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White House Not Returning George W. Bush’s Voicemails
National
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White House Not Returning George W. Bush’s Voicemails

June 7th, 2012 | by Nick
Washington, DC – Former President of the United States George W. Bush is a good man. He worked hard to benefit our country while in office. He is a man of considerable pride and generosity, and recently found it in his...
Dirty Cows Distrupt Traffic
Local
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Dirty Cows Distrupt Traffic

June 6th, 2012 | by Bill Burns
Fargo, ND – Exhibitionist cows brought traffic to a grinding halt on Co Rd 17 in Fargo earlier this morning.  A pair of bovines were caught “doing the dirty” in the middle of the road the highway patrol stated....
Dead Morbidly Obese Arsonist Torches Crematorium
National
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Dead Morbidly Obese Arsonist Torches Crematorium

June 6th, 2012 | by Nick
Graz, Austria – A gigantic 440-lb hunk of dead & smoldering fatty tissue was the cause of a fiery inferno at a Graz, Austria crematorium yesterday. The Observer wondered at first why a beached whale would be brought to...
Burglar Breaks Into Sunset Lanes In Moorhead.  Doesn’t Find Shit.
Local
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Burglar Breaks Into Sunset Lanes In Moorhead. Doesn’t Find Shit.

June 4th, 2012 | by Bill Burns
Moorhead, MN – Moorhead police would like your help in catching one dumb fucking criminal who broke into Sunset Lanes around 2 a.m. Sunday.  Police say he forced a door open to find a shit load of used bowling balls....
I Was Gonna Take My Baby Off The Roof Of My Car……But Then I Got High.
National
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I Was Gonna Take My Baby Off The Roof Of My Car……But Then I Got High.

June 4th, 2012 | by Bill Burns
Phoenix, AZ – Some shocking news this past week.  Catalina Clouser, 19, is facing driving and child abuse charges after her one-month-old baby fell off the roof of her car while driving away, forgetting she had put the...
Car insurance adjuster freaking out over NASCAR wreck
NASCAR
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Car insurance adjuster freaking out over NASCAR wreck

June 4th, 2012 | by Nick
Dover, DE – Yesterday’s NASCAR FedEx 400 event in Dover contained one of the most heinous multiple car pileups we’ve seen so far this year. A total of 13 cars were involved in this chain-reaction wreck, and the...
Must Have Weapon For The Coming Zombie Apocalypse
Editorial
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Must Have Weapon For The Coming Zombie Apocalypse

June 1st, 2012 | by Bill Burns
Everywhere, USA – Keep your face, keep your skin, we will fill you in on the most practical weapon against zombies.  Zombies have been in the news lately (here and here) which is an obvious sign of a coming...
Cannibals Anonymous Group Therapy At Hilton Garden Inn
Local
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Cannibals Anonymous Group Therapy At Hilton Garden Inn

June 1st, 2012 | by Nick
Fargo, ND – Due to a widespread craving for human flesh causing concern that a zombie apocalypse is right around the corner, the Observer has decided to hold open workgroup sessions to help cannibals deal with their...
3 MINUTE BERMUDA TRIANGLE
The Lounge
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3 MINUTE BERMUDA TRIANGLE

June 1st, 2012 | by Bill Burns
This is indeed………………………..absolutely terrible....
Crookston Bishop To Host Prayer Service Sunday For American Crystal Workers Dispute
Local
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Crookston Bishop To Host Prayer Service Sunday For American Crystal Workers Dispute

May 31st, 2012 | by Bill Burns
Crookston, MN – Bishop Michael Hoeppner, head of the Catholic Diocese of Crookston is coming to the rescue.  Bishop Michael has stated that he has seen the destruction and carnage strikes and disputes can cause....