Tag Archives: epidemic

Giant Rabbits Are Taking Over Fargo

Pest or potential pet?

Pest or potential pet?

Fargo, ND – The rabbit population in Fargo-Moorhead is spiraling dangerously out of control. The herbivore hare is making its presence known to the point of them becoming a cuddly-wuddly new pest in our area.

These stuffed-animals-come-to-life are migrating to a shrub near you. What were once only seen on a rare occasion have now become an everyday event as rabbits roam free throughout town; darting in and out of bushes near sidewalks and city streets.

Fargo resident Lindsey Goetz has witnessed the epidemic firsthand:

“Bunnies are taking over Fargo. They are as big as medium-sized dogs.”

West Fargo resident and friend of animals Cody Marthaller is a proud contributor to the issue of overpopulation:

“True story. I have four jackrabbits bigger than small dogs visit my backyard. I’m probably the reason for such rapid breeding from all the food they are eating from my backyard.”

The larger-sized rabbits are getting aggressive—competing with squirrels for real estate. They can be overheard facing down the tree rats; barking at them like some kind of possessed Easter mascot.

I found this little rascal hopping around on a sidewalk outside the Atomic Coffee in Moorhead. He seemed to have either lost his way or had been kicked out of his nest for being a runt 🙁

Small at first...

Small at first…

If this isn’t an adorably cute indication that the rabbit population is out of hand, I don’t know what is.

The Observer urges you to take in one (or twelve) of these furry friends as a means to combat this fun-sized, adorable issue. Feed them crickets and grass. Pet them and hug them (if you dare). Love them. But remember: if these wild animals feel cornered, they become surprisingly defensive and violent. Happy hunting!

Super AIDS of Fargo Moorhead

UPDATE: Super AIDS reign of terror showing no signs of stopping

Super AIDS of Fargo MoorheadFargo, ND – With its tiny but deadly hands held firmly at the throat of our quiet community, the Super AIDS virus continues its unrelenting reign of terror on the home front. Human bodies are still being violently penetrated by Super AIDS a handful of days after a cleanup week mishap caused a sudden breakout of the virus by way of airborne pathogen. And what a persistently furious and annoying airborne pathogen it has become, violating the psyche and buttholes of many all the while causing an obnoxious chorus of showtunes to be sung by the infected.

Walking outside these days, you would think you’d stumbled upon a crowd of bad karoke singers with bunghole infections participating in a road race of some sort. The infected can be seen singing, scratching and sprinting for their lives while the rest of the immune stand by and laugh. LOL. You see, Super AIDS does not affect the clean of body and spirit. It only attacks especially filthy humans; those possessors of unwashed bodies and tainted souls. That being said, this article is a cry for help as this reporter has been trapped inside his house for roughly 36 hours since the outbreak first started. Anyone with a military-grade flamethrower, please help if you dare. I have an immovable swarm of Super AIDS banging & beating its way inside my patio door and I do not know how much longer the glass will hold….