Tag Archives: dork

Gandalf Costume Sales Skyrocket As Area Dorks Prepare For Halloween

Lord of the Dorks

Lord of the Dorks

Fargo, ND – Local costume stores are reporting record sales for Halloween this year.

Top sellers include perennial favorites such as Spiderman, Snow White, and Satan, along with the usual Obama masks and kitten ears.

However, the most popular costume for Halloween 2014 is the “Gandalf”, which is flying off shelves like a wizard heading to Mordor on a giant eagle.

The FMO hit the streets to find out more.

SpookyWorld clerk, Wyatt Orcmann described the run on Gandalf costumes as “insane, dude”.

FMO: Can you expand on that?

WO: Well, like, it’s been crazy.

FMO: Yeah, we know what insane means. What’s been happening in your store?

WO: Dude, it’s like every dork in a thousand mile radio is dressing up for Halloween this year. If I have to hear “This is gonna be epic!” one more time I think I’m gonna go Ray Rice on somebody. Don’t tell my boss I said that.

FMO: Is it unusual for so many dorks to buy costumes?

WO: Yyyeeeeaaaaahhhh. Usually they just sit at home and videochat with their little chess buddies or something. Now they’re all up in my face saying crap like “Speak, friend, and enter” and “You shall not PASS!” Whatever, dude, like, go back to Hobbit Town or something, you little freak.

FMO: Interesting.

WO: Yeah, and then they get their stupid capes and wizard hats and they’re all like, “Run, you fools!” and I’m just like, good luck with your awesome college careers and great jobs someday, you little Frodo Bilbos or whatever. Seriously, man, what a bunch of dorks.

FMO: Right, dorks, got it. Well, thanks for the info, Wyatt. And Happy Halloween.

WO: Whatever, dude. I’m gonna go chill in my mom’s basement.

Painfully Normal Guy Discovered Living In Los Angeles

THIS GUY is a Los Angeles resident

THIS GUY lives in L.A.

Los Angeles, CA—SoCal. L.A. Paradise City. The coolest city with the coolest people with the best weather. You gotta be a badass, actor, musician, beautiful person or an otherwise famous celebrity to live there…or so we thought.

The age-old stereotype that only cool people live in Los Angeles has been officially debunked. The Observer has learned that Alan Henley, a lame, has been living in SoCal his entire life.

Alan was born an only child to an accountant and a stay-at-home mother back in 1978. Ever since, he’s been an introverted, non-famous Average Joe. “I think i’m pretty normal,” Alan says. He works as a stockbroker at a brokerage firm in Santa Monica where he grew up. He plays World of Warcraft in his spare time. “I mean, i’m no Brad Pitt obviously, but…so what?”

The Observer suspects that Alan might not be the only rube hilariously coexisting within that sexy hotbed of entertainment and glamour.

A Los Angeles Elite could not be reached for comment.