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Struggling website Google+ threatens suicide

By on March 23, 2012

Mountain View, CA – In a not-too-surprising outcry stemming from lack of acceptance, the struggling social networking website Google+ has been audibly lamenting ever being born with threats of self-harm and suicide. The abandoned website was recently seen on a Super Bowl commercial pandering for attention as well as other small TV spots advertising its “hangouts” feature which only truly works as a novelty. This futile effort to garner attention has left the website feeling downtrodden and alone. It had this to say:

“Maybe i’ll just go away. Maybe then you’ll all like me. I’m going to kill myself. I think I might do it. I THINK I MIGHT DO IT! Helllooooooo??? Anybody there?? ANYBODYYYY??? Ok, ok. Sorry. I’m cool now. It’s all good, guys! Let’s have a Hangout! (silence)….guys…..? HELLLOOOOOOOOOOO???”

In a time when social networking is becoming more and more accessible and people from across the world are gaining access to smartphones and internet with greatest of ease, one of the most popular brand names on the internet is having the hardest time finding social networking acceptance. Hey, Google+, when you finally pass away from Chronic Internet Obscurity Disease and go to website heaven, say hi to Google Wave for us.


About Nick Hirchert


I am a satirical news columnist for the F-M Observer. Follow my daily musings and harass me on twitter here: @NickHirchert. Send an angry email to fmobserver@gmail.com. Thanks for reading!

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