Dr. Pepper says when it comes to drinking healthy, the more the better, mmkay?.
Pepper Pike, OH – Dr. Pepper, who’s become a well-known physician throughout the country because of his promotion of health on his television show, is encouraging all his patients to drink more soda pop.
“In the North they drink pop and down South they call it soda, but wherever you live and whatever you call it, you need to drink more of it,” preaches Dr. Pepper, while examining a patient.
Studies show that soda pop is a wonderful source of sugar which provides the body with an excellent source of energy, prevents brain black-outs, instantly cures depression, raises blood pressure for those whose is too low, and helps maintain healthy looking skin, while at the same time benefiting the green environment.
Dr. Pepper sums it up this way: “There are some soda pops that are better for you than others, but I’ll leave that up to you as to which one to choose. I, personally would recommend drinking Dr. Pepper. Trust me, I’m a doctor!”
Fargo, ND—A former patient of local necrosurgeon Dr. Qance Pepper, M.D. is suing for malpractice due to what he’s calling a botched necroplasty. The plaintiff, Sextin Growshaft, is citing “extreme negligence” among other charges.
Growshaft, having been a huge fan of the Walking Dead comic book and television series, contacted Dr. Pepper last March to see if he was a candidate for necroplasty. “I love zombies and badly wanted to become one,” said Growshaft. “Dr. Pepper was seemingly the only option. I wanted him to turn me into a decaying foot-dragging brain-chewer but as it turns out, Dr. Pepper is nothing but a fraud.”
Dr. Pepper is the area’s premiere necrosurgeon having been performing necroplasty on willing patients for over a decade. “Necroplasty is, in every case, fatal, if performed correctly,” stated Dr. Pepper. “I’ve been sued countless times for malpractice due to the deaths my successful surgeries have caused. Now, to have a customer sue me for a botched procedure….well, this one really stings.”
The Observer has learned that Dr. Pepper plans to fight the lawsuit with his wife Diet Pepper by his side.