Tag Archives: birth

Fargo New-Born Is Suspected Time-Traveler Based On His Post-Birth Questions

The hospital staff is quite certain that young Evert Altmire is a legitimate time traveler.

Fargo, ND – A new-born baby who was able to speak just after birth is being treated as a bona fide, de facto, time traveler.

The baby, who was given the name Evert Altmire, surprised the doctors and nurses shortly after birth by asking: “What year is it?”

After being told the answer, young Mr. Altmire asked: “Who is president?”

After being told the second answer, Evert simply said: “Oh, crap!”

If you may possibly have any information regarding the past (or future) of Evert Altmire, please contact the hospital’s baby department.

Amazingly, all of the letters in Evert Altmire can be re-arranged to spell: Time Traveler!

Father’s Day Surprise: Wife Gives Birth During Rollercoaster Ride

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Born in the USA!

Sandusky, OH – To celebrate the longest day of the year, Dr. Michael Hunt and his lovely wife Susan decided to go for a fun afternoon ride on the Millennium Force rollercoaster in the Cedar Point amusement park.

This particular rollercoaster is currently the third-longest one in North America and reaches a top speed of 930 miles per hour.

Mrs. Hunt climbed aboard the Millennium Force while being eight and a half months pregnant.

As it turns out, this would be a ride that the couple (and everyone sitting behind them) would remember forever.

Somewhere between the third and fourth turns, Mrs. Hunt gave birth to an eight and a half pound healthy baby boy whom they named Millen Force Hunt.

Dr. Hunt said it’s the first-known rollercoaster birth he can ever recall.

He also says it was the best Father’s Day present he could have ever asked for and is so happy that it fell into his lap.

Man Moves Out Of Womb After 28 Years

Child Moves Out After 28 Years–In the Womb!

Fargo, ND – In a story that has the scientific community completely baffled, Gary “Gum Gum” Jackson, a full-grown 28 year old man, decided to finally move out of his mothers womb.

It’s been 28 long, relaxing years but Gary has decided it’s time to fly the utero.  Gary has been freeloading it inside his mothers womb for a loooong time.  He has had a relaxing, stress free life.  Living expenses have been virtually nonexistent and he didn’t have to pay for food what with that umbilical cord channeling it directly into him and all. Mom’s giant hoop earrings even beamed a picture-perfect DirecTV satellite feed onto that giant chasm of a uterine wall.  The only inconvenience he had was his dad’s (or thought was his dad’s) penis jabbing at him every now and then.  That is a small price to pay for this kind of lifestyle.

The other day, ol’ Gum Gum decided he’d had enough and slithered out of that mushy crevice and into functioning society. With a shivery cry, Gum Gum was officially born unto the world. Gary doesn’t know what his future holds but said he has moved into his parent’s basement and plans to stay there for quite some time.  When asked what he won’t change now that he’s out, he replied, “Nude.  I’m going to stay completely nude.”