Tag Archives: basement

Cooking Corner: How To Cook A Caged Pigeon

“The only thing better than cooking one caged pigeon is cooking two caged pigeons.” –Ped Gascoigne

Fargone, ND – Today in our Cooking Corner, we are interviewing Mr. Ped Gascoigne, who is opening a new restaurant in Downtown Fargo called The Squab House.

Since Mr. Gascoigne specializes in roasting caged pigeons, we’re going to find out from Ped exactly how to properly roast a caged pigeon.

Mr. Ped Gascoigne in his own words:

The pigeon is a stout-bodied bird with a rather short neck, so I recommend two caged pigeons per person, just to be safe.

After plucking and dressing your caged pigeons, preheat the oven to 500°F, or 260°C, or 533°K.

Paint the caged pigeons with some smidgens of melted butter. Then salt and sear the caged pigeons in a hot pan big enough for two plucked pigeons.

Once half cooked, pop the half-baked salty seared caged pigeons into the preheated oven for 10 minutes, breast side up.

Then remove the formerly caged pigeons from the oven and let them rest for five minutes before garnishing them with some chopped parsley.

Serve with a medium-bodied pinot noir or a stout-bodied pale ale. Enjoy!

Editor’s Note: You can procure good caged pigeons from any certifiable pigeon farmer in your area.

Interestingly, all of the letters in Ped Gascoigne can be re-arranged to spell: Caged Pigeons!

Fargo Family Denied Permission To Adopt Hammerhead Shark

Fargo family believes this hammerhead is their Uncle Martin, who recently drowned in the Pacific.

Fargo, ND – In an unusual story, a Fargo family who was planning on adopting a live hammerhead shark has been denied permission to do so.

Because they strongly believe that this particular full-size hammerhead shark is the reincarnation of their recently deceased Uncle Martin, they had already turned their basement into a large saltwater holding tank.

City Commissioners unanimously voted down the idea after the matter came up at their last meeting, with this comment:

“The City of Fargo is utterly dumbfounded by this request, and since we’re not in the business of crazy, we hereby deny this request for this family to adopt Uncle Hammerhead.”

What are your thoughts on this matter?

What To Do After Receiving A Presidential Alert Message

Put your gas mask on first, and then assist those around you with theirs.

Yourtown, America – If you’re wondering what to do immediately after receiving a Presidential Alert on your smartphone from the National Wireless Emergency Alert System, simply follow these simple steps which were prepared by FEMA:

Do not panic!

Locate your Presidential Alert gas mask.

Quickly put on your Presidential Alert gas mask according to the 8-page FEMA instruction pamphlet.

If you don’t have a gas mask, either borrow one from someone who does, or jimmy-rig one out of a clean dish towel.

Assist others around you to put on their Presidential Alert gas masks.

If outdoors, get inside a sturdy building as quickly as possible.

Go to the lowest area of a building, preferably one without any windows or doors.

Lay down on the floor in the fetal position while monitoring your smartphone.

If possible, pull any available blankets or tables over you for additional protection.

Remain calm and in place for 30-45 minutes while breathing normally.

Then, if all is well, resume normal activities.

Local Restaurant Review By Nick And Johnnny

FMO Restaurant Review: Le Sous-Sol

FMO Restaurant Review: Le Sous-Sol

Fargone, ND – What follows is another in a special series of restaurant reviews of places in the F-M area, mmkay?

Johnnny: By the flip of a coin, we decided to check out a new basement restaurant in downtown Fargo called Le Sous-Sol (the basement). As soon as we stumbled into the place, we knew it was a huge mistake to come here.

Nick: Le Sous-Sol. Impossible to pronounce due to our total lack of immersion in French culture. You see, the French weren’t allowed to migrate here back when North Dakota became a state. That was one of the provisions of what they called The Great Nodak-French Embargo. This fortunate embargo treaty lasted until well into the 1970s. As a result, French culture effectively skipped a generation. Now, we have our first French restaurant and nobody can pronounce its frickin’ title.

Johnnny: I wanted us to have a window booth. Upon learning they had neither, we were offered a free glass of wine, which I initially declined since wine is something we only drink at church. The overall ambiance seemed fine except for the extremely bright lights which manifested some disturbing pictures of dead animals on the walls.

Nick: Normally, dead things are quaintly pleasing to my eye holes. But these dead things I found offensive. There’s just something genuinely irritating about a disemboweled platypus leering at you as you try to dine. I complained, then brushed it aside as our obviously French waiter called it “les tradition” to have graphic depictions of newly-murdered mammal species adorn dining room walls. Whatever!

Johnnny: For an appetizer, I ordered the butterflied platypus and the pickled beets. We tried to pay no attention to the arguing coming from the kitchen until it literally spilled out into the dining area. Since some of the other patrons were smoking cigars, we lit up as well while enjoying the altercation.

Our server, Jacqiuex

Our server, Jacquieaiux

Nick: The cook fight! I forgot all about that! By that late in the evening I was so utterly trounced on red wine I forgot a lot of things but I do know those two sous chefs really had a war for the ages. I can recall a multitude of French cuss words being hurled about, such as “manger de la merde” and “vous baise la chatte”.  There was sangria and bisque and creme brulee all over the walls, the floor. It was magical!

Johnnny: We ended up having a seemingly wonderful time in spite of the food fighting staff and the questionable service. We met some folks from Colorado there who said they have been frequenting this restaurant for years (even tho it just opened a month ago, so they obviously were from Colorado, doyaknowhatimsayn?)

Nick: Our waiter insisted we pay for our meal in francs as it is, again, “les tradition” to fund your host in his native form of currency as payment. I called bullshit, but he stood tall. He explained that as part of the Great Nodak-French Embargo, full-blooded French have been disallowed from handling American currency. This was “les stipulation” of ending the embargo, he said. Well, we didn’t have any francs so we ended up having to wash all the creme brulee and bisque and whatnot off the walls. Hard French labor to pay for our meal. Side note: I had the scallops á la provençale which was absolutely incredible. 10/10.

Johnnny: In summary, we would only recommend that you eat at Le Sous-Sol if you end up there by accident or by force. Yes, it is a restaurant that serves food, but because of all its hyper-quirkiness, we suggest that you instead go to the Grand Porks, which we previously reviewed for our most discerning readers who we know appreciate a good thing and who are starving for the latest information on what the hell’s happening in the greater Fargo-Moorhead area, mmkay?