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Moorhead Man Seen Yankin’ His Hog At Fargo Laundromat

By on August 7, 2012

Fargo, ND – A Fargo woman notified police as she witnessed a man in the lobby of the Busy Bubbles on 12th St N fiddling with his genitals while watching some rather titillating adult movies. According to police reports the meat-masher, Levi Schumacher, allegedly started tugging crank in the public lobby, then disappeared into the restroom for two 10-minute intervals to “adjust himself”. Gross. I don’t know how they do things over in Moorhead, but in Fargo we keep our hands out of our pants in public places. A word of advice for you, my man: try to avoid swatting the snake in plain view of your fellow launderers.

Schumacher faces a misdemeanor charge of indecent exposure and maybe some public humiliation for his lewd act.

About Nick Hirchert


I am a satirical news columnist for the F-M Observer. Follow my daily musings and harass me on twitter here: @NickHirchert. Send an angry email to fmobserver@gmail.com. Thanks for reading!

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