Fargo, ND—Authorities were dispatched to a north Fargo neighborhood yesterday afternoon as one witness called to report what sounded like “A raging cauldron full of boiling guts” rumbling in his neighbor’s back yard.
Police arrived to find Todd Fox, a resident infamous for melting snow with a flamethrower, presiding over a 10,000-gallon propane-powered boiling vat of grease which contained a full, beer-battered Holstein cow.
“I seen it on TV, thought it’d be a good idea,” said Fox, who appeared to be referring to an Aqua Teen Hunger Force episode in which character Master Shake flash-fries a fully intact, battered cow in his residential neighborhood driveway. Fox was armed to the teeth with enough empty bottles of vegetable oil to kill a sperm whale, 10 propane-powered Nipco space heaters, a hydraulic hoist and a 10,000-gallon stainless steel tank he said he bought “real cheap at my uncle Burp’s flea market.”
Police would have none of it as they arrested Fox on charges of reckless endangerment and possession of livestock without a permit. When asked how he obtained the deceased animal, Fox declared “I know me a butcher.”
Fargo, ND – Exhibitionist cows brought traffic to a grinding halt on Co Rd 17 in Fargo earlier this morning. A pair of bovines were caught “doing the dirty” in the middle of the road the highway patrol stated.
The cows were getting it on so intensely that some perverted passerby was jailed on suspicions of masturbating in public.
One of the bulls didn’t take kindly to the state troopers attempts to interrupt the act so cops had to call in the North Dakota Farm Bureau to coax the animals into custody.
The two bovines are being charged with breach of peace and public indecency. They were being held on $500 bail.