballsack/)
- [ornament](http://fmobserver.com/tag/ornament/)
- [bauballs](http://fmobserver.com/tag/bauballs/)
- [christmas](http://fmobserver.com/tag/christmas/)
- [death metal](http://fmobserver.com/tag/death-metal/)
- [band names](http://fmobserver.com/tag/band-names/)
- [ideas](http://fmobserver.com/tag/ideas/)
- [ponder](http://fmobserver.com/tag/ponder/)
- [stephen colbert](http://fmobserver.com/tag/stephen-colbert/)
- [munchma quchi](http://fmobserver.com/tag/munchma-quchi/)
- [Suq Madiq](http://fmobserver.com/tag/suq-madiq/)
- [year in review](http://fmobserver.com/tag/year-in-review/)
- [morgan freeman](http://fmobserver.com/tag/morgan-freeman/)
- [restaurant](http://fmobserver.com/tag/restaurant/)
- [tos](http://fmobserver.com/tag/tos/)
- [terms of service](http://fmobserver.com/tag/terms-of-service/)
- [socialite](http://fmobserver.com/tag/socialite/)
- [artistic](http://fmobserver.com/tag/artistic/)
- [guns](http://fmobserver.com/tag/guns/)
- [violence](http://fmobserver.com/tag/violence/)
- [schools](http://fmobserver.com/tag/schools/)
- [xmas](http://fmobserver.com/tag/xmas/)
- [Ke$ha](http://fmobserver.com/tag/keha/)
- [die young](http://fmobserver.com/tag/die-young/)
- [lyrics](http://fmobserver.com/tag/lyrics/)
- [terrible song lyrics](http://fmobserver.com/tag/terrible-song-lyrics/)
- [bad](http://fmobserver.com/tag/bad/)
- [terrible](http://fmobserver.com/tag/terrible/)
- [warrior](http://fmobserver.com/tag/warrior/)
- [doyles taxi](http://fmobserver.com/tag/doyles-taxi/)
- [city directory](http://fmobserver.com/tag/city-directory/)
- [1953](http://fmobserver.com/tag/1953/)
- [the northern](http://fmobserver.com/tag/the-northern/)
- [the northern gentlemens club](http://fmobserver.com/tag/the-northern-gentlemens-club/)
- [nudie bar](http://fmobserver.com/tag/nudie-bar/)
- [proposal](http://fmobserver.com/tag/proposal/)
- [engagement](http://fmobserver.com/tag/engagement/)
- [band name](http://fmobserver.com/tag/band-name/)
- [pimp cup](http://fmobserver.com/tag/pimp-cup/)
- [bullets](http://fmobserver.com/tag/bullets/)
- [official](http://fmobserver.com/tag/official/)
- [terrible song lyrics of the week](http://fmobserver.com/tag/terrible-song-lyrics-of-the-week/)
- [flo rida](http://fmobserver.com/tag/flo-rida/)
- [icry](http://fmobserver.com/tag/icry/)
- [confused](http://fmobserver.com/tag/confused/)
- [sucks](http://fmobserver.com/tag/sucks/)
- [add](http://fmobserver.com/tag/add/)
- [speechless](http://fmobserver.com/tag/speechless/)
- [new year's eve](http://fmobserver.com/tag/new-years-eve/)
- [resolutions](http://fmobserver.com/tag/resolutions/)
- [mike goldberg](http://fmobserver.com/tag/mike-goldberg/)
- [joe rogan](http://fmobserver.com/tag/joe-rogan/)
- [chess](http://fmobserver.com/tag/chess/)
- [brett favre](http://fmobserver.com/tag/brett-favre/)
- [retirement](http://fmobserver.com/tag/retirement/)
- [unretire](http://fmobserver.com/tag/unretire/)
- [paycheck](http://fmobserver.com/tag/paycheck/)
- [celebrating](http://fmobserver.com/tag/celebrating/)
- [taxes](http://fmobserver.com/tag/taxes/)
- [fiscal cliff](http://fmobserver.com/tag/fiscal-cliff/)
- [deal](http://fmobserver.com/tag/deal/)
- [more money](http://fmobserver.com/tag/more-money/)
- [less money](http://fmobserver.com/tag/less-money/)
- [payroll tax](http://fmobserver.com/tag/payroll-tax/)
- [Jon Anik](http://fmobserver.com/tag/jon-anik/)
- [cats](http://fmobserver.com/tag/cats/)
- [social security](http://fmobserver.com/tag/social-security/)
- [checks](http://fmobserver.com/tag/checks/)
- [frisco](http://fmobserver.com/tag/frisco/)
- [texas](http://fmobserver.com/tag/texas/)
- [fcs championship](http://fmobserver.com/tag/fcs-championship/)
- [sam houston state](http://fmobserver.com/tag/sam-houston-state/)
- [north dakota state](http://fmobserver.com/tag/north-dakota-state/)
- [tom cruise](http://fmobserver.com/tag/tom-cruise/)
- [scientology](http://fmobserver.com/tag/scientology/)
- [masturbate](http://fmobserver.com/tag/masturbate/)
- [KVRR](http://fmobserver.com/tag/kvrr/)
- [weather reporter](http://fmobserver.com/tag/weather-reporter/)
- [weather](http://fmobserver.com/tag/weather/)
- [reporter](http://fmobserver.com/tag/reporter/)
- [bad word](http://fmobserver.com/tag/bad-word/)
- [fox](http://fmobserver.com/tag/fox/)
- [cut bank](http://fmobserver.com/tag/cut-bank/)
- [montana](http://fmobserver.com/tag/montana/)
- [cum bank](http://fmobserver.com/tag/cum-bank/)
- [taylor swift](http://fmobserver.com/tag/taylor-swift/)
- [pro wrestling](http://fmobserver.com/tag/pro-wrestling/)
- [Audrey Dahlgren](http://fmobserver.com/tag/audrey-dahlgren/)
- [Amy Unrau](http://fmobserver.com/tag/amy-unrau/)
- [valley news live](http://fmobserver.com/tag/valley-news-live/)
- [news anchors](http://fmobserver.com/tag/news-anchors/)
- [sam houston state university](http://fmobserver.com/tag/sam-houston-state-university/)
- [ncaa](http://fmobserver.com/tag/ncaa/)
- [jamaal franklin](http://fmobserver.com/tag/jamaal-franklin/)
- [san diego state](http://fmobserver.com/tag/san-diego-state/)
- [fresno state](http://fmobserver.com/tag/fresno-state/)
- [dunk](http://fmobserver.com/tag/dunk/)
- [ball hog](http://fmobserver.com/tag/ball-hog/)
- [floating](http://fmobserver.com/tag/floating/)
- [hippopotamus](http://fmobserver.com/tag/hippopotamus/)
- [hippo](http://fmobserver.com/tag/hippo/)
- [liz & dick](http://fmobserver.com/tag/liz-dick/)
- [movie review](http://fmobserver.com/tag/movie-review/)
- [lindsay lohan](http://fmobserver.com/tag/lindsay-lohan/)
- [elizabeth taylor](http://fmobserver.com/tag/elizabeth-taylor/)
- [richard burton](http://fmobserver.com/tag/richard-burton/)
- [harry reid](http://fmobserver.com/tag/harry-reid/)
- [government](http://fmobserver.com/tag/government/)
- [ces](http://fmobserver.com/tag/ces/)
- [metawatch](http://fmobserver.com/tag/metawatch/)
- [donkeys](http://fmobserver.com/tag/donkeys/)
- [FPD](http://fmobserver.com/tag/fpd/)
- [gun control](http://fmobserver.com/tag/gun-control/)
- [storm gandolf](http://fmobserver.com/tag/storm-gandolf/)
- [battle](http://fmobserver.com/tag/battle/)
- [storm apocalypse](http://fmobserver.com/tag/storm-apocalypse/)
- [fargoans](http://fmobserver.com/tag/fargoans/)
- [hoax](http://fmobserver.com/tag/hoax/)
- [magic](http://fmobserver.com/tag/magic/)
- [army](http://fmobserver.com/tag/army/)
- [war](http://fmobserver.com/tag/war/)
- [boeing](http://fmobserver.com/tag/boeing/)
- [dreamliner](http://fmobserver.com/tag/dreamliner/)
- [wind chill](http://fmobserver.com/tag/wind-chill/)
- [cold](http://fmobserver.com/tag/cold/)
- [freezing](http://fmobserver.com/tag/freezing/)
- [below temperature](http://fmobserver.com/tag/below-temperature/)
- [worst place](http://fmobserver.com/tag/worst-place/)
- [cold air](http://fmobserver.com/tag/cold-air/)
- [cars wont start](http://fmobserver.com/tag/cars-wont-start/)
- [harbaugh](http://fmobserver.com/tag/harbaugh/)
- [finance](http://fmobserver.com/tag/finance/)
- [advice](http://fmobserver.com/tag/advice/)
- [super bowl](http://fmobserver.com/tag/super-bowl/)
- [dear john](http://fmobserver.com/tag/dear-john/)
- [weather events](http://fmobserver.com/tag/weather-events/)
- [school closings](http://fmobserver.com/tag/school-closings/)
- [storms](http://fmobserver.com/tag/storms/)
- [car accidents](http://fmobserver.com/tag/car-accidents/)
- [sesame street](http://fmobserver.com/tag/sesame-street/)
- [elmo](http://fmobserver.com/tag/elmo/)
- [city planners](http://fmobserver.com/tag/city-planners/)
- [west acres](http://fmobserver.com/tag/west-acres/)
- [tunnels](http://fmobserver.com/tag/tunnels/)
- [beyonce](http://fmobserver.com/tag/beyonce/)
- [halftime](http://fmobserver.com/tag/halftime/)
- [fan](http://fmobserver.com/tag/fan/)
- [nailed it](http://fmobserver.com/tag/nailed-it/)
- [Super Bowl XLVII](http://fmobserver.com/tag/super-bowl-xlvii/)
- [pie](http://fmobserver.com/tag/pie/)
- [ASAP Rocky](http://fmobserver.com/tag/asap-rocky/)
- [fucking problems](http://fmobserver.com/tag/fucking-problems/)
- [tupac](http://fmobserver.com/tag/tupac/)
- [ASAP Rockey](http://fmobserver.com/tag/asap-rockey/)
- [2 Chainz](http://fmobserver.com/tag/2-chainz/)
- [Drake & Kendrick Lamar](http://fmobserver.com/tag/drake-kendrick-lamar/)
- [mail](http://fmobserver.com/tag/mail/)
- [post office](http://fmobserver.com/tag/post-office/)
- [max cavalera](http://fmobserver.com/tag/max-cavalera/)
- [soulfly](http://fmobserver.com/tag/soulfly/)
- [heavy metal](http://fmobserver.com/tag/heavy-metal/)
- [666](http://fmobserver.com/tag/666/)
- [tax season](http://fmobserver.com/tag/tax-season/)
- [bunny](http://fmobserver.com/tag/bunny/)
- [pocket](http://fmobserver.com/tag/pocket/)
- [adorable](http://fmobserver.com/tag/adorable/)
- [chinese](http://fmobserver.com/tag/chinese/)
- [language](http://fmobserver.com/tag/language/)
- [westminster](http://fmobserver.com/tag/westminster/)
- [dog show](http://fmobserver.com/tag/dog-show/)
- [Pope Benedict XVI](http://fmobserver.com/tag/pope-benedict-xvi/)
- [catholic church](http://fmobserver.com/tag/catholic-church/)
- [penn state](http://fmobserver.com/tag/penn-state/)
- [resignation](http://fmobserver.com/tag/resignation/)
- [head coach](http://fmobserver.com/tag/head-coach/)
- [license plate](http://fmobserver.com/tag/license-plate/)
- [movies](http://fmobserver.com/tag/movies/)
- [snowfall](http://fmobserver.com/tag/snowfall/)
- [flamethrower](http://fmobserver.com/tag/flamethrower/)
- [und](http://fmobserver.com/tag/und/)
- [barista](http://fmobserver.com/tag/barista/)
- [american idol](http://fmobserver.com/tag/american-idol/)
- [jamestown](http://fmobserver.com/tag/jamestown/)
- [booze](http://fmobserver.com/tag/booze/)
- [tax](http://fmobserver.com/tag/tax/)
- [happy friday](http://fmobserver.com/tag/happy-friday/)
- [aww](http://fmobserver.com/tag/aww/)
- [smiling sheep](http://fmobserver.com/tag/smiling-sheep/)
- [kanye west](http://fmobserver.com/tag/kanye-west/)
- [interesting tweets](http://fmobserver.com/tag/interesting-tweets/)
- [rambo 4](http://fmobserver.com/tag/rambo-4/)
- [blow up](http://fmobserver.com/tag/blow-up/)
- [ridiculous](http://fmobserver.com/tag/ridiculous/)
- [sharpshooter](http://fmobserver.com/tag/sharpshooter/)
- [head shot](http://fmobserver.com/tag/head-shot/)
- [sylvester stallone](http://fmobserver.com/tag/sylvester-stallone/)
- [badass](http://fmobserver.com/tag/badass/)
- [carrot top](http://fmobserver.com/tag/carrot-top/)
- [wifi name ideas](http://fmobserver.com/tag/wifi-name-ideas/)
- [new jersey](http://fmobserver.com/tag/new-jersey/)
- [shooting](http://fmobserver.com/tag/shooting/)
- [smiling goats](http://fmobserver.com/tag/smiling-goats/)
- [conclave](http://fmobserver.com/tag/conclave/)
- [new pope](http://fmobserver.com/tag/new-pope/)
- [american](http://fmobserver.com/tag/american/)
- [america](http://fmobserver.com/tag/america/)
- [electing](http://fmobserver.com/tag/electing/)
- [black smoke](http://fmobserver.com/tag/black-smoke/)
- [rabbits](http://fmobserver.com/tag/rabbits/)
- [pest](http://fmobserver.com/tag/pest/)
- [bucket list](http://fmobserver.com/tag/bucket-list/)
- [wifi](http://fmobserver.com/tag/wifi/)
- [wi-fi](http://fmobserver.com/tag/wi-fi/)
- [netowrk](http://fmobserver.com/tag/netowrk/)
- [name](http://fmobserver.com/tag/name/)
- [examples](http://fmobserver.com/tag/examples/)
- [popeye](http://fmobserver.com/tag/popeye/)
- [1930s](http://fmobserver.com/tag/1930s/)
- [30s](http://fmobserver.com/tag/30s/)
- [animation](http://fmobserver.com/tag/animation/)
- [fleischer studios](http://fmobserver.com/tag/fleischer-studios/)
- [fargodome](http://fmobserver.com/tag/fargodome/)
- [march madness](http://fmobserver.com/tag/march-madness/)
- [college basketball](http://fmobserver.com/tag/college-basketball/)
- [out-of-state](http://fmobserver.com/tag/out-of-state/)
- [tundra](http://fmobserver.com/tag/tundra/)
- [temperature](http://fmobserver.com/tag/temperature/)
- [hibernated](http://fmobserver.com/tag/hibernated/)
- [hibernate](http://fmobserver.com/tag/hibernate/)
- [depressing](http://fmobserver.com/tag/depressing/)
- [Michael Schiavello](http://fmobserver.com/tag/michael-schiavello/)
- [Danny Mainus](http://fmobserver.com/tag/danny-mainus/)
- [RFA](http://fmobserver.com/tag/rfa/)
- [mma](http://fmobserver.com/tag/mma/)
- [legalization](http://fmobserver.com/tag/legalization/)
- [pot holes](http://fmobserver.com/tag/pot-holes/)
- [gardenhire](http://fmobserver.com/tag/gardenhire/)
- [call of duty](http://fmobserver.com/tag/call-of-duty/)
- [infinity ward](http://fmobserver.com/tag/infinity-ward/)
- [Jason West](http://fmobserver.com/tag/jason-west/)
- [Vince Zampella](http://fmobserver.com/tag/vince-zampella/)
- [season pass](http://fmobserver.com/tag/season-pass/)
- [multiplayer](http://fmobserver.com/tag/multiplayer/)
- [subscriber](http://fmobserver.com/tag/subscriber/)
- [release](http://fmobserver.com/tag/release/)
- [potholes](http://fmobserver.com/tag/potholes/)
- [car](http://fmobserver.com/tag/car/)
- [punish](http://fmobserver.com/tag/punish/)
- [hate](http://fmobserver.com/tag/hate/)
- [driving](http://fmobserver.com/tag/driving/)
- [barbara walters](http://fmobserver.com/tag/barbara-walters/)
- [nostolgia](http://fmobserver.com/tag/nostolgia/)
- [pictures](http://fmobserver.com/tag/pictures/)
- [80s](http://fmobserver.com/tag/80s/)
- [90s](http://fmobserver.com/tag/90s/)
- [blast from the past](http://fmobserver.com/tag/blast-from-the-past/)
- [i love the 90s](http://fmobserver.com/tag/i-love-the-90s/)
- [i love the 80s](http://fmobserver.com/tag/i-love-the-80s/)
- [kim jong-un](http://fmobserver.com/tag/kim-jong-un/)
- [north korea](http://fmobserver.com/tag/north-korea/)
- [ecards](http://fmobserver.com/tag/ecards/)
- [someecards](http://fmobserver.com/tag/someecards/)
- [thoughts](http://fmobserver.com/tag/thoughts/)
- [dont speak](http://fmobserver.com/tag/dont-speak/)
- [share](http://fmobserver.com/tag/share/)
- [art](http://fmobserver.com/tag/art/)
- [warhol](http://fmobserver.com/tag/warhol/)
- [lik wayne](http://fmobserver.com/tag/lik-wayne/)
- [banging bitches](http://fmobserver.com/tag/banging-bitches/)
- [niggas](http://fmobserver.com/tag/niggas/)
- [filet mignon](http://fmobserver.com/tag/filet-mignon/)
- [love me](http://fmobserver.com/tag/love-me/)
- [single](http://fmobserver.com/tag/single/)
- [chuck norris](http://fmobserver.com/tag/chuck-norris/)
- [action jeans](http://fmobserver.com/tag/action-jeans/)
- [ND Legislature](http://fmobserver.com/tag/nd-legislature/)
- [milk break](http://fmobserver.com/tag/milk-break/)
- [The Grinch](http://fmobserver.com/tag/the-grinch/)
- [heart](http://fmobserver.com/tag/heart/)
- [frosted animal cookies](http://fmobserver.com/tag/frosted-animal-cookies/)
- [game](http://fmobserver.com/tag/game/)
- [guess](http://fmobserver.com/tag/guess/)
- [fun](http://fmobserver.com/tag/fun/)
- [keebler](http://fmobserver.com/tag/keebler/)
- [glorious](http://fmobserver.com/tag/glorious/)
- [religion](http://fmobserver.com/tag/religion/)
- [joining](http://fmobserver.com/tag/joining/)
- [questions to ask](http://fmobserver.com/tag/questions-to-ask/)
- [church](http://fmobserver.com/tag/church/)
- [god](http://fmobserver.com/tag/god/)
- [catholic](http://fmobserver.com/tag/catholic/)
- [movie reviews](http://fmobserver.com/tag/movie-reviews/)
- [human beings](http://fmobserver.com/tag/human-beings/)
- [assault weapons](http://fmobserver.com/tag/assault-weapons/)
- [kill](http://fmobserver.com/tag/kill/)
- [congress](http://fmobserver.com/tag/congress/)
- [loop hole](http://fmobserver.com/tag/loop-hole/)
- [prison](http://fmobserver.com/tag/prison/)
- [detroit lakes](http://fmobserver.com/tag/detroit-lakes/)
- [eggebraaten](http://fmobserver.com/tag/eggebraaten/)
- [gotdonuts](http://fmobserver.com/tag/gotdonuts/)
- [kvly](http://fmobserver.com/tag/kvly/)
- [Blizzard](http://fmobserver.com/tag/blizzard/)
- [xerxes](http://fmobserver.com/tag/xerxes/)
- [anger](http://fmobserver.com/tag/anger/)
- [smartphone](http://fmobserver.com/tag/smartphone/)
- [here comes the boom](http://fmobserver.com/tag/here-comes-the-boom/)
- [dmx](http://fmobserver.com/tag/dmx/)
- [song](http://fmobserver.com/tag/song/)
- [jail](http://fmobserver.com/tag/jail/)
- [butt hole outta place](http://fmobserver.com/tag/butt-hole-outta-place/)
- [men](http://fmobserver.com/tag/men/)
- [women](http://fmobserver.com/tag/women/)
- [boston reporting](http://fmobserver.com/tag/boston-reporting/)
- [jon stewart](http://fmobserver.com/tag/jon-stewart/)
- [cnn](http://fmobserver.com/tag/cnn/)
- [bomb](http://fmobserver.com/tag/bomb/)
- [Human Centipede](http://fmobserver.com/tag/human-centipede/)
- [ship my pants](http://fmobserver.com/tag/ship-my-pants/)
- [kmart](http://fmobserver.com/tag/kmart/)
- [shit](http://fmobserver.com/tag/shit/)
- [omm](http://fmobserver.com/tag/omm/)
- [one million moms](http://fmobserver.com/tag/one-million-moms/)
- [group](http://fmobserver.com/tag/group/)
- [microsoft](http://fmobserver.com/tag/microsoft/)
- [computer](http://fmobserver.com/tag/computer/)
- [updates](http://fmobserver.com/tag/updates/)
- [non-stop](http://fmobserver.com/tag/non-stop/)
- [install](http://fmobserver.com/tag/install/)
- [installing](http://fmobserver.com/tag/installing/)
- [restart](http://fmobserver.com/tag/restart/)
- [denver](http://fmobserver.com/tag/denver/)
- [smoke](http://fmobserver.com/tag/smoke/)
- [toke](http://fmobserver.com/tag/toke/)
- [aj clemente](http://fmobserver.com/tag/aj-clemente/)
- [van tieu](http://fmobserver.com/tag/van-tieu/)
- [KFYR](http://fmobserver.com/tag/kfyr/)
- [anchor](http://fmobserver.com/tag/anchor/)
- [swears](http://fmobserver.com/tag/swears/)
- [cuss](http://fmobserver.com/tag/cuss/)
- [golf](http://fmobserver.com/tag/golf/)
- [Hailey Boner](http://fmobserver.com/tag/hailey-boner/)
- [summit league championship](http://fmobserver.com/tag/summit-league-championship/)
- [womens](http://fmobserver.com/tag/womens/)
- [cleanup week](http://fmobserver.com/tag/cleanup-week/)
- [postponed](http://fmobserver.com/tag/postponed/)
- [junk](http://fmobserver.com/tag/junk/)
- [may](http://fmobserver.com/tag/may/)