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Recently Discovered Neanderthal Man Suing For Being Called Neanderthal
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Recently Discovered Neanderthal Man Suing For Being Called Neanderthal

December 29th, 2016 | by Johnnny
Cave, Illinois – A recently discovered Neanderthal man from the Cro-Magnon era is suing anyone who has been calling him a Neanderthal man. In an effort to reduced the number of times he will be called a Neanderthal in the...
Criss Angel To Lead US Army’s New MINDFREAK Infantry
National
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Criss Angel To Lead US Army’s New MINDFREAK Infantry

December 28th, 2016 | by Nick
Washington, DC – In the desolate, run-down wastelands of the Middle-East, countries are at war. People are blowing stuff up over there at an alarming rate. Blowing things up and blowing each other up and putting our...
Fargo’s Ice Maze Is Free Freezing Fun
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Fargo’s Ice Maze Is Free Freezing Fun

December 28th, 2016 | by Johnnny
Fargo, ND – One thing good about Fargo’s cold winters is they supposedly help keep out the riff raff. The other good thing about having excessively cold temperatures of long durations is their conduciveness for...
Federal ‘Affordable Cheese Act’ Providing Free Cheese From US Government
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Federal ‘Affordable Cheese Act’ Providing Free Cheese From US Government

December 26th, 2016 | by Johnnny
Cheesetown, Pennsylvania – In its infinite wisdom, the U.S. Government is now offering free cheese to almost anyone willing and able to eat it. The Affordable Cheese Act was passed by Congress in the dead of night so that...
Vikings Plane Misses Green Bay Runway Wide Left
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Vikings Plane Misses Green Bay Runway Wide Left

December 24th, 2016 | by Johnnny
Green Bay, Wisconsin – The entire Minnesota Vikings team missed the Green Bay runway wide left while attempting to land a much-needed win against the Packers. Toward the end of a very disappointing season, the Vikings team...
Global Cooling Forces Fargo To Purchase Ice Breaker For Red River
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Global Cooling Forces Fargo To Purchase Ice Breaker For Red River

December 23rd, 2016 | by Johnnny
Fargo, ND – “Drastic times require drastic measures,” notes Marvin Nimmaster, president of the Red River Coast Guard Society as the City of Fargo has voted unanimously to purchase a Class-D All-Weather...
FMO’s Award-Winning List Of Things To Do During The Holiday Season
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FMO’s Award-Winning List Of Things To Do During The Holiday Season

December 21st, 2016 | by Johnnny
North Pole, ND – We are very proud to present FMO’s award-winning list of fun, helpful, creative, and productive things to do during the sometimes-stressful Christmas holiday season. When the days are short and the...
Shoe Tossing The Work Of Ancient Satanic Evil Says Area Man
Local
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Shoe Tossing The Work Of Ancient Satanic Evil Says Area Man

December 21st, 2016 | by Nick
Where there’s smoke, there’s fire, says one Fargo man. What he means is where there’s shoe tossing, there is an unabated malevolence permeating the souls of area teens. The presence of shoes dangling from power...
Area Man’s Unhealthy Obsession With Celebrity Revealed In Cryptic Letter
Local
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Area Man’s Unhealthy Obsession With Celebrity Revealed In Cryptic Letter

December 19th, 2016 | by Nick
Fargo, ND – The ever-observant FMO staff acquired an intriguing bit of loot during a recent dog walk. “What is it, boy? What do you got there? No, leave it, it’s trash.” However, it was clear that this was...
Blog: When Will Climate Change Scientists Figure It Out?
Editorial
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Blog: When Will Climate Change Scientists Figure It Out?

December 17th, 2016 | by Nick
World leaders and scientists get together for climate change summits all the time. They discuss the ongoing threat of global warming and what to do about it. Tireless research findings and factual statistics are batted...