Swiss woman attempts to live on sunlight; dies

Switzerland (AP) – A Swiss newspaper is reporting that a woman who recently attempted a sort of “spiritual journey” that requires fasting both food AND water while only to live off the incredibly harmful rays of the sun, has died.

The woman, in her fifties at the time of her death, apparently got the idea from an Austrian documentary which detailed the life of an Indian guru. The guru claimed to have lived this way for upwards of 70 years. Hmmm… not providing the body actual nutrition & sustenance while forcing it to thrive off of the cancer-causing, skin-searing ultraviolet rays of an incredibly massive burning star is not what we’d call a “spiritual” journey. The sun feels great, but do you know what’s better? A drink of water after you’ve been thirsty for 3 days. It’s invigorating, let me tell you.

Let’s lament the untimely loss of a spiritual patriot and at the same time, look on the bright side: she’ll have a fantastic-looking tan at the funeral.

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Interstrapolating condectistic devariance via opentasmic protensive mindopathy.