Minnetonka Prepares for First Annual “Milfoil-stival”

ppa_vlmp_milfoil1Excelsior, MN – After running out of reasons to pile boats into the lake, members of the Lake Minnetonka Event Planners have scheduled a celebration of the area’s most abundant natural resource: milfoil.

On August 30 and 31, the group will host the first annual Milfoil-stival in the Excelsior commons. Historically, this slimy, green aquatic plant has been viewed as a nuisance, but as it spreads to more lakes, Minnesotans are beginning to embrace its appealing texture and healing qualities.

Excelsior native Bert Underhill can hardly wait to reveal his new milfoil-based skin treatment at the festival.

“It’s really a great product, I use it all the time. All you do is rub it on your skin and after a few days, when the rash finally goes away, your skin will feel much better,” Underhill said.

Other product for sale will include milfoil salad, deep-fried milfoil on a stick, hand-woven milfoil hammocks and the increasingly popular milfoil hair extensions. “I’m going right for the hair extensions booth,” local teen Angie Stone said. “I’ve had them before and nobody could believe it wasn’t my real hair. Plus, it makes all of your weak, ugly hairs fall out and leaves the good ones.”

The festival will kick-off with an attempt to break the world record for most milfoil-transporting boat trailers towed at once. The chain will begin by picking its first trailer up in Lake Mille Lacs, and will continue to pick up trailers from over 25 lakes on its way down to Excelsior. During this time, competitions for most milfoil caught on one fishing lure, most milfoil transported by one trailer and, for the kids, most milfoil pulled out of Excelsior Bay in one minute.

While the festival is focused on fun and games, local politicians will have a booth advertising a petition to end the milfoil transportation guidelines that plague local boaters.

“It absolutely goes against the First Amendment to ask boaters to check their crafts for milfoil after leaving the lake,” lobbyist Sarah Shammond said. “Unlike the DNR, we appreciate this delicate species and will continue to foster its growth.”

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Cody Marthaller

I'm biologically human. Full-Time Superhero. Part-Time Human.