Tag Archives: chicago bears

Polar Bear That Enters North Fargo Grocery Store Ends Up In The Canned Meats Aisle

Polar bear enters North Fargo grocery store in search of food.

North Fargo, ND – In what authorities are describing as a very rare occurrence, a hungry large polar bear wandered into a grocery store in North Fargo.

It is believed that some of these arctic carnivores are being driven South to find food because of Global Melting.

Security video cameras recorded the half ton polar bear entering the back door of the grocery store around midnight.

Polar bear ends up in the canned meats aisle.

Meat manager Branden Caporale said the white polar bear went straight to the fresh fish section after eating a few rare steaks.

Luckily, a pair of off-duty police officers had their tazers handy and the polar bear was able to be eventually detained with two pairs of extra-large handcuffs.

When asked what ever became of the polar bear, Mr. Caporale said that a joint decision was made to offer their customers a limited-time offer of fresh canned polar bear meat, which they can find in the canned meats aisle, right next to the sardines.

Ironically, all of the letters in Branden Caporale can be re-arranged to spell: Canned Polar Bear!

Cutler Brings A-Game In Loss to Packers

Green Bay, WI – Chicago Bears quarterback Jay Cutler played competely out of his mind football last night¬†against the Green Bay Packers. Many are calling this performance “vintage Cutler” as he gunslang a total of 4 interceptions to the Packer defense en route to a 23-10 ass kicking.

Cutler made every effort to redirect the spotlight to the home team as he has year after year in Green Bay. The “Lambeau mystique” has taken Cutler’s game to new levels as he sets out to do everything in his power to make the Packers look good in prime time.¬†“If they want a quarterback that doesn’t care, they can find somebody else,” Cutler said. Well put, Jay. You truly want the Packer fans to have a good time.

This makes Packer fans respect the Bears’ #6 more and more. Cutler finished with the lowest QB rating seen so far this season after throwing for a meager 126 yards and being sacked 7 times by a ferocious Packer pass rush.

It would appear that “vintage Jay Cutler” is poised for a breakout–I mean–breakdown 2012 season.