Child prodigy Ethan Hackett hired to protect City of Fargo’s computer systems.
Fargo, ND – The City of Fargo has decided to hire a fourth grader named Ethan Hackett to prevent hackers from infiltrating the city’s new computer systems.
Ethan’s mother tells the story that when young Ethan was but a babe, his favorite nursery rhyme was: “Hackary dackary dock, his mouse clicked on a clock”.
Lucy Bavaro who is Ethan’s fourth grade teacher says of the lad: “During our recent regional Hackathon, Ethan not only won it, but he hacked the contest and changed it to show looped Mr. Robot youtube videos. When not hacking around, Ethan likes to play hackysack with his friends.”
Ethan Hackett in his own words: “I tend to get real hacked off when other hacktivists try to hack into something that’s hackable with a hacksaw in order to do some real damage. I have always used my hacktivism to show how hackable systems are in order for them to prevent future serious data hackage.”
The City of Fargo plans to put Ethan Hackett on their payroll at a salary level which is to remain private unless it’s hacked. They also will be paying him bonus incentives in the form of bubble gum, Mashers, and iTunes gift cards.
The last thing the XP user sees before their computer melts their face (kind of like what happened when they opened the ark in that Indiana Jones movie. Wasn’t that fucked up?!)
This is this decade’s Y2K.
Redmond, WA—They warned us. They tried to tell us. “We are discontinuing support for Windows XP,” Microsoft said. But did we listen? NOPE. We held onto those old XP computers in hopes that they wouldn’t go completely nuclear on April 8th. Little did we know, this expiring operating system would trigger the End of Days.
PC LOAD LETTER ! !
XP owners were led to believe that their trusty old operating system would simply stop doing updates and become a little more vulnerable to cyberattacks. Boy were they wrong. Computers have been blowing up in people’s faces since Microsoft cut the cord at midnight last night. Smoke…fire…the constant smell of death…it is all around us now. Bodies are piling up as Death By Computational Combustion claims the lives of millions of unsuspecting users.
The Observer has learned that any attempt to utilize an XP computer results in the aforementioned (pictured above) error message, directly followed by a fiery complosion. 🙁
Are you or any of your loved ones affected by the XP Meltdown? If so, and if the explosion hasn’t sizzled most of your face, call Microsoft at 1-800-MICROSOFT. They have operators standing by to assist with massive head trauma sustained by heavy compusplosive blowback.
Since the iPad made its debut in 2010, a list of other companies have been pumping out tablets as well. However, way back in 2002, Windows launched the stylus-based Windows XP Tablet PC but it failed to catch the consumers attention though at the time.
I always say to people, “Why don’t you just get a laptop? It has a keyboard and more functions.” I’m always answered with a blank stare and a, “but it’s a tablet” response.
In 2010 the iPad was released. This allowed you to replace your toilet magazines with digital versions. Truly remarkable.
Samsung was soon to follow with the Samsung Galaxy Tab and the Motorola Xoom in 2011. Today we have a whole host of manufacturers pumping out tablets.
AND NOW……they are releasing all kinds of accessories such as tablet keyboards. That’s right. Keyboards. You just transformed your tablet into a damn computer!
So instead of buying a laptop in the first place, people bought a tablet and are now spending money to convert it into basically back into a laptop. Makes total sense. Am I right?
What’s that? You want some speakers now for your tablet? Here you go.
Now you have a tablet with a keyboard and speakers. What do they call those? LAPTOPS. How about this. Why don’t you just buy a damn laptop already?