Shoplifter Sentenced To Twenty Years At The West Acres Mall

September 1st, 2018 | by Johnnny

Just imagine having to spend 20 years in the West Acres Mall…without ever leaving!

Fargo, ND – A chronic shoplifter who recently was caught stealing twenty items from the West Acres Mall has been given an unusual sentence for her crime.

A creative judge has handed Hope Flirts a punishment of twenty consecutive years of confinement in the West Acres Mall.

Hope in her own words: “Well, what the hell? Quite frankly, I would rather spend twenty years in a normal prison than be stuck in the fricking West Acres Mall for twenty fracking years! Do you know what I’m saying?”

Ms. Flirts who is now 45 years old will not be allowed to physically leave the West Acres Mall until she is ready to retire at the ripe old age of 65.

If she is caught stealing just one item during the next 20 years, she will then be invited to finish out the remainder of her sentence at Alcatraz.

Ironically, all the letters in Hope Flirts can be re-arranged to spell: Shoplifter!


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Contributing writer since January, 2013. I've been described by myself as a piano-playing omnivore who hates typos but loves chocolate milk in his coffee. As a Life Coach, some lessons I like to pass onto others are: 1. don't stare at strangers, especially in jail, 2. don't leave fun to find fun, 3. never pet a burning dog, 4. don't eat more than you can lift, and 5. when in doubt, jot it down. Click on any picture in my posts to see them in their full glory. All have been tweaked with either PicMonkey.com or Pixlr.com/Express or Lunapic.com :o)