Tag Archives: caucus

After Iowa Caucus App Fails, Iowa Dems Using 1920’s Adding Machine To Try And Calculate The Victor

Leave a reply

Iowa’s inability to add causes division.

Des Moines, Iowa – Once caucus leaders realized their new app apparently was unable to perform under pressure, an old adding machine was brought out of a dusty old closet.

Seemingly in dire need of a basic adding machine, Iowa Democrats somehow found a 1920s Victor adding machine to help them try to accurately determine who was rightly the victor of the country’s first presidential caucus.

Even though the results of the Iowa Democrat presidential caucus might not be certain for months, at least they have a solid and reliable piece of machinery upon which to tally the precinct totals and hopefully then one day announce with full confidence which candidate was the victor.

Moral of the story: During these modern times of apps and downs, we might still want to remember how to do things the old-fashioned way.

Delegate To Sue Party Convention Because Nobody Would Caucus With Her

Leave a reply
If nobody wants to caucus with me, I will bring you down.

If nobody wants to caucus with me, I’ll bring you down.

Bismarck, ND – Dorothea Toppen went to the 2016 North Dakota Democrat Convention wanting to caucus but no one would caucus with her.

So, Dorothea Toppen is planning on filing a lawsuit against the North Dakota Democrat Party for 1. non-inclusion, 2. disrespect, and 3. emotional damages.

The plaintiff also says that someone looking a lot like Donald Trump meanly grabbed her by the arm and pushed and pulled her in a direction she did not want to go.

So, Dorothea Toppen is also considering filing a secondary lawsuit against Donald Trump for 1. strong-arming, 2. disrespect, and 3. emotional damages.

Moral of the story: When you go to your political party’s convention wanting to caucus, you can sue their ass if nobody wants to caucus with you.

Long Island Ice Tea Party Seeking Their Presidential Candidate

Leave a reply
caption hier

Wouldn’t the staff members of the Long Island Ice Tea Party Caucus be called the staphylocaucus?

Long Island, NY – Fed up with all the shinanigans going on in government and politix today, the Long Island Ice Tea Party is ready to make its move.

Pre-caucus meetings of the Long Island Ice Tea Party are being held in bars, pubs, and clubs all across what’s left of America.

Party leaders are determined to find a presidential candidate who represents not only the lollypop guild but also the non-lollypop hoi-polloi folks who still love the American Dream as much as they do a good strong Long Island Ice Tea.

Spokesman Ray Schnauzer slurred to his translator: “With just the right ingredients, our party’s candidate will bring to the Oval Office just the right blend of sweet and sour, while delivering the most bang for the buck, do you know what I’m saying?”

After having a few Long Island Ice Teas, if YOU feel that YOU have what it takes to be president, then simply stand up and say “I nominate myself!” at the next pre-caucus getogether of your local Long Island Ice Tea Party.