Tag Archives: detroit lakes

Some Minnesota Lakes Showing Early Signs Of Fermentation

Lake fermentation is one of the early signs of a bigger problem: Global Fermentation.

Vergas, MN – Trained experts from Minnesota’s department of natural resources are saying that some lakes are now starting to show early signs of fermentation.

Dr. Martie Fenton, who has studied fermentation since he joined a fraternity in college, says that these early signs of lake fermentation are a harbinger of things to come regarding Global Fermentation.

Dr. Fenton in his own fermented words: “The lakes where we are seeing fermentation are usually related to where there are a lot of people living or camping such as Beers Lake near Maplewood State Park.”

A few other lakes on the fermentation list are: Whiskey Lake, Scotch Lake, Bootleg Lake, and also Highlife Lake.

If you think your lake is starting to ferment, please call the Minnesota DNR at your earliest convenience so that trained experts can come out and sip samples of your lake water.

Ironically, all of the letters in Martie Fenton can somehow be re-arranged to spell: Fermentation!

May Is Take-Your-Pet-Water-Skiing Month

Good times begin NOW!

Detroit Lakes, MN – With global warming moving into Minnesota lakes country, dogs and cats all across the region are excitedly anticipating hitting the water for some seriously fun water sports.

Your FM Observer is unofficially declaring that May is officially National Take-Your-Pet-Water-Skiing Month.

What puppy or kitten would not want to be dragged around a lake behind a boat to show the rest of the world that they have arrived?

Never mind the fact that the frigid water is only about 40 degrees because pets are warm-blooded meaning they were essentially designed for this type of activity.

Please send us photos of your proud pets showing off their lake-patrolling party prowess for a chance to win free a free meal at the brand new All-It-Can-Eat Pet Buffet House.

BigFoot Spotted Roaming WE Fest Area

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Arrow indicates where BigFoot slept.

Detroit Lakes, MN – Some call him BigFoot while others say Sasquatch. But all experts now agree that the overgrown Yeti now appears to be roaming around and sleeping in the Sioux Pass Ranch area, just in time for WE Fest.

Apparently driven out of Canada by the forest fires, BigFoot has been known to enjoy County Western music, beer, and snack foods.

So it comes as no big surprise that The Beast has shown up in the Detroit Lakes area just a few weeks before WE Fest starts to ramp up.

If you happen to encounter BigFoot in the Becker County forest, remember to not make direct eye contact with The Creature, and certainly do not mention anything about Obamacare.

In the past, Mr. Big has shown an affinity for Shania Twain songs, large bags of Doritos, and Heineken.

Woman Living In Hammock Above Fargo Park

Hammock woman tells FMO reporter to "Fuck off!"

Hammock woman tells FMO reporter to “Fuck Off!”

Fargo, ND – One of our best junior reporters (who recently attended FMO Summer Camp) somehow discovered a woman living up in a hammock in Fargo’s Lindenwood Park.

Our on-the-scene reporter cleverly asked the lady why she was there, living in a hammock?

Her reply was that she was getting set up early for the WE Fest and wanted to “grab a good spot before they all were taken.”

After our reporter kindly informed her that the WE Fest is down by Detroit Lakes and not in Fargo, the stunned hammocker became quite irate and proceeded to drop multiple F-Bombs on our staffer while madly throwing empty tunafish cans down from her high-hanging hangout.

Moral of the story: Don’t mess with the WE Festers, especially when they’re high.

New Detroit Mountain Recreation Area Offers Fun For Everyone

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Hopefully the new Detroit Mountain Recreation Area will get some snow despite Global Warming.

Detroit Lakes, MN – The New Detroit Mountain Recreation Area is well on track for its big grand re-opening this month.

This brand new four-season fun park will offer a wide range of great activities and challenges for all ages.

Skiers and snowboarders will have their hands full with two Black Diamond runs that would give Franz Klammer a run for his money.

The Rental Shoppe will include everything from snow skis to snowboards to Go-Pro cameras to record your thrilling adventures.

Kids can race down the Bunny Hill along side Elmo and all their other favorite Sesame Street characters.

The Viking Lodge will have multiple large flat-screen TVs showing past and present Minnesota Vikings football games, including their four Super Bowl losses.

Double-decker shuttle buses will be continuously running from Detroit Mountain to the local Walmart store for easy shopping, to the Shooting Star Casino for easy gambling, and to the local hospital for easy repairs.

If you would like to join the sexy all-volunteer Ski Patrol Team, please email Tony at Detroit Mountain and include a YouTube link of yourself successfully negotiating any Black Diamond ski run.

New Aquatic Nuisance Species A Nightmare From Hell

Say hello to the bigger badder cousin of the zebra mussel.

Say hello to the bigger badder cousin of the dreaded zebra mussel. Say hello to MegaCrab.

Detroit Lakes, MN – The Minnesota DNR has begrudgingly confirmed the addition of a new aquatic nuisance species (ANS) to their growing list.

While the inexorable invasion of zebra mussels continues to threaten local lakes and lake property values, this newest aquatic nuisance species could even threaten the lives of innocent human beings.

Say hello to the MegaCrab. These bad boys reproduce almost as prolifically as zebra mussels but have multiple ways to cause pain and/or death.

Besides being able to kill humans with either their antennae, front pinchers, crab-hands, or tails, their entire outer hard shells are lined with poisonous razor-sharp barbs.

“If you accidentally step on one of these hella-demons, all your neighbors at the lake will hear and feel your pain” warns ANS biologist Dean Dooley. “Once your lake is discovered to have MegaCrabs, have fun trying to sell your lake property with one of them sitting on your dock, while eating a duck.”

It is believed that the MegaCrabs, which can grow to the size of a large cocker spaniel, are the result of transmutations coming out of the radioactive fall-out from the 1986 Chernobyl disaster.

These giant creatures have slowly been spreading throughout the world by attaching themselves to ocean-going petroleum tankers because they, for some reason, love the taste of sweet crude oil.

This is why biologist Dean Dooley also has to remind folks to not eat the MegaCrabs. “It would taste like eating a radioactive lobster that’s been marinating in crude oil for ten years.”

Detroit Lakes Police Gotdonuts?

Does That Say What I Think It Says?

Detroit Lakes, MN – In a sad story blooms something funny.

Valley News Live interviewed Tim Eggebraaten in what seemed to be a poor choice of location.  If you look closely behind Mr. Eggebraaten, you can see their comical sign they have up that says “gotdonuts?’

Now was this planned for shits and giggles?  Was the KVLY interviewer feeling daring and positioned him in front of the sign without his knowledge?  Was this Mr. Eggebraaten’s idea for laughs?  We may never know.

Regardless, it’s pretty funny.  Click the pictures for a better view.


Detroit Lakes Police Gotdonuts? Detroit Lakes Police gotdonuts?