Dog Saves Drowning Man From River And Then Eats The Man

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Heroic dog who saves drowning man then turns into villain by devouring him.

Neche, ND – The good news is: a man who was suddenly drowning in the Tongue River was saved by a large and alert dog.

Unfortunately, the bad news is: once the man was pulled to safety on the banks of the river, the large dog then proceeded to eat the man.

The man hasn’t yet been identified but is believed to not be from the Tongue River area.

The dog, a full grown bullmastiff, is named Zarr and is first being given a medal of honor for saving the man, and then is being charged with manslaughter.

Tune in to your local 6:00 evening news for updates on this most incredible and biz-Zarr story.

Heidi Heitkamp And Kevin Cramer Agree To Three UFC-Style Octagon Fights

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Will octagon fighting between candidates become the new normal? Tune in to find out.

Bismarck, ND – Heidi Heitkamp and Kevin Cramer, who are both fighting for the same Senate seat, will meet three times prior to the election in order to help undecided voters make their choice.

Their campaigns have agreed that these three meetings will each be a UFC-style fight held within a fenced octagon in which there basically are no rules.

North Dakota is possibly the first state to have their candidates engage in octagon fighting, instead of the normal (and boring) debate setting where they answer questions whilst standing at a podium and sip water for an hour.

These three exciting octagon fights between Heidi Heitkamp and Kevin Cramer are expected to be watched by people all across the country, not only because of the importance of the race but also because of the uniqueness of their encounters.

Win This 1968 Mercury Cougar By Entering Your Name At Our FMO Corporate Headquarters

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Win this brand new 1968 Mercury Cougar!

West Fargo, ND – To celebrate the fact that the FM Observer has once again won the best website award in North Dakota, we are having a drawing for a brand new 1968 Mercury Cougar.

This gem of a car is a two-door hardtop which comes with a powerful 335 horse power V-8 engine, features hidden headlights, and comes with only 500 miles on it.

Not only was this the Motor Trend car of the year, but it could be yours just by entering your name for the drawing at our FM Observer Corporate Headquarters.

Other prizes include: a one-way trip to Grand Forks, a lifetime supply of shrimp, a personalized hot air balloon, rental property by NDSU, a double-decker house boat, and your very own office at the Red River Valley Zoo!

You can only enter your name once, but you can enter as many times as you’d like by using pseudonyms. Good Luck to all and thanks for reading the FM Observer!

Montana Tractor Picked Up By Tornado Lands In Minnesota

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This powerful tornado somehow carried a tractor all the way across the state of North Dakota!

Climax, MN – A tractor that started out in Crane, Montana ended up in Climax, Minnesota thanks to a very large and fast moving tornado.

Tornadologist Corry Langfitt says he’s never seen anything like it: “Yeah, I ain’t never seen anything like it,” says Corry, who went on to say: “This would be considered very unusual, if you’re asking me.”

Gatlin Rycroft, the owner of the tractor, was quite surprised to find that his tractor had flown all the way from Crane, Montana, across the entire state of North Dakota, and then into Minnesota where it landed just before it got to Climax.

Gatlin in his own words: “If you would’ve told me my darn tractor would get picked up by a tornado, and then go and land over there in Minnesota, I’da thought you were some kinda crazy nutcase!”

Ironically, all the letters in both Langfitt Corry and Gatlin Rycroft can be re-arranged to spell: Flying Tractor!

All West Fargoans Asked To Make A Rock Balancing Sculpture In Their Yards

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West Fargo trying to set a new record for the town with the most rock balancings.

West Fargo, ND – The new mayor of West Fargo is informally asking all homeowners to build a rock balancing (sometimes called a cairn) somewhere in their yard.

FMO: What’s the thought behind this idea?

Mayor: West Fargo is already unique because there’s only one in the country. If every home in West Fargo had a rock balancing sculpture in their yard, that would really be cool, don’t you think?

FMO: Any tips or tricks on how to do it?

Mayor: Using rocks with some flatness helps, but basically stack them one on top of another, finding the balance point, with each rock placed on the previous rock so it feels solid like a tripod. 

FMO: Do you have any other ideas for West Fargo?

Mayor: It would be nice if everyone wore a name tag showing their first name just to increase our sense of community. 

Global Spinning Is Increasing In Speed; Is It Too Late To Try And Put The Brakes On?

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The speeding up of Global Spinning could have some seriously bad consequences.

Spinnerville, NY – Governmental experts are now warning inhabitants of Earth that the spinning of our planet is really speeding up.

Algore, who seems to be the most expert expert on this impotent issue, is predicting that this increase in speed of Earth’s rotation on its axis is caused by Man (mainly in the United States) and he believes that we’all should be heavily taxed so that governmental workers can try to fix the problem.

“Global Spinning is a very, very serious problem which could send some people and animals flying right off the planet and straight into outer space,” says Algore.

How do you feel about the problem of Global Spinning, or don’t you care? What would you do if you suddenly flew off the Earth because it’s spinning too fast? Would you pay more in taxes so your government can wisely spend that money to slow down the spinning of the Earth? Would you be willing to join the Space Force? How much can you bench press right now?

New Game Show On Fox Called “Find Your Parents” To Be Hosted By Roseanne Barr

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¿Eres mi mamá? ¿Eres mi papá?

Brownsville, TX – The Fox Channel believes it has a new hit game show called “Find Your Parents”.

Immigrant children who have recently been separated from their parent(s) while illegally crossing the southern U.S. border will have a chance to be reunited with their families in a fun game show setting.

The inimitable Roseanne Barr has agreed to host the show on Fox after her previous show on ABC got cancelled in the wake of her alleged rant of racist tweets on Twitter.

Roseanne: “Yeah, not only will I have a job again, but I can also help these little niños from Mexico find their mommies and daddies now that President Trump has allowed these families to get back together. So, this is going to be really great!”

Area Marshes Getting Really Bogged Down

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Experts all agree that people in the future will fight over any dry land that still exists.

Wetonka, SD – With the sudden gradual onset of Global Wetting, marshlands in our area are beginning to get really bogged down.

“These low-lying wetlands are becoming so darned waterlogged that some are now being categorized as Level III marshy quagmires,” says Pete Bogg, executive director of The War On Wetlands.

Climatologists believe that with the additional rain expected to fall over the next 100 years, the Dakotas will be very similar to a giant bowl of swampy vegetable soup, with no dry land to drink beer on.

“I don’t want to cause a mass panic, but just imagine having extremely wet socks…for the rest of your life, and then multiply that times infinity,” warns Pete Bogg, as he sips his dry martini while reaching for another Xanax.

Contest Winner Eats 81 Tacos In 15 Minutes

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How many hard-shell tacos can you eat in 15 minutes?

Moorhead, MN – What do you do when you’re really hungry?

Well, during Moorhead’s recent Taco Eating Contest, a Moorhead man named Tomas Couch set a new record by consuming 81 hard-shell tacos in 15 minutes.

The previous record set last year by Audie Boelz was an astounding 77 hard-shell tacos in 15 minutes.

Moorhead originally began their annual Taco Eating Contest back in 1970 when the taco was first discovered in Mexico by a Moorhead tour group.

FMO: So, how did you feel after you ate 81 hard-shell tacos in 15 minutes?

Tomas Couch: I probably would’ve felt better if they would’ve been soft-shell tacos!

Ironically, all the letters in Tomas Couch can be re-arranged in 15 minutes to spell: Mucho Tacos!

Dennis Rodman To Receive Nobel Peace Prize

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The greatest rebounding forward in NBA history has just become a world leader of peace, who’s sponsored by Potcoin.

Singapore – Former basketball great Dennis Rodman was notified before leaving Singapore that he will be receiving the Nobel Peace Prize.

The official declaration reads: “By bringing North Korea’s Kim Jong-Un and President Trump together for their historic Singapore summit, we bestow upon you the Nobel Peace Prize.”

While wearing his MAGA cap and Potcoin shirt, Nobel Peace Prize winner Dennis Rodman cried at the idea of winning the Nobel Peace Prize.

Mr. Rodman: “I just don’t know what to say. To have had a roll in bringing this peace summit together is something I could only have dreamed of. Is this a dream? I don’t know. We’ll find out tomorrow when we all wake up.”