Tag Archives: drowning

Red River Fargo Sex Doll Rescue

Red River Plays Sick Joke. Drowning Inflatable Doll Sparks 20 Man Police Rescue.

Red River Fargo Sex Doll RescueFargo, ND – The Red River is back in the news again.  Not too long ago we reported the Red River being a dickhead and getting on the residents bad side. In a following story, the Red River and it’s residents made up and were adorably able to live with each other peacefully again. Well, the Red River has become bored because it’s back to fucking with its residents again.

The Red River of the Fargo-Moorhead area is back to its old self. This time playing a sick joke on its local residents and police.

20 Police officers were called on scene in Fargo, ND this Tuesday morning after a concerned witness said a lady was in distress in the Red River.

According to a local witness, this dramatic scene attracted over 50 spectators which were blocking and hindering police rescue attempts.

After 20 min of complete chaos, police were absolutely horrified. It turns out that they had not rescued a drowning female but in fact rescued an inflatable sex doll from the river.

A shocked crowd quickly dispersed upon seeing the  disgusting inflatable sex doll. Spectators were even seen covering the eyes of their children as to not witness the deflated and deformed sex doll’s breasts.

Following the rescue, police officers said they were forced to act on the rescue as the sex doll had a similar size and appearance of a real human female.

In an attempt to get back at the River, The Fargo Police were last seen trying to get a semen sample from the sex doll victim to see if the Red River had raped it.

I can only wait with anticipation what trick the Red River will pull on its residents next.

Red River of Fargo Moorhead

Red River Now Considered “Less Dickish”

Red River of Fargo MoorheadWest Fargo, ND – In a weird turn of events, locals have started praising the Red River and now consider it “Less Dickish.”  Last month we reported people to be calling the Red River a dick head and even tried killing it with bad words and physical violence.

A criminal over the weekend jumped into the red river in order to evade police after robbing a man.  The river, not wanting people to throw shit into it again, consumed the criminal and drowned the man hoping to gain the locals respect again.  Since the river has been a baby it has been removing criminals and stupid people from the gene pool for decades.  It has never asked a favor or asked for respect from the people.  However, after the residents of Fargo-Moorhead found out the Red River was apprehending criminals for them, they now consider it “Less Dickish” and respect the magestic river once again.

“I knew that by kicking the river with my deadly karate kicks that it would teach it a lesson to be nice” a local who was seen last month trying to kill the river said.

With the Red River on the locals good side again, they can get back to living with each other peacfully.  So cute.