Tag Archives: alcohol

Poetry Contest Could Be Your Ticket

Write and send us a poem.

Eastern West Fargo, ND – Your FM Observer has unanimously voted to sponsor another poetry contest!

Simply gmail us a rhyming poem you’ve written, preferably about your self.

Based on the quantity and quality of responses, this will possibly affect the quantity and quality of any possible prizes.

Winning poems might be published on our award-winning website.

All poems will be read at our upcoming Poetic Getogether along with a small variety of snax and sundries.

If this-all somehow speaks to your inner poet, perhaps this is your big ticket.

If you’ve been waiting for your train to leave the station, maby it’s time for you to rhyme!

>> Our gmail address is: FMObserver

New Events Center To Eventually Open In Fargo After It’s Made Somewhat More Inhabitable

The new Hades House Events Center to hopefully open soon for non-formal events.

Fargo, ND – To provide more space for special events in the Fargo area, Hades House is planning on opening its doors after a massive amount of much-needed work is done.

Owner/manager York Glockenstein sees Hades House as a real nice place to have a small to medium sized event, if you’re willing to overlook some potentially serious problems.

Mr. Glockenstein admits that “the floor and the ceiling are in major disrepair and the walls have seen better days,” but he does believe it is fixable.

“Once people have a drink or two, it might not seem quite as bad,” York explains but is certain that a lot of refurbishing must be done to even safely enter the building.

If you would like to reserve the Hades House for a special event, contact York Glockenstein and let him know your possible dates, and also how flexible you are with those dates in case the remodeling project does not go well.

UFO Sightings Over Ireland Shortly After Release Of New ‘Guinness Plus’ Beer

Guinness Plus: All the flavor and twice the punch!

Dublin, Ireland You may have recently heard about the multiple UFO sightings over and around Ireland.

You might not’ve known that all these UFOs were reported shortly after Guinness Beer released their newest bier: Guinness Plus!

Paul Guinness of the Guinness Corp. is proud to point out that their new bier has all the body and flavor of regular Guinness bier but packs a doublepunch of enjoyment when it reaches your nervous system.

FMO: What was the impetus for creating your new Guinness Plus bier?

Paul: We wanted to be listed in the Guinness Book Of World Records as the strongest beer in both the flavor and alcohol content categories.

Guinness Plus does now come with a disclaimer on each bottle: Warning…May cause UFOs to appear!

Some Minnesota Lakes Showing Early Signs Of Fermentation

Lake fermentation is one of the early signs of a bigger problem: Global Fermentation.

Vergas, MN – Trained experts from Minnesota’s department of natural resources are saying that some lakes are now starting to show early signs of fermentation.

Dr. Martie Fenton, who has studied fermentation since he joined a fraternity in college, says that these early signs of lake fermentation are a harbinger of things to come regarding Global Fermentation.

Dr. Fenton in his own fermented words: “The lakes where we are seeing fermentation are usually related to where there are a lot of people living or camping such as Beers Lake near Maplewood State Park.”

A few other lakes on the fermentation list are: Whiskey Lake, Scotch Lake, Bootleg Lake, and also Highlife Lake.

If you think your lake is starting to ferment, please call the Minnesota DNR at your earliest convenience so that trained experts can come out and sip samples of your lake water.

Ironically, all of the letters in Martie Fenton can somehow be re-arranged to spell: Fermentation!

Where Are They Now: Wheel of Fortune Big Winner Ken Noisewater

Fargo, ND – $25,000. Could that dollar amount change your life? I’m willing to bet it could (even after taxes). Kenneth Noisewater landed a shot at fortune and fame; the type that could only be earned along side big Pat Sajak. Ken went on Wheel of Fortune and hit the big time. Mild-mannered Ken, an accountant by day and a father by night, netted the biggest prize of them all (at the time). He pulled the $25,000 envelope and nailed his bonus round puzzle. Little did Ken know, this would be the beginning of the end.

After owning the bonus round, Ken embraced his family, pocketed his check and went on his way. He was feeling like a star. The trip home was filled with jubilation. The family was buzzing with ideas as to what they should do with the money, but Kenneth had his own plan forming. The money had already begun to change him.

Kenneth watched as Uncle Sam took his share of the coin, then a portion of his debt took some as well. He became angry. Extremely agitated. He wanted his bonus. After all, these were WINNINGS he pocketed, not a government grant! Kenneth went out. He told the Mrs he was headed out for a few minutes to “clear his head”. He actually ended up throat-deep in the biggest alcohol bender of his life.

Noisewater went and had himself a real screamer. Took the car to bar after bar, club after club that night. Got so damn drunk he called his boss and went off. Needless to say, he was fired. Then he called his wife and went off. She hung up on him, confused. Then he called 911 and went off…of a bridge into some very troubled water.

The police said it was a miracle Kenneth survived. The river cushioned the blow, they said. Would you believe it if I told you his wife left him? Well, she didn’t. He left her out of sheer embarrassment. One wretched evening of irresponsibility transformed Kenneth Noisewater into a living legend and a complete nobody in one fell swoop.

These days, Noisewater can be found sucking around downtown with the rest of the street urchins, mumbling incoherently to himself:

“I am a rugged being. The government is too big! Three more Presidents until ruination of society. Smart people will tell ya…money is an object! Where am I? Hello. Hello. Hi. Change??”

Truly a depressing end to an unlikely winner-turned-loser story. Let me be the first to warn you, R S T L N E, 3 more consonants and a vowel can easily spell D-I-S-A-S-T-E-R.