Dead Morbidly Obese Arsonist Torches Crematorium

June 6th, 2012 | by Nick

Graz, Austria – A gigantic 440-lb hunk of dead & smoldering fatty tissue was the cause of a fiery inferno at a Graz, Austria crematorium yesterday. The Observer wondered at first why a beached whale would be brought to a human crematorium but as it turns out, the dead animal arsonist was no whale–it was a massive human female.

The blaze raged with such a fury that firefighters had to push water through heating vents to put it out. Firefighters were also forced to wear special equipment to extinguish this mess and were said to have been covered by a “sticky, sooty substance” after the fire was put out. They were coated with human napalm! Oh, the humanity!

The corpse burn community is now calling for updated cremation procedures to better deal with the deceased Morbidly Obese in an effort to prevent future disasters. The temperature inside the cremation chamber reached to upwards of 570 degrees Fahrenheit, causing the entire place to erupt. We here at the Observer would like to congratulate this humongous woman for causing arson from BEYOND THE GRAVE.


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