Dem Aware, Delaware – After Old Joe Biden ostensibly slurred through his presidential kick-off speech, he was already considered to be the 2020 President-Elect.
To those foolable pundits who thought The Joe-ker slurred through his speech, they be wrong! Old clever Joe was simply talkin’ casual style, with a nice relaxed drawl, to put his listeners at ease. The Joe-ker was just tryin’ to be more relate-able to all the commonfolk out there!
Old Joe said he don’t want Obama to endorse him. The Joe-ker don’t even want nobody to endorse him, cuz Old Joe Biden want to do it all on his own, like a commonfolk kinda guy.
The clear front-runner of all Democratics runnin’ for president wants to do four things to better the country: 1. Old Joe promises to lead the Hate Trump bandwagon. 2. Make all those rich hudge fund managers take extredable cuts to their celery. 3. Hit the campaign trail to start listenin’ to all the commonfolk, touch their shoulders, and smell their hair.
Do you think it’s OK to fire someone simply for having a bad hair day?
Fargo, ND – A woman showing up for work at Precision Geometrix Corporation in Fargo was fired on the spot for having an extremely bad hair day.
It is not known whether Ms. Baria Ridderhoff intentionally had her hair looking unusually crazy or if it was just a terribly fortuitous fluke.
From an outside observer’s standpoint (such as her boss), it was deemed to be “bad enough” to ask Baria to immediately pack up her personal belongings and head straight for the exit.
UPDATE: In an attempt to lawyer-up, Ms. Ridderhoff was seen headed to the hairport to allegedly go discuss her case with attorney Michael Avenatti in Newport Beach, California. As she boarded the haircraft, she gave the thumbs-up sign as her wild hair blew wildly in the wind.
Ironically, all of the letters in “Baria Ridderhoff” can somehow be blown around to spell: Fired For Bad Hair!
New York, NY – While standing on top of his Trump Tower building, Donald Trump promised to a small gaggle of reporters that if elected president, he would shave the top of his own personal Trump Tower.
Call it a gimmick if you must, but you must admit that Donald Trump shaving his head and shedding his famous hair would be a sight to behold.
One would have to go back to our 34th president to find another who also donned a dome head: Dwight D. Eisenhower, but Ike arguably had a hint of hair.
The Donald says his bald head would be a respectful tip of the hat to our national predatory symbol, the Bald Eagle, which coincidentally would be President Trump’s secret service code name.
With another GOP debate on CNN’s horizon, Donald Trump is now challenging all the other Republican candidates to vow to shave their heads if elected president, to show their allegiance to the Bald Eagle.
New York, NY – The next president of the United States wants to thank you in advance for your vote by dropping $100 bills from the sky.
If you live in a key battleground state, expect to see Donald Trump’s plane doing a low slow fly-over while personally emptying bags of cash over your neighborhood.
President Donald Trump: “I am very, very rich and want to do this to begin to make America great again.”
When asked if this is just a blatant attempt to buy votes, Mr. Trump responded: “You must be having a bad day. Based on your loser question, you obviously are wearing those glasses just to try to make you look smart, and you certainly do not understand how trickle down economics works in the real world. Even though you don’t work for me, YOU’RE FIRED!”