Tag Archives: drug dealer

Moorhead Couple Caught With 800 Pounds Of Qiameth Worth An Estimated $2.4 Billion

Qiameth is a thousand times more powerful than meth, keeping users up for months instead of days.

Moorhead, MN – Police in the quirky town of Moorhead were very surprised to find 800 pounds of Qiameth in the trunk of a car that they found parked at a stop sign.

The Qiameth, which is known to be 1,000 times more powerful than regular meth, has an estimated street value of $2.4 Billion.

The driver and passenger, who both looked like zombies because they had not slept in months, admittedly said they thought it was OK to park at the stop sign but swore they did not have a clue as to how the $2.4 Billion worth of Qiameth got into their trunk, along with some used meth pipes and coloring books.

Moorhead police are calling this the largest drug bust in our nation’s history and are asking citizens to report any unusual behavior to the new hotline: 1-800-QIAMETH.

New Fargo Donut Shop Specifically Designed For People On Drugs

The Magic Donut caters to druggies.

Fargo, ND – Entrepreneur Jami Hendrix is opening a new doughnut shop in Downtown Fargo.

The unique thing about this donut shoppe is that it will be created with people on drugs in mind.

Jami Hendrix: “Rather than deny we hava drug problem in Fargo, why not accept it and then cater to it?”

She is calling her new biz simply The Magic Donut.

Ms. Hendrix: “We want to heighten people’s donut experience. We can do this with special music and lighting, cool interactivities, along with the general design and layout of the space.”

Besides having wonderful donuts at The Magic Donut, Jami is planning on having:

1. Jimi Hendrix music playing backwards.
2. Highly interactive donut areas.
3. Booths that keep changing shape, like Oprah.
4. Movies playing such as Trainspotting and Blow.

Question: What is the slogan of this new Magic Donut you may ask?
Answer: “Donut chew wanna donut?” and “We have very high standards!”

Former Small Town Drug Dealer Living Big City Dream


Livin’ the dream!

Mapleton, ND—Who said you had to be asleep to live the American dream? That’s baloney! A small-town meth dealer from Mapleton, North Dakota who goes by the street name “Bizznatch” has taken his talents to Minneapolis to pursue his dreams of becoming a drug kingpin.

Bizznatch started his underground meth ring during the early 2000s via a homemade meth lab built in his deadbeat parents’ garage. It was a fly-by-night operation at first. Bizz started pushing one rock here and two rocks there, but as word got out about his penchant for dope slangin’, business picked up. That’s when he knew he really had something to offer.

“I learned math in high school and always had a salesman mentality.” he states. These skills are a valuable commodity in the world of drug dealing. “I trusted nobody and kept my head on a swivel, always looking over my shoulder. You gotta be paranoid in this business.”

His homeboys always knew Bizznatch had what it takes to hit the big time. “Bizz never took no shit from nobody. He always on top of his game.” said his homie C-Slaw. “He slang the rocks like no other.”

Bizznatch soon moved out of his parents’ garage and into his own shitty, run-down meth trailer on the outskirts of town. It was there that he started proliferating his empire.

“I made some real business connections. Loads of cash started coming in. My operation outgrew my meth shack in a hurry. That’s when I knew my 8 cell phones, 47 security cameras, 5,000 pet spiders and I would have to move on.”


toxic rock

Bizznatch loaded up his windowless van and headed east to Minneapolis in 2011. He set up shop in a downtown-area loft and hasn’t moved since. No…seriously. He hasn’t been outside in over two years. Nowadays, he remotely manages a legion of cookers and street pushers via a series of cryptic text messages while the jack continues to roll in. Life is good. He looks back fondly on his early days and says he’ll never forget where he came from.

“Starting out small like that really keeps a drug lord humble. I still remember my first meth sore like it was yesterday…cooking rocks and huffing formaldehyde in my dad’s garage. Man, what a ride.”