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Mitt Romney Probably Doesn’t Like You

By on August 3, 2012

Boston, MA – Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney is a politician. He says what you want to hear. He smiles a lot to seem genuine. He’ll even shake your hand! These actions are all part of the grand scheme of winning us over during an election year. However, what you may not know about Mitt is this: he probably doesn’t like you. Yes, you. If you’re reading this, chances are you’re not an upper-class elitist, therefore Mitt has no interest in anything you have to say so you can go ahead and shine Mitt’s shoes. Mitt don’t care.

Now, I don’t want to sound misunderstood here. This isn’t a shot at Mitt Romney’s political acumen or will to succeed. Mitt clearly wants to be your President–hell, he’d be King of the Earth if we let him. It’s just that he’ll say anything and do anything to GET THERE, and as soon as he’s sitting in the captain’s chair, it’s smooth sailing. Job well done. Sit back, relax and enjoy your flight.

Be wary of the Mitt Mannequin. He’s a programmable robot with the agenda of the insanely rich in mind. He will work tirelessly to win the presidency, but after that? WHO KNOWS?

About Nick Hirchert


I am a satirical news columnist for the F-M Observer. Follow my daily musings and harass me on twitter here: @NickHirchert. Send an angry email to fmobserver@gmail.com. Thanks for reading!

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