Pasadena, CA – Mission control for the worldly popular Curiosity on Mars excursion has released a preliminary report of the rover’s findings. These highly unclassified and somewhat opinionated documents provide detail on what NASA has already figured out about the Red Planet. Here are a few snippets:
- The Curiosity rover has not yet floated away from the planet which leads us to believe Mars has a gravitational pull. Enough gravity, in fact, to keep rocks and Curiosity firmly grounded.
- Mars has rocks. Rocks all over the damn place. Many of them a burnt-sienna/reddish color. We will utilize Curiosity’s laser system to analyze the rocks for science. FIRST!
- The Curiosity rover is a technological wonder. Fueled on nuclear energy, it contains enough self-propulsion to roam the Red Planet on its own for many months collecting data for our mission. Meanwhile, our Earth vehicles (cars) require extensive hands-on repairs and maintenance on a month-to-month basis just to get us to work and back.
- No atmosphere on Mars. It would take a legion of Curiosity rovers to build an oxygen-containing biodome that might be sufficient in sustaining human life. This type of project is easily a lifetime in the making–our kids’ kids might live to see it happen, but will likely never afford the financial expense necessary to experience it.
- Seems to be plenty of uninhabited territory here. Nothingness. This excursion is turning into a blatant misappropriation of government funding that could have easily went towards aiding the less-fortunate beings of the planet we currently reside on (Earth) instead of analyzing an enormous ball of red rock. No telling yet whether the government is planning to deport the nation’s homeless to Mars instead of providing more sufficient government aid for their disabilities and misfortune on the home front? Foreclosed-on families are living on the streets in America.
Curiosity will complete a two-year mission on the surface of Mars– tooling around, analyzing dirt and junk just to make sure nothing ever lived there. Pretty darn cool if you ask me.
Bigfoot is a name given to an ape-like creature that people believe inhabits forests in North America. Scientists discredit the existence of Bigfoot due to lack of physical evidence.
Scientists can discredit no longer.
NASA and Mars Curiosity would like nothing more than to send back breathtaking photos of the alien planet. Bigfoot will have none of that. Mars Curiosity recently sent back an image from Mars that clearly shows Bigfoot deliberately photobombing.
CLICK TO VIEW Bigfoot photobombing a Mars Curiosity photo!
We know all too well that Bigfoot loves to photobomb here on earth but nobody knew the extent bigfoot would take to photobomb on another planet!
How they got there we have no idea but we can surely expect to see the believers release more photos of the suspected bigfoot in more photobombs.
Fargo, ND – What a world we live in! The nerds over at NASA and people across the globe watched as the last 10 years of astrophysics engineering came to fruition early this morning with the landing of the Mars rover, “Curiosity”. The last 10 or so years was a marathon of software computations, physics formulas and jet propulsion engineering which resulted in the placement of Curiosity smack dab in the middle of the Mars landscape.
This has the homeless community outraged. The needy are wondering why the hell the Salvation Army building downtown cannot afford central air conditioning but meanwhile, millions of dollars of federal grant money is being fed to a program dedicated to a planet millions of miles away from where our real problems exist: Earth. Moorhead-area hobo Trevor Sands had this to say during a protest outside of the Moorhead planetarium:
“I’m sleepin’ outside under a heap of shit-covered blankets in the winter because I can’t get health insurance to buy pills that keep the goddamn demons out of me. How much you think puttin’ some damn 4-wheeler on the surface of Mars cost? Probably a lot more than a year’s supply of demon pills, brother. Change? Spare change??”
Sands then showed me the devil carving on his forearm he made using a plastic butter knife that he claimed the “Mars buggy demons” are responsible for. The Observer wishes the homeless best of luck getting demon pill grant money during these trying times.