Massive Traffic Jams As Word Gets Out Of Hostess and Twinkies Demise

November 19th, 2012 | by Bill Burns

Fargo, ND – In States all across the U.S., especially Mississippi, Alabama, and West Virginia, massive traffic jams are causing catastrophic mayhem.

On Friday, November 16, Hostess Brands Inc announced that it will wind down the company and go to bankruptcy court after BCTGM Union strike cripples it’s operations.

Word has finally reached the homes of the disabled.  Very large and overweight disabled people on electric scooters have been leaving their homes in massive numbers causing massive traffic jams on all major interstates.  Overweight people and their electric scooters can be seen in the thousands going as fast as they can, which tops the 10mph mark, to their local Walmart to get their hands on as many Twinkies as their scooter can carry.

AFP/Getty Images

I had a chance to speak to one determined scooter rider.  While jogging next to them on the interstate I asked Marlene if it’s really worth it to leave the house as it’s dangerous outside.  Her reply was, “AHH! (mumble) MMYEA TWINKIEEEEEEEEES!!!!”

We can expect these traffic jams to continue until all Twinkies are off the shelves.

 


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Bill grew up in one of the largest cities in the United States, Maza, North Dakota. Being a cow milker by trade, it was only after stroking thousands upon thousands of cow nipples was he able to save up enough money and move to Fargo, ND. It was here that he joined FM Observer. In his free time he enjoys carving rocking horses out of wood, healing the sick, and running marathons across oceans.