National

Criss Angel To Lead US Army’s New MINDFREAK Infantry
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Criss Angel To Lead US Army’s New MINDFREAK Infantry

December 28th, 2016 | by Nick
Washington, DC – In the desolate, run-down wastelands of the Middle-East, countries are at war. People are blowing stuff up over there at an alarming rate. Blowing things up and blowing each other up and putting our...
National Football League: NFC NORTH PREVIEW
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National Football League: NFC NORTH PREVIEW

July 30th, 2014 | by Nick
VIKINGS – With training camp and the NFL preseason in full swing, the National Football League Vikings of Minnesota are looking poised for a breakout 2014 season. The Observer predicts that the Purple People Eaters will...
Upworthy Headlines That Never Made The Cut
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Upworthy Headlines That Never Made The Cut

March 10th, 2014 | by Bill Burns
Upworthy is a website that uses click-bait titles to drive people to click their links. These are some headlines that didn’t make the cut. George had a cyst on his balls. You won’t believe what happens next. Sam got...
Minnesota Twins preview: Ron Gardenhire promises 2014 season
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Minnesota Twins preview: Ron Gardenhire promises 2014 season

February 28th, 2014 | by Nick
Fort Myers, FL – With Major League Baseball spring training officially underway in Fort Myers, media people went belly up to the podium for a little preseason insight from Minnesota Twins skipper Ron Gardenhire. Gardy,...
Four Easy Steps To Self-Hypnotic Bliss
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Four Easy Steps To Self-Hypnotic Bliss

February 7th, 2014 | by Johnnny
San Diego, CA – Ever since the movie Office Space came out, relieving stress by using hypnosis has been gaining popularity. In our iTech world, many find it impossible to escape the 24/7 demands of their jobs. You can join...
Walmart to Stop Selling Soda
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Walmart to Stop Selling Soda

February 5th, 2014 | by Nick
Birmingham, AL—In response to CVS’s announcement that they will discontinue the sale of tobacco products at its 7,600 locations across the USA, Walmart has proudly announced that they are pulling an incredibly harmful...
City Waives Alcohol Compliance Fine Because Servers Weren’t Taught How to Use Calculators
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City Waives Alcohol Compliance Fine Because Servers Weren’t Taught How to Use Calculators

February 4th, 2014 | by Nick
Fargo, ND—After serving booze to a minor, Santa Lucia restaurant in south Fargo was hit with a fine as punishment for failing their random alcohol compliance check. The restaurant’s owner disputed the fine, saying that...
Super Bowl Pizzas Delivered By Drones
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Super Bowl Pizzas Delivered By Drones

February 2nd, 2014 | by Johnnny
Domino, Texas – If you didn’t already want to order a pizza today for the Super Bowl, you might want to just for the experience of drone delivery. All across the nation, Domino’s Pizzas will be delivered by...
Doug’s Doggy Diner to Open In Fargo
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Doug’s Doggy Diner to Open In Fargo

January 28th, 2014 | by Nick
Fargo, ND—Two things we know are true about man’s best friend: they love to eat and they love to act like people. Have you ever noticed how much fun Rover has riding in the car? Sleeping in your bed? Sitting on your...
Maui Parrot-Fish Learns To Speak Fluent Underwater English
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Maui Parrot-Fish Learns To Speak Fluent Underwater English

January 28th, 2014 | by Johnnny
Maui, Hawaii – Everyone told him it couldn’t be done. No, you can’t train a parrot-fish to speak English, you silly boy! That’s when he wished that someday he could prove them all wrong. Twelve year old...