Tag Archives: homeless

Kitchen Remodeling Company Creating Questionably Satisfied Customers

Done is better than perfect!

Moorhead, MN OK Remodeling Company has proudly been trying to remodel kitchens in the area for years.

They maybe sometimes miss the mark but at least they try hard and work till the job is supposedly done.

What do clients say about OK Remodeling Company?

Yemane Ambessa: “When we saw what they did to our kitchen, my wife and I were utterly stunned, and then we both started crying.”

Jago Brownlock: “I would like to track down the person who recommended this company to us.”

If you have need for a remodeling company to give your kitchen a new look, call OK Remodeling Company at 666-6666 any time after midnight.

Fargo Downtowner Arrested For Repeated Dawdlings

Man arrested in Fargo for dawdling. So, when in doubt, do not dawdle.

Fargo, ND – Nyork Slocco, who calls the general downtown Fargo area his home, was arrested by police for “dawdling“.

“No man! You got it all wrong. I was in no way dawdling! Dallying a bit maybe, yes, but deafinitely not dawdling,” says an adamant Slocco.

The arresting police officer added that there might have also been some “puttering” going on too.

Officer J.J. Haskins: “I first tried to suggest that this person just ‘mosey along‘. Dude, please, just meander off in one continuous direction for about a block. Even a slight ‘sashay‘ would have been good enough.”

But what the police officer got instead was an “ambling about” that closely resembled the earlier dawdling, or what the wine-drinking French sometimes loosely refer to as “coqueting“.

After Mr. Slocco was put into jail, correctional staff officers reported Nyork to be “skulking” in his cell.

While sauntering down to the refectory, Nyork Slocco saw a sign on the wall that read: “Learn to be civil. Stop with the frivol.”

Unofficial moral of the story: No matter your lot in life, a healthy vocabulary of synonyms can help you get a lot more out of your life and also into a lot more trouble.

Official moral of the story: Don’t Dawdle In Downtown Fargo.

Fargo Homeless Man Amasses Fortune From Penny Trays

or, just take all of them when no one is looking.

…or, just take them all when no one’s looking!

Fargo, ND – A homeless man who has been calling Fargo home for the past few years shared his amazing story with the FM Observer recently.

Jevon Varley once took a few pennies from the penny tray at a convenience store check-out counter and put them in his pocket.

He continued to gather and collect pennies, nickels, dimes, and sometimes quarters out of the penny trays from many different places in the area over a period of years.

As a former numismatist, he also knew that some coins were worth much more than their face value.

Mr. Varley stored his coins in coffee cans and when full, would hide or bury them in various places throughout the Fargo-Moorhead area.

At one point, Jevon realized he had gradually amassed quite a respectable sum of money. The total came to just over $98,000!

Unfortunately, in the end, Mr. Varley then took a cab to a local casino and lost it all playing high-stakes poker within a matter of a few hours.

Moral of the story: A penny saved is money earned unless it’s gambled, then it’s burned.

Hobo President Frank Donovan Kicks Off Re-election Campaign

2241806636_0f670a2c80_bFargo, ND – The Commander-In-Chief of Fargo’s underground homeless community is making a strong push for re-election this November. Frank Donovan, or “Hobo Frank” as he is more affectionately known, is getting an early start on campaigning.

Frank’s primary campaign strategy includes scrawling a crudely-drawn picture of his face on balled-up pieces of paper he finds in streetside trash bins and pasting them to light poles using the remnants of an Elmer’s glue bottle he found in an art school dumpster. That, in addition to creeping up on passed-out alley drunks and stuffing re-purposed business flyers with the words “vote 4 Frank” scribbled all over the front and back into their gaping mouths.

What some of you may not know is that each American city’s hobo community contains a chosen homeless “mayor” if you will, who acts as a social liason between area homeless and functioning society. The hobo President earns his spot via a general election in which a designated trash receptacle acts as a ballot box that participating homeless voters must throw a piece of garbage into containing their:

  • REMEMBERED NAME (if you do not remember your actual name, you may put in your hobo nickname)
  • CHOSEN CANDIDATE (who you are voting for as hobo president)

The candidate with the most discernible hunks of trash with his name on it at the end of the election day (which ends the morning after, right before trash pick-up) wins the spot of President/Mayor. The actual functioning title of this prestigious honor is a mystery, as no one in functioning society has ever asked a homeless mayor his title. I don’t think the homeless know what it is either– purely speculation at this point.

It’s amazing, really, what goes on behind the scenes in the homeless community. Not many people are familiar with the hobo underground as their day-to-day activities are largely ignored by most. I know i’m guilty of this. Anyway, the Observer would like to wish Hobo Frank best of luck in the upcoming President/Mayor/Whatever the Hell It’s Called election. Vote 4 Frank!