Washington, DC—In an effort to bolster support for his controversial new healthcare system, President Obama announced today that the 1,000,000th Affordable Care Act registrar will be awarded free healthcare for life.
“Unlimited doctor visits, a lifetime of x-rays, more prescription pills than your kidneys and liver can handle. They’ll fill you so full of chemotherapy, it’ll be coming out your eye-holes!” Obama proclaimed during a late-afternoon White House presser.
“The Affordable Care Act is meant to provide low-cost health insurance to many, but our one millionth customer will enjoy free MRIs, CATs, PAPs and EKGs for life,” the President added. “No paying out the ass for premiums and deductibles for one lucky Joe. No crippling debt as a result of too many doctor visits for one lucky dog. So, sign up! Let’s get to one million! Yes we can! Yes we can!”
Obama finished the press conference by throwing a handful of ObamaCare KEEP THIS COUPON tickets into the crowd. Who will be the one millionth signee? Visit www.healthcare.gov to find out more.
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