State Insane Asylum Reopens Due To High Demand

February 25th, 2013 | by Johnnny
Insane Asylum

Welcome back! We were expecting to see you again.

Jamestown, ND – The State Hospital in Jamestown, ND will be having a Grand Re-Opening soon. After being closed for decades due to political incorrectness, the State Insane Asylum will be resuming operations due to a large spike in demand. Authorities have noticed a sudden growth in the population of crazies in the region.

“Jamestown’s infamous State Hospital is the perfect facility to house them all”, explains Dr. Semor Tranzelvit. “The buildings are in adequate condition and will need no updating or refurbishing from their previous years of service”, believes Dr. Transzelvit.

He goes on to explain that patients will be grouped according to their personal challenges. “All the schizophrenics will be housed together, as will the lunatics, the manic-depressives, the liberals, and the just-plain-crazies.”

Lunches will be force-fed along with usual daily state-of-the-art shock treatments. Just by coming here, all patients automatically agree to be subjects of advanced experimental testing, which is how they can earn extra snack credits.

Jamestown will once again become the location of one of the most progressive insane asylums in the Upper Midwest.

If you think you might need the special attention a facility like this can provide, please call 1-800-ME-CRAZY and answer a few simple questions from one of the friendly staff associates.


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Contributing writer since January, 2013. I've been described by myself as a piano-playing omnivore who hates typos but loves chocolate milk in his coffee. As a Life Coach, some lessons I like to pass onto others are: 1. don't stare at strangers, especially in jail, 2. don't leave fun to find fun, 3. never pet a burning dog, 4. don't eat more than you can lift, and 5. when in doubt, jot it down. Click on any picture in my posts to see them in their full glory. All have been tweaked with either PicMonkey.com or Pixlr.com/Express.