Tag Archives: colorado

Fargo ND Being Used As Test Site By Algore For Global Warming

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Algore’s Climate Reality Project being tested in Fargo, North Dakota.

Fargo, ND – If you notice some major swings in temperature, humidity, and weather happenings around Fargo-Moorhead in the next few years, it will most likely be related to Algore.

His new Climate Reality Project is being tested in Fargo, North Dakota because of the “relatively sparse rural population” and its “geo-centrical location on our sick continent.”

Algore: “For all you folks up there in Fargo, North Dakota…so now, if you experience some major gyrations in temperature and weather in general, please report it to my Climate Reality Project team for documentational purposes.”

Previously, Algore used Denver, Colorado as an example of a larger metropolitan area where Algore personally got Denver’s average high temperature during the month of August up to a steamy 90°F.

A Brief History Of Colorado

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All roads lead to Coopersmith’s!

Fort Collins, CO – One of the first settlers to the Colorado area was Dr. Cooper Smith. In fact, he named the state after his horse whose name was Colorado.

Having been interested in brewing beer since he was a young boy, Dr. Cooper Smith later worked as a bartender at the Zanzi-Bar while working in the Peace Corps. Becoming fluent in Swahili, Cooper learned how to brew beer from some of the local Kenyan experts.

Using this knowledge, Dr. Smith opened his own brew pub after building a fort around the town of Collins. To this day, Coopersmith’s is one of the finest brew pubs in the entire country, making all its own beers, each according to the original recipes written in Swahili. If you want to order a large beer, just ask for a Hickenlooper.

Since Dr. Smith was best friends with the legendary pool player Willie Mosconi, Coopersmith’s brought in the finest pool tables in the world, along with one ping pong table (since he was a cardiologist).

Ironically, all the letters in “Coopersmith’s” can somehow be re-arranged to spell: Smooth Prices! (Happy Hour is Monday-Friday from 3-6).

Q&A: In some of the beer names at Coopersmith’s, what does “Sigda” signify? Great question! Sigda stands for: Special Interest Group Drinking Ale :o)

Link to Coopersmith’s website.

Jeff Sessions Voted Most Out-Of-Touch Person In America

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Jeff Sessions: Out of touch.

Denver, CO – Attorney General Jeff Sessions has just been voted the Most Out-Of-Touch Person in the USA by the Common Sense Club.

By his recent decision to rescind the James Cole Memo, AG Sessions is basically telling U.S. attorneys to go after marijuana outlets that are complying with their state regulations rather than solely focusing on drug cartels and cross-border trafficking.

With 29 states and the District of Columbia now allowing medical or recreational use of marijuana, not only does this backward lurch go against the will of the people, but it also contradicts President Trump’s personal thoughts on this matter.

In a television interview on July 29, 2016 with KUSA-TV in Colorado, Trump said: “I wouldn’t do that [using federal authority to shut down recreational marijuana], no. I wouldn’t do that. I think it’s up to the states, yeah. I’m a states person. I think it should be up to the states, absolutely.”

In a radio interview with WWJ News Radio 950 in Michigan on March 8, 2016, Trump said “I think it certainly has to be a state decision. I do like it, you know, from a medical standpoint. It does do pretty good things. But from the other standpoint, I think that it should be up to the states.”

At a campaign rally in Sparks, Nevada on Oct. 29, 2015, Trump said: “The marijuana thing is such a big thing. I think medical should happen, right? Don’t we agree? I think so. And then I really believe we should leave it up to the states. It should be a state situation, but I believe that the legalization of marijuana, other than for medical because I think medical, you know I know people that are very, very sick and for whatever reason the marijuana really helps them, but in terms of marijuana and legalization, I think that should be a state issue, state-by-state.”

Maybe President Trump should explain to Attorney General Jeff Sessions that this should be a state-by-state decision and that the Federal Government should be hands off on the marijuana issue.

Maybe Attorney General Jeff Sessions should recuse himself, pack his bags, go back to Alabama, and spend the rest of his days playing golf with the not-so-honorable Roy Moore.

President Changes Names Of Rocky Mountains, Alabama, And Hawaii

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caption here

THE BAROCKY MOUNTAINS

Denver, CO – After flying to Alaska to change the name of Mount McKinley to Denali (meaning “to get high”), President Obama flew to Denver to officially rename the Rocky Mountains.

By executive order, the new name shall be “The Barocky Mountains”.

The next stop during a busy travel day for the President was to Alabama, which he quickly changed to Alobama.

Finally, to cap off another day full of executive orderings, Hawaii, the home state of President Obama, will forever after be referred to as “The Birther Islands”.

Fargo Mom Thought Marijuana Legalization Would Have Destroyed Colorado By Now

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Stop lying to us, Obama.

Stop lying to us, Obama!

Fargo,ND−Area mother Cynthia Lincoln-Baxter finds herself utterly perplexed at the fact that Colorado hasn’t devolved into an absolute wasteland full of crime, poverty and despair since the state’s decriminalization of marijuana last year.

“With pots as dangerous as they are I just don’t understand how cities like Denver haven’t succumbed to all the pots-fueled crime,” hissed Lincoln-Baxter, in between bites of string cheese that she wasn’t even taking apart—just chomping into it like some kind of rage-fueled monster. “Especially if you consider the proven notion that pots leads to heroin addiction. That alone should have killed off half the city’s population by now,” she said.

Lincoln-Baxter also seemed visibly distraught at the media’s lack of pot-related crime coverage. “Why hasn’t Brian Williams been telling us about the pot suicides and driving while high deaths?” she asked, quizzically. “Obama is blocking these reports!! I’ve been reading the Denver Post and not ONE mention of pot suicide or pot driving deaths like I know there has been.”

If you’ve seen any legitimate reports of “pot suicides” or “pot-induced coma” or “pot driving deaths” or “pot riots” or “pots murder” or “bong-related assaults” or “pot-fueled domestic disputes” or “pot on pot crime”, please, let us know in the comment section.

Recreational Use of Alcohol Now Legal In Colorado

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A happy Colorado citizen, drunk off of legally-purchased alcohol

A happy Colorado citizen, “drunk” off legally-purchased alcohol

Denver, CO—At the turn of the new year, legislation passed in the state of Colorado permitted  “liquor stores” to begin selling alcoholic beverages over-the-counter directly to citizens. This has infuriated MAID (Mothers Against Impaired Driving), who think that this move will open the floodgates to thousands upon thousands of alcohol-related deaths due to over-consumption of the drug, not to mention the increase in motor-vehicle casualties caused by intoxicated driving.

MAID has been fighting the good fight against stoned driving ever since its founder’s son was killed by a stoned driver, a driver who obtained the drug legally via one of the thousands of pot shops where marijuana is and has been legal to buy since prohibition ended in 1933. On a yearly basis, the nation does experience a handful of marijuana-related vehicle fatalities, but as of press time, there have been zero cases of overdose.

Alcohol, if illegally consumed at too high a quantity over a short period of time, can be fatal. It can also severely impair one’s hand-eye coordination. It is said that a mere 2 drinks consumed in under one hour can hinder one’s ability to safely operate a motor vehicle. Now, with easy accessibility of tasty alcoholic beverages, cases of alcohol poisoning and driving while intoxicated in Colorado are set to skyrocket.

Political analysts cannot even fathom how Colorado was able to pass this legislation. They say that even with no proven medicinal purpose, demand for legal recreational use of alcohol has increased substantially over the years leaving state lawmakers no choice but to decriminalize.

Meet the Press’s Gregory David:

“This new legislation will turn disastrous for Colorado. Its roads will become a haven for vehicular manslaughter and its people will start dying at insane numbers due to overconsumption. Colorado will become the most ridiculously dangerous state in the union now that alcohol is legal.”

Colorado: Violent Crime Down 400% Since Marijuana Legalization

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pipes not knives!

Pipes, not knives! Bongs, not guns!

Denver, CO – First quarter 2013 crime statistics are officially in from the Mile High City, and things are looking up. Violent crime has taken a nose dive compared to past years. Crimes of passion and hate have seen a record downturn, plummeting more than 400% during the first 3 months of this year.

It would appear that Denver county is making a peaceful name for itself after legalizing personal amounts of Sticky Green Leaf.

Dude, woah, like, nobody has been robbing or hurting anybody for like ever (or at least since everybody’s been puffing tough). With the ease of access to buds, more and more would-be criminals are kicking back, trading in their guns for pipes. They’re busy snacking on pot brownies instead of stabbing for crack rocks.

Maaaan, the sitch in D-town has gotten, like, so chill. It’s rad. Peace and love, yo! Peeps are buying bongs instead of guns and filling them full of hippie lettuce instead of bullets. Word. Flower power! The proliferation of pipes has led to the sudden reduction in crime, stoner statistics say. Did you just see that, maaaan? Like, the numbers went waaaaay down all of a sudden! Whoooaaaa.

If these trends continue, Denver police are going to gain a serious advantage over violent crime. Hey bro, they might even, like, completely stop it from, like, happening and junk. Far out!

Kellogg’s To Release Brand New Product Line In Colorado and Washington.

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Battle Creek, MI – In the wake of the recent election, Kellogg’s plans to release a brand new product line specifically for the states of Colorado and Washington.

For the supporters of marijuana, it was a historic moment as the states of Washington and Colorado recently made it legal to smoke pot recreationally.  Gov. John Hickenlooper of Colorado cautioned voters on Tuesday night: “Don’t break out the Cheetos or the Goldfish too quickly.”   Why would he say such a thing?  That’s because he has your best interest at heart and knows there may be better food to choose from when you get the munchies.

Kellogg’s recently announced that they are to release an entirely new product line specifically for the states of Washington and Colorado.  When asked if it has anything to do with marijuana now being legal, Kellogg’s spokesperson had this to say, “Marijuana has nothing to do with our new product line.  We feel Washington and Colorado are the best test markets to release a new an improved product line.  We want to make it very clear that our products such as pop tarts and cinnamon roll mini-wheats ARE NOT marketed toward marijuana users.  We are against this terrible terrible drug and anyone who uses it.  Again, our sweet tasting, sugary, FROSTED pop tarts are NOT stoner food nor will they ever be.  They are a very healthy snack for anyone.  Some of the new products in our line such as Frosted Cheese Dorito Flakes are for the children.  We care about providing healthy food to the young and old people of America.  Marijuana is the devil!”

An internal product line was leaked and we have some of the new products Kellogg’s plans to release right here!

Cheese Dorito Flakes W/Extra Cheese

Mile High Frosted Pies

Gan Ja Multi-Grain Chocolate Monster Cereal/Lunch/Dinner Bar

Little Bud(ies) Sticky Rice Krispies Bars

Hipstix

Dreaddies Mini-Wheats

Blazed Donuts

Mary Jane’s Smokey Nut Rolls

Giggle Toast (Peanut Butter and Dorito Sandwich – Gluten Free)

Malted Marley Wheat – It’s dank, mon! ®

Aunt Mary’s Wacky Blueberry French Toast Waffles (two scoops of icecream sandwiched between two large blueberry french toast waffles drizzled in a sweet raspberry sauce)

Ashy Kush Balls

 

Although disappointed that an internal employee would leak such information, Kellogg’s spokesperson would like to reiterate that these products are NOT marketed toward stoners and only just BY CHANCE had already chosen Washington and Colorado as the test markets before it was legalized.

Stay tuned as we release the second part of the product line just recently leaked as well.