For all you Protestants, protest signs like this can be made at Acme dot com slash Chumaker
Southern North Pole – Since saying Merry Christmas is possibly offensive to some, we here at the FM Observer Headquarters want to wish all our faithful readers very warm Winter Holiday greetings, to hopefully help counteract the recent Global Cooling which seems to have overtaken our area thanks to carbon-taxing Algore.
The FM Observer was boldly begun about six years ago by co-founders Cody and Nick, who simply wanted to provide an alternative to all the bad, real news. Cody is sadly no longer with us. Nick is related to Jolly Old St. Nick, who happens to be our Nick’s God-Santa.
After six long years of being at the vanguard of exclusively satirical fake news, we have unfortunately (for some) decided to renew our contract for another six years.
So, for any folks who wished we would just go away like Al Franken is from the Senate…no, we are here to stay – just like Robert Mueller’s never-ending special investigation into possible collusion with the Russians.
Santa is asking his attorney: “Since when did groping become so politically incorrect?” Santa’s also wondering: “Why doesn’t anyone want to come near me?”
Fargo, ND – One of the real fake Santas at a well-known local Fargo shopping mall has resigned amid numerous accusations of groping any women within a “reasonable groping distance”.
Some disgusted mothers and dejected helper-elves have filed complaints to the North Pole that Santa has been groping some of these adult women during official mall photos, and even during some of Santa’s own selfies and elfies.
Renta Santa, the company from whence the mall allegedly hired this Santa, has denied any legal culpability but did say that this particular Santa had once been a Minnesota state senator who had left the arena of politics due to some “inappropriate sexual behavior”.
A linguistics expert that we consulted with said that the term “Mall” will soon no longer be politically correct because it is homonymistically so very similar to the word “Maul”.
Al Franken’s Center For Groping will be a place where he can do his work.
St. Paul, MN – Yesterday Senator Al Franken proudly dedicated his new Center For Groping, which is conveniently located near the Minnesota State Fair grounds.
At the dedication ceremony, when asked about all the recent groping accusations, Senator Franken cleverly said: “Well, once a comedian, always a comedian. Hey, I was just joking around and having a little fun!”
The alleged groper went on to sincerely apologize to all the women that he has not yet groped, which was a nice segue into the official dedication ceremony for his new Center For Groping.
One Franken fan noted that since Senator Al Franken was a wrestler in high school at The Blake School, he has essentially gone from being a grappler to a groper.
This is possibly the first of many busloads of illegal aliens trying to enter the U.S. by flying in over the new Trump Wall.
Moonshine, Illinois – Top scientists from our top-notch science department are warning that a large school bus believed to be full of illegal aliens will be passing between the Earth and the Moon soon.
It is not known who if anyone is drinking while driving this bus nor whether or not it will be just passing on through, making subsequent secondary passes, or perhaps even make a stop for supplies and maby even an extended visitation without representation.
The well-respected Dr. Goytam Tesfalem believes that these so-called illegal aliens might even be trying to 1. either leave this sector to escape paying back taxes, or 2. use the space bus to get over the Trump Wall and freely enrolled in Obamacare.
Spaceologists are wanting to point out that the space-travelling busload of alien freeloaders will be visible during upcoming night skies and there is even a chance they may land in your back yard so you might want to stock up on a variety of refreshments so as to be prepared and not seem like you didn’t expect to be having some unexpected guests drop in directly from space, the penultimate frontier.
UFO lights south of Moorhead almost a nightly occurrence. Where are they from? What do they want?
Moorhead, MN – Have you been seeing the unusual lights in the sky at night south of Moorhead? Have you and your family been wondering if they are real UFOs?
National UFO experts have now released an official statement from the National UFO Centre declaring that these “unusual lights” that have been showing up on a regular basis are indeed UFOs.
Multiple photographs taken with special digital lenses have proven that this is not a hoax.
Dr. Allen Greenman: “These UFOs are as real as real mayonnaise. Our only question now is why are they here and what do they want?”
Some Sabin residents are quite convinced that the alien ships are interested in having a high-level meeting with Senator Al Franken.
When asked why they believe that, their answer was: “Because we’ve seen banners hanging from the UFO windows saying that they are interested in having a high-level meeting with Senator Al Franken.”
Senator Franken was unavailable for comment but his answering machine did say: “Hi. If you’re calling about setting up a meeting with the Sabin UFOs, tell them I’m not interested, and that I no longer am a struggling comedian trying to make people laugh with silly jokes.”