Recent Posts

Pair of lungs or some other organ found on LA sidewalk
National
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Pair of lungs or some other organ found on LA sidewalk

June 12th, 2012 | by Nick
Los Angeles, CA – Sunday evening, authorities received a call to investigate what was reported to be a pair of lungs stuck to a south Los Angeles county sidewalk. With a veritable frenzy of visceral criminal activity...
LeBron James grateful for another shot at losing NBA Finals
NBA
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LeBron James grateful for another shot at losing NBA Finals

June 10th, 2012 | by Nick
Miami, FL – NBA MVP LeBron James has once again, for the 2nd straight year and 3rd time in his career, led his team to the NBA Finals earning yet another shot at despair and failure. King James has been terrific throughout...
Naked Young Bird Found Dazed and Confused
Local
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Naked Young Bird Found Dazed and Confused

June 8th, 2012 | by Bill Burns
West Fargo, ND – Junior, a young bird from West Fargo, was seen this afternoon looking dazed and confused, lost, and completely wrecked.  He was also not wearing any clothes. I tried to talk to him but it was no use.  He...
White House Not Returning George W. Bush’s Voicemails
National
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White House Not Returning George W. Bush’s Voicemails

June 7th, 2012 | by Nick
Washington, DC – Former President of the United States George W. Bush is a good man. He worked hard to benefit our country while in office. He is a man of considerable pride and generosity, and recently found it in his...
Dirty Cows Distrupt Traffic
Local
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Dirty Cows Distrupt Traffic

June 6th, 2012 | by Bill Burns
Fargo, ND – Exhibitionist cows brought traffic to a grinding halt on Co Rd 17 in Fargo earlier this morning.  A pair of bovines were caught “doing the dirty” in the middle of the road the highway patrol stated....
Dead Morbidly Obese Arsonist Torches Crematorium
National
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Dead Morbidly Obese Arsonist Torches Crematorium

June 6th, 2012 | by Nick
Graz, Austria – A gigantic 440-lb hunk of dead & smoldering fatty tissue was the cause of a fiery inferno at a Graz, Austria crematorium yesterday. The Observer wondered at first why a beached whale would be brought to...
Burglar Breaks Into Sunset Lanes In Moorhead.  Doesn’t Find Shit.
Local
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Burglar Breaks Into Sunset Lanes In Moorhead. Doesn’t Find Shit.

June 4th, 2012 | by Bill Burns
Moorhead, MN – Moorhead police would like your help in catching one dumb fucking criminal who broke into Sunset Lanes around 2 a.m. Sunday.  Police say he forced a door open to find a shit load of used bowling balls....
I Was Gonna Take My Baby Off The Roof Of My Car……But Then I Got High.
National
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I Was Gonna Take My Baby Off The Roof Of My Car……But Then I Got High.

June 4th, 2012 | by Bill Burns
Phoenix, AZ – Some shocking news this past week.  Catalina Clouser, 19, is facing driving and child abuse charges after her one-month-old baby fell off the roof of her car while driving away, forgetting she had put the...
Car insurance adjuster freaking out over NASCAR wreck
NASCAR
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Car insurance adjuster freaking out over NASCAR wreck

June 4th, 2012 | by Nick
Dover, DE – Yesterday’s NASCAR FedEx 400 event in Dover contained one of the most heinous multiple car pileups we’ve seen so far this year. A total of 13 cars were involved in this chain-reaction wreck, and the...
Must Have Weapon For The Coming Zombie Apocalypse
Editorial
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Must Have Weapon For The Coming Zombie Apocalypse

June 1st, 2012 | by Bill Burns
Everywhere, USA – Keep your face, keep your skin, we will fill you in on the most practical weapon against zombies.  Zombies have been in the news lately (here and here) which is an obvious sign of a coming...