Tag Archives: arrest

Fargo Downtowner Arrested For Repeated Dawdlings

Man arrested in Fargo for dawdling. So, when in doubt, do not dawdle.

Fargo, ND – Nyork Slocco, who calls the general downtown Fargo area his home, was arrested by police for “dawdling“.

“No man! You got it all wrong. I was in no way dawdling! Dallying a bit maybe, yes, but deafinitely not dawdling,” says an adamant Slocco.

The arresting police officer added that there might have also been some “puttering” going on too.

Officer J.J. Haskins: “I first tried to suggest that this person just ‘mosey along‘. Dude, please, just meander off in one continuous direction for about a block. Even a slight ‘sashay‘ would have been good enough.”

But what the police officer got instead was an “ambling about” that closely resembled the earlier dawdling, or what the wine-drinking French sometimes loosely refer to as “coqueting“.

After Mr. Slocco was put into jail, correctional staff officers reported Nyork to be “skulking” in his cell.

While sauntering down to the refectory, Nyork Slocco saw a sign on the wall that read: “Learn to be civil. Stop with the frivol.”

Unofficial moral of the story: No matter your lot in life, a healthy vocabulary of synonyms can help you get a lot more out of your life and also into a lot more trouble.

Official moral of the story: Don’t Dawdle In Downtown Fargo.

travis beck ndsu bison fargo

New Police Video. NDSU linebacker Travis Beck Had Dirty Hands.

travis beck ndsu bison fargoFargo, ND – North Dakota State University star linebacker Travis Beck has been all over the news lately.  He recently had his aggravated assault charge dropped but a new video has surfaced.

Police have obtained the security bathroom video which shows Travis Beck before the alleged assault incident.  The video depicts Travis Beck not washing his hands after going number two.

These new developments are astonishing because that means Travis Beck more then likely had poopy hands during the alleged assault/self defense incident.  The other individual had no idea poopy hands were being used against him.

Travis Beck has been taken into custody again and will be charged with using poopy hands in a self defense situation.  We will make sure to report these new police findings to all news stations and government agencies including the White House.  Travis Beck deserves punishment for this.

Hopefully he learns to wash his hands properly before the NDSU Bison take the field.  Nobody wants to play with poopy hand guy.

Fargo Man Arrested for Marijuana Instead of Concealed Deadly Weapon

420timeshandcuffs_weed_small11Fargo, ND—The Observer has learned that a Fargo man was caught in possession of marijuana and a concealed weapon last night. Kenneth Noisewater was pulled over for running a red light on south University drive at about 9:45, according to a police report.

The officer noticed the odor of what he suspected was marijuana (a relatively harmless-but-illegal weed) and ordered a search of the vehicle. The vehicle search revealed a baggie containing marijuana, (a plant that, if smoked, gets you kind of high but has never ever killed anybody but can get you into a lifetime of trouble with the law, your family and your employer or future employer if you are caught in possession of it) a misdemeanor offense and a 9mm semi-automatic handgun (a highly dangerous weapon, responsible for literally thousands of violent deaths per year which is totally legal to carry if you have a permit).

The officer was then able to arrest Kenneth for possession of marijuana (a drug that Kenneth and millions upon millions of other humans use to feel good, relax, even relieve chronic pain and again, is responsible for ZERO deaths. A person could argue that a concealed handgun is 10x more dangerous than a concealed sack of hippie lettuce and that person would be correct 100% of the time) but there were no charges filed for the licensed 9mm handgun (a brutal instrument manufactured specifically for the purpose of inflicting severe physical harm, most often resulting in death. If a criminal were to hold a loaded gun in one hand and a loaded ganja pipe in the other, i’m guessing he could do far more damage with the gun than the pot but please, let me know if you ever see a masked man use a loaded water bong to rob a 7-11 and I will gladly retract that statement).

Law enforcement proudly removed another bag of grass from the streets while the deadly weapon remained in circulation.

Drive-thru Coffee Shop Peep Show Shut Down

Please pull forward to the first window (for the naked)

Thank you, drive thru (for the naked)

Everett, WA – As initially reported by Reuters, three Seattle-area baristas have been taken into custody for selling cleave, bush and nip shows via the Grab-N-Go drive-thru windows in which they worked.

Citizens in the area became (for some reason) agitated over this alleged ongoing peep show taking place in their wholesome(?) drive-ups. Reports finally came in to police headquarters, prompting an investigation.

The unnamed baristas-turned-strippers had been under investigation by Everett City Police for a period of weeks. A very detailed, thorough operation containing multiple trips through the Grab-N-Go peep shop.

Many, many exchanges of money for skin were initiated by undercover police. Officers began to grow very suspicious when some peculiar drive-thru menu items were added:

  • Venti Titty Latte – $19.95
  • Iced Skinny Bushy Frappucino – $29.95
  • Grande Titty Bushy Blended Coffee – $49.95

The three skinny skin saleswomen were placed under arrest after undercover police gathered enough evidence to build a case. Visual evidence, monetary transactions, coffee with a side of titty, etc.

Sting Operation At Dog Park Results In Arrest


Public fornication

Fargo, ND – The police K-9 unit in Fargo, acting on an anonymous tip, recently enacted a sting operation resulting in an arrest at the dog park on 45th Street in Fargo.

The tipster, who shall choose to remain anonymous, informed police that he or she witnessed many acts of public lewdness and fornication occurring at the 45th Street doggie harem. Canines were reported by the informant to have been copulating each other in the act of “doggystyle” publicly, in broad daylight. The horror!

Fargo police, acting on this tip, promptly sent in a member of their K-9 drug-sniffing unit dressed as a prostitute to try & nab one of the alleged pervert pups. The K-9 hung it out there, and one of the dogs went for it almost instantly. Police crashed the sex party and arrested the drooling canine on the spot, citing “public indecency” among other charges.

Chalk up a victory for the Fargo Police Department for bringing another sex-crazed pervert to justice.