Official Mitt Romney Press Release

Boston, MA – With the presidential campaign in full swing, Mitt Romney has made very significant strides as the Republican front-runner. He and his running mate Paul Ryan have made their share of gaffes, and yet they trudge on. Next up on the strategery list: the Romney camp has released a statement written by Mitt himself. We bring it to you verbatim, word-for-word:

What a wild ride it has begun so far. My campaign and my family have been working very hard on a considerable campaign. We have traveled the nation, listening to stories about possible voters and undecided voters and what they really need from our Government. Now, as you all know, there has been much skepulation regarding my tax formations. Let me just say this. I have pain taxes in every year of my income. My releases have been released. So now there is no mystery suspicion. We can move on. I am eager to fulfill my guarantee of jobs in my Presidency. The Romney Presidency will have jobs in 2013. This I can guarantee. President Brock Obama has led this country in the wrong path for the last 4 years. Now it’s my turn to lead this path. This is where the men become the boys. Join me, won’t you?

This seems to us like the Romney camp is making well-timed attempt at damage control following this week’s rocky, seemingly fact-less debate performance. That, coupled with this statement of clarification is all part of a larger effort to get this campaign back on the rails. Best of luck to you, Mitt, and may the best man win.

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Interstrapolating condectistic devariance via opentasmic protensive mindopathy.