Tag Archives: british

West Fargo’s Three Lions Pub: The History Of Its Name

The Three Lions Pub is now back to its original name thanks to a dentist from Minneapolis.

West Fargo, ND – One of the finest pubs in the region is conveniently located on 13th Avenue in eastern West Fargo.

Its name is the Three Lions Pub which has become the den where many local lions like to roar, hang out, drink beer, and consume proper English food.

Regarding their unique name:

It began as Three Lions Pub until a dentist from Minneapolis shot one of the lions, so it was then renamed the Two Lions Pub.

Happily, the two remaining lions had three cubs, and the pub was then renamed the Five Lions Pub.

Sadly, after two of the grown cubs were shot by the same dentist from Minneapolis, it once again reverted back to its original name: Three Lions Pub.

Sponge Pudding Shortage Threatens Some Local Family Traditions

Heinz Spotted Dick Sponge Pudding is a Christmas tradition for many Fargo families.

Fargo, ND – If you’re having a hard time trying to find some Heinz Spotted Dick Sponge Pudding for Christmas, you are not alone.

Many families in the Fargo area share the same holiday tradition of eating Spotted Dick Sponge Pudding on Christmas Eve.

Anastasia Fritzi’s family has had the Heinz Spotted Dick Sponge Pudding for five generations, going all the way back to their motherland of Prussia.

“What the hell are we going to do if we can’t find any Spotted Dick before Christmas?” she asks, as her family looks like they’re about to cry and freak out simultaneously.

We have learned that a special Sponge Pudding Support Group is forming to help families just like the freaking Fritzis.

In the meantime, Sponge Pudding grief counselors are encouraging their clients to possibly start to consider a new Christmas tradition, such as: making eggnog milkshakes, have a talent show, go pajama caroling, adopt-a-pet, hiding of presents, volunteering at a soup kitchen, snow fort building, or just an old-fashioned family food fight!

Local Hospitals Reporting Increasing Numbers Of Gogopox Cases

What should you do if you think you’ve gotten the Gogopox? 1. Don’t panic. 2. Don’t panic! 3. Don’t panic!!

Moorhead, MN The first of many new 21st century diseases is making its presence known in the Midwest.

Many over-crowded area hospitals are now reporting a sudden spike in the number of serious cases of Gogopox.

This rare pox-type disease is believed to have mutated from the British eating horse meat at certain unnamed fast food McRestaurants in their country.

The Gogopox then quickly spread via the Internet to any locales using an unprotected wifi router whose installer had not changed the default password that was shipped from the manufacturer.

What are the symptoms of Gogopox? This viral infection which is highly contagious has a wide variety of symptoms, so wide that literally ever symptom in the book could be a sign of Gogopox.

Is there a cure to the Gogopox virus? Well, of course, there’s a cure to everything if you have enough money. But for the hoi polloi, the answer is NO.

What to do if you contract Gogopox? Call the toll-free hotline at 1-800-GOGOPOX and ask to speak with someone who speaks your language.

New Crest Brownstrips Promise “Authentic British Smile”

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Fee, Fie, Foe, Fum, I want the smile of an Englishman!

Cincinnati, OH – As fans of Downton Abbey will tell you, Americans can’t get enough of the Brits these days.  It seems our country has fallen hard for all things English.  From their pompous literary intellect to their notoriously bad teeth, we’re in love.  And in America, where there’s love, there’s….you guessed it: a huge corporation looking for a cash cow.

Procter & Gamble hopes to have found just that with its newest product, Crest Brownstrips.  Similar to its popular Whitestrips, Crest’s Brownstrips offer customers a whole new experience in what marketers are calling “customized enamel expression”.  Instead of whitening the teeth, Crest Brownstrips are designed to give the user’s smile a more British look by “antiquing” the enamel to a yellowish-brown color in just two weeks.  “You’ll see some flecks of gray mixed in with the ochre tones,” says product designer, Jillian Stanes.  “We’ve even included a unique blend of botanicals which will give the teeth a sort of gummy look as opposed to the clean, smooth appearance that comes with good dental hygiene.  It’s super realistic looking.”

P&G CEO, Oliver Lemmon, explains, “The dental customer today is searching for an individualized mouth appearance which reflects his interests and beliefs.  A stained, gnarly smile says ‘I’m bonkers for Brits’ in a totally unique way.  Crest is committed to meeting our customers’ needs, and according to our attorneys, we should be OK doing that with Brownstrips.”

A source inside Crest labs reports that its chemists are working around the clock to create a rainbow of other Strip options.  Rumored shades include Avatar Blue, Glow-in-the-dark Neon, Hannibal Lecter Red, and Meth Mouth Medley.  “We think Crest Brownstrips are the beginning of something really special,” says Lemmon.  “One day soon, you’ll be able to just open your mouth and let people know who you are without the hassle of speaking.  According to our attorneys, we should be OK saying we think that’s pretty neat.”