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Alleged TouchTunes Terrorist Spreading Christmas Cheer Throughout the Land
Local
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Alleged TouchTunes Terrorist Spreading Christmas Cheer Throughout the Land

March 14th, 2012 | by Bill Burns
Coming to a jukebox near you: Crappy Happy music. Fargo, ND – Modern technologies have afforded us many luxuries. In this day & age any knucklehead with a smartphone can hack into your favorite bar’s sound...
Instagram Sucks and So Do You
Editorial
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Instagram Sucks and So Do You

March 14th, 2012 | by Bill Burns
What is Instagram you ask?  It is an Apple and Android application where over 15 million sheep users like to masturbate with each other over vintage pictures they take.  Instagram gives these hipsters users access to many...
NECROPLASTY: An In-depth Interview and Discography With a Tortured Soul
Entertainment
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NECROPLASTY: An In-depth Interview and Discography With a Tortured Soul

March 14th, 2012 | by Nick
I sit down with one of Fargo’s finest. A native son born into boredom and evil. The following in-depth interview occurred September 19, 2011. This is a transcript of what was discussed. All details have been preserved to...
At my W.I.T.S. end
Editorial
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At my W.I.T.S. end

March 14th, 2012 | by Nick
A reactive reflection of what winter does to the mind, and its timely ending. I am finally at the end of my WITS. WITS, meaning, of course, Winter Introspective Terror Syndrome. It’s a common affliction–something we...
Local Elderly Lady Informed That She Was Dead.
Local
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Local Elderly Lady Informed That She Was Dead.

March 14th, 2012 | by Bill Burns
Studying zombie survival wasn’t so stupid after all. Fargo, ND – Super Tuesday is supposed to be SUPER FUN.  Not for a local 84 year old elderly lady named Maureen.  She showed up to vote and was told she was...
ALERT! ICP Fan With White Paint Giving Underage Large Women Alcohol.
Local
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ALERT! ICP Fan With White Paint Giving Underage Large Women Alcohol.

March 14th, 2012 | by Bill Burns
Fargo, ND – There is a JUGGALO alert out for a white ICP (Insane Clown Posse) fan hacking people with machetes.  He was last seen giving alcohol to an underage large woman.  He was wearing white paint, or ‘witch...
Mom Gets Daughter Unusual Birthday Gift.
Local
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Mom Gets Daughter Unusual Birthday Gift.

March 14th, 2012 | by Bill Burns
5 year old gets plastic surgery. Fargo, ND —In a story you think didn’t come from this world, a Fargo mom dropped over 25k on her 5 year old daughter to get plastic surgery and breast enhancements.  The mom admits to...
Rick Santorum Takes Home Most Votes In North Dakota.
Local
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Rick Santorum Takes Home Most Votes In North Dakota.

March 14th, 2012 | by Bill Burns
Toto, I’ve a feeling we’re not in Kansas anymore. Fargo, ND –  Rick Santorum has taken home the most votes in North Dakota’s statewide Republican caucuses.  Or in Rick Santorum’s own words,...
Man Bitten By Dog Minding His Own Business
Local
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Man Bitten By Dog Minding His Own Business

March 14th, 2012 | by Bill Burns
Not your average Lassie. Fargo, ND –  A man on Tuesday morning was bitten by a dog minding his own business outside of Wheels Inc in Fargo.  Seeing the dog hanging it’s head out of the window minding it’s own...
Fargo Daycare Burglar Arrested
Local
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Fargo Daycare Burglar Arrested

March 14th, 2012 | by Bill Burns
Pee-yeew! Fargo, ND –  Shawn Baker 26, was charged with a felony burglary today after being accused of breaking into Fraser Limited at 2901 S. University Dr.  After a short police interrogation, it became known that...
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