Tag Archives: eddie money

Dear Dr. Finance: Is This A Good Time To Buy Gold?

Dr. Finance has almost completely filled the FMO corporate break room with gold bars.

West Fargo, ND We recently received a question for our very own Dr. Finance from a Mr. Don Salberg.

Mr. Salberg writes: Dear Dr. Finance, Is this a good time to buy gold?

Dear Don: Yes it is! As the chief financial officer for the FM Observer Corporation, I have green-lighted the buying of gold bars for some time now.

If you buy on a regular basis like we have been doing, you will be able to dollar-cost-average your way into the gold market.

With gold at about $1,200 per ounce, this does seem to be a favorable time to purchase gold.

The FM Observer break room is now almost completely full of pallets of gold bars, and we plan on buying more until there is no more room.

Ironically, all the letters in Don Salberg can be electroplated to spell: Golden Bars!

To Show Respect, They’re Leaving Barbara Bush On The One Dollar Bill

First Lady Barbara Bush will happily remain on the one dollar bill until further notice.

Washington, DC – Out of respect for former First Lady Barbara Bush, the Treasury Department has instructed the Federal Reserve to keep her picture on the one dollar bill, as it has been for decades.

As sitting Treasury Secretary, Steven Mnuchin believes we need to stand up and keep honoring former First Lady Barbara Bush by leaving her picture on the dollar bill where she has gracefully been since the Reagan administration.

President Trump, who might have had something to do with this decision, agrees that leaving Barbara Bush on the dollar bill is the right thing to do, while adding: “Someday soon, I would like to see Melania on some of our money, and I think most would agree that would be a really great thing!”

Eddie Money Cover Band ‘Edward Currency’ To Open For Eddie Money

Edward Currency. Will they steal the show from Eddie Money?

Mahnomen, MN – An upcoming tour stop for classic rock icon Eddie Money could get even more interesting than it previously was with a last-minute addition to the show’s lineup. The scheduled opening act being forced to bail left the promoters with a split-second decision to make. Lo and behold, did anyone expect this gift from above to fall right into our lap? An Eddie Money cover band volunteered to fill the slot!

Two for the price of one is the theme for Friday night’s show. The fill-in band, named Edward Currency, is an Eddie Money cover band from Eagan. They will rock you, they say, even better than the real thing.

“Shakin'”, “Two Tickets to Paradise” and “Take Me Home Tonight” will likely be performed twice in the same evening by two different-yet-similar bands, in essence an awkward competition.

Edward Currency lead singer Rabe Corpio calls this a dream come true. “Getting to perform our idol’s songs, before our idol, on the same night as our idol. This is my dream. This is my moment. These tears you see, they are tears of joy as my soul is now completely devoid of sorrow. Tomorrow, my mark on the world will be made, etched in stone amongst the annals of rock and roll cover band elite.”

The main man seemed dubious over this strange turn of events. “Let them try,” A curious and brooding Eddie Money replied when asked about the possibility of being upshown by his doppelgangers.

Deja vu will likely be in widespread attendance tomorrow at the Shooting Star. Tickets for this extraordinary event are still on sale.