Tag Archives: haunted

Haunted Scientology Farm Scaring The Living Crap Out Of Visitors

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Imagine hundreds of dead John Travoltas and Tom Cruises all trying to get you to join Scientology!

Just imagine hundreds of dead John Travoltas and Tom Cruises all trying to get you to join Scientology!

Wolverton, MN – Just outside the quaint village of Wolverton, Minnesota lurks a haunted farm so scary that each visitor must first pass an extensive physical examination before getting the OK to attend.

The American Haunted Farm Association League (AHFAL) has rated the Haunted Scientology Farm a Level SS-16 on the 1-20 Scary Scale.

Dr. Buzz Bizby, the AHFAL President: “No other haunted farms in the Fargo Moorhead area are even into double digits on the Scary Scale. The Haunted Scientology Farm is just about as scary as attending the Clinton Presidential Library And Massage Parlor.”

It has been said that words cannot adequately describe the pure horror experienced at the Haunted Scientology Farm. Some evil electronic Tom Cruise laughter is constantly piped in over the state-of-the-art sound system while seemingly hundreds of Operating Thetans looking zactly like John Travolta and Tom Cruise are constantly stalking you just like Night Of The Living Dead zombies.

One brave attendee named Zonich Lobler from Vergas reported that “both Tom Cruise and John Travolta eventually cornered him and began doing an excruciating auditing session while he was forceably hooked up to an E-meter, afterwhich Xenu himself personally stepped out onto the main Space Opera stage and began making the worst sounds ever imaginable.”

If you and your family are in good physical condition (and can prove it), consider taking a trip to the Haunted Scientology Farm just outside Wolverton, where you will see and feel what Real Scary is all about!

No One Leaves Alive From This Fargo Haunted House

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This mansion is the pictorial definition of “Haunted”.

Fargo, ND – It’s the place everyone knows about, but no one talks about. Fargo’s Minister Mansion, as it is called, is thee most haunted house between Moorhead, Minnesota and Missoula, Montana. If you don’t know where it is exactly, ask any long-time Fargo resident who believes in God, but fears the undead.

Some of what we do know: A Methodist minister once lived in the home, until he mysteriously died one night, along with his entire family, and all their pets. Since then, it seems that no one who’s actually entered this haunted house has come out, alive.

Based on well-placed police surveillance cameras, every Sunday night there seems to be a gathering of some sort, inside the mansion, just as the minister who lived there had for all his church members every Sunday night.

Minister Mansion will soon be the subject of a new upcoming investigative reality mini-series on the FX Channel in which they will attempt to probe the haunted mansion by using hi-tech robots and drones.

Billy Bob Thornton Buys Haunted House Near Fargo, ND

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Billy Bob has found his new haunt.

Billy Bob finds a new haunt.

Moorhead, MN – Billy Bob Thornton said it was “destiny” when he came across an article describing a haunted house for sale in Moorhead, MN, located just across the river from Fargo, ND. The star, whose affinity for the macabre is well known, was quoted exclaiming, “Sheeet yeah, that place is straight-up Billy Bobscene, y’all.” He then proceeded to grab his pet Python, Fang, along with a bottle of whiskey and jump into his helicopter which whirred off into the night.

Apparently, Billy Bob has been looking for a unique home in the Red River Valley for months. After clinching the lead in FX’s upcoming series, Fargo, the actor began searching for what he called, “A place to dig in and develop my character’s roots. Plus, I gotta get that accent down, you know? I’m all southern-trailer-park-redneck and my character is northwoods-ax-murdery-dude. Hell’s bells.”

Moorhead locals near the notoriously wicked haunted house have mixed feelings about their quirky new neighbor. Area resident, Patty Berger said, “Well, when you’ve been living next door to Satan’s sanctuary, it’s hard to see how things could get much worse. Still, better the devil you know than the devil you don’t, right? I guess all we can do is hope for the best. Some Hollywood kook who’d wear blood around his neck might be just creepy enough to scare out those damned demons. God help us if he can’t do it.”

Billy Bob's House

Haunted house

Reps for Mr. Thornton would not confirm the actor’s current whereabouts, but sightings have been reported in and around Fargo-Moorhead for weeks. When asked if she had ever actually seen Billy Bob, Patty Berger looked up at the sky quizzically. “You know, come to think of it, I might have. I saw a strange man on the sidewalk a few days ago with a snake over one shoulder. He was a little guy…kinda funny looking.”

Is it solid proof that the celebrity has taken up residence in his new haunt? Probably not. Are folks up here prrrrreetttty sure that Billy Bob’s “In Da House”? Oh, you betcha.

Moorhead Haunted House Worth Avoiding

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Experts say that on a scale of H1-H5, this haunted house is an H5!

Moorhead, MN – If you don’t believe in haunted houses, this place might change your mind. Whatever problems the City of Moorhead has, they can add this one to their list.

This haunted house sits at the end of a street in north Moorhead near the edge of town. We were told to not print the address for obvious public safety reasons. Because it is so severely haunted, no realtor can sell the place and the city can’t tear it down because it doggedly defends itself.

The story goes that an older lady lived there with her dog. Neighbors say that she was known to give away chocolate-covered doggy treats to children for Helloween. During one long cold winter, both she and her dog froze while sitting in her rocking chair, after the city disconnected her power.

Depending on its mood, the house sometimes changes color. Doors will automagically open if it decides to let someone in. Once inside, you might not be able to leave when you want. Cell phones don’t work inside the place except to show a freaky picture of an old dead lady along with a scrolling message that says: “Can’t call 9-1-1? Try calling 6-6-6!”

Realtor Sylvia Lamar: “Just imagine trying to show a home to a young prospective couple. You drive up on a sunny day and it’s raining on the home. A murder of crows lands on the roof as you walk up to it. While inside, the old rocking chair starts to slowly rock back and forth. The toaster pops up and the smoke detector goes off. The cupboards start violently opening and closing. When your clients nervously ask if the house is haunted, what are you supposed to say?!” She went on to admit that “it was literally like being trapped inside a nightmare, especially when the floors started to move, and weird barking sounds echoed up from the dank basement.”

Police surveillance cameras show that during every full moon, the front door opens to allow stray dogs to enter. Apparently they each come away with one chocolate-covered doggy treat.

UPDATE: Billy Bob buys haunted house!

Billy Bob: New owner of a very haunted house in the East Fargo area.

Billy Bob: New owner of a very haunted house in the East Fargo area.

Block 6 Building Reportedly Haunted

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Fargo, ND – Reports have been flying in regarding spiritual activity occurring at 620 Main Avenue, the first location of the old Delendrecies department store in Fargo. The building, which was built in 1894 by Canadian entrepreneur O.J. DeLendrecies, was recently renovated into an apartment and retail space in historic downtown. This renovation appears to have angered some spirits, as there have been reports of paranormal activity by some of the building tenants:

“The wind howls at times. These ‘howls’ are almost certainly the screams of the deceased.”

“Sometimes when I enter the building late at night, I can hear the door close behind me. A spirit wanted in, but was too slow to enter.”

“When you stand by the elevator and listen, you can hear it moving. Which floor is the spirit trying to get to???” 

“I take the stairs sometimes. When i’m descending the stairs I sometimes hear a door open and footsteps behind me, as if someone were following me. Then a door closes! You can’t tell me these aren’t ghosts.”

 

 

 

 

“If you put your ear to the wall, you can hear muffled voices and even showtunes playing. Sounds to me like the ghosts of past tenants still lurking.”

 

Do we have a haunted building on our hands? The Observer will let you be the judge. Come on over and see for yourself, if you dare.