Local Elderly Lady Informed That She Was Dead.

March 14th, 2012 | by Bill Burns

Is that you grandma?

Studying zombie survival wasn’t so stupid after all.

Fargo, ND – Super Tuesday is supposed to be SUPER FUN.  Not for a local 84 year old elderly lady named Maureen.  She showed up to vote and was told she was dead.  “This is shocking news to me.  I didn’t think I was dead” she said.  This isn’t shocking news to us at the FM Observer.

Living old people and zombies have many similar characteristics.  For example, zombies bodies are no longer functioning.  This is similar to old people as we see them wearing adult diapers, bones breaking, etc etc.  Zombies cannot speak.  They emit moans and groans.  Again, another similar characteristic of a living old person.  What is concerning is that a zombie has become self aware and this raises questions as to the voting rights of zombies.  Maureen has now started a campaign across the country for equal rights which is gaining momentum.  She hopes to run for president some day as she feels she has similar qualities and experiences as past and present presidents.

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Bill grew up in one of the largest cities in the United States, Maza, North Dakota. Being a cow milker by trade, it was only after stroking thousands upon thousands of cow nipples was he able to save up enough money and move to Fargo, ND. It was here that he joined FM Observer. In his free time he enjoys carving rocking horses out of wood, healing the sick, and running marathons across oceans.